posted January 11, 2016 06:50 AM            

My birthday is tomorrow, and normally I feel a need to connect with my friends and loved ones the week of my bday, but not so much this year.

Truthfully, I have a feeling of total detachment, like never before. I'm far from all my friends and family except the few who live here in Europe with me. I received another rejection letter two days ago from an audition I did in Germany last month. I feel like my relationships across the board are 'different' - strained, odd, distant. I'm not sure who's creating the distance, and for a week or two there I was really fighting it but now...

...I give up?

I'm not depressed saying all this - just realizing how worn out I am. The past years have been insane in their upheaval - breakups all over the place for very weird reasons. Lay offs from my job. Leaving an opera company I worked with for years in NYC. My voice teacher dying suddenly. It's felt like I've been forced to fight and lose each battle, so now I just feel like... the best and most comforting thing to do is to hibernate.

It's cold and rainy in Amsterdam today, and I woke up feeling ready. It's not depression or sadness - just a total retreat into myself. I'm so tired of fearing changes that happen anyway.

So, for any of you going through this same, oddly liberating, 'peace out' kind of feeling:

here is my current chart with transits! Do note the 12H. Haha. I hate and love you all at the same time, 12 and 8H.....

Ok, enough of my oddball rant. Just putting it out there in case anyone else has felt these same things lately.

Chart + Transits:

posted January 11, 2016 02:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Hope you enjoy the hibernation...we all need to pull back and regenerate sometimes...and with Mars transiting on your Scorpio Pluto, and Pluto near your sun, it seems inevitable that you would feel this way.

I hibernate in my own odd ways, most of the time....like I put certain parts of myself to rest for a while.

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posted January 12, 2016 11:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Cappi112:
THank you Faith!!! Yeah, I definitely think with Scorpio/ Pluto, there is this feeling that I need to regenerate haha. ALl things are running dry - I want to start fresh, I'm sick of myself, really. That's not even me being hard on myself - just a genuine feeling of "ugh enough of me."

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Same here, just wanting to transform...or, find my own Higher Self, and operate from that level.

Tr Pluto right on my sun currently.

Let's just hope that as the years drone on with Pluto drilling into us, we learn how to cope with it better, and learn to thrive with it, so that by the end, we may even miss it.

It's weird, Pluto rules my NN and it's conjunct my sun, on the same degree. Saturn and Neptune rule my sun and moon respectively, and transiting Saturn is exactly conjunct my Neptune now.

Seems very momentous, and yet so ordinary. Perhaps (probably) I'm not doing it right.

posted January 12, 2016 06:56 PM            

Oh tr pluto on sun..heh...*pat pat*

Being a fellow 12th house sun, I get what you mean. Time-outs are important for me too. Just a natural thing. Feels like a much needed rest after a long, hard day.

I hope you enjoy your hibernation.

posted January 13, 2016 05:04 AM            

The usually slow to be emotional, pensive Cap is given a sensitive disposition with the Moon.

Libra Moon do bet around people generally. Or rather around a supportive mate whom they can bounce ideas off from.

Many tend towards dependency and wanting to be a part of a team. But the Cap nature can detest this need to focus so outwardly. To be so fixed on those external to you, then looking to do things for yourself.

The Moon/Neptune square may heighten sensitivity a great deal and make you feel like you are "swimming" through life experiences- barely making sense of what is happening logically. But hanging on "signs" and totems of what each event deeply means.

You would like to stay rational, but perhaps the only rational you can muster is that which is connected to some higher purpose or poetic meaning etc. Given that Mercury also conjuncts Neptune.

Saturn is squaring both your Venus/Mars. And this may indeed "close you up" in as far as your energy levels are concerned.As well as your capacity to socialize.

Since it is closing in on the ruler of your Moon(Venus),you are likely to feel very much alone.

And not too long ago(last year probably), it honed in on the ruler of your Sun(Saturn). Probably surfacing feelings of inadequacy and self-blame.

Jupiter-trine Jupiter may add some support during this time. But it would be best to listen to your gut feelings and not exert yourself right now.

Saturn-Mars transits often focus on preserving energy. Or building momentum to overcome something challenging or difficult

Saturn-Venus transits often focus on keeping your own company as you find less and less use for active(often superficial) contacts.

posted January 13, 2016 07:58 AM            

Opera company, interesting!
I did the children's chorus from age 11-17, in Michigan.

posted January 14, 2016 03:41 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Saturn ruled Sun with Venus ruled Moon is quite the dynamic in the personality.

The usually slow to be emotional, pensive Cap is given a sensitive disposition with the Moon.

Libra Moon do bet around people generally. Or rather around a supportive mate whom they can bounce ideas off from.

Many tend towards dependency and wanting to be a part of a team. But the Cap nature can detest this need to focus so outwardly. To be so fixed on those external to you, then looking to do things for yourself.

The Moon/Neptune square may heighten sensitivity a great deal and make you feel like you are "swimming" through life experiences- barely making sense of what is happening logically. But hanging on "signs" and totems of what each event deeply means.

You would like to stay rational, but perhaps the only rational you can muster is that which is connected to some higher purpose or poetic meaning etc. Given that Mercury also conjuncts Neptune.

Saturn is squaring both your Venus/Mars. And this may indeed "close you up" in as far as your energy levels are concerned.As well as your capacity to socialize.

Since it is closing in on the ruler of your Moon(Venus),you are likely to feel very much alone.

And not too long ago(last year probably), it honed in on the ruler of your Sun(Saturn). Probably surfacing feelings of inadequacy and self-blame.

Jupiter-trine Jupiter may add some support during this time. But it would be best to listen to your gut feelings and not exert yourself right now.

Saturn-Mars transits often focus on preserving energy. Or building momentum to overcome something challenging or difficult

Saturn-Venus transits often focus on keeping your own company as you find less and less use for active(often superficial) contacts.

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