posted June 03, 2014 02:56 AM            

It's something that's always been a problem for me but recently it's been boiling up more and I am afraid of reacting.

I even let someone hit me yesterday. I have all this anger that I wanna express towards this one person but Everytime I get close it just freezes! I don't know what to do

posted June 03, 2014 03:42 AM            

Do you have any of the above ?

posted June 03, 2014 04:40 AM              

but I also have it mars square moon- changing feelings like a rollercoaster,, and mars square uranus, I am more like gahtering inside...than BOOM

No good..
Anger must be expressed, but in a healthy manner
I am confident with practice you will get to a healthy assertiveness

posted June 03, 2014 06:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by m.blade:
Pretty simple really, what aspects point to fear of confrontation?

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Moon-Neptune
Moon-Saturn
Moon-Pluto

Mars-Neptune
Mars-Saturn

Certain placements too;

Moon in Taurus
Moon in Pisces
Moon in Libra

Mars in Libra
Mars in Cancer
Mars in Pisces
Mars in Taurus

quote:

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Originally posted by m.blade:
It's something that's always been a problem for me but recently it's been boiling up more and I am afraid of reacting.

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I think it's boiling up in you because you see an "injustice" done-either to you or to another and you may feel "less than" for allowing it to happen unstopped?

Are you afraid of physical harm or being overpowered when expressing your anger? You have to decide what matters more; how you "look" to others when expressing anger OR the immediate relief you feel knowing that you have made your point?

And there is a marked difference between assertion and aggression. One is an action whilst the other is a reaction.

When somebody bumps you without apologizing, that stirs anger of the aggressive form.i.e "You f***n wanker! How dare you bump into me? I will put you down and send you straight to hell!!!"

When you make a decision to make your point of view clearly known,that is assertion i.e "Excuse me sir, but you don't bump into someone like that and not offer an apology."

quote:

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Originally posted by m.blade:
I even let someone hit me yesterday..

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Fine. You have let someone cross the line once and physically harm you. But I really would recommend that you do not do this over again. You may find that you draw into your experience more people who are willing to abuse you like this person has.

You can start by avoiding emotionally charged situations and people. But if the fight comes to your door. ASSERT YOURSELF.

If this is difficult to comprehend, imagine this person having done this thing to someone that you deeply care about. What would your reaction be then?

quote:

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Originally posted by m.blade:
.... Every time I get close it just freezes! I don't know what to do

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Very few of us know how to react when we are confronted with a situation where someone is either swinging insults or fists at us.It is not something that we wake in the morning anticipating,let alone prepared for.

Confrontations are very awkward and sometimes, words fail us completely(even when we are well versed).

It is not natural/human nature to have insults and retaliation seep out from our mouths spontaneously. We are naturally loving beings and so, the first instinct, is to understand what we did wrong and how we attracted this situation to us?

This is always not possible to happen when someone is already steaming up and has come with "spectators" to "discuss" the grievance; expecting the solution to involve fists and stomping boots.

posted June 03, 2014 07:31 AM            

If I ask someone to stop something and they don't I might explode on them and look/feel foolish in the end, so I avoid it.
A lot of it is fear based.

posted June 03, 2014 09:26 AM            

Mars in Capricorn (suppressed anger)
Mars conjunct Saturn/Uranus/Neptune (too sober/controlled, too extreme in fear of hurting others, doubts self and what is right in situations)
All of this is a stellium in the fourth
With a Libra ascendant with Pluto sitting on it.

posted June 03, 2014 10:32 AM            

Because I have all of those, but saved for Moon-Neptune and Saturn, they're easy ones. But quite tight and applying, so maybe they affect me more than I would have thought.

Other than that, 6th and 12th house placements make someone very inclined to serve others, which can easily be taken advantage of. But a feeling of not being equal may stop them from standing up for themselves. Like not feeling worth it, just shrugging it off and trying to deal.

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Like said here, I, too, freeze up a lot when someone gets angry at me, threatens me in any way or suddenly starts swearing and yelling.
I'm afraid of ruining the relationship for good if we fight. That someone will break things off because of it. It makes me nauseous. And sometimes I'm afraid of what I'll say when I really run my mouth. I can be extremely vicious the few times I do blow up, so I try to repress it. Find some way to deal so I won't say these things to someone I care about. I feel like a major b*tch for even thinking that way.

So yeah... I'm very dependent and have a fear of being abandoned. Drives me nuts.
But mostly I'm afraid of what they will say back... or even hurt me. And that they don't care [enough about me] to make up... fight for us. Or sometimes I just genuinely don't think it's worth to argue over - and then later realize it does bother me. But I don't want to make a big deal over it. Don't want to annoy them. [Moon-Neptune probably?]

