posted May 28, 2016 10:25 AM            

I am not sure if it's astologically specific, but as he's a Cancer maybe it helps give a perspective of the kind of guy I am dealing with.

Very typical Cancer. Leo Mars so he's pretty proud and all that too. A lot of planets in Gemini so he can definitely have that intellectual / deep thinking nature also.

But most of all he is a really loving, honest, sensitive guy who tries pretty hard to look after everyone else and to give off the image that he is fine even when he is falling apart.

I think we love each other. I am a Scorpio and I am pretty instinctive on stuff and I really believe that we do.

Pretty much right of the bat of us meeting /starting to date and it being all wonderful and happy his parents died and it obviously was completely tragic circumstances that put us off course because the "relationship" element of his life obviously became less important and he was frantically trying to help his family and also keep himself together and process the loss.

All the way through though, we were okay. I mean, he always said he just wanted me to wait for him and he was sorry he was not focussed on me but he felt every bit the same. Most of the time he was communicative but also did not want to see me. He seemed to be avoiding me completely although that was kind of the elephant in the room.

I let this go on for maybe a month and a half. Not seeing him, not even talking to him on the phone and at times barely even messaging. I tried to give him space - I did really well with that considering that for me that is tough to do. I am a Scorpio - shutting me out emotionally is painful to deal with. But I did it because i seriously care about this man and am pretty sure he feels the same.

After i guess 7 weeks of total radio silence and not seeing him, I guess i started to lose faith that he would ever come back, or that he wanted to. I guess we were destined to be a "could have been" but the timing just screwed us up.

So i sent him a very gentle message to just say that maybe we had drifted apart now and it was time to let go.

I was surprised when he called me right away. After not calling me for 7 weeks. He said that basically he still felt very bit the same about me and really did want to me part of my life / have a relationship with me but that he had just lost two people that he loved and he felt that everyone was going to leave him - me included, and he was afraid in some psychological way to get involved with me any deeper because he knew how much he was going to love me and he couldn't deal with losing anyone else.

I know he is a proud guy, and a serious guy, and he opened up to me on every feeling / thought he was having over about two hours on the phone and i totally understood it.

We talked, ironed it out, I assured him he wasn't going to lose me and we agreed to see each other. I admit by this point I was feeling insecure myself...like shut out, ignored and also scared that he was going to be unreliable or shut me out again. I explained to him that I had been through a loss myself (my fiance a few years ago) and that I rally needed someone who was going to be there and not make me feel confused by not communicating.

I didn't want to pressure him, but also did not want to get back into the relationship only to have him shut me out every time stuff got real He said he understood and he was 100% sure he could and wanted to be that guy.

We agreed to just communicate better and figure our way through it and he said he would call me later that night.

Then he didn't call. He went out instead. It's a small thing, but for whatever reason, with me already feeling kind of insecure I flipped a bit on him over this small thing and told him that it wasn't okay to make an arrangement and not stick with it and he wasn't treating me right.

I think i over reacted. He was suprised as I'd always been so cool before but we aregued it a it back and forth. I think I was just emotionally frazzled and so was he and we were arguing over nothing really and it just escalated.

And then I was more suprised when he sent me a message to end it. He told me that after all i had been through he didn't think he was able to guarantee that he would not upset me again, and that he had just done it by accident without even realising and I was too good / too precious for him to make mistakes with. He said although he still felt the same about me, that I had his heart, he was letting me go because he felt it was best for me - to protect me from his shortcomings.

I feel like this message was a copout. Nothing in my past has ever bothered him before. If anything he said it made him like me more, as it gave me a lot of sense and compassion.

Do you think this is all grief /confusion / miscommunication and I should gently let him know this isn't what I want? or do you think I should just let him go?

I really, really, really want this relationship to happen and I think that he does to but I am confused.

Does he really need time / space / a few months to deal with his loss and for me to leave him alone?

Does he need me to fight for him, so he knows I am not going to leave him?

Or does he just not like me / love me enough to make a phonecall when he says he will?

posted May 28, 2016 11:08 AM            

From what you wrote I would think that there is also a fear of deep commitment due to the Gemini Placements.
Not that he would not be able to - but if you confront Gemini with something like "I really really need stability and continuity"...it could scare them.
Just the verbal confrontation with it, not the commitment itself.
It's not true that Air Signs are just Butterflies.

But I can relate so much to your needs and I think you reacted very sensitive and wise.

Scorpio and Gemini Energy clashing can be very dramatic, but if you have other factors in your synastry that match well (like the Cancer Sun) it can be balanced out.
It's always a larger picture.

The loss of parents is the worst case scenario for a Cancer, so his behavior seems explainable to me...and they can be so secluding when in trouble and shut everybody out...that's not easy.
But if you really like him, don't give it up yet!

Maybe things will be clearer after a short while

------------------
"What will survive of us is love"

Sun -- VIRGO 25*
Moon -- GEMINI 28*
in a T-Square with 12th House Neptune

posted May 28, 2016 01:42 PM            

[IMG] [/IM G]

My chart

posted May 28, 2016 01:59 PM            

You made me cry reading your story.

I feel for you both. I think you need to hurt yourself a little if you wanna have this long beautiful love story.

nowadays we tend to take shortcuts and give up way too easily.

TBH, I read my story here, that's why you made me cry. And also probably because of the large mojito I just drank...

So besides getting drunk tonight, I suggest sweet darling that you find inside yourself the strength that is needed to make one of those beautiful love story come true.

(On a side note, please vote to remain in the EU )

posted May 28, 2016 02:29 PM            

I don't know if you are far enough along in the relationship to just stay put and show him you're not going anywhere, even if he temporarily wants to shut you out.

The safer thing for you, IMO, would be to just accept what he said, but say that you're still there for him, if he wants to talk.

posted May 28, 2016 03:54 PM            

I am going to leave him alone and see if i hear from him again.