posted April 19, 2016 10:45 PM            

It was the saddest and worst broken heart I have ever felt because I stayed for 3 years dealing with manipulative, lying, betrayal, promiscuous, attention seeker, who actually only cares about him, his emotions, his goals, his life, and power of CONTROL. I became losing myself in the relationship, unstable, having low self-esteem, afraid getting close with my friends, lying with my family, bad situation at job, and I hated myself. I became like his true self he shown me but him became like I was before, having more friends, more confidence, more active, climb fast at job, and started connect himself with his family. It was like a vampire sucked my blood.

posted April 20, 2016 09:52 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hearttreasure:
I became like his true self he shown me but him became like I was before, having more friends, more confidence, more active, climb fast at job, and started connect himself with his family. It was like a vampire sucked my blood.

---

You're so perceptive and wise. You didn't have to suck the life out of someone else to be that way. The light is just there, maybe burning dimly right now, but you have it.

posted April 20, 2016 10:25 AM            

try to look at it this way, you were attracted to this man because of lessons YOU needed to learn. Hallelujah- you have ended up seeing his true nature! but what in you was is that allowed yourself to be with someone who treated you this way? it doesn't make you bad or wrong, you are a human being going through difficult lessons just like the rest of us!! if you can recognize why it is this situation was pulled in and why you allowed it to persist, then you will take your power back because you will prevent it from happening again.

every situation in life, no matter how difficult and painful offers us valuable lessons and room for growth... and, honestly, the more difficult and painful it is, the more potential for growth and healing that lies within the experience. maybe you drew him into your life simply to pull to surface the parts of yourself that were very broken so that you could heal them. in the midst of the fallout, you may only be aware of the parts of you that are very broken... but your awareness isn't totally accurate, all those wonderful traits you have had all along are still within you.. however, your mind is not having you focus on them right now because you're focus is being directed to the parts that need healing...

so use this awful, painful situation to your advantage! use his cruelty as fuel to ignight your passion for self-healing and self-growth. give a purpose to this experience!! incorporate one good habit at a time into your life... exercise is a WONDERFUL place to start... i promise you, if you treat this in such a way, you will look back on this and be GRATEFUL it happened and even thankful because you will see how it helped you elevate to a higher, happier, healthier place.

other options for healing are therapy, journaling, meditation, art, hobbies, self help books...

you got this, my love. I have been there, I truly have.... and I can tell you that using the pain that was triggered to grow and become whole was the most empowering thing i have ever done.. he tried to take my power and i took it back and grew 10x as strong as before.

posted April 23, 2016 12:06 PM            

Back to the topic..

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sulkyarcher:
Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time. And try to attract better things into your life.

---

The problem is, I always hard on my self. Right now I feel like my life is a failure. I have already lost my motivation and confidence to feel alive and to feel worthy as a woman and a person. I even can not help myself to get up in the morning. The energy, the power, the life I had before has gone. I almost thought about suicide months ago. I loose myself in the middle, don't know how to get out.

quote:

---

Originally posted by DopGang:
I exercised a LOT after. It was a really good distraction and way to deal with the intense anger that I had.

I also got around a bit that next year but I'm not suggesting that.
You can always turn to those you trust be it family or friends. If only they listen. Also turn to anyone who's been through it that you're comfortable talking to them.
I think it's more synastry. I've only been through that once and nothing before or after. There's been jealousy in most past relationships but nothing crazy.

---

I was a marathoner before and traveling every weekend, but I sacrificed them, including my social circle because I wanted to save my relationship and too tired dealing with his accusation, blaming, and his negative thinking/narrow minded things like for example if a woman has a lot of male friends, she is a **** , or if a woman go home at night, she is not a good woman/girlfriend/wife, or it's not important to join community/group/gathering, it's a BS. We had a lot of fight and it was frustrating because he actually did all of it but put me in error seat.

I'm thinking about taking martial arts, but I have a low immune right now and my body is too weak to do some exercise. My family have tried to help me but I know only me that can help me.

