posted December 06, 2015 09:45 PM            

Those with Venus in the 1st tend to be beautiful (or have a "beautiful" countenance)but are so self-conscious that they magnify and scrutinize until they become blind to their own traits of beauty and only see flaws. They care so much about how they come across to others that true self-confidence is lost, and once confidence is lost, their beauty becomes meaningless (since confidence is what's truly attractive). So why have the "beauty" and other gifts from Venus to begin with? Sort of a cruel trick is it not? To be beautiful but never be able to feel or see it? This can be mastered once Venus in the 1st stops caring about what others think of them but it seems a VERY difficult task...or perhaps just for me.

posted December 06, 2015 11:08 PM            

And she did become a model, though it was a temporary career. She knew she was beautiful, but also knew it was hard work to both get and maintain, and the tales of what she did as a model are sobering (though not just the ones to maintain a strict figure, this being the days before photoshop, but also in competing against other models in dirty ways). She'd annoy me with telling me the sun would ruin my looks (though she criticized certain aspects of my appearance that I couldn't help anyway).

And yet her beauty didn't bring her happiness. It's long to explain and it was something I slowly came to realize. She felt her beauty was power, but at the same time she felt her beauty made her more lonely than most since her own value was beauty which was hard work and fleeting, and who could be attracted to her for anything else? And what woman would not consider a threat? (Granted, other aspects of her personality were not so great and were far more alienating, IMO.)

posted December 06, 2015 11:13 PM            

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Self-esteem differs from narcissism in that it represents an attitude built on accomplishments we've mastered, values we've adhered to, and care we've shown toward others.

Narcissism, conversely, is often based on a fear of failure or weakness, a focus on one's self, an unhealthy drive to be seen as the best, and a deep-seated insecurity and underlying feeling of inadequacy

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Though she was never diagnosed, I believe my mother was a narcissist (in the clinical sense as defined by the DSM, not the pop psychology sense).

posted December 06, 2015 11:23 PM            

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posted December 07, 2015 04:21 AM            

I've always thought there must be something wrong with me, because I have 1H Venus and Mars conjunction, yet I've had low self esteem since I was a kid.

My boyfriend constantly tells me he doesn't understand how I don't know I'm beautiful. I hear that I am; it's a huge part of my career that I have to look good on stage, etc. But I can't say I've ever felt beautiful unless it had something to do with my success or my ability to make my loved ones happy (Sun and Jupiter in my 12H maybe?).

posted December 07, 2015 05:16 AM            

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Originally posted by Cappi112:
Wow, this is truly interesting.

I've always thought there must be something wrong with me, because I have 1H Venus and Mars conjunction, yet I've had low self esteem since I was a kid.

My boyfriend constantly tells me he doesn't understand how I don't know I'm beautiful. I hear that I am; it's a huge part of my career that I have to look good on stage, etc. But I can't say I've ever felt beautiful unless it had something to do with my success or my ability to make my loved ones happy (Sun and Jupiter in my 12H maybe?).

I definitely worry way too much about appearances. A constant criticism I have received in my life is that I worry way too much what others think of me. I don't think I'll ever fully get over that issue. But, working on it daily!

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posted December 07, 2015 05:33 AM            

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Originally posted by Isa:
On point. My ex had venus conjunct Jupiter in the 1st (in virgo tho). He was very narcissistic, very jealous, with the lowest self esteem I have ever seen. He couldn't stand criticism, everyone had to had his back.

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This....I think I may seem like this to some people. Not everything. I am not jealous in general but I realized that in romantic situations I have a lot of fear. A guy looking at another woman in passing doesn't bother me much but I fear things that seem legitimately threatening to me such as him actually spending time with anyone other than me. Even family. Scorpio Asc does not help this. People always tell me I'm beautiful and sometimes I get the feeling that maybe people really do see me as such(even though I can't) but I feel my beauty is empty. I feel like others have more to offer, perhaps even because they are more normal, down to earth, and relateable as far as looks and personality. These fears can make me project a rather nasty demeanor at times.

posted December 07, 2015 06:03 AM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I have seen this, for sure. I never heard anyone talk about it this way before. Thank you so much!!

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So I decided to look more into what I've been going through and this may go beyond astrology in my specific case (but I make some possible astrological notes later). I feel embarrassed to a degree saying this but I have something called BDD or Body Dismorphic Disorder. I always knew I had this but until my research just now I never knew there would ever be a name for it or that it would even be acknowledged. It is a disorder in which you magnify everything about your physical until normal things look severely distorted and hideous in your eyes. It may not seem serious but it is. I spend hours (yes hours) in the mirror scrutinizing every aspect of my face and it has nothing to do with liking what I see or being vain. I am afraid of pictures and only look at them in private (on rare occasions) only to become angry or depressed.

The odd thing I noticed about this illness is that it seems to primarily (but certainly not exclusively) affect people that are not only not ugly but considerably handsome / beautiful...people that no doubt fit the classical description of a first house venus. It's very strange. Take for example this guy that has BDD

Here is a link to a very short video of his story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1E-GYuFYm8

I looked up the charts of a few famous people believed to have this and they either had Venus in the 1st or Leo dominant somewhere in the chart. Below is a young Andy Warhol, who had Venus in Leo in the 1st. He believed he was ugly and hated his nose to a disturbing degree. Friends have accounts of his odd obsession with feeling ugly.

UPDATE:
THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE MOST ACCURATE VIDEO I HAVE SEEN ON IT: And once again he is a handsome guy which seems to be a recurring pattern.

posted December 07, 2015 07:08 AM            

A planet in the 1st house often is sensitive to external inferences. Especially since it has so much to do with self-definition and ones external view.

People often say that Venus/Jupiter here is often a blessing. That these people are usually gorgeous or likeable etc.

This is the first time I hear of Venus take on a less than desirable trait. But I have also always suspected that it can't all be sunshine and roses with Venus.

Could Venus in 1st also make one a "slave" to the senses i.e. the individual looks for self-gratification, pleasure or self indulgence to a point of impropriety?

A question; we often praise or encourage people to improve themselves; either through reading, sport or spirituality.

But how different really is it for one to wa want to improve themselves externally? Through appearances?

For we are encouraged to be vigilant and self-deprecating when it comes to assessing our intellectual aptitude, sporting ability and spiritual "deservedness".

posted December 07, 2015 08:10 AM            

Update: As I was reading your post and Cappi's ppst I could literally feel the truth behind the words. The sad part is that what you went through (and still fight each day) is rarely taken seriously by most and is probably met with hate and accusations of narcissism. I mean, how can you complain about beauty (and your insecurities surrounding it) without offending others who may find it condescending? It is a very isolating and even guilt fueled problem. What u said about your parents downplaying your looks was most likely where it all started, and so many beautiful ppl go through this. Not specifically parents all the time but by majority of anyone they meet. My experience has been that at some point you begin to feel cursed...that the source of all your problems come from a supposed beauty that you yourself can barely even see to begin with.