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Author Topic:   When someone is not family oriented?
MineAgain
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posted June 16, 2015 11:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What placements make it such as a person is not family oriented in any way?

I hear a lot of people mention their parents, siblings or distant relatives in conversations, they even have them as friends on FB and communicate with them weekly if not daily for some.

I'm not that type of individual. Maybe it's because my parents are objectively speaking, messed up, but I never call them or want to get in touch with any of my relatives. It's not that I despise them in any way, it's just I never miss them to be quite honest.

They try to call me weekly and that's already too often for me. Once every two weeks would be good. I used to call them daily back when I was in college but I suddenly did a complete 180 for some reason.

People miss their siblings/family and I personally don't. I don't even think of them to be honest. It's not that I don't appreciate their existence, it's just I'm not very family oriented. I never stay in touch with friends/acquaintances either. I'm fine when I'm physically surrounded by these individuals, but once they're away, they're out of my mind. Out of sight, out of mind is clearly the right motto for me.

It's shocking that the same happens towards my family members.

Why is that? Do you experience something similar too?

Thanks!

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Sven555
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posted June 16, 2015 11:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sven555     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MineAgain:
What placements make it such as a person is not family oriented in any way?

I hear a lot of people mention their parents, siblings or distant relatives in conversations, they even have them as friends on FB and communicate with them weekly if not daily for some.

I'm not that type of individual. Maybe it's because my parents are objectively speaking, messed up, but I never call them or want to get in touch with any of my relatives. It's not that I despise them in any way, it's just I never miss them to be quite honest.

They try to call me weekly and that's already too often for me. Once every two weeks would be good. I used to call them daily back when I was in college but I suddenly did a complete 180 for some reason.

People miss their siblings/family and I personally don't. I don't even think of them to be honest. It's not that I don't appreciate their existence, it's just I'm not very family oriented. I never stay in touch with friends/acquaintances either. I'm fine when I'm physically surrounded by these individuals, but once they're away, they're out of my mind. Out of sight, out of mind is clearly the right motto for me.

It's shocking that the same happens towards my family members.

Why is that? Do you experience something similar too?

Thanks!


I am like this too in some way. When I am at home with my parents, i want to see them and be with them; but when i'm out I get irritated if they contact me, or call me because they want to 'chat' and things and i'm saying to myself 'i'm busy' so i time them I'll call back soon.

For this, look at Moon aspects to outer planets (I have Moon opp Saturn), and your 4th/10th house rulers. Generally someone with more of their planets or personal planets in the upper half of their chart will feel less attached to their home and will want the desire for freedom and independence.

Do you have anything conjunct your MC?

You could also be going through a big Saturn transit

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theunknown
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posted June 16, 2015 11:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for theunknown     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You are exactly like me. I think pluto influence and heavy upper chart might explain

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MineAgain
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posted June 16, 2015 11:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you very much for your answers!

I don't know how to read a chart, but I've always been like this. When I was a teenager, I did everything my parents told me to do (but it wasn't enough) but I wanted was freedom and independence.

I'm the "black sheep" of the family (of course, I'm 25 and my siblings are underage which means they haven't fully grown into their own identities). They think I somewhat "went off track" and want to keep my siblings "on the right track" (I'm a top law graduate, with strong moral values and a good head on my shoulders but for whatever reason, they just don't see it).

But to be quite honest, I hate it when they check up on me "weekly" to ask what's been going on. When I'm around them though, I want to talk to them but they always cut me off and don't want to speak to me unless it's to criticize my "values" or "lifestyle".

I need room to breathe and although they've significantly reduced their intrusion in my life, it bothers me when they need to check "up".

I have a brother and I never speak to him. I have two other sisters and although I love being around them when I'm at home, I sometimes forget about them when I'm away. I feel very guilty because I love my sisters. But I can't help it! I'm not very attached to my hometown either. I actually hate it.

I feel a very strong inadequacy in my home country and also in my family. I've always felt this way. I feel as though I don't belong to this family or this country. Either I'm becoming crazy or I'm going through a life reassessment (I came to visit my parents for a month, so this is probably what triggers these questions).

I have an unaspected moon in cancer. I wonder if I'll remain the same once I have a family of my own (I'm still on the fence about this).

That said, I went through the last Saturn in Scorpio transit which probably caused such change.

Do you guys already have families of your own? How do you deal with this inability to stay connected to your roots?

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Sven555
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posted June 16, 2015 11:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sven555     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MineAgain:
Thank you very much for your answers!

I don't know how to read a chart, but I've always been like this. When I was a teenager, I did everything my parents told me to do (but it wasn't enough) but I wanted was freedom and independence.

