posted May 21, 2014 07:44 PM            

It's a long story but she is the most unfulfilled person I've ever met.It's always other people's fault. She has hypochondria as well.

After she became a very "religious" person that was many many moons ago, she got dumber and now I think she can't really think.

I tried to do my best to heal her. But nothing really worked. I am so scared that I might end up like her.

My life has been a roller coaster ride. I had many ups and I have many downs. For the last 3 years nothing has been going right & it's taking its toll on me. I constantly think about suicide but I don't think I'll ever go that far. The toughts just represent terror I feel inside.

And sometimes I see my mother in me. My newly developed emotional reactions, burrying myself in my sorrow, obsessive thoughts...

How can I heal my mom & prevent becoming her ?? Here is my chart... You will see many hard aspects. I don't know maybe I was really a bad bad person in my previous life - is that the way karma works ?

posted May 21, 2014 08:24 PM            

I know it's not easy, because parental influence can be - and usually is - very impactful.

Your chart is indeed quite complex. There are many issues here.

Your mother is reflected by the Gemini Moon in the 5H in hard aspect to Neptune, Mars, Jupiter and Mercury. It also sits on your South Node, which means you have karma around the themes of mother, family, feelings/emotions, etc. The fact that it's so afflicted shows your struggles.

Here's the thing. It's not your duty to heal your mother. Now you need to focus on yourself and work on yourself, to break the cycle.

The answer for you seems to lie in a solid belief system/value system and spirituality. Belonging to a group of people who have the same beliefs as you is important for you to get better and leave the past behind.

Reason for that is that your North Node is in Sagittarius, the sign of Faith, Optimism, Idealism, and Truth. It conjuncts Neptune (!) which obviously highlights spirituality, acceptance, compassion, and Divine Unity. It also conjuncts Mars, which means that you need to put your ideas/beliefs into action and *do* something. In the 11th house, like I said previously, it means associations with like-minded people, friends, clubs, forums - people who understand you, and who share your viewpoints. There's a need for others here, a need to be part of something larger than yourself, based on a mutual belief/faith/whatever goal is important to you.

The fact that your Pluto makes supportive aspects to those points, and actually tightly trines your Moon from the 9th house, means that you need to dedicate yourself to positive thinking, higher thinking, "faithful" thinking (9th house is ruled by Sag).

So you need to remove self-doubt, insecurity, the need for control and the obsessive/compulsive desire/need to indulge in self-defeating or self-destructive behavior (Pluto squares).

Focus on your assets - things you are aware of, your own experience, and take that with you; then start moving from that low place to a higher place with higher thinking.

You're having some rough transits right now, Pluto & Uranus are not far from your Venus, which rules your IC (mother, home, deepest parts of oneself) so you can expect some earthquakes when it comes to your inner self. Changes are on the way, they may not be pleasant, but eventually will lead you to a better understanding of yourself and of your life.

Next year will probably be quite turbulent in terms of emotions. So watch out, and don't give up - if you're going through hell, keep going.

posted May 22, 2014 03:28 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by sis:
My biggest fear is to end up like my mother. My mom has chironic depression since I was born. ( as a matter of fact prior to my birth ) She is kinda addicted to having nervous breakdowns. It has been 40 years since I am dealing with her constant crying and pitying herself. Almost everyday. And she refuses medication & physocological treatment. I don't remember how many times I've walked to her room, fearing if she killed herself. Because of her, I hate it when people cry ! And whenever someone cries next to me, even children, instead of softening I feel cold & brutal..

It's a long story but she is the most unfulfilled person I've ever met.It's always other people's fault. She has hypochondria as well.

After she became a very "religious" person that was many many moons ago, she got dumber and now I think she can't really think.

I tried to do my best to heal her. But nothing really worked. I am so scared that I might end up like her.

My life has been a roller coaster ride. I had many ups and I have many downs. For the last 3 years nothing has been going right & it's taking its toll on me. I constantly think about suicide but I don't think I'll ever go that far. The toughts just represent terror I feel inside.

And sometimes I see my mother in me. My newly developed emotional reactions, burrying myself in my sorrow, obsessive thoughts...

How can I heal my mom & prevent becoming her ?? Here is my chart... You will see many hard aspects. I don't know maybe I was really a bad bad person in my previous life - is that the way karma works ?

---

I really don't believe in Karma. Really!

And I think, in order for you to stop beating yourself up with things you cannot help, or even remember from a so-called "previous" life, I strongly suggest that you don't either.

You also need to cease trying to save your mother and focus, instead, on saving yourself. I know that it sounds very selfish but, in life, there is very little that you can do to control the emotions and actions of others.

You can show them love, acceptance and understand.But, in the end, they have to walk their own path and make up their own minds about what they want.

I will now go into your chart. But I'd rather you consciously focus on the positive parts rather than the negative.

The "depression" and anxiety that you feel may be an additional projection from your mother(because you are so heavily invested in her), but it is also suggested by certain aspects in your chart.

Pluto square Sun- My life is challenging and I have been through a lot internally.

Pluto Moon trine- I feel things very deeply and they change me inside out.

My relationship with maternal figures can transform the way I view security, belonging and inner peace.

