posted December 04, 2016 05:49 PM            

I just split up with an Aquarius guy who was Venus in Sag because he needed to know if we were dating that "in principle" he was "allowed" to date other people.

I don't think he even was dating anyone else, I think it was just fundamentally important to him that he was still allowed to.

Being a Scorpio this was a dealbreaker for me and I ended it, but he seemed genuinely surprised I wasn't happy to date him while he saw other people.

Is that a Venus in Sag characteristic? I have never met anyone with such a strong need to set boundaries on his freedom.

posted December 05, 2016 04:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
Is Venus in Sag quite often an indicator of a person who prefers casual relationships?

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Hello Misspriss, I am aquarius and I have venus in sag. (with Mars, Jupiter and neptune). I'm not a man but I don't prefer casual relationships. I like sharing my love emotions with one person and have fun with. To satisfy my other needs, I like a be with friends and it's good like this. Just need both to keep me happy.
But maybe you must need to have a look on venus aspects in his chart to saturn and house also where is his 5th ruler... Mine is in 5th and BQ saturn and my ruler 5th is in IC. I think I'm enough "fixe". I hope not to be wrong, but it is so until now.

posted December 05, 2016 05:24 AM            

It is difficult to define specifically what Venus in Sag WANTS in a relationship with another(as it is with Sag energy).

But one thing is clear is that Jupiter wants to have the option of leaving the door open or leaving things "open ended".

Now this doesn't mean that the person concerned WILL cheat. Cheating is not sign specific.

But they do want to be open to discuss how they feel-whether its something the partner "wants" to hear or not.

I think what they meant to say was that they wanted an open communication with you i.e "Babes, I find so and so at work attractive and may have feelings for her".

I remember reading that Brad Pitt(Sag Sun/Venus in Cap) once said to his then wife Jenifer Aniston(Aqua Sun/Venus in Aries) that he was "drawn" to his co-star Angelina Jolie(that was when they were shooting Mr and Mrs Smith)

I am not certain how that conversation unfolded thereafter But my point is that to many people, this is not something that we like to hear form our partner (nor would express).

But Sag/Aqua placements want to have the openness and freedom to know that they can communicate and keep no secrets- even small unpleasant ones- from their partner's ears.

I won't second guess your decision, but I just wonder what your Venus sign is because I have Venus in Sco/Sag Sun and I can abstain for long periods of time from sex/intimacy until I meet someone I really like.

Someone saying things like "Are we together in principle?" would suggest to me that I and the person concerned, don't have a "connection". So I would also let them go with no hard feelings really.

posted December 05, 2016 06:30 AM            

I TRY not to be too dogmatic in my views on things; I am aware there's a natural stubborness in me so I do try and question things.

I just felt it was a new relationship, and if I felt like he might / would be dating or seeing other women it would bring out the worst in me -insecurity, jealousy, paranoia! I want to be able to make it fun and I would find that really hard if I was feeling paranoid!

The part about this I found really strange was that he was so honest!!! A lot of guys in new relationships would not have even brought the subject up but he clearly had a high sense of ideals and morals to be so open and clear with me.

He said he equated exclusivity with "premature emotional intensity" and that it wouldn't be good for him to feel he was "not allowed" to see other people before he knew me properly.

Our charts are probably incompatible.

I am:

Sun Scorp
Moon Pisces
Mercury in Sag
Venus Scorpio
Mars in Leo
Jupiter Cancer
Virgo Asc

I do have a lot of independence in my chart and can often find new partners too "clingy" so it's a balance for me. My sun in in the third house, and venus is conjunct uranus. Partners often find me full of contradictions!

His Sun is in Aquarius
Moon in Sag
Mercury in Cap
Venus in Sag
Mars in Sag
Jupiter in Sag
Asc Taurus

I think maybe all my emotional intensity might have been too much for him

I don't question my decision because I know it would have made me unhappy but I found it strange he seemed so interested in keeping his principle of freedom on paper rather than just giving it a shot.

posted December 05, 2016 07:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:

Venus in Sag,like many Sag placements, lives in a world of ideals(Jupiter). And many Venus in Sag are in search of a partnership "ideal" that strongly resembles the all encompassing nature of Jupiter.

It is difficult to define specifically what Venus in Sag WANTS in a relationship with another(as it is with Sag energy).

But one thing is clear is that Jupiter wants to have the option of leaving the door open or leaving things "open ended".

Now this doesn't mean that the person concerned WILL cheat. Cheating is not sign specific.

But they do want to be open to discuss how they feel-whether its something the partner "wants" to hear or not.

I think what they meant to say was that they wanted an open communication with you i.e "Babes, I find so and so at work attractive and may have feelings for her".

