posted September 24, 2016 08:18 AM            

It was a VERY important year for me, never mind that the solar aspect was ONLY a semisquare.
It started with hard to grasp emotional pain and the acute feeling of "lack" or "sin by omission". I ominously was getting obsessed with thinking I was going to die, knowing this was nunsense, but nevertheless the FEELING was there, because everything felt so freaking intense and close like my soul was laying bare open and crying for my attention (like a baby. lol).

It also came together with that feeling of YEARNING and LONGING to "go home".

"Home" in this particular instance was the musical-theatre. But there had been a reason I had turned my back on this, as it (seemed to ) belong to a past, and associated with an emotionally so painful experience, that it had battered my sprit and robbed me of the ability to believe in anything (spiritual), and I had filed it away, because I was not able to deal with it years ago.

But eventually I realized with the pLuto-Sun that I had to deal with it ONE day, as it was still unresolved, and I realized I was living not true to myself my life, I wanted to believe and all that jazz, but you can`t just command yourself to feel or believe something again, to have the colours return to your life with just a snap of a finger. It does not work like that.

But depressed as I was (Tr Saturn was opposing my n Moon as well), this seemed to signal the time to DO something about it.

AS for "going home", I wasn`t really ready to do this, did not WANT to, even though myf riend suddenly uncharacteristically was nagging me about this upcoming open air musical concert. I never knew WHY I was so opposed to going there, it was just a concert after all, but in the end I surrendered to her stronger will, and just accompanied her there - she is not even a musical-fan. (interestingly this year - again, and never in the years in between - she has been nagging me about a certain musical, I wanted to give a "pass" actually. *sighs* But well of course I am going to go with her).

It was on that open air that P first crossed my path, just a fleeting moment, but that first fleeting moment somehow led to him crossing my path reapeatedly in the following years, until today actually.

I also started working on these emotional residual issues I mentioned, and stumbled across Lindaland in august that year, and since Linda Goodman was the first astrological author I either read or got stuck with me (first read the mentioning of soulmates/ twinflames in her books actually), many years before, I registered here.

posted September 24, 2016 03:19 PM            

But I have been in turbulence in my life more or less since my Saturn return and started therapy 1,5 years ago. I definitely don't want anymore pain, giving up or new unresolved things in my life I was hoping this could be the turn for the better since I have this hard period behind me and not through hardship this time and doesn't Saturn reward hard work ;D fat chance maybe?