Chiron Retrograde in my 4th house natally. Feeling a lot of pain right now. - Lindaland

Chiron Retrograde in my 4th house natally. Feeling a lot of pain right now.

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Author	Topic: Chiron Retrograde in my 4th house natally. Feeling a lot of pain right now.
Cappi112 Knowflake Posts: 100 From: New York, New York, USA Registered: May 2015	posted October 06, 2015 04:26 AM So this is something I've been looking into for weeks, and would love a little insight on. I had a really rough upbringing - my parents had a bad marriage, my Dad had a tragic loss of his brother when I was 9 and became an emotionally abusive alcoholic for most of the years they were raising my sister, bro and me. He turned it around much later in life, (just the last ten), but I spent most of my life trying to please him or make him proud and never being able to do enough. For me, it manifested in severe stress I've put on myself in the years since he kinda 'laid off' me and started being a proud father. He and I have developed a strong relationship since he started to go to therapy. However, I see where my upbringing is constantly influencing me. I have chiron rx in my 4th house natally, trining my moon exactly (0 degrees), squaring my venus (so as soon as I get to a point with someone I am dating that I feel is very strong, I immediately start to expect them to abandon me), and of course -- opposite my saturn. (Hi, Dad.) I have embarked upon a career in music that is, of course, volatile and tricky to trust. I have to trust MYSELF in order to be successful, but I can hardly get past the words in my head every time I hit a set back. All of them are his from endless lectures about being a failure growing up (among other things I will leave off since this really isn't about that ha). But, I read recently that chiron being retrograde in a chart can mean that you can turn that energy into healing, and focus it. I know 100% that the area of my life most in need of healing is from my childhood. I can barely think about most years from when I was 8 until I was 23. Now i am 30, attempting to take control of my life and make some goodness happen in my career for real, and I hit the same wall over and over: I don't trust myself. I'm still in that head space. Has anyone out there dealt with this in their natal? How did you turn it from the unfocused pain to something you could maybe work with, and even use to help you heal others with? I would love to think this could be something I could eventually use as a strength rather than constantly watching it take me down. Any advice out there is awesomely appreciated. IP: Logged
Cappi112 Knowflake Posts: 100 From: New York, New York, USA Registered: May 2015	posted October 06, 2015 09:32 AM I guess since that was oh so much ramble, I should note that I'd love takes from ANYONE who has chiron RX in their natal, and how it has manifested for them. Doesn't have to be this exact placement obviously. <3 IP: Logged
Gabby Moderator Posts: 8166 From: Registered: Sep 2012	posted October 06, 2015 03:46 PM Cappi, I'm so sorry for your pain and struggles!! 💙 Like you I have a retrograde angular Chiron, mines in 7th. I think your music is going to be your outlet for healing! My writing has been my outlet and being able to express my pain then watching others identify, helps me feel understood and validated. Most important thing had been to share not only my pain but also my revelations and the healing process. I have been able to deeply go inside myself and grow to understand how the pain twisted me and how to undo what it did, imo that's is rx Chiron in action! I think you will be able to do the same! I was 29 when I started acting out on my pain by 32/33 I was tired of that and wanted to feel sane again. I started writing a book regarding what my childhood experiences and pain. Putting everything in chronological order helped me understand the cycles of pain I experience and why I kept making the poor decisions that seemed to repeat these painful patterns...it helped me so much so see these patterns. I think you will get to a point to that your tired of hurting and you will do anything to find the happiness and peace in the other side. Let me tell you there is light on the other side!! Hang in there!! I'm 39 and it seems I get more insights and revelations that show me how to lighten my heart and heal my emotional load everyday. I swear I'm healthier than most ppl I meet and I've had more trauma than most anyone could imagine. Just because someone tried very hard to break you, they didn't!! Yes I do think us Chiron retrogrades have so potential to actually heal because we are forced to look at our pain constantly and how it affects us. The direct motion allows the person more easily to express their pain onto others or blame others instead of looking inside themselves for answers and see how the pain affects them and who they are! So don't give up, your 30's are going to be a period of huge revelations and healing. Just keep going!! Sorry for typos I'm on my phone, I'll edit when I get on a comp! IP: Logged
Sylven Knowflake Posts: 197 From: Netherlands Registered: Nov 2014	posted October 06, 2015 04:08 PM IP: Logged
Soltze Knowflake Posts: 702 From: Registered: Mar 2015	posted October 06, 2015 08:48 PM Mine isn't Rx. He's in the 4th really close to the 5th house cusp. I had a bad childhood as well, and I think Chiron manifests in the relationship department too because he's so close to the 5th. Plus Chiron in Cancer. Means the lack of security and nurturing from my parents I felt :-( IP: Logged

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