I remember reading that Brad Pitt(Sag Sun/Venus in Cap) once said to his then wife Jenifer Aniston(Aqua Sun/Venus in Aries) that he was "drawn" to his co-star Angelina Jolie(that was when they were shooting Mr and Mrs Smith)

I am not certain how that conversation unfolded thereafter But my point is that to many people, this is not something that we like to hear form our partner (nor would express).

But Sag/Aqua placements want to have the openness and freedom to know that they can communicate and keep no secrets- even small unpleasant ones- from their partner's ears.

I won't second guess your decision, but I just wonder what your Venus sign is because I have Venus in Sco/Sag Sun and I can abstain for long periods of time from sex/intimacy until I meet someone I really like.

Someone saying things like "Are we together in principle?" would suggest to me that I and the person concerned, don't have a "connection". So I would also let them go with no hard feelings really.

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posted December 05, 2016 08:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AwakenSky16:
@Aries23degrees : always a pleasure to read you I hope you read my last answer to your analyze on my post "taurus moon"... Thank you again for your help !
So you aren't Aries...

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Hi . No am not Aries.Just my Asc is in Aries.I am Sag Sun,Jup,Nep,Uran

Oh and yes I did see your response. Had to go back and search for it

I tend to not go online at times and thus lose track of the posts I responded to

posted December 05, 2016 08:54 AM            

Dating more than one guy at a time does not sound appealing to me.

However, when I was single, I was never in any rush to clarify relationship status, either. I was usually fine leaving everything up in the air. I liked for things to happen naturally without any force or strain on either side. I didn't even ask questions like "Are you seeing someone else?" because half the time I didn't care. I was looking at other cues to determine how they felt, and I figured if they eventually liked me enough, they would only want to be with me.

It's not that my romantic nature is fundamentally casual. It's just that there's a difference between dating/relationships and love.

Sometimes dating involves so much superficial attention, requires so much tiptoeing around egos, nothing really deep and true comes to the surface. There is no deep acceptance for the whole person, because each person too quickly falls into a scripted role, and their mutual respect and openness is limited by fear, ie "If I say this, they might break up with me. Or retalliate somehow." Which leads to a lot of unconsciousness in relationships.

I don't like that at all.

"Between whom there is hearty truth, there is love." - Thoreau

posted December 05, 2016 09:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
Our charts are probably incompatible.

I am:

Sun Scorp
Moon Pisces
Mercury in Sag
Venus Scorpio
Mars in Leo
Jupiter Cancer
Virgo Asc

I do have a lot of independence in my chart and can often find new partners too "clingy" so it's a balance for me.

My sun in in the third house, and Venus is conjunct Uranus. Partners often find me full of contradictions!

His Sun is in Aquarius
Moon in Sag
Mercury in Cap
Venus in Sag
Mars in Sag
Jupiter in Sag
Asc Taurus

I think maybe all my emotional intensity might have been too much for him

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I always think that a packed 8th has issues surrounding sexuality,loss or "learning to let go". And in this house is also found the urgency to live deeply,transcend ones ideas of longevity and even death itself.

So NO, it is not your intensity that scared him off. It may be the emotional intensity you have that drew him to you in the 1st place.

But I suspect that he wanted you to explore the intellectual aspects of your deep emotional nature. Hence with your Mercury in Sag and all.He wanted you to put words in it and not just "feel" it.

I suspect that he has a mind that is geared towards understanding things from an intellectual(Aquarius), holistic angle(Sag energy). And he will stubbornly refuse to go at it any other way(Asc Tau)

His very security (Venus in Sag is the ruler of the Asc) is tied into understanding sexuality or at-least the themes of the 8th house. Usually from a strongly intellectual "all encompassing" point of view

If it is indeed sexuality that he focuses on,he may want to discuss sex a lot i.e the orgasm, the sexual attraction to someone, the nature of a fetish,the power of intimacy etc. In that he may want to explore this areas very rigidly and even obsessively (Asc in Taurus and Sun in Aqua)

Now Aquarius will often go where his Sag placements will not i.e Aquarius can be strongly scientific and clinical : Removing the "moral" or prone to be "judgemental" approach of Sag.

Whilst Sag looks for the truth they can comprehend and understand MORALISTICALLY to their core, Aquarius is interested in the answer that will shock & CHANGE them to their core.

I suspect that when he said that "Are we dating in principle?", I think he was testing your openness to being objective i.e Are you the type to establish intellectual distance from your sexuality and observe it as a subject worth delving into and exploring through your MIND

Or are you the type who doesn't "think" of it but attaches emotion to it-so much so that it becomes so sacred and secretive that it can never be subject to inspection or probing?

posted December 05, 2016 09:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Sag Venus conjunct/near Neptune (6.09° orb)

Dating more than one guy at a time does not sound appealing to me.