I'm the "black sheep" of the family (of course, I'm 25 and my siblings are underage which means they haven't fully grown into their own identities). They think I somewhat "went off track" and want to keep my siblings "on the right track" (I'm a top law graduate, with strong moral values and a good head on my shoulders but for whatever reason, they just don't see it).

But to be quite honest, I hate it when they check up on me "weekly" to ask what's been going on. When I'm around them though, I want to talk to them but they always cut me off and don't want to speak to me unless it's to criticize my "values" or "lifestyle".

I need room to breathe and although they've significantly reduced their intrusion in my life, it bothers me when they need to check "up".

I have a brother and I never speak to him. I have two other sisters and although I love being around them when I'm at home, I sometimes forget about them when I'm away. I feel very guilty because I love my sisters. But I can't help it! I'm not very attached to my hometown either. I actually hate it.

I feel a very strong inadequacy in my home country and also in my family. I've always felt this way. I feel as though I don't belong to this family or this country. Either I'm becoming crazy or I'm going through a life reassessment (I came to visit my parents for a month, so this is probably what triggers these questions).

I have an unaspected moon in cancer. I wonder if I'll remain the same once I have a family of my own (I'm still on the fence about this).

That said, I went through the last Saturn in Scorpio transit which probably caused such change.

Do you guys already have families of your own? How do you deal with this inability to stay connected to your roots?


No problem if you can't read your chart, but do you have a chart to read?

You're the eldest, you expected to set the standard in your parents eyes.

Well, postyour chart here if you can and we'll go from there

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MineAgain
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posted June 16, 2015 11:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you very much for your help!

I really wonder what aspect in my chart makes me so "disconnected" unlike most individuals.

My chart:

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Sven555
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posted June 16, 2015 12:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sven555     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well from first glance, you have Moon in Gemini; in 12th house, unaspected. Your Moon is quite weak in your chart compared to your other planets. (The first reason).

Your feelings and emotions are 'hidden' from everyone in the 12th. Are you emotionally expressive to anyone you know? Friends, Family, Partner?

The Unaspected Moon means that you are either you don't feel emotions that well (or pick up on them) OR you overcompensate emotions because of the lack of power.

You do appear to be expressive seeing as you have Scorpio Sun, Venus and Pluto all close conjunct in 5th house <3 <3

In terms of family and roots, you don't have any planets in either 4th/10th AND your 4th house ruler (Mercury in Scorpio) is aspected reasonable well, but all the aspects are SEPARATING, meaning you don't need to learn many new lessons in family relations.

Because of your Gemini Moon and Scorpio Mercury (4th house ruler) you don't feel too attached to your house, country etc
I'm guessing you are more interested in your friends, surrounding life, getting ahead in the world. etc?

Neptune (Ruler of 10th) is conjunct your DSC, which is also a factor of living a more publiclife that a quite life at home.

Hope this helps you!

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MineAgain
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posted June 16, 2015 12:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you very much Sven!

This interpretation is quite accurate!

I don't feel my own emotions, but I tend to feel others' to a very strong degree. I'm not very expressive with my feelings at first but depending on the person I talk to, I can be more or less.

Yes, I am more interested in my friends, career, travelling the world, meeting new people and discovering new cultures than in my family's life or hometown.

I understand family is important, but I am not that attached. I love them, but from a distance, sort of.

Yes, living a "quiet" life at home with the picket fence, the dogs, the kids, the mortgage and the in-laws isn't really my cup of tea. "A public life" sounds about right. I wouldn't be able to handle your typical "family" life. I'd feel like death to me.

I wish I could be more family oriented towards my relatives but I can't. Even if I make efforts, it's always a bit awkward. My empathy towards them is quite low. Strange.

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Yanmorg
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posted June 16, 2015 12:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yanmorg     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
An ex Of mine who I dated on and off for about 8 years wasn't family oriented at all except towards his friends.

Although he has tons of family and family that are close to him, he puts more value on his friendships.

Judging by his chart, I would say it's due to his Moon and Venus in Sagittarius in the 9th house.

He also has mars in Cancer in the 4th house opposite Neptune/Uranus in the 10th house if that adds to it or contradicts it since Mars in Cancer natives are said to be very protective and place extreme value on their families

His Moon and Venus in Sagittarius along with his Saturn in the 11th would explain it also.

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Sven555
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posted June 16, 2015 12:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sven555     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MineAgain:
Thank you very much Sven!

This interpretation is quite accurate!

I don't feel my own emotions, but I tend to feel others' to a very strong degree. I'm not very expressive with my feelings at first but depending on the person I talk to, I can be more or less.