Haha never mind my rambling here. I'm trying to see the root of my fear of confrontation.

posted June 03, 2014 11:03 AM            

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted June 03, 2014 11:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Best method: Avoid, avoid, avoid.
But if it comes to you without you looking for it. Stand up for yourself.

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Say for instance, this guy is being rude to me. Usually, I just ignore it because I think there's no point, but for some reason recently it's just been really getting to me and I want to punch them smack in the face but when I get close to doing it I just freeze and don't know what to do! I want to hit them and I feel like hitting them but I don't do it and I don't know why. Then after it all settles, I wish I'd have hit them. And literally right after a conflict, whether or not I've gotten hurt, I feel like crying!

It's just so annoying and I don't want to grow up having this inner repression within me.

posted June 03, 2014 12:03 PM              

It's true, just as you say. It should be said that each person is different. Maybe a punching bag will work, but it did not for me. I bought one (mostly because I was involved in a martial art). But it didn't work for relieving stress.

I played horseshoes sometimes, went for walks, or went for bike rides, car rides.
That stuff all works for me.
But with Leo sun, I do confront a lot too, so I suppose that helps as well.

posted June 03, 2014 12:10 PM            

Aggression is a life-force, it gives us the impulse to go after what we need and desire and to survive; sadly it's usually repressed/ suppressed from our earliest years, and then it can't be manifested in healthy ways, which leads to all kinds of crimes and psychic disorders due to inadequate expression of a fundamental aspect of ourselves.

Aggression is looked down upon, because it's seen as dangerous and harmful; but the thing is that there's "healthy" aggression and there's dysfunctional aggression. If you don't have healthy aggression, you have a dysfunctional relationship with anger, assertiveness and aggression in general (and other things like depression or fatigue, for example).

The problem is that we are conditioned to believe that being assertive/ aggressive is a bad thing and should be avoided. But there's a distinction between being assertive and being abusive, that's something many people misunderstand.

It's hard to be assertive/ aggressive when you've been compliant/ suppressed most if not all your life.

You can't expect yourself to have a healthy level of aggression over night. That takes practice - grounding, bodily presence, a healthy dose of self-respect and self-love.

When you are all those things, chances are, you won't be aggressive in an unhealthy sense - you're not likely to lash out or attack someone physically; but you are likely to stand up for yourself in a self-assured, controlled but firm way.

Getting in touch with your own body, and starting to appreciate yourself and see intrinsic value in yourself, seems to be a good start.

Don't be hard on yourself if you can't assert yourself like you'd want to. It's okay. Many people are in the exact same situation, regardless of their age or sex.

Try to find a balance. Getting carried away with anger won't help you, it'll do more damage than good.

Next time someone tries to hurt you, ask them why they're doing that, and tell them it's not an appropriate behavior and that you won't tolerate it. Fix boundaries. If they persist, walk away and avoid them (since you can't punch them anyway that seems to be the best thing to do).

posted June 03, 2014 01:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
It's a very common thing.

Aggression is a life-force, it gives us the impulse to go after what we need and desire and to survive; sadly it's usually repressed/ suppressed from our earliest years, and then it can't be manifested in healthy ways, which leads to all kinds of crimes and psychic disorders due to inadequate expression of a fundamental aspect of ourselves.

Aggression is looked down upon, because it's seen as dangerous and harmful; but the thing is that there's "healthy" aggression and there's dysfunctional aggression. If you don't have healthy aggression, you have a dysfunctional relationship with anger, assertiveness and aggression in general (and other things like depression or fatigue, for example).

The problem is that we are conditioned to believe that being assertive/ aggressive is a bad thing and should be avoided. But there's a distinction between being assertive and being abusive, that's something many people misunderstand.

It's hard to be assertive/ aggressive when you've been compliant/ suppressed most if not all your life.

You can't expect yourself to have a healthy level of aggression over night. That takes practice - grounding, bodily presence, a healthy dose of self-respect and self-love.

When you are all those things, chances are, you won't be aggressive in an unhealthy sense - you're not likely to lash out or attack someone physically; but you are likely to stand up for yourself in a self-assured, controlled but firm way.

Getting in touch with your own body, and starting to appreciate yourself and see intrinsic value in yourself, seems to be a good start.

Don't be hard on yourself if you can't assert yourself like you'd want to. It's okay. Many people are in the exact same situation, regardless of their age or sex.

Try to find a balance. Getting carried away with anger won't help you, it'll do more damage than good.

Next time someone tries to hurt you, ask them why they're doing that, and tell them it's not an appropriate behavior and that you won't tolerate it. Fix boundaries. If they persist, walk away and avoid them (since you can't punch them anyway that seems to be the best thing to do).

