posted February 15, 2015 05:08 AM            

If you aren't familiar with the term yet, a demisexual needs a deep emotional bond in order to feel sexual attraction.

I know a guy who is definitely a demisexual (I happen to be one as well) and it seems like we're the only two 'puritans' on the planet

In my own chart there's massive amounts of Saturn: Saturn in the 7th, Saturn square every personal planet, an earth stellium.

posted February 15, 2015 05:19 AM            

An emotional bond must exist BEFORE ATTRACTION IS POSSIBLE. That is, it's not one is cute and one gets close before entertaining the idea of a sexual relationship (a common mistake many have a hard time with in understanding demisexuals). Nor is there typically longing for a lover. The sex drive is very weak and may not be present at all so someone demisexual will see everyone in the platonic sense and not talk about what a nice butt or lips or even attractive eyes the other person has. They don't crush and swoon over someone's voice and eyes or anything like that.

The confusion comes in because people often mistake feelings for action. A great many people hold back but they FEEL attracted...demisexuals don't. At least not for a long time.

posted February 15, 2015 05:33 AM            

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Another common mistake is that demisexuals are prudes. They're not,

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Definitely not. No connection with prudishness. No sl*t shaming
It's just a lack of desire, much like asexuality.

This is a good definition: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual

"When describing demisexuality as an orientation to sexuals, sexuals often mistake it as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship is formed."

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They don't crush and swoon over someone's voice and eyes or anything like that.

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posted February 15, 2015 06:04 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
They don't crush and swoon over someone's voice and eyes or anything like that.

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posted February 15, 2015 06:18 AM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
whaaat - Do you (or your friend) have Venus or Mars in aspect to one of the transpersonal planets: Uranus, Neptune, Pluto?

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Not him, but I've got Venus trine Neptue and Uranus, [EDIT] and Venus opposition Pluto.

[EDIT]: Oh! He's got Mars square Pluto. He's INSANELY jealous.

We've had a conversation about what we'd do if our S.O cheated, and he said he'd warn the woman that he'll kill her if she cheats.

I'm also quite jealous and possessive (Venus in Taurus), but my style is to emotionally amputate someone and make them feel guilty.

posted February 15, 2015 06:34 AM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
Pixie

To the OP: Mars conjunct Neptune is one possibility!

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I have Mars conjuct Neptune in the 12th.

I do feel that I have to have a bond with someone to be attracted tot hem for sure. But I do not repress my sexual feelings. In fact, you can say I am almost obsessed with it. I think about it a lot. I am Scorpio sun, Venus Virgo. I read that they can be obsessed with sex.

posted February 15, 2015 08:14 AM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
^ That's interesting. Is the aspect exact?

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I don't know. I can post my chart. I am still learning all of this stuff.

posted February 15, 2015 09:54 AM            

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Could someone's demisexuality manifest itself in their late 20s or later?
Does establishing an emotional bond with someone belonging to the prefered gender always ends up in sexual attraction for a demisexual or is it a selective and random process?

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posted February 15, 2015 10:18 AM            

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Originally posted by Koniucha:
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/foxhunteraz/mynatalchart.gif

Sorry, I never remember which link to use, lol

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It's 8 degrees apart so not exact but the natural ruler of the 8th is pluto and is squaring your moon tightly so that explains the obssesion with sex once emotionally attached enhanced by mars conjunct Neptune. Pluto rules sex that bonds not recreational sex. Neptune likes to fantasize and mars also rules sex drive.

I am similar and my moon is in the 4th and rules my 8th house, is in pisces and squares neptune.

My mars trines Neptune and sextiles pluto.

I figure most women are wired to need an emotional connection to some extent to truly have a fulfilling sexual encounter from an evolutionary psychology stand point.

posted February 15, 2015 04:15 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
It's 8 degrees apart so not exact but the natural ruler of the 8th is pluto and is squaring your moon tightly so that explains the obssesion with sex once emotionally attached enhanced by mars conjunct Neptune. Pluto rules sex that bonds not recreational sex. Neptune likes to fantasize and mars also rules sex drive.

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That's a really good interpretation. The aspect is not close but it might still be felt in this context. And it's also the only aspect her Mars makes.
My conjunction is in Capricorn, so I'm usually more toned down than people who have this in Sagittarius

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I figure most women are wired to need an emotional connection to some extent to truly have a fulfilling sexual encounter from an evolutionary psychology stand point.

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The thing is most women still find men sexually attractive and have a desire to sleep with them. They might flip through a magazine and say: "That guy is so hot!"
A demisexual person won't actually have sexual feelings towards someone at all, based on physical appearance. They would notice (as anyone would) that certain people look aesthetically pleasing - but they wouldn't actually be -turned on- on that basis - or experience a desire to have sex.

