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Author
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Topic: Relationship > Friendship
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mamawolf
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: the universe
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted February 16, 2015 12:12 PM
  
What signs or aspects would make someone (specifically female) abandon friendship when in a relationship? I've noticed my "bff" do this before and recently. Everything was fine a month ago right when they started dated and slowly she started becoming more flaky. Well she has the tendency to being flaky but it becomes heightened while in a relationship apparently. She will text to see what Im doing and want to hang out, then not respond after I tell her, and these are events and such that she would normally be interested in. For instance, this happened last weekend. I called her after she hadn't responded for 3 hours.....and nothing. Not even a text the next day explaining what happened. Can't help but think of her Libra placements. IP: Logged |
SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted February 16, 2015 12:47 PM
I used to have a friend like that, we were BFFs for a while too. She had the same kind of behaviour and things fell completely apart when she met her (current) boyfriend about 7-8 years ago. We reconnected a few years later, but the friendship's not the same anymore and she's pretty much equally neglectful to arrangements still. Hopefully your friendship will have a happier development!Her placements:
Mercury & Mars in Cancer 8H
Sun in Cancer 7H
Moon and Venus in Gemini 7H
Saturn and Uranus in Sag 1H
Neptune in Cap 1H
Jupiter in Aries 5H Not a single Libra placement! Her Venus is fairly unaspected too apart from a tight opposition with Saturn, and a square with the MC. Now I'm wondering too what could be causing that. IP: Logged |
Solar_Leo_Queen
Knowflake Posts: 2111
From: Planet Earth
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted February 16, 2015 01:39 PM
I feel you, man. My best friend did that twice. Actually, the first time she ditched me was because of her boyfriend and pot. That got me so ****** . The second one might be not so much her fault, but she still did choose her ex-boyfriend who's tryna get back with her over me.She is:
Pisces rising
Aqua sun
Leo moon
Cap mercury
Cap venus
Libra mars ... maybe libra does have something to do with it because I have libra mars too and I sort of did the same thing to my other friend, but then realized I was wrong. IP: Logged |
mamawolf
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: the universe
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted February 16, 2015 02:46 PM
Have you guys ever confronted them about it or it naturally fade?Capricorn rising
Scorpio sun 10H
Taurus moon 4H
Libra mercury 9H
Sag venus 11H
Libra mars 9H Im more frustrated and annoyed than sad because I should have seen it coming. It seems as though she has to choose between people and can't bring everyone together and divide her attention. I'm going to think it over than call her out on it.
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SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted February 16, 2015 02:56 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mamawolf:
Have you guys ever confronted them about it?
Yes, she either never took it seriously, or reacted in anger (i.e. as if I tried to control her). When she blew off all her friends for her (then new) boyfriend, I called her out on it and this is when things quickly fell apart. We went our separate ways and a few years later reconnected during an outing with a group, and have seen each other quite a lot of times since then. She admitted that the first few months and even 1 year after she met her boyfriend, was the most isolated period in her life. She literally only communicated with him and her family. Now she's all about going out with friends, even though she's still in the same relationship. She insists on an active social life and seeks to balance it with her love life. Definitely a lesson learnt there, but she had to arrive to it on her own. I'm all for honesty in close relationships, so I think you're right about thinking of calling her out on it. Obviously it didn't go too well in my example, but it was for the best for both of us 
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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 1773
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted February 16, 2015 03:01 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mamawolf:
What signs or aspects would make someone (specifically female) abandon friendship when in a relationship? I've noticed my "bff" do this before and recently. Everything was fine a month ago right when they started dated and slowly she started becoming more flaky. Well she has the tendency to being flaky but it becomes heightened while in a relationship apparently. She will text to see what Im doing and want to hang out, then not respond after I tell her, and these are events and such that she would normally be interested in. For instance, this happened last weekend. I called her after she hadn't responded for 3 hours.....and nothing. Not even a text the next day explaining what happened. Can't help but think of her Libra placements.
Stellium in 7th.
Asc Ruler in 7th.
Pluto in 7th.
Moon in 7th.
Lynne wrote about this when discussing stelliums and I recall her saying that the 7th house stellium tends to "get lost" in the relationship with the "other" -abandoning all else.
