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Author
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Topic: Cappy Question
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beccathelion
Knowflake Posts: 827
From: CA
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted March 24, 2016 08:44 PM
  
I have a question for all those wiser than I in the ways of the love goat (I have a double cap brother and a double cap uncle, but that's familial).I met a Cap Sun/Cap Moon/Aqu Venus at a work event (he knew his birth time and date and offered them without me asking $$$). Nothing sparked until we started talking at dinner. By the end of the evening he'd made overtures by fighting for the last of the red wine for me, getting my number, pep talking me, and the "Oh let's do it again!" As I'm leaving, he heads me off at the car, "Want to get a drink," so we do and it's fun. I'm firm in no sex with strangers, he's respectful and kind. Wonderful time. Swears we'll go out again. And then literally every single text since then has been 1) all about work, with the exception of some earlier texts asking to sext, or 2) telling me, at some point, we'll go out when he's done with work. (It's been almost three weeks, but he never pulls the trigger.) I know not to push Cappies (ever), and I was clear in the beginning that I was attracted to him; he reciprocated. But now it's all work work work work talk. And I'm not a big texter. I will drop off the grid and go so dark... and he still texts me every day about work work work work work, with just a dash of flirt every other weekend. My question is: have I become the work friend that he flirts with from a distance because that's safe, or is he looping me into his life, letting me know more and more about his projects, his moodiness, etc., because he's feeling me out for more? We had a connection; I'm old enough to know the difference between that and just some fun, but... now it's weird. I truly don't mind being his friend. He's not the last man on earth, and he'd make a good contact, but it seems odd. I keep moving on and clearing my head, living my life, and then he just keeps. showing. up. about. work. Or giving me advice. And pep talks. He "dads" me sometimes. Any advice/insight would be appreciated. If you take the astrology out of it (as I have because it's a tool not a crutch), his behavior would be just as confusing to me. I'm not feeling played, but there are small dots in the code that seem... like I'm auditioning for something?
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Faith
Knowflake Posts: 16487
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted March 24, 2016 09:42 PM
quote:
My question is: have I become the work friend that he flirts with from a distance because that's safe, or is he looping me into his life, letting me know more and more about his projects, his moodiness, etc., because he's feeling me out for more?
Could be he's feeling you out for more. I wonder why your conversations seem to be lacking...all he wants to talk about is sex or work, no variety at all? What happens when you change the subject, does he go along with that for a while or just steer the conversation right back to work? If it's all work or sex he sounds really selfish and like someone I would just avoid. IP: Logged |
beccathelion
Knowflake Posts: 827
From: CA
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted March 24, 2016 10:05 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
I wonder why your conversations seem to be lacking...all he wants to talk about is sex or work, no variety at all? What happens when you change the subject, does he go along with that for a while or just steer the conversation right back to work? If it's all work or sex he sounds really selfish and like someone I would just avoid.
It's weird; he updates me about his work (we're both writers) constantly and unprovoked, sometimes asking advice. We both had some career success lately, and he was telling me to go celebrate, but when I suggested we both go... he said he had to work. And on a scale of sex to work, it's been quite literally 10% to 90% respectively. If I try to change the subject, he'll play along for... a minute? Then back to work. But randomly he'll encourage me and ask me what I'm working on, blah blah blah. He does that every time I start to feel he's selfish. It's really baffling. I try to pull away because, honestly, who has time for a confused little boy... but he keeps flagging the play. I'm getting tired of it (double leo/sag moon), but at the same time, I did enjoy our time together and would like to see him again just to feel it out. IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 16487
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted March 25, 2016 09:52 AM
"honestly, who has time for a confused little boy"  Maybe just tell him that while you enjoy talking about work with him, managing all his texts about work becomes additional work for you, and if that's all he wants to talk about, please limit the number of texts. I feel like he's just using you for a sounding board right now (Cap motto is "I use") without any awareness of how selfish and confusing he's being. So...however you can deliver a "wake up call" without souring the whole friendship....that would be good. He might even be really interested in you but he's not focusing on romance...and if you got involved with him you'd probably have to deal with his workaholic tendencies annoying you. Leos need more attention than this. (I have Leo rising and I know!) Anyway good luck  IP: Logged |
beccathelion
Knowflake Posts: 827
From: CA
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted March 25, 2016 02:12 PM
I think you're right. I tried to slip in some topic-changers, even sent a funny link related to our jobs... And he totally ignored it in favor of asking me about my projects instead. Not to mention I said I had the flu, and he blew past that twice haha. I'm definitely a sounding-board, and it's definitely blargh, and such a 180 from how it was in the beginning. I'll try to work my polite and decorous Leo magic... But you are right. Gotta speak up if I want to be heard. All I need is a "how is your day," and I'm set for weeks! But alas... Nothing. Thanks for the advice!IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 7197
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted March 25, 2016 03:58 PM
You've been Friend Zoned.Work is supremely important. We don't talk about work unless it is with a close professional circle and true friends. Source: Professional male with Cap Sun and Aqua Venus. My Moon is Gemini though. IP: Logged |
beccathelion
Knowflake Posts: 827
From: CA
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted March 25, 2016 04:28 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
You've been Friend Zoned.Work is supremely important. We don't talk about work unless it is with a close professional circle and true friends. Source: Professional male with Cap Sun and Aqua Venus. My Moon is Gemini though.
Yeah, I definitely have gotten that vibe. Oh well. Was hoping for more, but no big deal. A great many fish in the sea! Thanks for your help!
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athenaia
Knowflake Posts: 629
From: USA
Registered: May 2015
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posted March 25, 2016 04:35 PM
I don't know man. I know a Cap Sun/Moon + Aqua Venus and they like to navigate around their emotions masterfully while still attempting to get what they want. If he's initiating contact, he's interested. He's waiting on you to deepen the subject matter, as he already feels like he's giving you an "in" by hitting you up first. I wish all men were as straight forward as YoursTruly but sadly this is not the case irl. He wants you to make the official first move. If that isn't you (understandable because I'm not one for that myself) I'd say move on and find someone that's a little more bold. IP: Logged |
beccathelion
Knowflake Posts: 827
From: CA
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted March 25, 2016 04:43 PM
quote:
Originally posted by athenaia:
I wish all men were as straight forward as YoursTruly but sadly this is not the case irl. He wants you to make the official first move. If that isn't you (understandable because I'm not one for that myself) I'd say move on and find someone that's a little more bold.
And therein lies the rub. I have invited him out twice now, casually, and both times he said he had to work. I have basically paved the way, and he just keeps retreating. I get he is on the cusp of selling a project, but... I try to open up, and he shuts it down summarily, but still checks in each day! So frustrating! He was so bold on the first date; that's what drew me in haha. So I am just going to move on, and keep being me. He knows where to find me, if I'm still available  IP: Logged | |
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