posted August 23, 2014 01:48 PM            

Though I'm usually soft - spoken, reserved, polite and modestly dressed, women don't like hanging out with me and men are attracted to me, yet consider me too.... something (wild, slutty?!?!, I don't know) to be considered a relationship material.

To be perfectly honest, I have commitment issues myself. Although I want a passionate, intense relationship, I hold too tight control of myself to let my own emotions out in the open. I also like my individuality too much and I'm afraid that relationship would limit me somehow.

I have this habit of making men addicted to my company, yet too afraid to be with me. About 3 years ago, I started hanging out with this handsome, emotionally closed up guy who was very eager in pursuing me at first, but was also very honest that he wasn't interested in a relationship, but sex. So, I told him I wouldn't hook up with him. However, he began confiding in me and told me things he never told anyone before. I went out of town for a few months and we kept in touch. He missed me and wanted to give our relationship a try once I got back. However, when I did come back, he was seeing someone else, someone he fell in love with. Regardless of that, he wrote me that he regularly fantasized (still does)about having sex with me and that I'm still the only person he can open up too. He told the latter part about me to his gf, too, and she insisted that the cuts all contact with me. He dumped her for that (even though we only texted each other and hadn't seen each other in over a year because he was too afraid he wouldn't be able to resist me (his words)). They got back together afterwards, but she never dared mentioning me again. He really is crazy about her, so why he acts that way when I'm concerned, I don't understand.

This wasn't the only case like that. A few years prior to him, I casually dated a guy for a year and left him because he didn't want a relationship with me. It hurt me like hell because I really cared for him. However, once we broke up, he started obsessing with me, calling me, texting me, asking around about me, etc. Five years later, he still hasn't stopped, even though he'd been in a relationship for the past 3 years. At first, I was really nice about it, however, once I realized he wouldn't stop it no matter what I told him, I insulted him, deliberately hurt him, hoping it would help. Nope, he'd stop for a couple of days and then start all over again.

I think this might have something to do with my 1st house.

I'm a Libra Ascendant, Sag Sun, Cancer Moon, however my 1st house is packed with Scorpio; Venus, Pluto, Asteroid Lilith, Vesta and Cupido.
My Lilith and Venus are conjunct and both conjunct Ascendant, and my Pluto conjuncts Venus and Cupido. Vesta conjuncts Venus, Pluto and Lilith.

Is there any way I can make sense out of this? I don't even feel like I'm making any sense as I'm writing this.

posted August 23, 2014 02:38 PM            

What house is Venus in? 1st or 12th?

posted August 23, 2014 04:30 PM            

And I second the exploitation / abuse past. Betrayed by and taken advantage of by men. That's a HUGE part of the archetype. Eventually, I created a persona that addicts, bewitches, and 'enslaves' them. Turnabout is fair play, no? They were always very 'moth to the flame' with me, but I was always very 'meh' about them.

I don't have the sexual need or drive they do, and have found immense power in that imbalance.

posted August 24, 2014 02:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I'm a Lilith type with much of the above as being issues with which I've struggled. I'm more of a sex symbol than an active participant, however.

And I second the exploitation / abuse past. Betrayed by and taken advantage of by men. That's a HUGE part of the archetype. Eventually, I created a persona that addicts, bewitches, and 'enslaves' them. Turnabout is fair play, no? They were always very 'moth to the flame' with me, but I was always very 'meh' about them.

I don't have the sexual need or drive they do, and have found immense power in that imbalance.

SUN conjunct BML (2°) (2H)
SUN conjunct PLUTO (2°) (2H)
PLUTO conjunct BML (0°) (2H)
LILITH opposite CHIRON (0°) (3H / 9H)
LILITH in SCO stellium (3H) including MOON
MOON/EROS=LILITH
MOON conjunct URA (1°)
PLUTO parallel ASC
TBML conjunct DEJANIRA (0°) (2H)

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Wow. I've had that same experience as you, I have Lilith in the first house. Loosely conj my asc. I attract men that want to overpower me, get off on degradation, forcing a woman to be submissive rather than the woman giving up her submission, or just rape games. Also I've always been more capable than the men I've been with, which isn't saying much really, but anyone that's less capable at life than I am is a complete loser. I end up taking care of men in one way or another. But they are really obsessed with me, and it seems like the less I care about someone, the more obsessed they get.

I enjoy "enslaving" them too. Like I don't need sex or want it that much, but they do. And I like that. If they want me they can work for it, if they don't try hard enough then whatever.

posted August 25, 2014 09:52 AM            

So, to assure it might be that creepy Lilith - I have Lilith in 1st house and it conjuncts my ASC, also sextiles Sun.

posted August 25, 2014 10:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by fireopal09:
Here is a thread with a description of my experience with Lilith. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum28/HTML/002272-2.html

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Omg, yes, FIND YOUR EQUAL.

So this is the reason - men feel like they're not enough for us or feel that we will never be down their levels.

posted August 26, 2014 09:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lalalinda:
It doesn't sound like Lilith because you haven't been sexually exploited.

What house is Venus in? 1st or 12th?

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It's in a 1st house, about degree and a half from ascendant.
Actually, I have been sexually exploited, but not by these men. To be perfectly honest, a part of me enjoys the obsession they have over me, however other part is annoyed that they are too afraid to be with me. I know that if I chose to, I could make them betray their girlfriends, but I'm not interested in that. It's my Cancer Moon that craves relationship and commitment, however the rest of me needs simultaniously intensity and freedom. It's so confusing.