Pluto square Mercury- I obsess about solving puzzles and finding answers to questions. I leave no stone unturned and I can go so deep that it gets really dark.

Pluto sextile Mars- I am invested in all actions I take. I put everything I have in them.

Pluto square Saturn- I feel trapped by current circumstances/obligations/by those in authority.Sometimes I initiate radical changes/rebellion to get such meddlesome situations off my back.

Neptune- moon opposite- I empathize greatly with others and feel the need to help and nurture them. It is easy for me to transfer how they feel on to me.

The relationship I have with maternal figures lacks boundaries. I am seldom sure of whom is the parent and whom is the child in the dynamic. The two roles often overlap.

Neptune conjunct Mars- I am sometimes very confused about which path to take. Taking decisive action is not easy as I feel conflicts from all angles.

The only clear path for me is that which is spiritual. I can be drained of energy by others or by anything that is just too complicated.

Neptune square Jupiter- i am skeptical of what to believe in. Nothing I read and no-one I talk to highlights the many nuances I feel.

It is easy for me to get "lost" or be enamored by a guru. But I become even more disillusioned if that guru contradicts what i intuitively know; should I follow without asking? Should I doubt whom i follow?

Pluto-Neptune sextile- I am looking to be transformed by spiritual awareness. i hope to find inner clarity through spiritual alignment.

Right now, transiting Mars, Pluto and Uranus are all aspecting your natal Pluto and Neptune; further emphasizing what is said above. it is indeed a very emotionally "vibrant" time.

The good news is, as much as these aspects are indicative of what is said above, they can also-on a positive note-suggest that you can use them to change your life in the direction you want.

Pluto square Saturn nataly (for instance), suggest that you can change your current circumstances radically by internal focus and a "never give in" attitude.

This is the classic" I will not be the product of my dire circumstances" aspect.

Mercury-Pluto squarecan also suggest mental healing or the ability to find solutions to really painful problems or issues. this is usually through conscious focus and the use of positive affirmation.

In much the way that your chart indicates problems, form the very "problems" indicated are therein solutions.

I know I sound like a life coach when I say this but you really are the creator of your own destiny. Create the reality you choose through deliberate and unrelenting application of the reserves you have internally.

posted May 22, 2014 01:14 PM            

It's just I feel like I set myself a trap and now can't get out of it. I used to believe in my mind power, now I am not that sure. Transit Pluto conjunctions especially to Mercury has been hard to deal with. I think it activates my natal mercury square pluto aspect in not so good way :S

I have an upcoming Trs. Pluto conjunct Venus and most probably it will activate my Venus square Pluto aspect. My love nature is quite damaged. All I can hope, whatever happens will help me to fix it, heal it..

Transit Uranus square Venus & Saturn made me break ties with the guy I love. It was me but he did not give me any other option. So, it hurts a bit as well. But not the biggest issue in my life right now.

I am a friendship oriented person. I have best friends whom I've known since childhood. They've helped me to survive in my darkest hours. But I am excessively emotionaly involved with them.

I used to have many many friends and the risks that I have taken for some of them, the situations I got myself into, while trying to protect them what I did to myself... and what I've got in return are under a microscope since Saturn transiting my 11th house. Now, I see some of them did not really deserve or truly valued the friendship we had... So, bye to them. But of course it hurts... Because I idealize frienships and when I love someone I love deeply...

I am an activist. But I am not part of any civil organisation. Don't want to be... I am an extreme individualist. I like to move free. But of course, as you read my story, you will see some of the things I am saying sounds conflicted with each other. I am a walking Paradox.

am a spiritual person but I truly hate "religion". I do have a belief system though. I talk to God, angels everyday But do not accept that they realy exist

I believe in Karma. Otherwise, how can one explain why I have such a complex chart, loaded with hard aspects when some other people seem to be having a walk in the park.
Coincidence ? Nah, that does not make me feel good

Ah mom.. you're right I have to heal myself first.

Once again thank you so much for your support. I feel much better today. I will survive

Kisses & Hugs

posted May 22, 2014 01:16 PM            

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posted May 22, 2014 02:36 PM            

Let's focus on Mars (in Sag conjunct Neptune)
Mars shows how you act out your Sun sign. Whenever Sag is involved there will be a certain amount of humor and lighthearted optimism, this modifies some of your more serious signs/aspects. Add that to a co-ruled Jupiter in Pisces who instinctively understands 12th issues/motives etc. Not to get off track here but you do have heavy Karma with your Mother (Moon conjunct South Node)
Jupiter in the 2nd house shows your self esteem and opinion of yourself, both healthy.

To reinforce this is Mercury/Ascendant.
This is a playful, funny, tricky, youthful placement that will try and modify some of the more serious traits of Capricorn like pessimism not depression.
You're stronger than you're giving yourself credit for.

You do have rough transits right now but you'll get through this and when it's over and in typical old soul fashion you'll share your pearls of wisdom.

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posted May 22, 2014 03:35 PM            

My favourite Mantra; "If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you don't get the joke"

When I am looking at my chart , I sometimes say to myself "well done girl. with these opposing forces simultaneously active in your soul, not being a bipolar is a great success"

When transits like this hit you, sometimes to do the balancing act is not easy at all. But yes yes every transit passes