posted March 19, 2014 08:20 PM            

I don't really know much about why I always feel on edge and like I don't fit or nobody understands me but the only thing that eases my symptoms is alcohol and sex....
I have had an extremely toxic and in one instant violent relationship the past four years which I keep going back to. I'm trying my best to pull myself together and distance myself from him and stop drinking but I feel like the only meaningful art I can produce is when I am hurt or angry, or intensely thinking about this guy and what I go through.

Although I'm desperate to be happy I push people who care away and go back to the one man that treats me like crap but inside I know I crave it.
Can anybody who knows how to read a chart tell me something about why I feel this way or what I can do.

My birthday is 29th July 1993 - 7:15am - Coventry United Kingdom

The guys date of birth is 29th October 1990 - Unknown Birth Time - Coventry United Kingdom

posted March 21, 2014 05:26 AM            

The first step would be getting help with turning to Alcohol for help and relief. It only gets worse.

Take an A4 page and draw a line across the middle. Now when you drink Alochol it makes you feel better for a time. so draw a slow curve up and then back to normal. Over time it won't make you feel quite as good so the "high" is lower, and when you come back down, you come back down to slightly below the line. Maybe you combat this by drinking a little more. So you're drinking more to feel as good as you did from say one drink. All the while each come down is bringing you lower than the last. Eventually you reach a point where you drink just to reach that middle line and never get above it.

Alcohol addiction is serious, and if you want to get help for it, you should.

You may also consider counselling or therapy either for your toxic relationship or just in general.

I don't know much about you, but do you maybe feel like you deserve to be treated badly, so you keep going back to someone who treats you that way? If you have low self worth or self esteem, maybe you don't feel you deserve better in life. Again I strongly suggest you seek help.