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Author Topic:   What is my problem man?
PaulMcFly
Knowflake

Posts: 179
From: Olive branch, MS USA
Registered: Aug 2015

posted November 13, 2015 01:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PaulMcFly     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not going to tell my whole life story because it's pointless but my whole life so far has been anything but normal.

One of my biggest flaws is that I'm battling between my individuality and my humanitarian nature. I'm such a ******* lonely person. Sometimes I LOVE the world and am FULL of zest and other days I DESPISE the world and am completely sad. Love and relationships have always been such a weird thing to me. I don't see myself EVER having a mate. I'm scared of commitment. Who would want to be with me for the rest of their life? I have never understood the point of marriage and relationships. When I'm in public I feel as if I don't need anyone in this world and I can conquer anything (I'm the definition of a lone wolf). But when I am in the comfort of my home that's when my emotions destroy me. I suddenly want LOVE, ACCEPTANCE and PARTNERSHIPS. Let me walk right back out in the face of the world and I will become the exact opposite. I've had a very hard life mentally. Depression has been a key theme of my life and I don't see it ever going away. I'm HIGHLY spiritual and adore higher learning and creative arts, but that's the only quality that I have going for me. I have NEVER fit in anywhere. I am ALWAYS the odd one that people look to. Sometimes I feel I can't control my own power or responsibilities.

I just don't know anymore why I'm on this planet. What is the point in anything we do? Why do humans focus on such superficial things? Why do we need money? Why does everyone Have the same fake smile? I can never stop thinking - processing. I feel so empty and clueless. I feel so cold. Why can't I be sociable and exciting ALL the time? I constantly need to refuel my emotions. I feel like such a crappy person. Please someone just give me something. If I was to die I'm sure it would go unnoticed.

Here's my lame chart:

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PaulMcFly
Knowflake

Posts: 179
From: Olive branch, MS USA
Registered: Aug 2015

posted November 13, 2015 01:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PaulMcFly     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry for all the sad posts people. But I just need some freaking REAL help before I end up going on the deep end. I have a lot of gray hair and I'm only 20. I look so weird. I hate myself and my way of thinking

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frankie2912
Knowflake

Posts: 1443
From: Here and There
Registered: Apr 2011

posted November 13, 2015 01:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for frankie2912     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Before I even saw your chart I was going to ask if you had Aquarius on your IC. odd, maybe even dysfunctional home life. Maybe felt/feel alienated or detached.

I think your view of the world and others is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. I do NOT mean this as an offense but have you gone to therapy? It really can help to dig deep and find the thing in your core that is eating at you.

Your third house is packed! It is no wonder you are so cerebral and analytical...and thats not a bad thing! I think you are meant to question, analyze, dig, mentally explore. Plus your 12th house NN gives you that drive and purpose to ask the uncomfortable questions.

I dont have any answers for you, but I do feel like youre an extremely intelligent person who could use your mental capabilities toward finding those answers yourself. And then teaching/mentoring to others who want to know.

But first...where is all the bitterness coming from? Start there...

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Bear9
Newflake

Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Oct 2015

posted November 13, 2015 02:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bear9     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey there, your chart isn't lame.

I knew it..you have north node in 12th house. Me too. But you have the added gift of Mars in Leo at your midheaven (Look at me! Notice me! Arnold Scwarzenegger dominant ego type of expression outwardly) - which is OPPOSITE your packed tight stellium in 3rd and some of those are conjunct your IC which is your home base.

What you described about your feelings and the fluctuations makes sense to me looking at your chart. I would like to see other more experienced readers weigh in on this though.

Meanwhile, that north node in 12th in Scorpio...you may never want to marry and that is ok. If you read up on your north node in that sign in that house, it will help some I think.

You're on a journey my friend. It looks very interesting to me. I think you want to dig and suss this out some over time.

All the best to you. I like your chart btw. It's good. You've got some things going for you. Wait to see what other wiser people say.

ETA: Have you ever looked into Buddhism? If not, read a bit. I like Shambala Sun magazine and Pema Chodron. Also meditation videos/audio on youtube or other sources. Moon w/ Uranus, it may help to learn to calm your mind. Meditation can help a lot with that. All this fits that that 12th house north node too.

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venus2tinkerbell
Knowflake

Posts: 1357
From: New York, New York, USA
Registered: Nov 2014

posted November 13, 2015 04:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for venus2tinkerbell     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not good at reading charts. I just try to understand mine.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're alive. Your complexity will make figuring things out interesting. Give yourself permission to figure things out, change and then change again, and contradict yourself as much as you need to until you "know".

