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Author Topic:   Why is it that after a guy dumps me he finally gets his life together
MineAgain
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posted August 27, 2014 06:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've noticed quite an odd pattern in my dating life.

Up until now, I mostly dated men who were directionless and passive. Their lives were in shambles and they had no clue what to do in life.

Then right after the break up, they suddenly get an epiphany. Life got a whole new meaning to them and they suddenly got their act together (job, career, settled down). A sudden awakening. As for me, my life usually gets worse and I end up dealing with tons of issues I had never dealt with before.

Why? I feel like when I date a guy, he's feeding off of my positive energy. It's as though they sucked the positive energies out of me and left me with their mess!

I swear. One guy I dated in college had repeated his first year of college because he got terrible grades. His GPA was bad. I had a very good one. Then he dumped me and suddenly got the highest GPA ever when I ended up repeating my final year because I failed it (I was a straight A student mind you). He went off to graduate school (which he wasn't planning on when we were together) and I had to repeat my year, so no graduate school. He got engaged and I'm single, penniless, in an abusive home and he's living the life I was supposed to live! He wasn't even planning on living any of this.

Same for another guy. His life was the biggest mess ever before and when we were dating. Then he dumped me and finally got his act together afterwards.

They're still pinning over me but their sudden life shift is very odd.

It's like Just My Luck (The Movie)!

Why is this?

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amelia28
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posted August 27, 2014 09:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amelia28     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Post up your chart include part of fortune, fortuna, tyche, chaos,karma, chiron...we need to figure this out!

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ash20
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posted August 27, 2014 10:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ash20     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
At least your guys still pine over you. Mine just move on lol. But do not stress over this. You saw them at their worst & now theyre doing better, be happy for them. Every1 goes through ups and downs in life so even you will get back up & see better days

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Yanmorg
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posted August 27, 2014 11:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yanmorg     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OMG.

I feel the exact same way.

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arcturiann
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posted August 28, 2014 12:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for arcturiann     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Chiron in the 7th? I feel like this happens to me a lot, its sad but also healing in a way, I feel glad I was at least able to help them get their life on track, even if we are not together anymore...

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FireMoon
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posted August 28, 2014 12:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, I know what it's like to go from being a good student with lofty goals to having to repeat courses and feeling directionless while it seems like exes and everyone else around you is figuring everything out.... Your story sounds pretty similar to mine and I know all about being single, penniless, and living in toxic/hostile environments as well lol

I've basically had to put my long term goals on hold and just focus on improving the here and now- found a place with roommates who are healthy and supportive, got a job as a server which isn't ideal, but it's allowing me to be financially independent and catch my breath so to speak before diving into some new career pursuit I'm not even sure I want to commit to yet or find an entry level position in my field of study that probably pays less anyway...

So I'm sorry this doesn't exactly relate to your original question or astrology, but just wanted to say I understand your frustration (especially about school and career paths and all that) but don't worry about comparing your journey to anyone else's, it's not a race. Sometimes people come into our lives and we feel like they've dragged us down, but I do believe everything happens for a reason and it might just be a blessing in disguise if through the struggle we get diverted from a path we thought we wanted to be on but end up finding something even better once the timing is right...

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MineAgain
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posted August 28, 2014 06:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It is very frustrating indeed. I graduated Valedictorian then went off to college where lecturers praised my work until I got into third year. That also coincides with the time I broke up with the first guy I was talking about.

Everyone I knew thought I'd have the greatest job ever due to my high grades and strong CV. Guess what? I'm nowhere near I'm supposed to be. I'm at home doing nothing. All I get is job rejections and I'm not even sure I'll ever get into graduate school given my terrible grades which literally came out of nowhere.

The second guy was an insecure drop out who was really irresponsible. We dated and then when he dumped me, he suddenly got some epiphany and turned his life around. It's like I heal those guys without even realizing.

I'm never dating anyone again if that's the case. I'd rather keep my energy to myself. They're probably still pinning because of this sudden "healing". One is dating a copy of me and still stalks me online, the other hasn't been able to find anyone else apparently.

I also noticed this with friends. Every single person I come across and befriend suddenly becomes successful shortly after even if they were train-wrecks or outcasts. Bizarre to say the least.