I'm trying to look in synastry, but I think it's him. He actually has a lot of issues but very good to put any mask to hide his. He lies since the beginning to hide his ugly truth. He really really knows that he is not a good man for me (I said this because we both came from a very different life situation and I heard some of his female friends told me that he felt inferior towards me), but he just couldn't help the attraction. I don't know if it's an attraction or he loves the idea of CONTROL.

posted April 23, 2016 12:36 PM            

receive healing energies from my corner. I believe that there are some steps in the healing process with more or less details, but based on my own healing experiences i would say..

1.- you feel without energy and depressed, sad. not will to do anything, even things that have been very motivating in the past. so, take your time to cry all you can, put candles, put romantic music even if you cry, mourn that lost, mourn the lost of the idea of loving relationship, mourn for the wounded woman, mourn the whatever needs to be mourned. it is your right to have illusions and they were chattered. in the meantime, also incorporate a physical routine. maybe changing the room decoration arrangement, folding the clothes, cleaning. some physical activity that makes your environment more welcoming and makes you feel that life is still rolling...when you get into desperation and suicidal thoughts, start breathing slowly. breathing is really healing as it brings energy to your system. do it for some minutes. concentrate on your breathing. if your feel too weak for marcial arts, maybe yoga or meditation, but these are practices that help with the recovery of energy. you have put so much energy outside in another person and you need to get it back. any exercise that bring that energy to you would be helpful

---- some way to help could also include writing down everywere positive thoughts about you.. (i.e. I deserve to be loved unconditionally, I forgive myself for any choice i have made, I love me with all my flaws... you can even hug yourself and feel the warm you can give to yourself)

2. a second step after you feel more energized is start looking at the reasons you brought (unconsciously of course) this person to your life. what areas of your life needs healing and bringing these wounds to the surface was a way to make them conscious. but try this once you feel more energized. before would only make you feel helpless. unless you have a gemini moon and feel energized by "understanding", but even in that moment you are down, you need to recover energy before you can put energy into something.. does it make sense?
when you feel ready, then please post your chart for us to give you inputs..

be compassionate to yourself. be patient. healing takes time. know that there is love in the universe you can feed from.

blessings

posted April 23, 2016 04:29 PM            

1) Meditation (calms the mind)

2) Juice Fasting (release toxins inside of body that affects emotions and the way you think)

3) BE BY YOURSELF (Separate yourself from people for a while. Maybe for like a week depending on your social life. Go to the park and gaze at the sky and roll in the grass or something. If you're worried about how you look, or the way you look you're only going to remind yourself of wasteful things)

4) Music....

I hope you get better. We experience things differently and we all need healing in certain areas. My need for healing is derived from social issues and my need for personal freedom. Don't reject those feelings, they'll only come back to haunt you.

Verbalize/write down everything. You can't get rid of the ugly by acting like everything's pretty. But do it at the appropriate time

posted April 26, 2016 12:02 AM            

Hello Hon Solo! Welcome to LL

posted April 26, 2016 02:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by lalalinda:
hearttreasure

Hello Hon Solo! Welcome to LL

---

Thank you.

Yes, posting the synastry, hearttreasure, could prove helpful, couldn't it?

posted April 28, 2016 01:38 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by venus2tinkerbell:
You're so perceptive and wise. You didn't have to suck the life out of someone else to be that way. The light is just there, maybe burning dimly right now, but you have it.

It escapes us sometimes that the person we are sleeping with could be jealous of us; sabotaging out of envy and self loathing. You're right. He tried to make you what he sees in himself. Maybe he succeeded in outward appearances, but he didn't give you your confidence and strength. He doesn't know it's source! He can try and paint a picture of lies where he is you and you are him, and all he needs is for you to believe it. Don't believe it.

---

Thank you venus2tinkerbell. At the beginning I didn't trust my inner voice that told me "don't" and something "deceptive" about him when he asked me the second time to be his girlfriend.

quote:

---

Originally posted by venus2tinkerbell:
I like to look for positive transits to work with. Recently I read that meditating or praying for the 2.5 days the moon is in your 12 house can be quite powerful.