So say the stellium person is with me. Then they will forget about you. And if with you, then they will forget about me etc. The person tends to make the person that they are with their one and only "world".And usually for as long as the period that they are with them IP: Logged |
freebrainstorms
Knowflake Posts: 1365
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 16, 2015 03:11 PM
quote:
Originally posted by SaturnFan:
I used to have a friend like that, we were BFFs for a while too. She had the same kind of behaviour and things fell completely apart when she met her (current) boyfriend about 7-8 years ago. We reconnected a few years later, but the friendship's not the same anymore and she's pretty much equally neglectful to arrangements still. Hopefully your friendship will have a happier development!Her placements:
Mercury & Venus in Cancer 8H
Sun in Cancer 7H
Moon and Venus in Gemini 7H
Saturn and Uranus in Sag 1H
Neptune in Cap 1H
Jupiter in Aries 5H Not a single Libra placement! Her Venus is fairly unaspected too apart from a tight opposition with Saturn, and a square with the MC. Now I'm wondering too what could be causing that.
I have a friend like that who also drops off the face of the earth when in a relationship - she also has a cancer sun, and gemini moon and venus hehe and mars in pisces.
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Odette
Moderator Posts: 5094
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted February 16, 2015 03:28 PM
I've had this happen with Libra and Aquarius men. They dropped friendships for me (which is something I never asked for) - and they expected the same in return.
But I'm very loyal to my friends. I find this behaviour odd ^ IP: Logged |
next to neptune
Knowflake Posts: 2481
From: The Moon
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted February 16, 2015 05:53 PM
I feel the opposite way... it was never my intention to lose a friendship when I was in a relationship, but I suddenly found it very hard to maintain the contact whenever I got a boyfriend.
And it's because, when I have a boyfriend I spend a lot of time with him, and it can be difficult for me to make any spontaneous appointments with people as I used to do, because my boyfriend already asked me out, or we were planning to do something together. I feel like a cannot just say "Oh, maybe you came all the way over here, but I have to go now sorry, my friend just called!" And then I also felt that some of my friends was extremely quick with saying "you never have time for me anymore!" or "why we cannot go out partying anymore" like I cannot do this because I have a boyfriend? Well, it got nothing to do with that, it's just my friends and me who used to make spontaneous stuff, but now I have a life (with my boyfriend) and I have to plan things in a different way now. I also got VERY disappointed with some of my friends, because they kind of ditched ME the moment I got a serious boyfriend, because I obviously cannot just hang out everyday as we used to. So yeah, though it was never my intention to lose a friend, I found it VERY hard to balance friendships with my relationship, and especially because I didn't felt like my friends wanted to hep me balance it either, they just left (probably found some other single-friends who's apparently more fun to be around) Sun virgo in 4th
Pisces moon in 10th
Libra mercury in 4th
Scorp venus in 5th
Virgo mars in 4th
Cancer jupiter in 12th
Cancer ascendant too
Rest is capricorn and scorp pluto IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 6047
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted February 16, 2015 07:51 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mamawolf:
What signs or aspects would make someone (specifically female) abandon friendship when in a relationship? I've noticed my "bff" do this before and recently. Everything was fine a month ago right when they started dated and slowly she started becoming more flaky. Well she has the tendency to being flaky but it becomes heightened while in a relationship apparently. She will text to see what Im doing and want to hang out, then not respond after I tell her, and these are events and such that she would normally be interested in. For instance, this happened last weekend. I called her after she hadn't responded for 3 hours.....and nothing. Not even a text the next day explaining what happened. Can't help but think of her Libra placements.
This is normal for women, something our culture encourages for females in particular (whereas relationships are typically important for men it's just one aspect of their lives, but for women it's to define their very existence "thanks" to the cultural conditioning). Not normal for me...I have a 3H Libra sun and stellium (perhaps it would be more so if I were 7H Libra though I've also avoided the cultural conditioning that encourages women to blow off friends and everyone else for a significant other as well). There's even a form letter a comedian (Leslie Lange) came up with that goes like so and intended for your best friends (and others) when you again fall in love: Dear... I have fallen in love--yes, I know, again--but it is every bit as intense as last year's little fiasco, if not more. Because of this malady amphetamine-like substances have flooded my brain. This is a situation I have no control over; in fact, it controls me. The good news is this can last a maximum of 4-7 months--a single Yellowstone brown bear's hibernation phase--before a gradual dissipation, at which point I will emerge disoriented and contrite and really, really need you for a reality check. During the interim, please forgive me for not contacting you or for blowing you off on your birthday or for any other unfriend-like , unex like, or unfamily-like behavior. Most of all, please don't see it as a reason to blow me off or forget my birthday, though I'd naturally prefer all gifts be sent by either mail or personal courier. If you should have a change of address or phone number during this period, please do not hesitate to forward it to me at my e-mail address (no phone calls, please--not just yet!) at: With love, (your smitten friend) X
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Regulus18
Knowflake Posts: 280
From: Washington, D.C.
