posted February 02, 2016 01:27 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by outofideas:
Hey, i also have this aspect and in opposing sings as well - my Venus (and Sun) is in Sagittarius and my Moon in Gemini - which makes me a very confused person altogether.

It used to be alright while i was a teenager... i entered a long-term relationship even though i wasn't in love with the person, but they were. Eventually i grew to like being with him, although i probably took him for granted at times. I decided to end the relationship 4 years later, telling the man that i don't think i've ever really loved him. It broke his heart, but it wasn't fair for us to keep going together, also i was very young so this outcome was not surprising.

Later, in my adolescence, i had the chance to be with someone i really desired... sadly it was a very boring experience for me, we couldn't really connect emotionally; he is deprived of intense emotions and although i understand very well where he is coming from i would rather have something different.

A few months later, i met a karmic lover, who was much more intense and fun to be with, but it took me many months to actually fall for him. Once that happened "the spell" was broken - i was vulnerable, seeking to satisfty the other person, to meet his expectations, to be always there for him... The tables totally turned around, i was giving more of myself than i was receiving, i was neglecting myself in the name of "our happiness", or his, perhaps? Anyway, this was a big mistake for me and it backfired, as the more i wanted to be with him the more he was slipping away... until, finally, he broke it off and i was left completely empty inside.

I have also made the mistake to be with someone sexually, disregarding my personal feelings at the time, just so we can get it over with, or to remain on good terms. We really need to discriminate more, otherwise we are easily (ab)used by others.

In order to remain the "nice person" and avoid arguments i have always tried to meet everyone else's expectations (especially my parents'). In recent years this has really started backfiring, even my parents now treat me with disrespect because they were so used to control me. It gets the worse out of them when i no longer comply and they always try to present me in a bad light infront of other people

I have always felt exteme guilt in my gut whenever i would easily agree to other people's suggestions that were not in my favour. I only now find where this is originating from and why i keep being challenged with it, as i learn more about it through astrology.

It is a big lesson for me, as i also have many other supporting aspects that are supposed to force me in to shaping my own identity and teach me to stand up for myself, without thinking of other's well-being first.
As [b]nordicsoul suggested, for example, i also have Neptune square Mars.[/B]

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Thank you so much for your beautiful and open piece of writing!!

Ugh, I totally hear ya!! I also experienced the parents thing. When I told them I wanted to get married (with someone I hardly knew) they said:" well, if you want to do that this way you got to do it our way!" Like okay ... wtf?! Parents meant well but being extremely old fashioned about this. I just felt like getting married because it was possible. I did not think it through (would not do that again ever). So the wedding (small) was how they wanted it. With friends of them and I really didn't like it. But... lying to myself I did back then. Ugh (cannot stop using that word) it's just so awful. How we disregard ourselves. I used to get under snowed in communication and one day I was so fed up with that that I can still to this day be so assertive telling them loudly:" HEY I WAS TALKING!" Haha ... it's just the way it goes when you have been invisible for years. I still feel I am invisible most of the time though, in all kind of ways.
Back on subject. So you have your moon in Gem?! Beautiful! I love Gem Moons! My MC is 10 and Mercury is 14 Gem. Aqua Moon also 10 and Venus 6 Leo (in 5th/11th). So do you also have experience with foreigners, because your Venus in Sag in 9th? Did you also have this problem with siblings? Since your moon is in 3rd?
I just got carried away on romantic spells more than once. Sometimes it just felt like "oh I can learn to be in love with this person" Somehow I am very good at it too! Because it always happend very fast! Skilled I am

Beautiful of your body to let you know what you are doing. Guilt in your gut. I would thank your body for letting you know all these years!! Amazing and sweet!

It's also very funny. There is one man whom I really really really desired. Like ALL OF HIM!!! So attractive and irresistible but ... emotional not available! WHAT?!! I will love him anyway! It's really one or the other right? Jeez!!

You wrote they were so used to control me. It gets the worse out of them when i no longer comply and they always try to present me in a bad light infront of other people GOOD FOR YOU!!! It's btw not very pretty as parents to present your child in a bad light in front of others. Did you talk to them about this? They do it completely unconsciously I hope? Sad, it's just very sad. Some people just don't know how else to react because they are not in contact with themselves. They don't really love themselves.