---

I don't really know how to work with transits. How to look at it?

His moon might be in my 12th house, why is it powerful? He really knows how/where to hurt me the most.

quote:

---

Originally posted by missblyss:
honey, I will tell you this because you need to take your power back! and, no matter how manipulative/ cruel/ wrong-intentioned someone was, making someone the aggressor and someone the victim ends up taking our power away.

try to look at it this way, you were attracted to this man because of lessons YOU needed to learn. Hallelujah- you have ended up seeing his true nature! but what in you was is that allowed yourself to be with someone who treated you this way? it doesn't make you bad or wrong, you are a human being going through difficult lessons just like the rest of us!! if you can recognize why it is this situation was pulled in and why you allowed it to persist, then you will take your power back because you will prevent it from happening again.

every situation in life, no matter how difficult and painful offers us valuable lessons and room for growth... and, honestly, the more difficult and painful it is, the more potential for growth and healing that lies within the experience. maybe you drew him into your life simply to pull to surface the parts of yourself that were very broken so that you could heal them. in the midst of the fallout, you may only be aware of the parts of you that are very broken... but your awareness isn't totally accurate, all those wonderful traits you have had all along are still within you.. however, your mind is not having you focus on them right now because you're focus is being directed to the parts that need healing...

so use this awful, painful situation to your advantage! use his cruelty as fuel to ignight your passion for self-healing and self-growth. give a purpose to this experience!! incorporate one good habit at a time into your life... exercise is a WONDERFUL place to start... i promise you, if you treat this in such a way, you will look back on this and be GRATEFUL it happened and even thankful because you will see how it helped you elevate to a higher, happier, healthier place.

other options for healing are therapy, journaling, meditation, art, hobbies, self help books...

you got this, my love. I have been there, I truly have.... and I can tell you that using the pain that was triggered to grow and become whole was the most empowering thing i have ever done.. he tried to take my power and i took it back and grew 10x as strong as before.

---

Yours such thoughtful words of encouragement missblyss, thank you. My parents said similar words, but I don't know why I get numb at this moment. I hope this is a normal phase that I need to get through.

quote:

---

Originally posted by missblyss:
I want to add one thing, that may be difficult for you to see until you are more healed and are not taking his behavior so personally..

but your partner hurt you because he was hurt. It is something i can guarantee 100%. Your mind may try to convince you that he hurt you because you weren't good enough- but please know this is NEVER the case in the human experience. he hurt you because he was damaged... and you felt hurt because of your own wounds.

---

Yes. I could see and understand how hurt he was from his past. I've told him that he couldn't repeat the same cycle in the relationship with me because I was not his past and I was not the people in his past and it hurt my feelings he did it to me.

posted April 28, 2016 02:04 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by nordicsoul:
hearttreasure

receive healing energies from my corner. I believe that there are some steps in the healing process with more or less details, but based on my own healing experiences i would say..

1.- you feel without energy and depressed, sad. not will to do anything, even things that have been very motivating in the past. so, take your time to cry all you can, put candles, put romantic music even if you cry, mourn that lost, mourn the lost of the idea of loving relationship, mourn for the wounded woman, mourn the whatever needs to be mourned. it is your right to have illusions and they were chattered. in the meantime, also incorporate a physical routine. maybe changing the room decoration arrangement, folding the clothes, cleaning. some physical activity that makes your environment more welcoming and makes you feel that life is still rolling...when you get into desperation and suicidal thoughts, start breathing slowly. breathing is really healing as it brings energy to your system. do it for some minutes. concentrate on your breathing. if your feel too weak for marcial arts, maybe yoga or meditation, but these are practices that help with the recovery of energy. you have put so much energy outside in another person and you need to get it back. any exercise that bring that energy to you would be helpful

---- some way to help could also include writing down everywere positive thoughts about you.. (i.e. I deserve to be loved unconditionally, I forgive myself for any choice i have made, I love me with all my flaws... you can even hug yourself and feel the warm you can give to yourself)

