posted December 09, 2015 05:19 AM
So, I've written here endlessly about my moves in recent months. I'm trying to remain positive, but I keep bursting into tears. I know this isn't strictly astrology-related but I really need some faith and hope right now, and this is the only place I can think of.I was laid off from a job I was already unhappy with for years in May. I am a performer, and I needed the day job in order to keep that life moving. I love opera - singing is something I've known I should do since I was 3. I know it is a horribly difficult career, but every time I've sung, I've felt like it's inspired and given hope to others, so I feel like my life's mission is in that art form. I never wanted fame, I've only ever wanted to perform and make enough from it to live fully.
So, when I was laid off and given severance, I found an opportunity in Europe and I'm working in Amsterdam as an au pair, and auditioning and performing whenever I can. Obviously, I don't make very much, but when I made the decision to come here it was the best and only option I had.
But, money is dwindling. I have always tried to stay on top of that, but I make significantly less than I used to and cannot adjust the bill payments. I love it here but am far away from my loved ones in the states. My relationship with my boyfriend seems to be the only thing that is growing and building - a direct opposite of where I was when I moved here (I'd broken up with him at the time). I'm glad for that, but never wanted an either/or scenario.
I just need some help. I've reached out for every single job opportunity to help while I am here, but feel blocked by everything other than my au pair job (which is, at best, just affording me a free place to live and some pocket money each month).
This is my chart right now, and transits. Is there ANYTHING I can grab onto for hope? I am not giving up on anything here, and my boyfriend and family are encouraging me to see this through, but I can't move forward without a feeling that this is the right place for me to be. ANd right now, though it definitely is fulfilling on a personal and musical level, it is not even close to that financially. I have a knot in my stomach.
Thanks for any insights you may have, or even just words of wisdom. I appreciate this community for that: