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Author
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Topic: Why is it so difficult to be your self?
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3333
Knowflake Posts: 215
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted June 15, 2014 04:39 PM
  
Sometimes i feel that to be yourself to be liked from others is almost impossible!!!Unforrunately i notice that to be accepted by others you have to behave and be a **** or a prick!!!!Well i really it unfair to be not accepted by someone cause you are yourself!!!Btw i am a scorpio what do you really believe and which zodiav signs arent afraid to be theirselves?IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 1816
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 04:47 PM
As a Leo... Leo.  I'm 100% me.
I'm like a puzzle... Either you're a piece that fits, or not but I'm not changing shape for it. IP: Logged |
NeptunianSag
Knowflake Posts: 944
From: Your imagination
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 04:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by 3333:
Sometimes i feel that to be yourself to be liked from others is almost impossible!!!Unforrunately i notice that to be accepted by others you have to behave and be a **** or a prick!!!!Well i really it unfair to be not accepted by someone cause you are yourself!!!Btw i am a scorpio what do you really believe and which zodiav signs arent afraid to be theirselves?
Always be yourself, those who dont like you for how you are, well they are not your true friends. True friends accept eachother, they dont want you to change or to change into something your not. Im a sag sun/merc honesty is important to me, i cant be dealing with people who bring me down or act fake to please others, theres more to life than that.Plus, I find those people boring as sh*t. I used to care what others think/how I came across but ive realised its better to go my own way because life is too short to be around toxic people. Plus its really boring trying to be perfect to please people, you cant have fun :/ As a libra asc, it took me a while to stop people pleasing. Focus on what makes you happy in life, stop pleasing others untill you know the person/the people are right for you then you can start people pleasing.
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charlie
Knowflake Posts: 1925
From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted June 15, 2014 04:49 PM
Because you don't like yourself. Simple as that. My 11H stellium demands me to be myself so I oblige, although I fight it every now and then. IP: Logged |
Mercurian Intellect
Knowflake Posts: 3544
From: Vulcan & Mercury. Yes, I was born on both planets, somehow.
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 04:51 PM
quote:
Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
As a Leo... Leo. I'm 100% me.
I'm like a puzzle... Either you're a piece that fits, or not but I'm not changing shape for it.
IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 3791
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 04:54 PM
Such awesome words. I've always thought that. People are too involved in everybody else's lives and not their own. Too worried about what people think. Everybody seems so fake to me. Annoys me like you wouldn't believe. Everybody's too lazy to care anymore. I'm a water dominant Libra. I think it all has to do with how people are raised. Astrology wise I think it's just having too much negative bringing down the positive. I think it also has to do with people constantly comparing their lives to others lives. Never having self values or respect. IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 1816
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 05:08 PM
Hmmmm... More knowledgeable may disagree. It's a thought but maybe mutable signs most likely to not be themselves and fixed most likely to be themselves? Saying Leo made me think of that.
Though my big three does have one fixed, one cardinal, one mutable. lol I can play the game... But anyone long-term in my life... Heck no.
Family, friends, etc will know if I think it's wrong, or my opinion if they ask. IP: Logged |
Doux Rêve
Moderator Posts: 8438
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted June 15, 2014 07:42 PM
I find it hard to be "myself" sometimes but that's because I have like, 3627685 different selves. So I basically never know who I "really" am. I'm just a bunch of bits and pieces (clumsily) put together.
3333, do you have prominent mutable placements, especially Gem or Pisces? Or Neptune?
I think for me it's because I tend to mimic people easily, and I like so many traits in others that I just naturally tend to incorporate them in myself and act like them (in some ways). And I want to be all kinds of things at the same time, it's really frustrating.
#GeminiProblems IP: Logged |
next to neptune
Knowflake Posts: 1653
From: The Moon
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 07:59 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
I find it hard to be "myself" sometimes but that's because I have like, 3627685 different selves. So I basically never know who I "really" am. I'm just a bunch of bits and pieces (clumsily) put together.
3333, do you have prominent mutable placements, especially Gem or Pisces? Or Neptune?
I think for me it's because I tend to mimic people easily, and I like so many traits in others that I just naturally tend to incorporate them in myself and act like them (in some ways). And I want to be all kinds of things at the same time, it's really frustrating.
#GeminiProblems
Not only gemini problems, also pisces problems! I feel exactly the same way…people say "Just be yourself, then people likes you for who you really are!"
Well, what if you kind of change the way you are so often, that you come to the conclusion you don't have a true self, and then just trying to put some personality together that feels fake no matter what? Just so people think you have a certain personality… I won't even listen to the advice, be yourself then haha, that's when I'm really myself - when I'm not lol! IP: Logged |
Doux Rêve
Moderator Posts: 8438
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted June 15, 2014 08:57 PM
Haha, glad someone gets me.  IP: Logged |
Gemini Blues
Knowflake Posts: 34
From:
Registered: May 2014
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posted June 15, 2014 09:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by next to neptune:
Not only gemini problems, also pisces problems! I feel exactly the same way…people say "Just be yourself, then people likes you for who you really are!"
Well, what if you kind of change the way you are so often, that you come to the conclusion you don't have a true self, and then just trying to put some personality together that feels fake no matter what? Just so people think you have a certain personality… I won't even listen to the advice, be yourself then haha, that's when I'm really myself - when I'm not lol!
Not to worry. The parts integrate eventually. You eventually find the parts that feel comfortable to wear like old blue jeans and put on the other parts like putting on your suit for special events.
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Yanmorg
Knowflake Posts: 449
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 10:20 PM
I am a Scorpio with a Scorpio stellium and I have never had a problem with peer pressure or feeling like I had to behave a certain way in front of others. I have always followed my own path and did my own thing despite what others thought. Even when I was younger and was going through that whole teasing phase, I felt bad, but I knew it was just my peers being dumb and immature. I have always loved the fact that my father taught me to overcome those issues (I have Sun square Saturn natally). I believe Libras and Leos have issues with being themselves only because they're the most egocentric and attention-craving signs. If no one likes them, they would probably die. They live to be admired and adored by everyone so it only makes sense that they'll conform to whatever society's standards are at that particular time, BUT THAT'S JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION. I am sure all Libras and Leos are not like this although there's usually some truth to every stereotype or else where would the stereotype have come from in the first place?IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 1816
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 10:28 PM
It makes sense and yeah, depends. I have Pluto and 8th house influences...if that is the key here...?But like, my entire damn family smokes and I never did. My sisters drank a lot when I was a kid. I grew up around parties, alcohol and pot.
Never had desire to. Not even a drop on my 21st bday. Though I've drank on occasion, just not often at all.
I dress casual and comfortable. I like to look neat and clean... Smell good, but I don't give a crap if they are popular brands, etc. I'm just me. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4640
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 15, 2014 10:37 PM
I don't think that's based on zodiac signs. We're all easier to manipulate if kept afraid and insecure and we have these tribal circuits built into our brain that say to be exiled/shunned from the tribe means death (which once upon a time it did). The stronger the tribal circuits the stronger the need to conform and be sure others conform as otherwise insecurity about one's own position sets in, which is great for big government, big business, and big religion. Offhand I'm thinking of how every sign has those who are a leaf in the wind and others who are more self-directed. And some may "play the game" but they do so knowingly and more like a chess player and about as emotional as your manipulating your car or computer, it's just pragmatic to serve a greater purpose (that is, they wear a mask when they need to but don't confuse their true selves with it, like how most people show up at a job interview presenting themselves a lot different than usual, at least the vast majority of those who get the job). Others may try the "ghost" or "mole" route to avoid scrutiny (and worse) but are, in the shadows, themselves (I'm not talking about having a double life but rather misdirect attention that might be inconvenient or worse). IP: Logged |
anonymidarkness
Knowflake Posts: 5225
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted June 15, 2014 11:17 PM