Yes, I am more interested in my friends, career, travelling the world, meeting new people and discovering new cultures than in my family's life or hometown.

I understand family is important, but I am not that attached. I love them, but from a distance, sort of.

Yes, living a "quiet" life at home with the picket fence, the dogs, the kids, the mortgage and the in-laws isn't really my cup of tea. "A public life" sounds about right. I wouldn't be able to handle your typical "family" life. I'd feel like death to me.

I wish I could be more family oriented towards my relatives but I can't. Even if I make efforts, it's always a bit awkward. My empathy towards them is quite low. Strange.


No problem MineAgain!

You are mine again! :P

That sums it up then, you feel other peoples emotions, but notyour own! Gemini Moon helps you out with talking.

All of the friends, travelling the world, career is a 5th/11th house thing, and makes sense here!
Well the family life is not for everyone, i personally don't like it; but i like seeing my family from time to time You feel out of character if you make an effort?

Are you part of the Lindaland group on facebook?

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MineAgain
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posted June 16, 2015 12:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you Sven

Yes, I do feel awkward when I try to get closer. It's as though I force myself to act interested in their life events.

They usually talk about their life events and I just nod or I switch the topic to something a bit more exciting.

I feel really ill at ease when I try to show emotions or interest. I feel their emotions when they sad, as if they were my very own and it tears me apart when I see one of them hurting/crying, but that's about it.

I'm far more protective of my friends which is quite odd.

People pressure you into being "family oriented" with a family of your very own, that sometimes, you forget to realize it's not for you because you're supposed to follow the "norm". An archaic norm if you ask me.

Sure, caring more about your friends is dangerous because they can stab you in the back, but some people are really better than family to be honest.

I didn't even know there was an LL group on FB. I'll check it out

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Sven555
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posted June 16, 2015 01:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sven555     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MineAgain:
Thank you Sven

Yes, I do feel awkward when I try to get closer. It's as though I force myself to act interested in their life events.

They usually talk about their life events and I just nod or I switch the topic to something a bit more exciting.

I feel really ill at ease when I try to show emotions or interest. I feel their emotions when they sad, as if they were my very own and it tears me apart when I see one of them hurting/crying, but that's about it.

I'm far more protective of my friends which is quite odd.

People pressure you into being "family oriented" with a family of your very own, that sometimes, you forget to realize it's not for you because you're supposed to follow the "norm". An archaic norm if you ask me.

Sure, caring more about your friends is dangerous because they can stab you in the back, but some people are really better than family to be honest.

I didn't even know there was an LL group on FB. I'll check it out


Here is the link to join the party: https://www.facebook.com/groups/lindaland/

Ok, fair enough is it somethingyou have always been afraid of? (Isit a fear)

You have a urge for something more than life goals (Job, Marriage, Kids, House etc), and 12th house Moon absorbs emotions. (Gemini is environment too).

Maybe it's because you 'made' the connection with your friends, it was your choice to make those friends, opposed to your family being your blood. Ofcourse, more of a risk having friends as you say. You can do this!!

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theunknown
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posted June 16, 2015 01:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for theunknown     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
exactly what I thought... You have lots of pluto influence. It is no surprise you are protective of your friends. Plutonic people hand-pick their "pack" and will protect them. The birth family might have hurt you or cause you to have trust issues

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FruityLlama
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posted June 17, 2015 09:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for FruityLlama     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@theunknown: my moyher is exactly that aha. She has a scorpio moon at 29*
She hates it when family try and call. But thats because she doesn't feel like she fits in or has anything in common with them and they did hurt her

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charlie
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posted June 17, 2015 09:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am not!! My family is whichever country I travel to and my fiancé. I have a Cancer stellium in 11H. I also have Jupiter in 9H smack on my MC angle and I think this makes for wanting "more" in terms of knowledge that is not achievable by close relations.

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theunknown
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posted June 17, 2015 10:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for theunknown     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by FruityLlama:
@theunknown: my moyher is exactly that aha. She has a scorpio moon at 29*
She hates it when family try and call. But thats because she doesn't feel like she fits in or has anything in common with them and they did hurt her


That's no surprise for a Scorpio moon.

I think of plutonic ppl as wolves haha.

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Aries23Degrees
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posted June 17, 2015 12:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There are some things that glare at me;

Sun-Mercury-Pluto-Venus conjunct in Scorpio in 5th.

People with Scorpio planets feel very strongly. And there are usually few people that can match their intensity.

With Pluto in 5th especially,you tend to not be the "life of the party" person. And take things really quite seriously.

