Author
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Topic: how the heck do you rebuild trust..
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LionFish Knowflake Posts: 1710 From: Registered: Aug 2012
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posted October 05, 2014 08:50 PM
Im a Leo Asc,9H Pis Sun,10h Tau Moon... I find it incredibly difficult to trust someone again after they've broken it even once. How am I supposed to "rebuild" trust with someone who has already proven themselves untrustworthy????IP: Logged |
hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 11696 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted October 05, 2014 08:56 PM
quote: Originally posted by LionFish: Im a Leo Asc,9H Pis Sun,10h Tau Moon... I find it incredibly difficult to trust someone again after they've broken it even once. How am I supposed to "rebuild" trust with someone who has already proven themselves untrustworthy????
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Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 69137 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 05, 2014 08:59 PM
Don't trust them again. It would not be wise ------------------ Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course. http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Geeky Knowflake Posts: 1732 From: the Sun, vacation house on Mercury Registered: Dec 2012
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posted October 05, 2014 09:14 PM
I don't.I am forgiving in the sense that I don't hold a grudge or anger towards the person, but if I allow them to remain in my life, I am always suspicious. Of course, this does not = a healthy relationship. It also depends on what the infraction was. I believe that humans will often lie, and I can get over that. But when the lies start adding up to several lies, that's when I am just done. It doesn't matter if it's a professional, romantic, or friend relationship... too many lies and I am done. So I guess in some circumstances I take this stance: http://youtu.be/eKgPY1adc0A (I hope that made you smile) ------------------ “Most people would rather be sheep than stand on their own with antlers on.” IP: Logged |
Virgo28 Knowflake Posts: 600 From: Mercury near the Sun(Florida) Registered: Nov 2013
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posted October 05, 2014 09:36 PM
Moral Hazard...Who does it once, does it twice. ------------------ "If a man does not work passionately - even furiously - at being the best in the world at what he does, he fails his talent, his destiny, and his God." IP: Logged |
Geeky Knowflake Posts: 1732 From: the Sun, vacation house on Mercury Registered: Dec 2012
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posted October 05, 2014 11:02 PM
I was just thinking about this again. You shouldn't feel bad if you can't rebuild the trust and you're not obligated to do so. It's human nature to avoid the things that hurt us. We learn to avoid pain. Example- Fire is hot / fire burns / don't touch fire. It's simply survival. ------------------ “Most people would rather be sheep than stand on their own with antlers on.” IP: Logged |
ScorpAqua Knowflake Posts: 81 From: Australia Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 05, 2014 11:05 PM
Trust can be given because you are free to give it, not because someone needs to "earn" it etc. It's your choice, always. Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge to exercise the choice of trusting again. Rely on your instincts. That Piscean intuition will never fail. If it doesn't feel right, then chances are it isn't right. A mantra I like to live by is that if you are not sure about something, do nothing till you are more sure. IP: Logged |
PixieJane Moderator Posts: 8532 From: CA Registered: Oct 2010
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posted October 06, 2014 12:15 AM
quote: Originally posted by LionFish: Im a Leo Asc,9H Pis Sun,10h Tau Moon... I find it incredibly difficult to trust someone again after they've broken it even once. How am I supposed to "rebuild" trust with someone who has already proven themselves untrustworthy????
At the risk of answering what was meant to be a rant in the form of a rhetorical question, I'd say that would depend on how well you knew the person, how repentant the person seemed, the offense and circumstances involved. I'm a Leo ASC with a 10th House Taurus Chiron and though I live by the saying "screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me" I have forgiven and even rebuilt trust. Of course I can forgive but not trust, or I can learn to trust under specific circumstances, or I can say to hell with it and ice that person out of my life. It all depends. An example of someone I forgave and continued to trust, a best friend didn't pay me back as she'd promised to despite that she was capable. In this case I remembered a good track record of over a decade, kept in mind that the reason I had the money to spare was because she drove me around (though I did pay her for that already in addition to what I loaned to her), done me major favors at a risk to herself, her company has enriched my life, and her job was at stake (and also got much less in tax returns than she was expecting) so that even though she could have paid me off she'd be in a real bad position if she lost her job. I forgave her the debt and hold no hard feelings over it (but then she did volunteer a lot more favors after I did so, who knows, maybe I got more out of the deal that way). I'd probably loan her money out again, though I'd take the time she welched on me into consideration when deciding how much (and even if) I was willing to loan. Of course if she lacked that background and circumstances I'd have been much less forgiving or able to trust her again (on money or anything else). Obviously, if a person has a history of breaking trust (and not just with you) then it's best if you don't. I look to how a person treats others because if that person casually puts down others and shares secrets behind their back then I know s/he'll do the same to me behind my back, if that person blames everyone for his or her problems then I'll be the next person blamed if I hang around, etc. Makes sense to me. IP: Logged |
BellaFenice Knowflake Posts: 3419 From: Neptune with PisceanDream, Faith, and Meissieri Registered: Sep 2013
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posted October 06, 2014 12:19 AM
quote: Originally posted by ScorpAqua: Trust can be given because you are free to give it, not because someone needs to "earn" it etc. It's your choice, always. Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge to exercise the choice of trusting again. Rely on your instincts. That Piscean intuition will never fail. If it doesn't feel right, then chances are it isn't right. A mantra I like to live by is that if you are not sure about something, do nothing till you are more sure.
