posted November 07, 2016 10:41 AM            

A lot of my depression has been rooted around anger issues and my inability to "properly assert myself", which honestly may be rooted in the idea that I repress my impulses instead of acting out on them, causing me much internal tension and stress. I am asking people who are strong in Marsian energy if this has been their experience; I am not asking for a diagnosis when it comes to my personal issues.

posted November 07, 2016 10:47 AM            

anyway yes i think it is sexuality. i had troubles with that too, and i repressed a lot of sexuality.

it can cause someone to be very depressed.

posted November 07, 2016 10:52 AM            

the best way to express you mars energy in a healthy way is through sports (boxing, martial arts, etc). might sound cliche but it's true.

what you're experiencing is resentment. and it only starts to manifest as depression when the person has kept much energy inside "out of fearing the same violent reaction he might receive from others".

but once you change the philosophy behind repressing your anger from fear of people to achieving inner balance, you will gradually find yourself become a more peaceful, tolerant and forgiving person.

hot temper is the issue of many men and women. you can ease it off to a great extent by practicing martial arts or yoga.

when very angry, try to remember to take deep breaths, drink cool water and go for a walk if possible.

posted November 07, 2016 01:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Electro DGX:
When it comes to Mars, do you feel it is best to express Mars at its fullest without repressing impulses within? If you need to say something, do you feel better having said it and may have upset some people rather than holding it in and letting it simmer? I think the main reason for my depression is how I repress so much of my anger, and if I were to express it more I would be much happier with myself.

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Great insight perhaps that is the case with you yes.

With mars in Scorpio if you repress the anger when it does come out is like a nuclear bomb was set off. I could see how your moon in Gemini and Aquarius placements prefer to be diplomatic and get along which is something to be admired bc is quite the skill so I guess you have to figure out a way to express that anger while still been true to your air influence that prefers to be detached and get along.

Mars in Scorpio:

posted November 07, 2016 01:43 PM            

that said, is your Mars connected to Neptune or in the 12th house?

I am asking cause mine is, and it has been a bit of an issue for me too(though apparently not as bad as for you).

But yes, when I learned to stand up for myself and express my feelings which might include being angry, I started feeling much healthier, and actually became healthier.

posted November 07, 2016 02:14 PM            

However, it's not so much a struggle for assertion as it is an issue with diplomacy. My Air placements want to so much hold diplomacy within the group and often I refrain from saying what's on my mind in order to not ruffle feathers, which may be causing more issues for me than being upfront with others. Having five planets in Aquarius probably makes this quite apparent.

posted November 07, 2016 02:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Electro DGX:
When it comes to Mars, do you feel it is best to express Mars at its fullest without repressing impulses within? If you need to say something, do you feel better having said it and may have upset some people rather than holding it in and letting it simmer? I think the main reason for my depression is how I repress so much of my anger, and if I were to express it more I would be much happier with myself.

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Anger is strong feeling and clarity of how you are feeling at this red hot minute.

I think its best to express how you are feeling if and when you feel it. But make sure that you are expressing it to the person concerned directly and NOT vicariously through others. Because that's not fair.

I struggle with the same issue myself.My Mars is in Libra and opposes my Asc(Aries), squares my Moon(Cancer)& Mercury(Capricorn)

I think that I agree with what most people here said.: Assertion

posted November 07, 2016 03:09 PM            

Well diplomacy vs assertion - fine line of differentiating.

For me Mars is in 12th house 2 degrees conjunct my ASC - I experience him as a 12th house conjunct ASC.

Aries,

posted November 07, 2016 03:53 PM            

I don't take out my anger from other situations and people on others though; yeah, I will talk with them about it and vent to them but I won't take out my anger on others who don't deserve it. Sometimes I get these intense feelings of rage and wanting to just scream and rip my hair out, but I don't take out my anger on others. That's something my father failed at doing; he always took out his frustration on everyone around him and so everyone paid the price for it.

That also might be why I choose to refrain from expressing my anger. I just don't agree with Mars in the 12th house. Every description I've read of Mars in the 12th just fills me with disgust and I cannot resonate at all. Descriptions such as, "afraid of anger, lack of self-confidence, etc," just don't resonate with me. A big issue is knowing "when it is right for me to express my anger" which never seems to ever work out for me.

posted November 07, 2016 05:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Electro DGX:
A big reason why I don't usually act out of my anger is because I feel like I get angry over little things, and if I were to react I would make the situation much worse than it needs to be. I'm wondering if I should start expressing my anger and asserting myself more instead of trying to be diplomatic all of the time. If I didn't try so hard to control my anger, I would be acting out on my anger ALL THE TIME. This is usually why I refrain from getting angry, even though letting it out in order to address my frustration would be healthier for me.

