posted March 18, 2014 07:48 PM            

For me, it meant a difficult, ugly childhood, a strong tendency to keep concurrent bad experiences as secrets (no one cared), a repeated sense of betrayal from almost everyone who had any power over me, especially adults, and putting on a happy front for people until I couldn't do it anymore. I was a broken child.

I didn't know true happiness for almost 2 decades.

After my 19th birthday, I decided to change. I went deep within myself and decided that no one else had to care about me but that I would. If i cared, it was enough. I didn't need any one else's approval. Although we don't completely stop seeking approval, I chose not to live my life around approval for the deep stuff. Because life had taught me I had to give it to myself.

I gave myself freedom for self discovery. While my problems didn't disappear, I chose to be happy. In that I found strength to fight for myself when necessary and live for myself the rest of the time.

I learned to parent myself, consoled myself, was my own therapist and my own cheerleader. This changed my life tremendously. Learning to believe in yourself is a huge part of this journey. And when it happens, you become so powerful. It feels amazing. It's like the sun can shine again and joy comes back into the world.

I was 14 when I began exploring psychology to better understand myself. This had a massive effect on me. I learned to label my problems. They didn't go away for years. But I understood my challenge and respected the depth of it.

Saturn has taught me that happiness is a gift that must be cultivated on an ongoing basis. We must choose situations that give us genuine happiness and eliminate the negative ones. It is my responsibility.

But I had to teach myself happiness. I would coach myself by asking questions like "does this make you feel good?" "What does pain feel like? How does a situation go from good to bad?" "What emotions will result from these actions?"

Now I'm a ridiculously happy person. Sure I have my problems. They don't stop. But I'm free from those old burdens. Saturn and I get along now. I'm still learning lessons but nicer ones