As a Pisces moon ITA. IP: Logged |
ariesdragon Knowflake Posts: 4410 From: Jupiter Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 06, 2014 01:22 AM
It takes time IP: Logged |
charlie Knowflake Posts: 3991 From: Registered: Jun 2012
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posted October 06, 2014 03:38 AM
I have Pluto square Sun, Moon and one lie will ruin everything. I will never forget it. I can still be your friend but all things on a more personal level will have been removed ie you won't have access to my truest self, ever. IP: Logged |
bansheequeen unregistered
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posted October 06, 2014 05:32 AM
You don't. Or you never can truly. To me, trust is something if once broken, is never able to be fixed.You break a glass. You can replace it, you can try to glue it back together, but you will never ever ever have the original glass ever again. IP: Logged |
Vajra Knowflake Posts: 1738 From: Registered: Dec 2012
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posted October 06, 2014 06:31 AM
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Astra Knowflake Posts: 807 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 06, 2014 09:14 AM
The simple answer is: you can't.Even if they are honest from now on and try very hard to build trust again, you will never fully trust them because you will not be able to forget the time(s) when they betrayed you or hurt you. The best thing to do is move on. IP: Logged |
hypatia238 Moderator Posts: 5264 From: Colorado Registered: Sep 2014
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posted October 06, 2014 09:47 AM
quote: Originally posted by LionFish: Im a Leo Asc,9H Pis Sun,10h Tau Moon... I find it incredibly difficult to trust someone again after they've broken it even once. How am I supposed to "rebuild" trust with someone who has already proven themselves untrustworthy????
Well what are we talking about exactly? Did he lie about smoking a cigarette? or did you catch him having sex with your best friend? IP: Logged |
LionFish Knowflake Posts: 1710 From: Registered: Aug 2012
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posted October 06, 2014 12:01 PM
Thank you all for your responses. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this is near to impossible..Pixie, it was a rant, but not a rhetorical question. I'm honestly curious how people manage to do this, or accept the efforts of somebody who is trying to come back from a trespass. I can forgive, but I can't forget and therein lies the problem. @hypatia nothing like that. I don't particularly care to air my dirty laundry here for everyone to see though... IP: Logged |
hypatia238 Moderator Posts: 5264 From: Colorado Registered: Sep 2014
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posted October 06, 2014 12:29 PM
quote: Originally posted by LionFish: Thank you all for your responses. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this is near to impossible..Pixie, it was a rant, but not a rhetorical question. I'm honestly curious how people manage to do this, or accept the efforts of somebody who is trying to come back from a trespass. I can forgive, but I can't forget and therein lies the problem. @hypatia nothing like that. I don't particularly care to air my dirty laundry here for everyone to see though...
I wasn't asking you tell us what happened even though talking about this in a forum is exposing details of your personal life to some extent as it is. It was rhetorical; I was expressing that it depends on what he or she did. All humans make mistake so we all have to forgive if any kind of relationship is to last a lifetime. To some level if you have someone in your life for a lifetime they will disappointment you; in fact the more intimate the relationship and the more that person is part of your life the more likely that in some way at some point they will disappoint you. Hence I am trying to say that it depends on what they did whether I would personally rebuild or not but quite frankly I tend to forgive if the person is sorry and let it go although I dont forget completely bc that is not possible unless you suffer from amnesia or something. But we all have our limits which vary from person to person and I do too... I WOULD NEVER go after a guy a friend of mine is dating or involved with or likes even.. I would never sleep with anyone a friend of mine is involved with; its completely out of the question and if a friend does that to me I will forgive maybe but I could never be friends with them again; that is a line you can never cross with me. I am extremely loyal in that regard and expect the same. IP: Logged |
a_may_gemini Knowflake Posts: 373 From: Los Angeles, Calif Registered: Sep 2012
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posted October 07, 2014 06:11 PM
It's really hard to rebuild anything, let alone trust. I don't think it's impossible, however it's very subjective and varies on an individual basis. A lot of investment in time is required so keep that in mind.The main thing about trust is that it's deeply personal. I equate trust to be where the IC axis is- the root of your being, your origins. Maybe do some reading on your IC sign and learn more about it. I think once you find out more about yourself and how you are by default, it could shed some light on some other dilemmas of philosophical nature. My IC is in Capricorn... I'm rather practical, realistic, and logical at my very core. I'm not necessarily optimistic, but I don't totally shut things down either- I see things for what it is. I am pretty cautious as a general thing, and do have concerns for others...but don't show it very well because I'm reserved. Would I want to rebuild trust when it's broken, given the information I know about my IC? Yes, if the person would be useful to me. Yes, if I see that the person is realistically capable of rebuilding. Yes, if the person is willing to spend the same amount of time investing in rebuilding trust with me. If those answers are "No" then I would not.
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PixieJane Moderator Posts: 8532 From: CA Registered: Oct 2010
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posted October 07, 2014 06:14 PM
quote: Originally posted by Vajra: Actually, I don't think you are even supposed to do that if it was YOU whose trust was violated - it's the person who broke your trust who is supposed to try and rebuild it! I am perhaps a little naive in this regard, but I think if someone actually tries to make up for what they did wrong, and continuously proves afterwards that he/she really changed her ways, I would probably start trusting them again - a little. They would be on probation though, and one further violation of trust would be the last one for me, depending on how grave the offense is, of course. Someone who has violated my trust in a major way even once, however, would be likely out of the picture no matter what. I don't need such people's energy in my life.
That. IP: Logged |