posted July 25, 2016 07:26 PM            

I'm a married female (Libra sun/Leo moon/Virgo rising) who fell for another married female, last year, and looking back on it now, I've been trying to come to terms with my shadow side.

I am an all or nothing person when it comes to love. I'd rather end bitterly and ugly, than do the sweet fade away. I want all of you or nothing. I build people up in my mind, to put them on a pedestal that no human being could ever live up to. I get jealous and possessive. I am either very emotionally unavailable, 99% of the time, or in this 1% scenario, I care wayyyyyyyy too much. Or I think I care. Do I really care, or is it that I'm making it up in my mind, like I did with her? See, I get lost with that.

This throws off the balance that I want. Along with the fairness I want to treat everyone else with.

I'm married to a Cancer man and he is probably a safe choice for me. He's been the only person to survive all of the tests I have thrown his way, but that was in the first years of the relationship. Now going on year 13 of marriage, I've calmed down to the point of probably seeming...well, I don't wanna say cold. Passive, perhaps? Probably like I could take or leave him.

What I felt for this woman, I've never felt before in my life. And there have been times I've felt VERY, VERY deeply. Now that it is "over" with her (we were never physical, but it did resemble a relationship, emotional-wise), I long to have those feelings again. Those feelings I felt for her, even though she wasn't good for me. It's consuming me.

I'm still getting over "HER" (gosh, it's so darn hard to let go for me) and even have to have her blocked on Facebook to put this behind me, but I feel like the sprint to the finish line in getting over "her" would be to meet someone else. But I'm freaking married! And caring that much, scared the crap out of me. Logical and analytical me went out the window. Where did I go in this? Where did I lose myself?

I've always yearned for something more when it comes to relationships and I feel this longing, to replace what I felt for her, is bogging me down. This is my test and I'm struggling. Some days, I'm content with where I am, knowing I have all that I need, and then there are days when I can feel an ache in me that it takes me over and a dull pain emanates from my core.

I looked up definitions of venus in scorpio while perusing my chart and everything fit to a damn T.

posted July 25, 2016 08:01 PM            

i too have my venus in scorpio, Libra sun, virgo moon and Taurus ASC, so venus/pluto are on my DC putting a huge emphases on scorpio/pluto for my love nature and relationships..

i can relate to your story and the all consuming passions. its hard, and honestly.. i don't know if ive even really mastered controlling it.. I'm VERY obsessive, i will churn over an idea, person, emotion over and over again trying to figure it out. sometimes its so much ill avoid relationships all together.. but every so often theres that undeniable attraction and ill be fixated! typically if it hurts enough, its like ill think about it so much, i eventually become numb and it no longer will effect me the same way.. ive been like that with people all my life, if they hurt me bad enough i wont hesitate to cut them out and I'm cold as ice. its like they never existed..

posted July 25, 2016 08:28 PM            

I have a Taurus ASC so Pluto rules my 7th house.

Pluto conjuncts my Sun and mars, opposite my ASC.

Moon in libra semi-sextile Pluto. My Sun and Moon are also semi-sextile so it's one big stellium.

I can't relate to the lesbian aspect (sorrt if I offended you. I don't know what else to call it, properly), but I can totally relate to the passions and emotions you feel.

I have Sun sextile Neptune and Moon square Neptune so I tend to be very gullible in love. Not to mention my naive moon in Libra.

I broke up with my first love 4 years ago ( 2012) and it still feels fresh and new. We started dating very young and were on and off for 7 years. I still feel close to him even though everything has changed. I still stalk his social media sites every day, but you would never know judging by my every day life. I sound like an antisocial creep with low self esteem but I'm actually well rounded, popular for the most part, and very attractive. It's my Scorpio Venus at work. I loved him to my core. He was my first sexual partner, love interest, etc. and even though we were never meant to be, my love for him extended to the ends of this earth. I still haven't found a way to detach and let go. I even took it a step further and started calling his girlfriend names and trying to destroy their relationship (even though he was in on it too because he wanted to work things out) but eventually snapped out of that psycho spell.

I really don't have any advice for you accept to show you that you are not alone and there's really nothing wrong with you. We love hard as hell. It's just in our nature. I believe as we get older, life will force us to detach. You should have a Uranus transit coming soon ir a little later followed by a Pluto square to your Venus so trust me, if you don't learn how to detach yourself, life will do it for you.