I don't take out my anger from other situations and people on others though; yeah, I will talk with them about it and vent to them but I won't take out my anger on others who don't deserve it. Sometimes I get these intense feelings of rage and wanting to just scream and rip my hair out, but I don't take out my anger on others. That's something my father failed at doing; he always took out his frustration on everyone around him and so everyone paid the price for it.

That also might be why I choose to refrain from expressing my anger. I just don't agree with Mars in the 12th house. Every description I've read of Mars in the 12th just fills me with disgust and I cannot resonate at all. Descriptions such as, "afraid of anger, lack of self-confidence, etc," just don't resonate with me. A big issue is knowing "when it is right for me to express my anger" which never seems to ever work out for me.

---

The struggle is real and what is getting in your way paradoxically is how incredibly insightful and mindful you are and those are the qualities that will also help you find that balance.

You do have to pick and choose what to express and when to practice assertiveness and decide when is better to just let it go, its an ongoing process and it is challenging. The thing is if you find yourself always letting things go then you are been passive and that lowers yourself self-worth and it will eventually back fire and you will explode (passive aggressive). Someone assertive picks their battles, sets boundaries when needed and deals with the situation as it arises by expressing themselves calmly, clearly and with confidence.

You are not your dad, you have a capacity for insight that he does not have and is why you are struggling with this and that will go a long way in helping you calibrate when to let go and when to address something in your relationships.

Channeling your anger in a positive way is also a good idea, I have a client that plays hockey and he channels his anger by focusing all that energy on winning and succeeding (he wants to be a professional hockey player), or writing down how you feel, rapping how you feel, containment techniques, diffusing techniques, meditation exercises, mindfulness...

But sometimes you will say the wrong thing and that is ok IMO, we are humans not robots and that is part of life, things do get messy but the idea is to have less of those incidents although I feel they are unavoidable to a certain extent if you are Martian like with my partner who has Mars in Scorpio or I as Mars rules my chart. I have to accept this about him and myself to a certain point specially considering that I am far from perfect and play a role sometimes in his inappropriate behavior, sometimes is all him though and it gets really ugly.

I highly recommend you purchase "the dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook Practical DBT exercises for learning mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation and distress tolerance."

Its an excellent book: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-dialectical-behavior-therapy-skills-workbook-matthew-mckay/1008150072?ean=9781572245136&pcta=n&st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Core+Shopping+Textbooks_000000 00&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP164&k_clickid=3x164

You have plenty of time to figure this out, the fact that you are trying to address this already at such a young age is ridiculously impressive.

posted November 07, 2016 05:37 PM            

We only get the freedom we assert and people can only truly like us if they know who we are. We have to show them. But mostly we do it for ourselves.

Electro, having Mars square Mercury-Neptune, there may be a tendency for the Mercury-Neptune part to leave you hesitating due to wanting to express yourself in the best or most pleasant way. However, Mars is a hot 'act first' energy and it is not good to suppress it when it comes to standing up for yourself, your personal interests, and keeping the way clear for your own forward movement. Save the ideal for expressing yourself in artful creative ways.

Having Mars opposite Saturn is a more fundamental block of Martial energies in a relational context, especially related to parents, bosses, authority figures. You might try simple non-threatening expressions of disagreement at first notice of a difference of opinion. So long as you don't overdo it. When we use "I" statements (Well, I think ...) and then let it drop, we don't have to worry about the response, because if the other person has told us what they think they've just acknowledged our right to do the same.

Basic relational assertiveness involves communication, but the Martial energy is mostly self-directed action. It takes time to find a balanced way of doing this if we've grown in an authoritarian household. You'll probably have a period in which you let yourself fly free a bit once you are able. Maybe you'll do some things just because you can, and after a while find what a healthy proactive, self-directed lifestyle is for you.

posted November 07, 2016 10:49 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Electro DGX:
I'm wondering if I should start expressing my anger and asserting myself more instead of trying to be diplomatic all of the time.

Sometimes I get these intense feelings of rage and wanting to just scream and rip my hair out, but I don't take out my anger on others.

A big issue is knowing "when it is right for me to express my anger" which never seems to ever work out for me.

However, it's not so much a struggle for assertion as it is an issue with diplomacy. My Air placements want to so much hold diplomacy within the group and often I refrain from saying what's on my mind in order to not ruffle feathers, which may be causing more issues for me than being upfront with others. Having five planets in Aquarius probably makes this quite apparent.

---

Electro, I have Mars in Scorpio in the 1st house and a lot of what you wrote resonates with me.
For technical: my Mars conjuncts Venus (chart ruler) wide 8 deg (saving her from fall), Libra ASC, Uranus on ASC rules 5th

I had similar problems with expressing anger when i was your age. I found that the issues amounted when I continuously suppressed saying what's on my mind not wanting to ruffle the feathers even when faced with an outright lie or when taken advantage of. And then when anger would well up inside me I was afraid that in confrontation I will hurt the opponent really bad by the sheer will power of my mind, and that made me scared. I remember in secondary school I got beat up by much smaller girl a few times, I just let her, I did not return the punches because I KNEW somewhere deep down that I will hurt her really badly if I did. So physical violence was not my thing. However Mars Scorpio energy is atomic and you will implode with no outlet.