I'm sure you're a boss with those placements, but you might be a little afraid of rejection. I think you probably do want companionship with the right friend, but you've got your defenses up out in the world. I used to use my Leo placements to hide my needs and vulnerability (am I making you want to gag? Lol).

One day I decided to let myself get hurt and embarrassed, and I freed myself.

Oh goodness. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me today. I can't shut up. I hear Mars is in Libra.... My 3rd house. Sheesh.

Anyway be nice to yourself sweetie!

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bansheequeen
Knowflake

Posts: 1491
From: Beachville, USA
Registered: Jan 2012

posted November 13, 2015 04:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bansheequeen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
With your 3rd house stellium you might be analyzing and thinking yourself into a deep depression. Smart people are usually depressed, people who stop to think about how the world is are usually depressed. Add to that your aqua moon and the tendency to be deeply emotionally effected by your thinking increases. You dont have a deep reservoir of emotional energy so that can explain why you are a loner. Air moons gets easily emotionally drained it seems like to me..

Your north node could be interpreted in the 1st house since it is touching it. Meaning your south node could be interpreted as being in your 7th house. You feel comfortable in a relationship or partnered up, that is where you want to run to when life gets hard... you can get dependant on others and might feel like you need to be in a relationship to be happy. You might need to find a sense of who you are, your identity.

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Comatoes
Knowflake

Posts: 404
From:
Registered: Jan 2014

posted November 13, 2015 05:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Comatoes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It seems like your going through existential depression or crisis, this depression can come and go throughout the life of someone who is prone to it. I went through this about 2 years ago, and I constantly battle with existential issues. I have a Water Sun (in a Water House) and Air Moon, North Node in Water like you do, and Uranus 3rd house. I think this combination can feel much more disconnected with the World than normal...Thinking too much is like a devil's workshop of self-sabotage. First thing I would do is also look at your Solar Return Chart that can also show your mindset or personal themes for the year.

What type of outlets are you using for your emotional well-being?

You may want to start re-balancing your most active function -- thinking, and start tapping into your Water sign. I think Pisces energy can help, Pisces can be self-compassion and learning to let go of excessive thoughts and see the beauty in just being in the world from your own individual vantage point, no one else's. To enjoy the beauty and the senses and let the divine cosmos play out as it should. When you excessively think so much you lose touch with the intuitive and emotional parts of yourself. Sun conjunct Saturn also shows this as well -- this aspect can show that you can be hard on yourself, and abuse yourself, because of a sense of responsibility and in Pisces shows this universal responsibility.

Pisces Sun in 4th house gives a Pisces/Cancer influence. A pull for family, love, acceptance but Pisces with Aquarius Moon gives a pull away from others and feeling alone...protection of emotions and avoidance of attachments because the soul is neither here or there. Pisces needs freedom and close bonds -- a paradox of sorts. Cancer builds relationships but in Pisces this is all let go of -- an internal battle within you ensues.

Your North Node is the way to work yourself out of these feelings, when in doubt about your life, always look to your North Node for the beacon to get back on track. North Node conjunct Asc. means this life path is all about your own personal growth and self-mastery -- challenges and trials is a theme for you. Your personal being is being tested in Scorpio. Your North Node square Moon and Mercury shows you will have difficulty/conflicts with emotions and thinking on your life path, but the trine from your Sun shows where you can find a source of inspiration. Letting your Pisces Sun guide your life may be beneficial to you, but only if you combine it with Scorpio's need for intensity and raw emotions. Scorpio North Node people are learning how to live with their intense emotions and deal with them upfront without repression. Anytime a planet or personal point is in Scorpio, not dealing with your real feelings is never a option. Scorpio makes you deal with your life head-on even when you think you're not up to the task. I guess one of the times is now for you -- like the Phoenix, you will come out stronger, but only you can start the soul search on what is really "getting to you". Try a dream journal. Dreams are very helpful for water and air signs on finding out what is really bothering them on a subconscious level.

Please try to stop hating yourself...at 20 years old you have so much to live for. I always think when people have strong Scorpio personal points/planets, it shows that they are built to succeed but it will most likely be with some type of hardship, but they must not give into self-inflicted hatred of their own essence.

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Soltze
Knowflake

Posts: 986
From:
Registered: Mar 2015

posted November 13, 2015 06:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Soltze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The main issue I see is that most of your planets are below the horizon. That gives a rich interior life, but has the disavantage of making you live inside your head.

Sun/Saturn conjunction is difficult, I wonder if you had or have problems with your father. But you don't need to answer. It's a delicate issue.