It’s due to all the manipulation, conditionings, “ethics”, “principles” you’ve been put through. It’s very rare to find a person who is really true to himself. And sticking to a single fixed image that you have of yourself is not being yourself, it’s just an illusion.IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 1816
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted June 15, 2014 11:30 PM
Wooo
It just passed from interesting to too much thought. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4640
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 15, 2014 11:42 PM
And an ironic aspect of the insecurity is so many who conform believe they're nonconformists as everyone who doesn't conform makes them feel judged, shunned, attacked (which is why they demand conformity) so they think they're bucking everyone else and standing up for their true selves which they've confused their individuality with their clique or crowd. I saw an extreme case on LL where she had been hassled by ONE person, the first time in her life, and she felt the entire world was against her because of that single person (and everyone else just didn't register). But it's quite interesting how many think they're bucking others and being themselves with kindred spirits when they're just conforming themselves, but the conformity is invisible to them (as they've confused the conformity with individuality) while those who don't conform to their standards is disturbing and even offensive to them (as they then feel judged or attacked even when they're not and thus feel they're standing strong against "conformity"). IP: Logged |
Comatoes
Knowflake Posts: 139
From:
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted June 16, 2014 12:18 AM
I think because people have a deep need for connection, love, and acceptance. It never occurs to them, that you can have those needs met by believing in your own inner self. Fear of the self is rampant, there are people who never go to a movie or eat alone as they fear they will be seen as "different". Humans are suppose to be "pack or family animals", we are suppose to be similar and want the same things, people start looking suspicious when they think a person is odd or a outcast, this automatically causes anxiety and pain, so we conform to not be judged. Judgement is the ultimate crucifix...Being a empath I try not to be bombarded with too many people because I can be impressionable. But I have strong Uranus aspects and always try to be true to myself. I don't need permission to be me. I also have strong Chiron aspects, so I'm constantly trying to work on and transform myself on my own terms. I find this gets better with age...please don't fall for the trap that you have to dissolve yourself to belong, we need individuality, its too many sheeple walking around already. IP: Logged |
3333
Knowflake Posts: 215
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted June 16, 2014 04:30 AM
Personally i will never change myself or my personal habits and thoughts to be accepted because i believe that someone is bettet to like you from who you are..but sometimes i feel that nobody likes me  My friends who are fake(they dont show who they really are) are so popular and everyone wants them :/ and sometimes i feel that they try to ignore me for the reason that i am not popular enough...well i dont care because i will not change myself but sometimes i feel sad because nobody likes me from who i am IP: Logged |
Doux Rêve
Moderator Posts: 8438
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted June 16, 2014 06:35 AM
quote:
Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Wooo
It just passed from interesting to too much thought.
--- 3333, I've just realized, but you're young, right? That's something most young people go through, it'll pass eventually, don't worry. What I had in mind was different... I don't think I was (nor am) very prone to peer pressure (though I was definitely influenced, no doubt). I am not afraid of being "true" to myself, but I have a changeable self, that's what I meant. Going out alone and doing stuff by myself? Easy, I do it all the time, and people DO look at me in a weird way when I tell them. "You go out by yourself?! O.O" Uh, yeah, and I don't care what you think of that. I wouldn't be weirded out by someone who does stuff on their own, I think it's pretty natural (at least for introverts). Now, there are some people who are naturally quiet/shy and if they don't "act" a little, they may feel too awkward to be "themselves" around others. But I watched a video not long ago, where someone basically said that in order to be truly yourself, you need to let go of all the things that are preventing you from being "amazing." Like fear, for instance.
Easier said than done but it's possible.
They also mentioned the fact that "spirit is generated when the head & heart marry," so you basically become more of yourself when your thoughts & feelings are aligned (sounds obvious). Anyway, I think I'm rambling...
IP: Logged |
LucieLemonade
Knowflake Posts: 814
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted June 16, 2014 08:35 AM
quote:
Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Hmmmm... More knowledgeable may disagree. It's a thought but maybe mutable signs most likely to not be themselves and fixed most likely to be themselves? Saying Leo made me think of that.
Though my big three does have one fixed, one cardinal, one mutable. lol I can play the game... But anyone long-term in my life... Heck no.