We are deep creatures. The only thing I found that breaks the spell is a more intense connection. That's the only way. I met a double Taurus with Venus/ Mars in Cancer. We had tons of oppositions in synastry along with a few nice Venus trines so the connection and sex was out of this world. He helped me break off the toxic relationship with my first love, but years latee, when my first love found someone else to replace what we had, I became a prisoner to his spell once again. I guess the only thing left for me to do is wait for another intense encounter to take over. It sounds like a game, but it's just the pattern I noticed. Nothing else will do it.

Pluto is Power.

posted July 25, 2016 08:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by BeholdAstarte:
hi there :P

I'm VERY obsessive, i will churn over an idea, person, emotion over and over again trying to figure it out. sometimes its so much ill avoid relationships all together.. but every so often theres that undeniable attraction and ill be fixated! typically if it hurts enough, its like ill think about it so much, i eventually become numb and it no longer will effect me the same way.. ive been like that with people all my life, if they hurt me bad enough i wont hesitate to cut them out and I'm cold as ice. its like they never existed..

---

I do the same. I avoided close relationships from 18-33, they always seemed to be with female friendships though. That's another story altogether.

I couldn't avoid this one, though. I tried. I tried to compartmentalize the feelings for "her", but I couldn't. I couldn't stop caring and having all the damn feelings/emotions that honestly, I didn't want. I was fine with the feelings I have for my husband and didn't ask for anything else.

Thank you for the second portion of your reply. I'm going to re-read it again and again for it to get in my head.

posted July 25, 2016 08:58 PM            

This doesn't mean giving in, at least not necessarily. It's becoming aware so that you can control it, rather than it controlling you.

Many assume that which is repressed is automatically bad, but it's not necessarily so. Many men repress their vulnerability and kinder sentiments, and many women repress their power and true expression, and these become shadow sides that need to be incorporated into the person to become whole, otherwise there is distress in the person, even if they don't know why.

x

Applied to your specific case...best I can think of is to find out what triggered this obsession. A Jungian psychologist would probably say that this woman represents some quality within you that you need to develop or express, a quality you may not even realize you need to work on. If you become conscious of it, then you could lose interest in this woman as you work on the quality within yourself.

Another possibility is that this woman triggers some old scar that you're trying to resolve. Say if a beloved aunt abandoned you or died on you when you were young, or even rejected you cruelly, and this woman has qualities that remind you of this person, then you could subconsciously set it up to create the circumstances in which "this time it works out correctly" (though being subconscious, it usually ends as it always end, as it did the first time). In this case, identifying the real issue and working on that will release you from your obsession with this woman, though it's harder than it sounds.

x

posted July 25, 2016 11:56 PM            

Last, go have fun with your husband and work on your friendship with him. Start to practice gratitude for what you have and let go of all your ideas of how things should be and were you should be at and center yourself in the present.

posted July 26, 2016 07:47 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by caligal2015:
I struggled last year, falling for a woman I didn't even know. I basically made her all up in my mind. The feelings were...overwhelming.

I'm a married female (Libra sun/Leo moon/Virgo rising) who fell for another married female, last year, and looking back on it now, I've been trying to come to terms with my shadow side.

I am an all or nothing person when it comes to love. I'd rather end bitterly and ugly, than do the sweet fade away. I want all of you or nothing. I build people up in my mind, to put them on a pedestal that no human being could ever live up to. I get jealous and possessive. I am either very emotionally unavailable, 99% of the time, or in this 1% scenario, I care wayyyyyyyy too much. Or I think I care. Do I really care, or is it that I'm making it up in my mind, like I did with her? See, I get lost with that.

This throws off the balance that I want. Along with the fairness I want to treat everyone else with.

I'm married to a Cancer man and he is probably a safe choice for me. He's been the only person to survive all of the tests I have thrown his way, but that was in the first years of the relationship. Now going on year 13 of marriage, I've calmed down to the point of probably seeming...well, I don't wanna say cold. Passive, perhaps? Probably like I could take or leave him.

What I felt for this woman, I've never felt before in my life. And there have been times I've felt VERY, VERY deeply. Now that it is "over" with her (we were never physical, but it did resemble a relationship, emotional-wise), I long to have those feelings again. Those feelings I felt for her, even though she wasn't good for me. It's consuming me.

I'm still getting over "HER" (gosh, it's so darn hard to let go for me) and even have to have her blocked on Facebook to put this behind me, but I feel like the sprint to the finish line in getting over "her" would be to meet someone else. But I'm freaking married! And caring that much, scared the crap out of me. Logical and analytical me went out the window. Where did I go in this? Where did I lose myself?

