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Author Topic:   Parenting Skills: What Makes a 'Good' or 'Bad' Parent?
sweet-scorpion
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posted December 18, 2014 07:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am curious about how one's Moon affects one's ability to be a parent. Or can any planet in Cancer and/or the 4th house modify how one parents, if one has children or wants to be a parent? And if one has a Moon or 4th house in poor condition, is one destined to be a 'bad' parent (or, to a lesser extreme, struggle with parenting)?

For example, my Moon is not in a great condition. It's in Virgo, conjunct Chiron almost exactly, and trine Neptune and Uranus. Does this mean that the emotional pain that come with Moon-Chiron will influence how I mother my own child? Or, does this just describe how my family took care of me? I'm curious to hear feedback about this. I wonder if the 5th house plays a role in parenting skills as well, but I am not sure. I thought the 5th house was merely an extension of one's interests and fertility, such as one's talents and the number/characteristics of one's children.

Thanks for any feedback/discussion posted here. I'm very curious.

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Vajra
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posted December 19, 2014 01:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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fairaqua
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posted December 19, 2014 07:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairaqua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I study Vedic so it may be a little different..

As a sibling and as a mother I can tell you each relationship with your individual child will be different.


In your birth chart 4th house is house of mother, naturally ruled by cancer.
Moon is also mother.

Saturn sits in my 4th house meaning my mother will be teaching me a lesson in life.
My moon is also "damaged" by sitting in 8th house of Aries.

11th lord in the 8th house shows she went through big ups and downs.

My mother was a very good mother while I was a small child.
Around 10 she started drinking (Not her first time with addiction problems). Her drinking tore us apart as a family. Our relationship was very on again off again.
While it was all going on I was very angry with my mother.

After she died I went into a downward spiral myself over a span of 2 years. Addiction wasnt my problem, but I was denying myself the time to really grieve and feel emotions. It about tore my family apart..
Then one day I was confronted with my actions and I could either continue on with them and loose everything or I could apologize and change everything about me.

I apologized and changed. Im still changing a few years later.
Now I can connect all the dots that ties my mother to my chart. I can see all the grief and strife that Saturn and the 8th house has caused me.. but I learned so much for it.
While I miss my mother, I know it was meant I learn all this in this life.

I so desperately want her birth time to compare it to my chart, but Im too scared to ask my grandma. She already got weird when I said I was doing the family tree.

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fairaqua
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posted December 19, 2014 08:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairaqua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I can tell you that my parenting skills as seen through my sons' chart.


My oldest son has moon in his 2nd house of cancer, conjunct in Saturn.
His 4th house has Venus and Jupiter in Virgo, conjunct

I am a traditional mother. Stay at home, care for the family..
He an I do have up and downs. Hes so emotional and it just strikes a cord with me (my 8th house Aries moon is short tempered). Im a lot harder on him than I am my youngest, I dont know why, maybe its because I see the potential in him that he wont live up to.
He loves to be creative, a lot like myself, so we do bond over that, but we still butt heads on how things are/should get done.

My youngest is moon in the 5th house of Capricorn
His 4th house is Sagittarius

My youngest and I get a long very well.
We share a love for politics (even though he is only 7, but he really loves learning about wars and why they happen)
I am a very creative person and try to implement that into both of my children.


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I'm so cappy
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posted December 19, 2014 09:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If I guessed my my mother's ASC then she has a Virgo Moon widely conjunct Pluto, sextile Neptune, in the 6th house. She wasn't good at fulfilling emotional needs, at least not mine.

------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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wheresthemoon
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posted December 19, 2014 10:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheresthemoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think the fifth house would say something about what kind of parent you are in your own chart, since it's the house of children. For me, it's ruled by Scorpio and has pluto there. Consequently I am very deep and intense about my relationship with my baby, and also unduly fearful about her health and safety. (I spent the first few weeks of her life an absolute wreck because I was terrified she would die from SIDS). It's good to have the knowledge of Pluto being there, because I can guard against being too intense and over-protective.

Then my daughter has her fourth house in Capricorn with Venus and Pluto conjunct there.

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Faith
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posted December 19, 2014 12:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sweet-scorpion:
I am curious about how one's Moon affects one's ability to be a parent. Or can any planet in Cancer and/or the 4th house modify how one parents, if one has children or wants to be a parent? And if one has a Moon or 4th house in poor condition, is one destined to be a 'bad' parent (or, to a lesser extreme, struggle with parenting)?

I would imagine that having the moon in its domicile 4th house would strengthen one's mothering instincts.

I have a 4H NN, and it never occurred to me that I wouldn't have kids. It just never even crossed my mind.

My moon is in Pisces, part of a t-square with 5H Neptune and 11H Gemini Mars. I'm unrealistic (Neptune), sympathetic (moon) and occasionally angry (Mars) with my children.

They love me, though. And their friends tell them they are lucky to have me as a mom because I am weird, funny, and laid-back. Time will tell how successful I've been and whether or not I should have been more strict. I definitely could be a better mother but...amongst other things, my mom died when I was young, my mother-in-law died right after I married...I don't have a strong female role model, and sometimes I've felt overwhelmed and confused about what to do.