Registered: Jun 2013
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posted February 17, 2015 04:41 AM
I tend to do this to my female friends as well. I'm not proud of it. I meet new guy friends and they have always taken precedence over females in my life.Its almost like I am subconsciously trying to find a replacement. She hurt me 3 years ago and I just haven't been able to let it go. Virgo Ascendant
Sun in Cancer- 11th house
Moon in Gemini - 9th House
Mercury in Leo - 11th house
Venus in Gemini - 10th house
Mars in Taurus - 8th house
Jupiter in Cancer - 11th house IP: Logged |
SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted February 17, 2015 07:32 AM
quote:
Originally posted by freebrainstorms:
I have a friend like that who also drops off the face of the earth when in a relationship - she also has a cancer sun, and gemini moon and venus hehe and mars in pisces.
Ha! Talk about finding a pattern! I just realised I have an error there and put Venus in twice. Just corrected it, in fact Mars is Cancer. Interesting that it's a water sign, like the Mars placement of your friend.
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SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted February 17, 2015 07:38 AM
quote:
Originally posted by next to neptune:
I feel the opposite way... it was never my intention to lose a friendship when I was in a relationship, but I suddenly found it very hard to maintain the contact whenever I got a boyfriend.
And it's because, when I have a boyfriend I spend a lot of time with him, and it can be difficult for me to make any spontaneous appointments with people as I used to do, because my boyfriend already asked me out, or we were planning to do something together. I feel like a cannot just say "Oh, maybe you came all the way over here, but I have to go now sorry, my friend just called!" And then I also felt that some of my friends was extremely quick with saying "you never have time for me anymore!" or "why we cannot go out partying anymore" like I cannot do this because I have a boyfriend? Well, it got nothing to do with that, it's just my friends and me who used to make spontaneous stuff, but now I have a life (with my boyfriend) and I have to plan things in a different way now. I also got VERY disappointed with some of my friends, because they kind of ditched ME the moment I got a serious boyfriend, because I obviously cannot just hang out everyday as we used to. So yeah, though it was never my intention to lose a friend, I found it VERY hard to balance friendships with my relationship, and especially because I didn't felt like my friends wanted to hep me balance it either, they just left (probably found some other single-friends who's apparently more fun to be around) Sun virgo in 4th
Pisces moon in 10th
Libra mercury in 4th
Scorp venus in 5th
Virgo mars in 4th
Cancer jupiter in 12th
Cancer ascendant too
Rest is capricorn and scorp pluto
I hear what you're saying, it goes both ways. Some people get outright jealous and territorial about their friends' new relationships. I guess there must be some balance... i.e. clearly people in serious relationships cannot be as spontaneous anymore, but if they do agree to a commitment (although that sounds so formal... let's say they agree to a movie or drinks in a week's time?), then they stick to it. Personally, this is what ****** me off with my friend, cancelling at the last moment or even never showing up. IP: Logged |
mamawolf
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: the universe
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted February 17, 2015 11:22 AM
Wow thanks for all the replies. Now I can look at it from the other perspective before talking to her. Its hard to understand when you're the opposite and like to bring everyone together and divide your attention. Not everyone works this way but it's important to let them know if it upsets you. No one likes feeling "abandoned"  IP: Logged |
freebrainstorms
Knowflake Posts: 1365
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 17, 2015 06:08 PM
I feel like there's a difference between not meeting up spontaneously with friends and not sharing anything with your friends. I understand that know the person has a partner to share everything with, but it's difficult going from being emotional connected with your friend and being physically around her...to nothing, no messages, no texts, no calls.....AND never actually physically being around her.heheh SaturnFan - we definitely *have* found a pattern. I guess something about the combination of watery attachment and way of going about things (sun and mars) mixed with a logical cool theoretical approach to things? IP: Logged |
next to neptune
Knowflake Posts: 2481
From: The Moon
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted February 17, 2015 06:51 PM
quote:
Originally posted by SaturnFan:
I hear what you're saying, it goes both ways. Some people get outright jealous and territorial about their friends' new relationships. I guess there must be some balance... i.e. clearly people in serious relationships cannot be as spontaneous anymore, but if they do agree to a commitment (although that sounds so formal... let's say they agree to a movie or drinks in a week's time?), then they stick to it. Personally, this is what ****** me off with my friend, cancelling at the last moment or even never showing up.
Yes and apparently it was only my friends... my boyfriend got all his friendships intact, and he see them often. So this means a lot of alone time for me, because I barely have any friends anymore.