So by the time I was in my 20's I found a solution for expressing this anger, I joined a Kickboxing club. and this was brilliant. I have emptied all my anger on the punching bag, and oh boy I was GREAT ! The best kicker in the room. And my best guy friend, a Ninjitsu champion, gave me books on power of mind and that helped me to find stillness I needed.

It took me many years to learn about setting boundaries and call people on their BS ( even though I've 3 Scorpio planets and Pluto in 12th)...my bad, I should have done it sooner. The thing is, you need not be afraid to let your Aquarian energy of Uranus loose from the leash and shock people a little. I have Uranus on ASC, in Libra I admit so I want to be diplomatic and my Uranus is saying screeew it, but it is a constant struggle to go against Uranus. Therefore every now and then I just let it loose like a monkey to roam in the jungle for a bit. My best funny memories are all the moments when my Uranus took over :-) they may not have been as funny at the time, but hey I took so many things so seriously when I was a youngster that I wonder how I lived through it lol. I keep in mind a line from a movie about Beethoven ( this dude really had bad manners), he said "I am a vulgar man, but I take a great comfort in the fact that God made me that way" and that ladies and gentlemen is an example of accepting yourself with warts and all, as well as knowing that no one can be perfect in everything...cause that would definitely be booooring.

So my advice is:
1. get yourself a large punching bag, focus on your moves and go for it... added bonus you will have effing great biceps man ! ;-)
2. promise yourself to let your Uranus out of the cage every now and then and say something outrageous without fear
3. be authentic, say what's on your mind, you have every right to be who you are... don't worry what others think, they think about themselves 95% of the time anyway
4. set boundaries for how much you are comfortable with letting people get away with stuff, and don't feel guilty about it
5. lean on humor if you get stuck on any of the above, it truly paves a way in life

posted November 09, 2016 05:19 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Electro DGX:
No, it's not. I know that I am different from others and have had a hard time fitting in in the past, but it's NOT the root cause of my issues. I don't care about not fitting in, and have accepted that I am different. It's not something that bothers me; I know I am different and have accepted it. Yeah, I have been upset over certain things I cannot control such as my sexuality, but I have already accepted that it is who I am.

A lot of my depression has been rooted around anger issues and my inability to "properly assert myself", which honestly may be rooted in the idea that I repress my impulses instead of acting out on them, causing me much internal tension and stress. I am asking people who are strong in Marsian energy if this has been their experience; I am not asking for a diagnosis when it comes to my personal issues.

---

without daring to provide diagnosis I would say that mars energy needs outlets of expression, which not necessarily means being aggressive toward others. depression can be caused by many factors, but if we were to think in the ones associated to mars, I would say

1.- the person is not going after what they want. either they are not putting efforts into their likes & dreams (i.e working in something we dont like, being stuck in a responsibility that we cannot escape such as caring or having a life full of activities we are not choosing but others or "circumstances") there is a sense of frustrated mars as mars energy is to be put toward the fulfillment of the ego-needs

2.- It may be that for other factors in the chart or the upbringing, the person is afraid to be assertive and stands for its own rights. then energy build up. some unassertive people explode and then we have the super aggressive type or some implode and we have the depressive type. sometimes the person move between extremes of depression-aggression. my father was a very aggressive man, but at some point in his youth he was diagnosed with depression. he definitely could not be assertive without being aggressive, which meant that sometimes he swallowed his feelings.. although most of the time it was the aggressive side that was observed, but if one looked carefully could see that sometimes he wanted to be friendly and when he did, he could not be assertive.

I also remember a friend who was the super happy girl (many placement in air and sagitarious moon, with jupiter conjunct AC) so I got the impression she never got mad at anybody. not even when someone picked on her. I shared with her many years of study so I could see the evolution of her personality. she has Mars-Pluto conjunt exact, but it is diluted in all these other "happy" and airy placement such as saggy, aquarius and libra... then, she fell into a deep depression. after some 2 years in psychotherapy, she started expressing anger feelings toward friends who has abused her (for instance, a girl who borrowed moneny and never brought it back)... all this anger was inside.. now she can stand fiercely for herself if someone violate her boundaries, but these after long regular phychoterapy.. for me she is the best example of someone who has repressed anger to a level where she was not conscious of her anger. until she went to therapy, she could not even know...

to your assumption about depression. I suspect you are right. I do not think that people should start yelling at others and slamming doors or similar to express their anger, but anger is a natural reaction of the body with a function. it means that we perceive a boundary has been violated. either we change our perception in terms of our boundaries or we need to stand for ourselves when someone violate it. you can try with small steps... below some examples that I have seen people doing when moving from passive to more assertive self. it may seem trivial, but it is the small things that make for an angry day. when we feel abused by all