You were told about the nodes on the ASC/DSC axis. You're very likely a charismatic person, it's just that other placements distort your self-image.

You have a leo Mars on the MC. You have definitively the strength to go after what you want. Probably things will be better after your Saturn return.

I can see your love of humanity on your chart! Chiron is strong in Virgo, plus it's in the 11th the house of groups and community. It's also trine Neptune and Venus. Of course you're a compassionate person and an humanitarian. But you're also realistic and that Pluto takes no BS.

Again don't expect stable or mature relationships so soon. Use your Saturn and be realistic. So you can dominate that Venus conj Neptune and Uranus. Take it lightly.
Pluto on the 1st can make you a bit of a loner too, but you just need the person who's compatible...good sinastry!

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polkadotstars
Knowflake

Posts: 475
From: Washington, DC
Registered: Feb 2015

posted November 13, 2015 07:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for polkadotstars     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First of all, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. My mom battles depression and bipolar so I can understand a little bit where you're coming from. She always said the manic periods (the highs) from bipolar felt so great but the depression part of it was terrible.

Next, we can study your chart all day and analyze it and find out possible reasons that you could represent how you are feeling. However, it is more important for you to get help. If you are having feelings of depression, please find someone to talk to. Whether that is a friend, family member, or a professional.

It is very hard to move past anything when you keep it internalized. If you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone yet, write it out in a journal. Writing is so therapeutic, and since you're a Pisces like me, I think it might help you as well. (I tend to internalize as well and it gets too overwhelming at times).

As for your self-esteem, I hate to put some of that blame on your age... But you are young and still figuring out who you are. Trust me, the older you get, the more comfortable you get with yourself. I am leaps and bounds different than I was when I was 20 and way more self confident. I am only 30 now, but trust me, a lot changes in ten years! Even five! Please know that there is hope that you won't always feel this way.

I do have one suggestion for you though. Try volunteering somewhere that can help other people or animals, if you like animals. Maybe giving back to someone that is less fortunate than you can help your humanitarian side and it could help you realize that maybe things aren't so bad off after all.

I really hope that you are able to find your happiness in life soon. From one Pisces to another ❤️

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DopGang
Knowflake

Posts: 1240
From: <--------- over there.
Registered: Jun 2015

posted November 13, 2015 07:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DopGang     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^^^
I agree.
Having a Leo mars on the mc in the opposite house as a Pisces sun conjunct Saturn will certainly create inner conflict. I'm very familiar with that. I've felt like you for YEARS.
I had to find balance and also I put my need for solitude first and foremost, always. I had to learn to let go of my need for attention.
This is a short post but geez. I could write a book I swear. But then what worked for me may not for you. Sounds similar though.

Give yourself those private, reflective moments if you need it and if you feel that you need to seek professional help. Just do it and be absolutely honest with them, and yourself.

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Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 13843
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011

posted November 13, 2015 08:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Spiritual practices will save you. It's a matter of learning how to transcend your own mind.

I've learned a lot from Eckhart Tolle; I know he's not everyone's cup of tea. But he's accessible ~ wise, often funny, and all over YouTube.

Like this.

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Sylven
Knowflake

Posts: 318
From: Netherlands
Registered: Nov 2014

posted November 13, 2015 10:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sylven     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wauw!! Such great advise you got here!!!

((HUGS))) And you DO have an applying Sun/Saturn conjunction, not separating. Your Sun walks straight into the hands of the father.

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Sylven
Knowflake

Posts: 318
From: Netherlands
Registered: Nov 2014

posted November 13, 2015 10:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sylven     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Paul,

Depression, spirituality, thinking, difficulty setting boundaries etc .. are all things of higher chakra's. The trick is to activate or develop the lower ones some more. Especially the first three. The first (the root chakra), second and the solar plexus. One important thing why you came here is balance. We are all in the same balance boat. Spirituality means nothing when we don't or can't embody it on earth. There are techniques you can use to get more in touch with the lower chakra's. You can probably find it on internet. Your third chakra is your power centre, connecting with this awesome place through meditation will probably feel as a relieve and will get your right back into your own power, your own space. Also working on your boundaries because you are allowing too much to get you out of balance. it's done out of love and innocence but it's not helping you or anyone else.

When your root chakra is balanced you will feel much more grounded and will not easily feel so changeable.

Check out the lower chakra's and start working on them. I think your Sun/Saturn conjunction in the 4th can help you set your roots. Work with what it wants to help you with and wear it with proud. You are unique and awesome!

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 59011
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 13, 2015 12:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This goes in Personal Readings.

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