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MineAgain
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posted August 28, 2014 07:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Here is the chart (please, do not move this to the "reading" section. It's not a reading request).

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Dreaminess
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posted August 28, 2014 09:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dreaminess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Maybe you are an old soul or maybe you have some healing signs like scorpio pluto aspects in your chart? Isnt pluto known to transform others with their love, words etc? Do you have any master numbers in your numerology chart? I have read master numbers/old souls are teachers and they draw people to them that needs guidance. Actually i have read alot of master number people have complained that they attract people that are in distress but after they have been in contact with them they suddenly have better understanding/control of their lives.

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amelia28
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posted August 28, 2014 10:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for amelia28     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
DP

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amelia28
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posted August 28, 2014 10:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for amelia28     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Edited:

You have a lot of indicators that can explain your career issues and relationship twists.

You have aries and libra intercepted in the 10th and 4th house. That means the self/relationship axis and the career/home axis are intercepted and this represents karma and challenges in those areas that once overcome become hidden treasures! so there is the silver lining.

You also have TWO YODS in your chart. One Yod has mars in the 11th at the apex and your mars is intercepted and is the ruler of your 10th house (career house) and lands in the 11th house of hopes and dreams. Your intercepted mars incojuncts neptune in the 6th (another career house) on one side and your sun and venus in the other forming a YOD and your sun rules the second house which is another career house.

The 10th, 6th, and 2nd house all are career houses related to how you make a living.

Yods are also very karmic and you have a Yod involving your 2nd house ruler, your intercepted 10th house ruler and neptune in the 6th, so this is a career yod involving intercepted ruler of your 10th house.

Your second Yod is also a career Yod involving neptune in the 6th at the apex intercepted ruler of the 10th mars in one leg and jupiter in the 2nd on the other.

Two career Yods and an intercepted 10th house. Lots of karma related to career.

Libra is also intercepted which means your venus is intercepted and this is the part were the relationship aspect of your patterns come in...

Intercepted Venus in the 5th conjuncts pluto and your sun and this conjunction opposes asteroid chaos.

Oppositions play out in relationships so you attract a partner that plays out the energy of one of the opposing sides in the opposition so what happens is you attract people whose life is a mess (chaos in the 11th) but then they get involved with you and are transformed by your venus/pluto/sun conjunction which is why they remember you bc you changed them so you will always be a part of them.

Chaos theory states that order comes from disorder. They come in your life a mess in chaos mode, they are transformed by your love bc of your venus/pluto in the 5th which conjuncts the ruler of your second house (your sun) which means you transform the self-esteem of the men that come into your life and their ability to find a career were they can make a living bringing back order into their life like is the nature of chaos theory.

This is the tricky part because of the nature of oppositions and all the career karma you have the roles end up reversing. With oppositions the other person in the relationship plays out the energy of one of the planets and because you have not found a way to balance out these two opposing energies once these men change the roles reverse. You have to figure out how to honor the inner chaos in you and your venus/pluto/sun conjunction which all opppose your chaos.

You have a fascinating chart.

Transits that conjunct your mars, venus and neptune should be very meaningful as well as transits that pass through your 10th house and 4th house.

_____________________________________________________

Some info I found online about intercepted signs and houses:

The Aries/Libra or First/Seventh House Axis

If your Aries/Libra or first/seventh house axis is intercepted in your horoscope then people around you are likely to find that you have a very complex personality which can be very difficult to understand, while you may have alternately observed that those who you tend to form close alliances with are very complicated themselves. You may find that your lifestyle has or will change in a major way at least once, and this change in circumstances is likely to be directly linked to a marriage, divorce or partnership. It is very likely that you will consequently go through some rather profound transformations, and persons who knew you when you were young will consider you to be completely different in later years.

Partnerships will be very important to you as you develop several multifaceted relationships which give you the stimulus you need. At least once during the course of your life you will find that an adversary will have such a profound impact on you that it will forever change the way you view the world. Although this experience may be deeply unsettling, it will help you to fully understand the true meaning of friendships from those who stand by you in your time of need.