2. a second step after you feel more energized is start looking at the reasons you brought (unconsciously of course) this person to your life. what areas of your life needs healing and bringing these wounds to the surface was a way to make them conscious. but try this once you feel more energized. before would only make you feel helpless. unless you have a gemini moon and feel energized by "understanding", but even in that moment you are down, you need to recover energy before you can put energy into something.. does it make sense?
when you feel ready, then please post your chart for us to give you inputs..

be compassionate to yourself. be patient. healing takes time. know that there is love in the universe you can feed from.

blessings

Nordic

---

Here's my chart Nordic & thank you for your kind words and healing energy , I understand it because I have already let myself cry a lot. This relationship taught me a lot about feelings. I have learned to tell my feelings than to keep it like I used to be.

(I don't know why there's a missing line between my sun/mars & mercury/uranus)

posted April 28, 2016 03:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by NYCdodger:
Here are things that helped me:

1) Meditation (calms the mind)

2) Juice Fasting (release toxins inside of body that affects emotions and the way you think)

3) BE BY YOURSELF (Separate yourself from people for a while. Maybe for like a week depending on your social life. Go to the park and gaze at the sky and roll in the grass or something. If you're worried about how you look, or the way you look you're only going to remind yourself of wasteful things)

4) Music....

I hope you get better. We experience things differently and we all need healing in certain areas. My need for healing is derived from social issues and my need for personal freedom. Don't reject those feelings, they'll only come back to haunt you.

Verbalize/write down everything. You can't get rid of the ugly by acting like everything's pretty. But do it at the appropriate time

Peace.

---

Meditation, that's the hard one. *sigh* I get distract easily and my mind tend to talk by itself. *covering up my face, feeling guilty*

Thankfully I'm not really worried about how I look but more to what I do. I have tried to find why me so negative like him (this is another opposite energy we have, I used to be positive and naive but acted aloof, he used to be negative and distrust anyone but acted like he got along with everyone), eventually it is my own wound that need to be healed.

Thanks NYCdodger , music is one of the best things that happened in this world.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hon Solo:
You say you are hard on yourself. This, this I know, this makes everything trickier, and in my case has slowened down the healing process. But! It doesn't have to be like that! I first encourage you to find the compassion towards yourself. Maybe via the compassion you start finding things you enjoy again. Being creative? By that I mean something like cooking, for instance, since doesn't have to be anything "big".

I wish you all the best!

---

posted April 28, 2016 03:13 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Orange:
can you post the synastry, please?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hon Solo:
..

Yes, posting the synastry, hearttreasure, could prove helpful, couldn't it?

---

posted April 29, 2016 04:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hon Solo:
Jupiter conj. Moon there, that's the first thing I noticed. I think, for that aspect only, you will come out of this just fine, Jupiter helps you to let yourself deal with the emotions. With Jupiter's help here you can "reason" with your deep feelings by feeling them, and that makes the healing process stronger and more productive. So feel everything, elaborate your feelings. I don't think you would pent up emotions here too much, which is a good, good thing! Chiron quite close to your Descendant makes you very receptive of other people's emotions/pain, so you might be feeling some of the process the other party is going through, too. At least you must've felt some of their pain. You could be feeling powerlessness and sadness due to them not healing from their abusive behavior. Instead you had to cut the cords. Anyway, the way forward. Your Juno is on your Vertex. Could someone else elaborate what this might mean in terms of helping oneself heal?! Love, and the ability to love, that is a blessing, don't lose the sight of that...

I'm sorry if I was (too) abstract and/or couldn't give any advice concrete enough (learning, learning).

---

My mercury seems understand abstract very well, I can understand yours.

Yes, moon conjunct jupiter is like a constant emotional/inner faith but those mars in 12th house can be "bad" if oneself is in negative energy.

Chiron close to descendant does that? Well, the mystery has been solved. My sisters always told me, "Why do you always attract damaged people in your life?"

You could be feeling powerlessness and sadness due to them not healing from their abusive behavior. Instead you had to cut the cords. - Yes! I can't do it anymore. Too much pain.