You are wanting to be understood. To be matched in your intensity etc.But with
the Moon in 12th house, your intensity may have the world looking and feeling more "alien" to you than anything;including your Mom, family and background- all representations of the Moon.

So this "disconnect" that you speak of, may be borne from here and supplemented by the Scorpio placements.

Also, Uranus/Neptune are on the cusp of the 7th with restrictive Saturn in the 7th.

Saturn is connected to Uranus by Neptune and its wide conjunction to Saturn.

So you take relationships seriously (echoing the sentiments of Pluto in 5th), but don't make that many connections (Saturn).

You may perceive relationships or social niceties(7th)as cold and lacking substance(Saturn)- including family ties as they are built on the same principles as all relationships; small talk and light banter etc.

So you crave intimate contact, but hate "fake" cordiality. Wanting your relationships to be more mature and attention worthy(Saturn in 7th).

But this may not happen the way you like because you keep on shooting yourself in the foot with a psychological pattern that is suggested by the Saturn,Uranus,Neptune conjunction.

Your relationships start off abruptly/ through some excitement(Uranus)and end just as quickly.

Others lack a clear definition of why they exist; is this person truly my friend? what do I have in common with the people I relate with? Where is our association headed exactly?(Neptune).

And then there are those that feel really cold,formal,"obligatory" and stagnant(Saturn).

All this can make personal relationships (Moon) very difficult;family or otherwise.

There could be a feeling of being estranged from the people you relate with daily(Moon in 12th).

And even as you try and "connect", few match the intensity you feel you deserve to have with them in order for you to consider yourself "close" to them (Venus/Pluto in Scorpio in 5th).


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MineAgain
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posted June 17, 2015 01:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
There are some things that glare at me;


With Pluto in 5th especially,you tend to not be the "life of the party" person. And take things really quite seriously.

You are wanting to be understood. To be matched in your intensity etc.But with
the Moon in 12th house, your intensity may have the world looking and feeling more "alien" to you than anything;including your Mom, family and background- all representations of the Moon.

So this "disconnect" that you speak of, may be borne from here and supplemented by the Scorpio placements.


So you take relationships seriously (echoing the sentiments of Pluto in 5th), but don't make that many connections (Saturn).

You may perceive relationships or social niceties(7th)as cold and lacking substance(Saturn)- including family ties as they are built on the same principles as all relationships; small talk and light banter etc.

So you crave intimate contact, but hate "fake" cordiality. Wanting your relationships to be more mature and attention worthy(Saturn in 7th).

But this may not happen the way you like because you keep on shooting yourself in the foot with a psychological pattern that is suggested by the Saturn,Uranus,Neptune conjunction.

Your relationships start off abruptly/ through some excitement(Uranus)and end just as quickly.


Thank you very much aries!

These parts are very accurate!

I get bored very easily when I'm surrounded with individuals in general. At first, it's fun to get to know them, but once I understand how they "function", I get bored and I disconnect from them, usually forever.

I've never formed a "strong bond" with anyone, either friends or family because I have a tendency not to keep in touch. I don't understand the point in contacting someone for small talk and getting updates on their daily routines. To me, unless it is to have deep meaningful conversations with them, there is no point in communicating. Hence, the fact that I'd rather meet plenty of people and get to know them for a short period of time, than to keep listening to the same ramblings from the same individuals over and over again.

It doesn't mean I don't have respect or affection for these people, I'm just not bothered in reaching out. I don't think I am antisocial by any means, I'm just not interested in their daily routines as it doesn't uplift my spirit in any way.

The "pattern" you mentionned is the fact that whenever my "friends" and I go our separate ways, I tend to let them go and never contact them again unless they contact me. Usually because I've already noticed their flaws and because people tend to irritate me pretty easily with their "superficial" talks about their daily routines, I just let them go.

With my family, I just don't feel any attachment because as you said, despite the fact that we're made of the same blood so to speak, our only connection is purely organic and I don't need to get in touch with them on a regular basis. People might think I'm taking family for granted, but it's just I get really irritated.

I find people "boring" as a general matter because most of them are all so predictable with their problems, routines and talks, I feel as though I can't express myself, even with my family. They're so caught up in the mundane aspect of life that they can't hold a deep meaningful conversation with anyone.

I feel like a weirdo. That's probably why I don't have that many friends and I've been single for ages. I've always felt like there is a wall between most people and I. Some think I'm odd, others think I'm shy, certain individuals assume I think "too much".

I wish I could get closer to my relatives and feel the need to be in touch but I'm just not feeling it and they all think I'm a stone cold/terrible individual. Sad. It's not a fear, it's just a disinterest/inability to connect (adding to the fact that my parents didn't show any sign of love towards me growing up).

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