1. lets say you disagree with someone over something that is important to you. you say it without having to explain too much of yourself. just say it. I do not see that way. do not apologize, do not try to be nice when saying that. just say with a normal relaxed face, "I do not agree". you do not need to convince, but observe yourself and your emotions..
2.- lets say someone is cutting a line in a supermarket or someone sit in your reserve place.. again "sir, the line is there"

I remember a friend traveling with me and we were on a bus to the airport and someone suitcase was rolling back and forth annoying many of the passengers while the suitcase owner was sleeping. my friend woke her up and said "excuse me madam, but could you hold your suitcase?" this may be a trivial matter, but why in earth all the passenger must be annoyed for an hour, just because a careless passenger do not take care of her suitcase?

if a person is assertive in these trivial instances, it comes easier when some difficult matters come to the fore. I would invite you to practice your assertiveness with non so important matters as to feel more comfortable with a new way of dealing with the energy. at some point it will become second skin...

I do not know if these examples resonate with you, I really hope this help.

best wishes

NS

posted November 09, 2016 05:43 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Electro DGX:
A big reason why I don't usually act out of my anger is because I feel like I get angry over little things, and if I were to react I would make the situation much worse than it needs to be. I'm wondering if I should start expressing my anger and asserting myself more instead of trying to be diplomatic all of the time. If I didn't try so hard to control my anger, I would be acting out on my anger ALL THE TIME. This is usually why I refrain from getting angry, even though letting it out in order to address my frustration would be healthier for me.

I don't take out my anger from other situations and people on others though; yeah, I will talk with them about it and vent to them but I won't take out my anger on others who don't deserve it. Sometimes I get these intense feelings of rage and wanting to just scream and rip my hair out, but I don't take out my anger on others. That's something my father failed at doing; he always took out his frustration on everyone around him and so everyone paid the price for it.

That also might be why I choose to refrain from expressing my anger. I just don't agree with Mars in the 12th house. Every description I've read of Mars in the 12th just fills me with disgust and I cannot resonate at all. Descriptions such as, "afraid of anger, lack of self-confidence, etc," just don't resonate with me. A big issue is knowing "when it is right for me to express my anger" which never seems to ever work out for me.

---

you do seem to be afraid of your anger because of the consequences it may bring. when you try to be diplomatic it is because you are considering others as well. I guess the main conflict stem out of the need to consider your needs while considering also the others needs. i read you have mars-neptune? well, neptune want so fuse with people and agree with all in unison, but mars could not care less. so balancing these two planets is a life endeavor. someone with aries mars conjunct sun in 1st house and not afflicted by saturn or neptune most likely will not have this problem.

you wont be happy either behaving as you did not have neptune aspecting your mars. one way work at the physical release of this combination is through yoga or any type of soft and artistic physical activity. although i know someone with mars-saturn neptune who release tension through a punching bag, I would suggest something more like martial arts or yoga. with saturn specially as there is the need to learn to contain the energy (saturn) but expressing as well (mars)

posted November 09, 2016 05:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
expressing anger and assert yourself is not the same as being violent.....

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posted November 09, 2016 09:27 AM            

I was surrounded by an aggressive father most of my life, so a big factor into why I feel so angry all the time is probably related to the way I was conditioned when I was younger. He could not control his anger and would constantly take it out on others, including me. Even my sister was affected by it as well, but she isn't aware of the consequences of her actions and acts out aggressively instead. When she does that to me, it also provokes my aggressive instincts and triggers a huge sequence of arguments. When I was much younger I used to be really bad at controlling my anger; I would start screaming at people in the middle of the hallways in school when they made me angry and got extremely angry at people.

I've tried controlling it over the years by trying to hold back from "overdoing it" but in the end it's caused me more anger problems than it has helped. It's made me stifle my anger and cause it to implode, making me depressed. I know that if I really wanted to destroy someone with my anger, I have all the power to do it, which is why I often hold back so I don't "accidentally destroy" someone. Within the past few days I've been trying to express it more so and hold my ground, which has made me feel happier and not as depressed. It's something I will have to work on for a while, but eventually I will be able to adapt.

posted November 10, 2016 04:38 PM            

you are clear what you do not want to become (either your aggressive father or your sister) you have even experienced outburst of aggression when you were a child. now you have sort of dishonored mars as the bad guy and in doing that you have lost the drive to go for what you want and to stand for yourself.

as for your neptunian influence on mars, i start thinking that some sort of ritual can be done. like embracing mars in a visualization or something like that, or writing down how you want to express your martial energy.. that can help to find the fire inside... then.. small steps. trying small assertiveness actions.

just got inspired...LOL