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Faith
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posted December 19, 2014 12:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by wheresthemoon:
Consequently I am very deep and intense about my relationship with my baby, and also unduly fearful about her health and safety. (I spent the first few weeks of her life an absolute wreck because I was terrified she would die from SIDS).

Been there.

Those are very, very difficult times in a mother's life...those first months when you have no sleep, but lots of doctor's visits and anxiety.

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wheresthemoon
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posted December 19, 2014 12:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheresthemoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
Been there.

Those are very, very difficult times in a mother's life...those first months when you have no sleep, but lots of doctor's visits and anxiety.


It's actually good to know I'm not the only person who's gone through that! My other mom friends seemed pretty chill about those first few weeks. I was nothing short of terrified 24/7. I stayed like that until she was probably two months old.

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Vajra
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posted December 19, 2014 01:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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fairaqua
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posted December 19, 2014 01:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairaqua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think you are right about 5th house.

I'm sun and mercury in Capricorn 5th.

Very strict and routine.. but we have fun. I love my children very much and while I am protective im also the mother that when they fall I don't rush to their aid immediately. I let them figure out if they need help

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sweet-scorpion
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posted December 19, 2014 09:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Vajra:
My mom has Cancer Moon conj. Saturn. It indicates primarily the cold relationship she had with her Capricorn Sun/Aqua Moon mother while growing up, who was an ambitious career woman, very intellectual but not too warm, and who relied a lot on her eldest daughter to raise her three younger siblings (=too much resposibility early on). She herself turned out to be an exceptionally good parent though, and for different kinds of children. Even for various friends of those children who were unhappy at home and liked to spend much time at our house because of the warm atmosphere she created. She was a career woman too but always placed the needs of family first regardless. She sorted out the difficult relationship with her mom when both had reached old age BTW.

This gives me hope. Moon conj. Saturn is far from an easy placement, but your mom sounds like she turned the difficult energy of the configuration into something stabilizing, positive and grounding - discipline and order but compassion and kindness at the same time.

I hope I can use my Moon conj. Chiron in the same manner, as well as my Moon trine Uranus, as that has been painful for me and reflective of my difficult relationship with my mother [and my mother in general]. My mother neglected me at certain points in my life and she was erratic, histrionic and unpredictable. She has Moon sq. Uranus in her chart and Moon conj. Saturn in Leo. In a strange way, my mom is also a career woman in that she is obsessed with advancing herself in every job she has solely for financial gain. So anyway, I hope to use those placements in a good way for my kids like your mom did. I would like to use Moon-Chiron as an empathy tool, which I have done with other people in that I can absorb their pain and heal them emotionally. I am not too sure about using Moon-Uranus in my parenting, except that it will allow me to be progressive in my parenting skills and allow my child to have a greater personal freedom. But I DON'T want to do what my mom did with her Moon-Uranus aspect and treat my child/ren like a friend. That has never been good for me, personally.

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sweet-scorpion
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posted December 19, 2014 10:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@fairaqua: I'm sorry you had such a rough time with your family's issues. /hugs/ I empathize with you. And I am sorry that she passed away. I'm proud of you and respect you for facing your difficult emotions, and moving on. That's all you can do is admit what has happened, pick yourself up from where you've fallen, and carry on.

[con't] I think it's commendable that you are a successful stay at home parent, because I think this is a true career, in a sense - something that takes a lot of practical skill, constant evolution of skill, and dedication like an office job! Maybe that's my 10H Sun talking in such practical terms, LOL... but really, I can see my partner being the stay at home dad while I am the career person. I think this speaks of my Moon-Uranus aspect and also my 10H Sun.

@Cappy: Moon-Pluto aspects are no walk in the park. I'm sorry you had to deal with the lesser than positive attributes of this aspect in your mother... the Virgo influence is not easy, either, for the Moon IMO. I have this natal placement and sometimes it makes me compartmentalize my emotions and feel disconnected from genuinely being in the moment, like during family gatherings...I'll just be too analytical of my own feelings. The first word that comes to mind with Moon in Virgo conj. Pluto is 'pensive'.

@Wheresthemoon: I suspected the 5th house also has some role in this as well, that parenting skills extend beyond just the Moon and 4th house [though both of these play a HUGE role, of course]. For example, my mom has Uranus in Scorpio in the 5th, and not only does it describe me quite well [I have 5 bodies in Scorpio in the 11th and several Uranus aspects to personal planets], but it also describes her erratic love life and tendencies as a parent.

[con't] Having any sort of Scorpio influence in the 5th is not a cake walk, clearly... I have Taurus there and my Venus is in the 11th, in Scorpio, though the Jupiter conjunction probably helps. I can see how the Scorpio/Pluto influence in your 5th house makes you intensely protective of your children! My partner is a Scorpio Sun with many astral bodies in Scorpio as well and he is very protective in general, and I know he will be very protective of our child/ren. His 5th house is in Cancer and my Mars is in Cancer and that does not help with the overprotectiveness, LOL. My Mars is trine Pluto as well. Your daughter sounds like she will be sure to have a charismatic or at the very least an intense, penetrating personality!