I've always yearned for something more when it comes to relationships and I feel this longing, to replace what I felt for her, is bogging me down. This is my test and I'm struggling. Some days, I'm content with where I am, knowing I have all that I need, and then there are days when I can feel an ache in me that it takes me over and a dull pain emanates from my core.

I looked up definitions of venus in scorpio while perusing my chart and everything fit to a damn T.

I have read it's best to embrace your shadow side, but can anyone clue me in on how to do that? Thanks!

---

posted July 26, 2016 10:30 AM            

I've never felt this level of a connection before, so that really threw me. This was a very different feeling. This woman triggered me immediately. She felt like home. I've never felt such a magnetic connection to someone.

I guess it could be worse. I could get like this with every person in my life. LOL. Now THAT would be bad, haha. I seem to only do this when I have a very close connection.

posted July 26, 2016 11:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:
I can relate a lot with you big time. All I can say is your human, it happens, practice self compassion and you will get through this too; you are not bad, you are ok and complex, navigating through your journey.

Last, go have fun with your husband and work on your friendship with him. Start to practice gratitude for what you have and let go of all your ideas of how things should be and were you should be at and center yourself in the present.

---

^This is so true!

I'm also a Scorp venus, but I feel young (though I'm 26 going on 27) I just feel really young and unexperienced with love (though I've had tons of love-interests)
Scorpio venus is like being a teenager in love the rest of your life lol:P

At least we never get bored... isn't it actually a bit amazing how we just never get tired of people we really love? Its a bit mystical almost... cause in general people lose feelings over time, but with scorpio venus they are just stuck for eternity it seems.

I too, recently broke up (actually he broke up not me) with my greatest love of all time, I still cannot move on...

posted July 26, 2016 02:31 PM            

I have really a hard time not to do something evil.I don't think that I am capable of doing something evil. I am too fair,proud and direct to be sneaky and take revenge. (Aries Sun,Jupiter conj squares Neptun, Venus,Mercury Pisces, Leo Asc) But I keep myself very hard not to explode and destroy everything. I want to rip eyes and skins off, I want to make suffer other person as I do. There is a certain point for me to reach( Taurus placements) It can take really long time. But once if I do reach that point, even I have no idea what would happen.

posted July 26, 2016 03:50 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by caligal2015:
I do the same. I avoided close relationships from 18-33, they always seemed to be with female friendships though. That's another story altogether.

I couldn't avoid this one, though. I tried. I tried to compartmentalize the feelings for "her", but I couldn't. I couldn't stop caring and having all the damn feelings/emotions that honestly, I didn't want. I was fine with the feelings I have for my husband and didn't ask for anything else.

Thank you for the second portion of your reply. I'm going to re-read it again and again for it to get in my head.

I don't want to be like this when it comes to close friendships/relationships, but it's like a tidal wave of feelings and completely overtakes me.

---

I totally understand where your coming from. and I'm glad that I can help!

its rather crippling for me when I'm fully consumed and obsessed with someone.. I almost cant even stand the beginning of relationships because ill be so passionate and fixated on a person, its like my whole being becomes volatile. I don't know how to explain it, but its volcanic. its so much, ill do anything for the ones I love and I feel like that's a really great asset to this placing, because although its energies can tear us apart, it can create beautiful experiences with the depth and intense giving of love to others.

I think too, since venus is in detriment in scorpio, it makes its emotional passions extremely torrential, taking away the peace that venus ultimately craves. and because of this, I feel like this venus placement benefits a lot from spending time alone and really facing and confronting its intense desires, insecurities and emotional nature which I feel is the key to unlocking the immense amount of healing potential in scorpio. this can go against the very social and light hearted qualities of venus.. I know holding back feelings is a natural response, but accepting and facing the emotions you are having, will make the experience I think less painful. it sounds like your going through internal changes emotionally that are out of your control due to your environment, very much a pluto theme, its hard at first but in the end theres some sort of transformation that will ultimately make you stronger and make you consider what you are really wanting.. especially emotionally.. maybe try to pace yourself.. see whats the emotional draw to this women. ive noticed, that my intense fascinations eventually will numb themselves out if I dig deep enough and find everything I need to know. this pattern goes along with people too. time is definitely a healer.

the transcending qualities that scorpio/pluto can bring to venus can be tremendously uplifting, and in its best expression can approach relationships in a high minded and spiritual type of love.

just try to keep things in perspective and finding positive outlets for the emotional charge of scorpio will help tons!! whatever your creative draw is.. do it! take time for yourself, heal and take a step back. look at the situation and see what you really want and I think things will start to become clearer