Family, friends, etc will know if I think it's wrong, or my opinion if they ask.
Don't know. I'm a Sag and I'm always myself. Sure "myself" changes and adapts but that is not the same as not being oneself.
IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4640
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 16, 2014 08:39 AM
quote:
Originally posted by 3333:
Personally i will never change myself or my personal habits and thoughts to be accepted because i believe that someone is bettet to like you from who you are..but sometimes i feel that nobody likes me My friends who are fake(they dont show who they really are) are so popular and everyone wants them :/ and sometimes i feel that they try to ignore me for the reason that i am not popular enough...well i dont care because i will not change myself but sometimes i feel sad because nobody likes me from who i am
They're probably sensing your insecurity or distress. Generally speaking, one who stands strong tends to draw others around them (which such a person can use for good or bad purposes). I have no idea of the details of your life (and other placements that matter) or why you consider your friends to not like you but I do know that even in school I always had at least one friend, and usually many (though never as many as those who actively disliked me).
After school it's even easier because you're generally not forced to be with those you're not that compatible with (though jobs and such may complicate that), and there shouldn't be so much pressure. For me personally I found I just got less worried about what people thought after school and perhaps that's an element of growing up as some say it is (not sure). Many say it gets better after school though I can't help but notice how many never outgrow their fears no matter how many decades pass. I think Scorpio can go to the extremes more than any other sign. Here, this sums it up pretty well (ignoring other placements that also matter):
http://mizian.com.ne.kr/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/scorpio.htm As for me I was more worried about how people saw me when I was a kid (but then they had a lot of power over me then) yet at the same time I was also much more flamboyant about my individuality then. I frequently got in trouble over it, as in suspended from school and not treated well by much of the school, student or faculty (but I wouldn't have traded it against the few who I was close to because those few were worth it). Nevertheless, I still had friends, and like the Scorpionic Eagles, I preferred quality to quantity and had a tendency to toy with those who tried to give me a hard time rather than be upset that they didn't like me (and I think that's the Scorpio energy in my chart, though my Uranus in a Sag stellium would also contribute to that, plus upbringing). That said, my BFF for part of my childhood was a Scorpio Gray Lizard and she was scared of the crowd, and even convinced me to "follow the crowd" (or at least her own values that she considered what the crowd lived under a thin veil of hypocrisy, and I don't think she was completely wrong about her assessment of others, only in how she thought I should handle it). It led to an important lesson not to that I've never forgotten. I'm not sure how she would've turned out, but I think the secret to Scorpio power is embracing transformation rather than avoiding it, and that means not being afraid of (metaphoric) death. It may seem scary but what Scorpios who shy away from that often turn into (fearful and neurotic and sometimes self-destructive) seems scarier still and it seems better to me to accept it rather than cringing from it until it's inevitable. IP: Logged |
anonymidarkness
Knowflake Posts: 5225
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted June 16, 2014 09:24 AM
quote:
Originally posted by 3333:
Personally i will never change myself or my personal habits and thoughts to be accepted because i believe that someone is bettet to like you from who you are..but sometimes i feel that nobody likes me My friends who are fake(they dont show who they really are) are so popular and everyone wants them :/ and sometimes i feel that they try to ignore me for the reason that i am not popular enough...well i dont care because i will not change myself but sometimes i feel sad because nobody likes me from who i am
If you want to be popular, you can wear masks. Otherwise a part of you might always feel sad. But strengthen your individuality before doing so, so that you can wear and take off your masks whenever you want while retaining your original self at the same time. IP: Logged |
AlexDern
Knowflake Posts: 396
From:
Registered: Dec 2013
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posted June 16, 2014 12:30 PM
this is an interesting question.For eons mankind, womankind, whatever you call it, has strove to grab at and cling to definitions of the self. More recently, Freud and Carl Jung went insane trying to pin it down creating a body of literature which is equally as convoluted and unintelligible as their recorded sentiments. The short but unsatisfactory answer is simply because it takes a life time to figure out what a self is and more than one life time to figure out how to be true to it. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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