So what could I have done differently? Probably have stayed single, but I just don't feel like sacrificing a great relationship for a friend... so I will try and make the balance with friends again, but still keeping my boyfriend. It's harder than it seems... But to downright cancel already scheduled appointments, or not showing up, that is something else... maybe your friend had a bad time in her relationship and was unable to talk about it... I mean, sometimes people end up in those kinds of relationships where they got too much pride to be honest and tell their friend how bad it is. IP: Logged |
SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted February 18, 2015 03:13 AM
quote:
Originally posted by freebrainstorms:
heheh SaturnFan - we definitely *have* found a pattern. I guess something about the combination of watery attachment and way of going about things (sun and mars) mixed with a logical cool theoretical approach to things?
Yes, makes sense! Also, what Houses are your friend's personal planets in, do you know? My friend's Sun, Venus and Moon are in the 7H, which I think is definitely contributing.
IP: Logged |
SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted February 18, 2015 03:21 AM
quote:
Originally posted by next to neptune:
Yes and apparently it was only my friends... my boyfriend got all his friendships intact, and he see them often. So this means a lot of alone time for me, because I barely have any friends anymore.
So what could I have done differently? Probably have stayed single, but I just don't feel like sacrificing a great relationship for a friend... so I will try and make the balance with friends again, but still keeping my boyfriend. It's harder than it seems...
Nooo, I don't think the answer was ever in sacrificing your happiness in romantic love. Maybe one of the themes in your life is about learning the nuances of relationships? Figuring out what relationships you want and how to nourish them? This I think would often lead to going from spending time only with friends to spending time only with a boyfriend - that's how people find their balance with time. If you don't enjoy your current situation and would like to spend more time with friends, I'd suggest to try and reconnect with some of your old friends - I guarantee that at least some of them will be eager to rekindle the friendship. If you meet with them once every few weeks, this won't take up too much of your time but will not feel like you're having too much alone time anymore. quote:
Originally posted by next to neptune:
But to downright cancel already scheduled appointments, or not showing up, that is something else... maybe your friend had a bad time in her relationship and was unable to talk about it...I mean, sometimes people end up in those kinds of relationships where they got too much pride to be honest and tell their friend how bad it is.
This makes perfect sense. I myself had a very isolated period while I was in my last relationship, for exactly this reason. He was an addict and this caused a lot of problems and trauma, and I couldn't talk with anyone about it, even my family. This was a good observation, next to neptune - sometimes we're quick to judge people, but we don't know the real reason for their actions! IP: Logged |
EmGem
Knowflake Posts: 134
From:
Registered: Jan 2015
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posted February 18, 2015 04:32 AM
the disappearing woman in relationships syndrome. IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1393
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted February 18, 2015 06:06 AM
I'm a little guilty of this. It has never been intentional, but it happens. I just get wrapped up in being with my love. It isn't that I dont want to see my friends, more so that I just want to spend all my free time with my boyfriend because I feel like there isn't enough time in the day/week/month/year/lifetime to do and say everything I want to.I try to make a point of just having him hang out with me WITH my friends. Some of my friends understand and accept it. Others don't. But I fail to see how that's my problem lol. Single crazy me can't be in a relationship. It would never last. And relationship me can't go out and pretend to be single me. Does that make sense? I still like to get together for a movie or coffee or shopping! Or heck, yesterday a bunch of my girlfriends and I all went and got tattoos together, but I have some friends who think I hate them because I won't go close down the bar with them every other night. There has to be balance. Leo Asc
Pisces Sun/Merc
Taurus Moon
Aries Venus
Sag Mars conj Uranus (7H ruler) IP: Logged |
Chaos
Knowflake Posts: 402
From: Serbia
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 25, 2015 12:28 PM
quote:
Originally posted by SaturnFan:
I used to have a friend like that, we were BFFs for a while too. She had the same kind of behaviour and things fell completely apart when she met her (current) boyfriend about 7-8 years ago. We reconnected a few years later, but the friendship's not the same anymore and she's pretty much equally neglectful to arrangements still. Hopefully your friendship will have a happier development!Her placements:
Mercury & Mars in Cancer 8H
Sun in Cancer 7H
Moon and Venus in Gemini 7H
Saturn and Uranus in Sag 1H
Neptune in Cap 1H
Jupiter in Aries 5H Not a single Libra placement! Her Venus is fairly unaspected too apart from a tight opposition with Saturn, and a square with the MC. Now I'm wondering too what could be causing that.
My God, I had a friend with the EXACT placements, we fell aspart, partially because of her relationship/marriage! IP: Logged | |
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