Cancer/Capricorn Axis or Fourth/Tenth House Axis

If your Cancer/Capricorn or fourth/tenth house axis is intercepted you will have a private life which seems to be intricately interwoven with your public image. Although we are told throughout our lives that one should not bring his personal problems to work and conversely his difficulties at work into the home, you will find this very difficult because your career is so closely aligned with your inner feelings of security. You are one of those individuals who actually finds solace in a fulfilling line of work, so if your career is suffering it will be very difficult for it not to affect your private life. It is possible that you will have at least two major moves during the course of your life which may also involve a career change.

Your parental upbringing will greatly influence you because the persons who acted as mother and father to you will have played a major role in the development of attitudes you carry regarding career, home and family. You may spend many years feeling insecure and believing that you have no true home, but this uneasiness will subside as you slowly begin to realize that security lies within yourself and not through other people, places or things.

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MineAgain
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posted August 28, 2014 12:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you very much Amelia! Your post was truly enlightening

There for sure is a certain reversal of roles. Their career issues somehow become mine and my career plans become theirs. It didn't make a lot of sense until now.

I also understand why they're still pinning over me as according to them "there's no other girl like me". I have something "special" according to them. It makes sense, I healed them in some way. I quickly realized that they definitely got a major self-esteem change while dating me. They were overly insecure when they started dating me and after they dumped me, I witnessed that all of their insecurities were gone. I still got dumped though! Yet, they come back so I suppose they must associate me with their change or something.

I never thought in a zillion years that dating "troubled" guys (career-wise) would transfer those troubles to me, otherwise I would have thought twice about dating them in the first place.

It's a great lesson learned for the future. I probably won't be dating some before quite some time. I really wonder where I wold be now if I didn't get the silly idea to date those guys. I'm sure I'd be in a great place not stuck in losersville.

Although I'm glad they're doing good, I'm jealous because my life is one heck of a mess.

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Swift Freeze
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posted August 28, 2014 12:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swift Freeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'd suggest dating some really successful guy, and drawing a bit from his positive energy...

That is a real shame though. I don't think everyone has their lives mapped out, you haven't really mentioned too much like, what sorts of ages these guys were, or you are, and other life circumstances. I feel like 20-30 is a time period where people find themselves, and whatever the trigger is that has set them to achieving something. Be grateful that you were most likely that catalyst.

I can only say that if relationships are not working out for you, maybe you invest a lot of energy into them and other areas of your life suffer. Focus on yourself, and what you want. Find someone who compliments that, or is compatible with that, and not someone who is going to drain you, either emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams.

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amelia28
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posted August 28, 2014 12:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amelia28     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MineAgain:
Thank you very much Amelia! Your post was truly enlightening

There for sure is a certain reversal of roles. Their career issues somehow become mine and my career plans become theirs. It didn't make a lot of sense until now.

I also understand why they're still pinning over me as according to them "there's no other girl like me". I have something "special" according to them. It makes sense, I healed them in some way. I quickly realized that they definitely got a major self-esteem change while dating me. They were overly insecure when they started dating me and after they dumped me, I witnessed that all of their insecurities were gone. I still got dumped though! Yet, they come back so I suppose they must associate me with their change or something.

I never thought in a zillion years that dating "troubled" guys (career-wise) would transfer those troubles to me, otherwise I would have thought twice about dating them in the first place.

It's a great lesson learned for the future. I probably won't be dating some before quite some time. I really wonder where I wold be now if I didn't get the silly idea to date those guys. I'm sure I'd be in a great place not stuck in losersville.

Although I'm glad they're doing good, I'm jealous because my life is one heck of a mess.


You may be a late blooomer but you are destined to master your career karma. Yods and interceptions give a sense of urgency for a challenge to be mastered in this life and people with intercepted houses usually master their karma. Transits are key.

Here is another interpretation of a 10th/4th house interception:

Cancer-Capricorn

(Fourth and Tenth Houses)

Creating a peaceful and nurturing home environment while balancing career ambitions and responsibilities is the challenge here. Father and mother archetypes can pose blockages that are hard to understand or explain. A certain restlessness is present, surrounding either the home life or career. Its hard to say where ones roots really are. The typical dilemma of the overwhelmed working mom who wants it all is illustrated here.

You should post if you want your chart with your current transits. You will overcome this and like I pointed out you have to find a balance between that opposition involving chaos and the venus/pluto/sun stellium so calculate the midpoint between that opposition and transits to that midpoint should be helpful as well as guys who conjunct that midpoint for you.