The definition is not so much connected to the actual act of having sex. So a demisexual person could have sex every day or even work as a prostitute for instance - completely regardless of the fact that they feel no attraction at all, and have zero desire for it.
The demisexual could be someone who has no religious or spiritual beliefs - and feel like sex is meaningless on a spiritual level --- but that wouldn't change the fact that they wouldn't experience an attraction.
What turns them on is the connection itself, not appearance. Just like some people say they fall in love with someone's personality - The demisexual can fall in lust with someone's personality - and the connection between them.
Maybe the root cause of this is related to being highly cerebral about sex and not very physical? I'm not really sure.

posted February 15, 2015 04:47 PM            

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Could someone's demisexuality manifest itself in their late 20s or later?
Does establishing an emotional bond with someone belonging to the prefered gender always ends up in sexual attraction for a demisexual or is it a selective and random process?

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I'm not sure as to how it could manifest in ones 20s. I'd say most people notice there's something strange going on in their teens - when all their peers are appearance obsessed and they don't seem to care.

And it's definitely selective.
You could basically say that the group of people the demisexual person is emotionally involved with is equivalent with the group of people a sexual person may or may not find attractive (which basically includes everyone they meet).

If a sexual person flips through a magazine and sees 20 people of the sex they are attracted to - they could have sexual feelings/desires towards some of those people and not others - depending on appearance.

posted February 15, 2015 06:17 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:

I figure most women are wired to need an emotional connection to some extent to truly have a fulfilling sexual encounter from an evolutionary psychology stand point.

On the other hand I feel this is less the case with men but I think this is bc they have been taught to look at sex differently and approach it differently and also they are more visual and their brains are more laterized than ours; bc women's brains are less laterized all the parts of our brains are more interwoven with receptors that are linked to our emotions.

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I think that's a myth. Most of my friends are only holding back due to social stigma.

Emotions do take center stage in demisexuality so I can see how people might think that women would be more prone to it, but from my experience that's completely false.

All my friends EVER talk about is not about how 'dreamy' a guy is or how he makes them feel on an emotional level, but what a fine piece of *ss he is.

posted February 15, 2015 09:38 PM            

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Originally posted by whaaat:
I think that's a myth. Most of my friends are only holding back due to social stigma.

Emotions do take center stage in demisexuality so I can see how people might think that women would be more prone to it, but from my experience that's completely false.

All my friends EVER talk about is not about how 'dreamy' a guy is or how he makes them feel on an emotional level, but what a fine piece of *ss he is.

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The points I made are based on research and yours are based on your subjective experience deriving from your immediate surroundings...

But ofcourse when girls get together they may talk about how so and so has nice lips or abs at some but that is more a social thing and a way for the same sex to bond and does not negate the tendency I explained above..

posted February 15, 2015 09:42 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
The points I made are based on research and yours are based on your subjective experience deriving from your immediate surroundings...

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Hence starting the sentence with "I think" ?

posted February 15, 2015 09:46 PM            

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Originally posted by whaaat:
Hence starting the sentence with "I think" ?

[b]I think that's a myth, my friends do this and that...[/B]

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posted February 15, 2015 10:12 PM            

This would be me, although the emphasis is more on the spiritual connection, then the intellectual and emotional. Depending on what kind a bond it is, the physical may or may not kick in, but those other connections must be in place before hand, with spiritual being first and foremost.

Aspects (off the top of my head):
Venus in Taurus/11th opposite Saturn in Scorpio/5th.
Saturn rules 7th and 8th.
Venus rules 5th.
Venus qux Uranus.
Venus trn Jupiter.
Uranus rules 9th.
Jupiter in the 7th, rules 6th.

Mercury in Aries/11th opposite Pluto in Scorpio/5th.
Mercury trine Neptune (3)
Mercury ssqu. Uranus
Mercury rules 4th and 12th.
Mercury rules North Node, NNode conj Siva in 12th.
Mercury conjunct Hypatia.

Virgo Moon conj. IC, opp Pisces MC with Pallas-BML-etc. on it.
Moon-IC squ. Uranus (4).
Moon sxt Mars (3)
Saturn sxt IC (3) and Moon, trn MC.
Moon-Neptune (minor septile)
Cancer AC conjunct Vesta and some other asteroids.

Mars in Scorio/5th, rules 11th.
Mars opposite Sun in Taurus/11th.
Sun rules 3rd.
Kaali-Sun and Mars
Sun conj. Sita, Persephone, and Mahalingam
Sun-Pluto (minor novile).

Vx/AVx loosly conjunct Sun (4) and Mars (3)

Juno in Gemini/12th opp Neptune-Eros/6th, conj. Parvati, sxt Mercury, sxt Valentine, sxt Pluto , trn Amor.

posted February 16, 2015 06:14 AM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
I am not demisexual though, I look at a guy and can tell if that is someone I would potentially sleep with or not. However I like to wait until a connection has been made to a certain extent bc the sex will be better and I don't like one night stands, I like there to be friendship and mutual respect and think girls need that.

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