If you want to be able to defend yourself physically, maybe try martial arts or something that can help you get in touch with your body/ strength and give you confidence.

---

Brilliant post, Doux!

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted June 03, 2014 02:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
It's a very common thing.

Aggression is a life-force, it gives us the impulse to go after what we need and desire and to survive; sadly it's usually repressed/ suppressed from our earliest years, and then it can't be manifested in healthy ways, which leads to all kinds of crimes and psychic disorders due to inadequate expression of a fundamental aspect of ourselves.

Aggression is looked down upon, because it's seen as dangerous and harmful; but the thing is that there's "healthy" aggression and there's dysfunctional aggression. If you don't have healthy aggression, you have a dysfunctional relationship with anger, assertiveness and aggression in general (and other things like depression or fatigue, for example).

The problem is that we are conditioned to believe that being assertive/ aggressive is a bad thing and should be avoided. But there's a distinction between being assertive and being abusive, that's something many people misunderstand.

It's hard to be assertive/ aggressive when you've been compliant/ suppressed most if not all your life.

You can't expect yourself to have a healthy level of aggression over night. That takes practice - grounding, bodily presence, a healthy dose of self-respect and self-love.

When you are all those things, chances are, you won't be aggressive in an unhealthy sense - you're not likely to lash out or attack someone physically; but you are likely to stand up for yourself in a self-assured, controlled but firm way.

Getting in touch with your own body, and starting to appreciate yourself and see intrinsic value in yourself, seems to be a good start.

Don't be hard on yourself if you can't assert yourself like you'd want to. It's okay. Many people are in the exact same situation, regardless of their age or sex.

Try to find a balance. Getting carried away with anger won't help you, it'll do more damage than good.

Next time someone tries to hurt you, ask them why they're doing that, and tell them it's not an appropriate behavior and that you won't tolerate it. Fix boundaries. If they persist, walk away and avoid them (since you can't punch them anyway that seems to be the best thing to do).

If you want to be able to defend yourself physically, maybe try martial arts or something that can help you get in touch with your body/ strength and give you confidence.

---

posted June 03, 2014 02:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
Aries23degrees, do you mean just the conjunctions/harsh aspects or any aspect?

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I meant conjunction and harsh aspects; opposition and squares.

Which aspects do you have?

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
... But a feeling of not being equal may stop them from standing up for themselves. Like not feeling worth it, just shrugging it off and trying to deal.

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There is nothing wrong with walking away from a confrontation.It is how you FEEL when you walk off; can you truly detach from that experience? Or does it build resentment?

If it is the latter. You may be suppressing angry feelings and this can bring on DISEASE.

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
I'm afraid of ruining the relationship for good if we fight. That someone will break things off because of it. It makes me nauseous. And sometimes I'm afraid of what I'll say when I really run my mouth. I can be extremely vicious the few times I do blow up, so I try to repress it. Find some way to deal so I won't say these things to someone I care about. I feel like a major b*tch for even thinking that way.

---

Contrary to popular belief, when we fight with someone, it is also an act of LOVE: We LOVE ourselves enough to stand up and make our point known and LOVE the relationship enough to see it grow and become an authentic representation of who we are in relation to it.

How will it ever be authentic if we keep on wearing masks and treating it with kid gloves?

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
So yeah... I'm very dependent and have a fear of being abandoned. Drives me nuts.
But mostly I'm afraid of what they will say back... or even hurt me. And that they don't care [enough about me] to make up... fight for us. Or sometimes I just genuinely don't think it's worth to argue over - and then later realize it does bother me. But I don't want to make a big deal over it. Don't want to annoy them. [Moon-Neptune probably?]

---

Its normal to fear losing a relationship. But you must also ask yourself if any relationship is worth keeping if its built on requirements of whom you need to be in order to enjoy it?

No relationship comes built in "perfect". All need to be tweaked and adjusted.Even the relationships that we have with our parents and siblings.

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
Other than those aspects, I also have Libra Asc (and Mercury + Venus by progression), heavy 4th and 12th house. Mars conj ruler of the 12th. Yeah, I think I can see it.

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I think Libra placements can make one want to keep the peace at all costs. 12th house placements know that something "must" be done, but they rarely know what that "something" is.Which can be heavily frustrating.

I've noticed the 4th house people can take the "woes me", helpless victim road. Which is also a coping mechanism. But no good.

All I'm saying is that; when you have people around you abusing you, there is something erroneous that you are doing that let's the people know that it is OK to walk all over you.

To change this, you need to draw boundaries. This means that you need to start acting like you LOVE yourself.