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FireMoon
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Registered: Mar 2012

posted August 28, 2014 06:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MineAgain:
It is very frustrating indeed. I graduated Valedictorian then went off to college where lecturers praised my work until I got into third year. That also coincides with the time I broke up with the first guy I was talking about.

Everyone I knew thought I'd have the greatest job ever due to my high grades and strong CV. Guess what? I'm nowhere near I'm supposed to be. I'm at home doing nothing. All I get is job rejections and I'm not even sure I'll ever get into graduate school given my terrible grades which literally came out of nowhere.


As for graduate school, there's always a way... Not sure if you've taken the GRE yet (or LSAT, or whatever you're planning on going into) but that can be a major factor in admissions. And if it was only a year of bad grades which affected your entire GPA, write a compelling personal statement...

I'm not sure what your interests are or what kind of jobs you're looking for, but that Jupiter return in Leo in your 2nd house (I have this too except mine is retro) should give you financial opportunities one way or another even if it isn't necessarily through a long term dream job..

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Abc333
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posted September 01, 2014 06:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Abc333     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've got a similar bit going on. When my ex fiance and I split he finally landed a job after being rejected by countless companies. He got his **** together. My ex before that, same exact thing. Suits and ties, suits and ties...

My take on that is this: They devoted a large part of themselves to you and when you are no longer there they look for something to fill that void. Some may turn to drinking, some turn to excessive work out routines, some become very career oriented.

I suggest you take a look at the charts of your former partners as well, you may see some similarities between them. My two exes were quite similar, astrologically speaking.

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MineAgain
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posted September 01, 2014 06:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Abc - None of these two men devoted their time to me

Unfortunately, I was the one doing most of the work/chasing while they were wandering on and off. I had on and off relationships with them because they didn't want something serious ... until the day I disappeared. Then the suddenly realized their loss and came back around, twice each. The bizarre thing is that once they got their life back on track, they tried to rekindle the romance although my feelings were long gone.

It's after I cut the cord (the first time around, both times) that they got their act together. They both rejected me repeatedly ... I however noticed that their self-esteem issues were progressively getting healed with me around. The day their ego finally healed, they ditched me.


The first now is now trapped in an engagement with a girl he clearly doesn't want to be with (his words) and the second one is desperately single going from one chick to another (oddly enough, they look like me when I wasn't exactly his type before he met me) because no one fits his criteria like I did.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I gathered that these two men came into my life for a reason, a lesson. The second one more so than the first one. I became an actual adult after he dumped me.

I'm happy for the both of them that they decided to get their life on track (although the first guy still can't get a job and the second can't get a girl), really.

@Amelia - Thank you very much for your help! It was very enlightening I just re-read what you just said and I realized it is now time for me to stop feeling for myself and start making actual plans for my life. Sure, these men may have gotten their life back on track thanks to my ego-boost, but it doesn't mean I can't get my life back on track too. I realized that whenever I date a guy, I tend to focus on him and that's my problem. In order to "heal" from this mess they brought into my life, I need to start over. I have to stop dating and focus on myself until I reach the point I want to reach with my career. That's how I initially achieved success in high school and college.

The first guy turned my life into a mess. The second one turned completed burned me alive but I've grown so much through these experiences. It's now time for me to take matters into my own hands and stop acting like a victim.

@FireMoon - Thanks for your advice! I was indeed thinking about taking the GRE or maybe the NY Bar Exam before the masters degree. It's a first stepping stone, we'll see.

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amelia28
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From: Miami
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posted September 03, 2014 12:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amelia28     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MineAgain:

@Amelia - Thank you very much for your help! It was very enlightening I just re-read what you just said and I realized it is now time for me to stop feeling for myself and start making actual plans for my life. Sure, these men may have gotten their life back on track thanks to my ego-boost, but it doesn't mean I can't get my life back on track too. I realized that whenever I date a guy, I tend to focus on him and that's my problem. In order to "heal" from this mess they brought into my life, I need to start over. I have to stop dating and focus on myself until I reach the point I want to reach with my career. That's how I initially achieved success in high school and college.

The first guy turned my life into a mess. The second one turned completed burned me alive but I've grown so much through these experiences. It's now time for me to take matters into my own hands and stop acting like a victim.


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