@Faith: That's a good point about 4H Moon strengthening one's parenting instincts. I can imagine those with this placement or having a well-aspected Cancer Moon could yield a natural sense of wanting to be a parent. I have my Mars in Cancer in the 8th and it has yielded an odd love/hate obsession with the idea of childbirth and having children but I do think I will be happy with at least one of my own since I have met my soul mate.

[con't] I can imagine your Pisces Moon does make you a bit of a softie, and that the Gemini Mars can make you annoyed at unpredictable times, but probably with a temper that does die down pretty quickly. I'm sorry to hear your mother passed at a young age /hugs/ Very often I have seen those who have a strong Neptune influence on the Moon, 4th house ruler or the 4th in general have a parent who died young or disappeared, as in was absent or flaky. I had a similar situation with my parents [4H ruler opposite Neptune and my dad was very transient, I still never know what is up with him and he basically feels dead to me...it is weird].

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Faith
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posted December 20, 2014 10:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi sweet_scorpion,

I'm sorry that you didn't have a better experience with your father

My friend has Cancer Venus and Mars in the 8th and has finally met her soulmate. She, too, is thinking of having children...for the first time since I've known her. She's in her mid 30s.

Maybe it's an 8H Mars thing?

Happy that you found such a great guy. Loved your video by the way...you looked so different from the last time I saw you, I couldn't believe it. But you still make a great impression.

Best wishes

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Vajra
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posted December 20, 2014 10:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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sweet-scorpion
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posted December 20, 2014 01:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
Hi sweet_scorpion,

I'm sorry that you didn't have a better experience with your father

My friend has Cancer Venus and Mars in the 8th and has finally met her soulmate. She, too, is thinking of having children...for the first time since I've known her. She's in her mid 30s.

Maybe it's an 8H Mars thing?

Happy that you found such a great guy. Loved your video by the way...you looked so different from the last time I saw you, I couldn't believe it. But you still make a great impression.

Best wishes


Thanks Faith. Your msg. was full of warmth and it made me smile. I think that it's great your friend found her soulmate. When I met my S.O. I knew I found mine and it's like my whole perspective on life. 8H Mars has always been a mystery to me in some regards, hehe. It's hard to figure out, was actually just doing some research about it last night. Seems it has a lot to do with giving up your own needs and will to merge with others, so not being selfish.

So glad you liked the video! I was really nervous actually, if you can believe it, but my Sag. rising always dissolves tension by cracking inappropriate jokes, lol. I've been trying to lose weight and I look back on the vid and I'm happy with how much I've lost since then. I think when my progressed ASC finally moves into Cap., weight loss will be even easier.

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the89freespirit
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posted December 21, 2014 04:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for the89freespirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think it's the Moon, hands down, that affects one's parenting skills, male or female. I even wrote an article partially about that on my blog, under the December month, called Flowing with the Moon. And it's a part of every Moon sign profile on the blog, too.

I've observed it in just about every parent I know. A person's Moon sign, house placement, and aspects will show the majority of their innate, instinctive parenting abilities, as well as bad habits or weak areas that they might need to watch for. It all makes sense, as the Moon is instinctive, just like parenting, and about taking care of someone else.

------------------
Check out My Astrology Blog:
http://astroarena12.blogspot.com

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Lion-I
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posted November 11, 2015 01:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lion-I     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So I have a messed up family. Sure they have me all my material needs but were to restrictive and made me into a man child. My aspects are Moon conjunct Lillith( mother who wanted to control me fiercely). Lillith is in 12th house conjunct ASC,Moon in 1st conjunct ASC. Also I have Nessus, Sappho and Eros conjunct the ASC from the 1st house. My moon is in early cap and ASC in cap and Lillith in Sag. I am a very rigid and neurotic person due to my upbringing. Also I have Saturn in the 4th house and yeah it sucks. I also have Jupiter conjunct Saturn there but Saturn seems to be doing more work.

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Sylven
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posted November 12, 2015 04:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sylven     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by the89freespirit:
I think it's the Moon, hands down, that affects one's parenting skills, male or female. I even wrote an article partially about that on my blog, under the December month, called Flowing with the Moon. And it's a part of every Moon sign profile on the blog, too.

I've observed it in just about every parent I know. A person's Moon sign, house placement, and aspects will show the majority of their innate, instinctive parenting abilities, as well as bad habits or weak areas that they might need to watch for. It all makes sense, as the Moon is instinctive, just like parenting, and about taking care of someone else.


Awesome blog post about the Moon. Healing your inner child is for certain very important as a parent and as a person. Beautifully written!!! Thanks for that!

My Moon in Aquarius in the 5th (trine Uranus, opp Venus, trine Mercury/MC etc) makes for a lot of fun and frolic! I often have extreme laughs and weirdness with my daughter it's hilarious. Free spirited together! That's definitely totally me and colours this household.

A good parent listens, really listens.

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YoursTrulyAlways
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posted November 12, 2015 04:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So, Moon Gemini 12th and Moon Gemini 3rd together as parents.... what does that mean? Third house... doesn't that mean education? Sign of high pressure tiger parents?

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