And if this doesn't make sense to you, imagine someone you care about being treated the way you are. How would you respond to that?

You don't have to leap at the slightest provocation, but avoid things with a lot of charge.

posted June 03, 2014 03:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by m.blade:
Say for instance, this guy is being rude to me. Usually, I just ignore it because I think there's no point, but for some reason recently it's just been really getting to me .....

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You've reached your limit. That is what is it. When it was OK before to let things slide, it is no longer acceptable to do it anymore. This is called RESENTMENT.

quote:

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Originally posted by m.blade:
...I want to punch them smack in the face but when I get close to doing it I just freeze and don't know what to do!

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Maybe you were more worried about awkward that smack would look in front of people. Maybe you were weary of people saying stuff like ,"hey look, that dude fights like a girl! hahahaha" etc.

Have you tried confronting the individual when they are by themselves?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by m.blade:
.... I want to hit them and I feel like hitting them but I don't do it and I don't know why. Then after it all settles, I wish I'd have hit them. And literally right after a conflict, whether or not I've gotten hurt, I feel like crying! [QUOTE]

Unexpressed intent does that. That's what regret feels like; when you know you should have responded better when the moment called for action, but couldn't.I understand.

I think Mars square Neptune describes your loss of timing in responding to something that needs an immediate action.

Your Moon square Saturn is also slow with motivation; even latent in its anger. After all, in order to be motivated to act, we must first "feel".

Mars in 12th is the suppressed anger issues; knowing that you should do "something", but not knowing what that thing is exactly. It works in conjunction with Mars square Neptune.

Look, its very easy for me to say "stand up for yourself", but what do I mean exactly?

What's you strong point? According to the aspects, you can control your emotions(Moon square Saturn). So this means that you can calculate a response with cool precision. That's an advantage.

Mars square Neptune wants you to imagine doing the action BEFORE doing it in reality. It works best like this.

Try martial arts classes ,as someone here mentioned, and use your aspects to your advantage.

The idea is not for you to be a "killing machine", but be able to assert yourself better.

posted June 03, 2014 03:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by anonymidarkness:
Avoiding is a big NO, NO. You’ll face similar situations in the future too, how many of them are we going to avoid ? And we’re not loving beings all the time, our instinct always knows how to respond to all kinds of situations, get in touch with it. If you need to smack him in the face, smack him. Exhibiting “appropriate behavior” all the time simply doesn’t work.

Do your parents allow you to express anger at home ? or do they consider it “bad” ?

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My parents despise it on a completely different level.

My mom has always tried to repress rage. I know anger is healthy, but I guess sub consciously, what happened at home led me to repress.

I used to misbehave and my dad didn't deal with me properly and it went to the point where it progressed to social services. Only last year did they leave.

posted June 03, 2014 03:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Maybe you were more worried about awkward that smack would look in front of people. Maybe you were weary of people saying stuff like ,"hey look, that dude fights like a girl! hahahaha" etc.

Have you tried confronting the individual when they are by themselves?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by m.blade:
[b].... I want to hit them and I feel like hitting them but I don't do it and I don't know why. Then after it all settles, I wish I'd have hit them. And literally right after a conflict, whether or not I've gotten hurt, I feel like crying! [QUOTE]

Unexpressed intent does that. That's what regret feels like; when you know you should have responded better when the moment called for action, but couldn't.I understand.

I think Mars square Neptune describes your loss of timing in responding to something that needs an immediate action.

Your Moon square Saturn is also slow with motivation; even latent in its anger. After all, in order to be motivated to act, we must first "feel".

Mars in 12th is the suppressed anger issues; knowing that you should do "something", but not knowing what that thing is exactly. It works in conjunction with Mars square Neptune.

Look, its very easy for me to say "stand up for yourself", but what do I mean exactly?

What's you strong point? According to the aspects, you can control your emotions(Moon square Saturn). So this means that you can calculate a response with cool precision. That's an advantage.

Mars square Neptune wants you to imagine doing the action BEFORE doing it in reality. It works best like this.

Try martial arts classes ,as someone here mentioned, and use your aspects to your advantage.

The idea is not for you to be a "killing machine", but be able to assert yourself better.

[/B]

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Thank you very much, you've made me realise something important today.

posted June 03, 2014 03:41 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
imagine someone you care about being treated the way you are. How would you respond to that?

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posted June 03, 2014 04:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Funny thing, I was thinking about the exact same thing a few days ago. That trick really works (for all kinds of situations).

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Oh, I totally agree on that (what Aries23degrees said). It's bizarre, I can step in when it happens to somebody else. But directed at me... bam, fear of confrontation kicks in.