However, when I was single, I was never in any rush to clarify relationship status, either. I was usually fine leaving everything up in the air. I liked for things to happen naturally without any force or strain on either side. I didn't even ask questions like "Are you seeing someone else?" because half the time I didn't care. I was looking at other cues to determine how they felt, and I figured if they eventually liked me enough, they would only want to be with me.

It's not that my romantic nature is fundamentally casual. It's just that there's a difference between dating/relationships and love.

Sometimes dating involves so much superficial attention, requires so much tiptoeing around egos, nothing really deep and true comes to the surface. There is no deep acceptance for the whole person, because each person too quickly falls into a scripted role, and their mutual respect and openness is limited by fear, ie "If I say this, they might break up with me. Or retalliate somehow." Which leads to a lot of unconsciousness in relationships.

I don't like that at all.

"Between whom there is hearty truth, there is love." - Thoreau

Please don't quote

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Faith you sound very much like him! He used a lot of those same words.

I am so different.

posted December 05, 2016 09:34 AM            

Yes - he did intellectualise sex, and wanted to talk about it all the time. I almost didn't go out with him when he asked me because I was shocked that he'd asked me a lot of questions about my views on sex and had presumed he was a player or someone only after sex - but then he was also as interested in my other views and principles.

Maybe he did expect me to be more free and breezy.

There was a miscommunication on many levels.

1. For him - exclusivity = emotional investment. For me sex = emotional investment. Put in basic terms, if I am in a regular dating relationship with sex, I am possessive. Without sex it's fine.

2. He had a fundamental belief that having sex with someone was part of the "getting to know you", whereas for me this comes later, once you know you want a relationship and his attitude kind of angered me because I felt like he wanted just sex off me.

3. He interpreted my need to have "exclusive" sex as a need to get him to commit. He was asking me "why do you need to know where this is going soon soon?" or "what percentage chance of a long term relationship do you need from me to continue dating me?". I was frustrated because I didn't WANT commitment OR a promise of a LTR - I just simply wanted exclusive sex. It didn't mean anything to me other than knowing my sexual partner was clean / focused on me for the time being.

I think he could just not understand at all that for me there's a huge difference between commitment and exclusivity. Exclusivity to me is basic respect / hygiene. Not a sign you're committed to each other.

posted December 05, 2016 10:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
He said when i broke up with him that he regretted having sex with me too early, because without it we could have continued to just date with a more breezy approach. He is probably right

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Sad

I totally understand where you are coming from.

Well I have a Pisces moon, too. Maybe that's part of it.

When I was talking about casual dating, I didn't mean that I was having sex with those guys. I think I might have been even too conservative. One of my exes who was technically my boyfriend was trying to convince me that we "needed" to have sex to secure our bond, but I really couldn't see what our future might be like, so I declined. Basically I only had sex with guys I thought I might marry, or was married to (my husband.)

posted December 05, 2016 10:24 AM            

I think being a Scorpio we get a little used to having things our way sometimes.

We did have sex very early, but I don't usually do that. In this case the attraction was really strong. He was actually avoiding being alone with me because he found it hard to keep control. So we did kind of try but it ended up happening early.

After it happened, I assumed we were exclusive, he wanted to be sure that I knew we weren't.

I ended up offended and hurt.

He ended up feeling like I was trying to get him to commit.

posted December 05, 2016 10:26 AM            

Casual dating - meeting up, hanging out, spending time together with no interest who else they might be doing that with.

Sex - for me this comes with questions...are we exclusive? what is the nature of this relationship?

posted December 05, 2016 10:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
Yeah, I don't think he was promiscuous - so it surprised me he felt the need to keep the option.

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I'm so prone to guilt for ethical missteps in relationships that I would rather promise nothing and deliver everything than vice versa. 'Just don't want to let anyone down.

But if those were his terms from the beginning, I think he really should have told you that before sleeping with you.

posted December 05, 2016 10:53 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
I'm so prone to guilt for ethical missteps in relationships that I would rather promise nothing and deliver everything than vice versa. 'Just don't want to let anyone down.

But if those were his terms from the beginning, I think he really should have told you that before sleeping with you.

Who knows, maybe he will decide he'd rather have you, and meet you on your own terms, than lose you.

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He kind of did tell me.

I think I was just not listening or did not realise what he meant.

posted December 05, 2016 11:18 AM            

The fact that he is sad about the loss shows you weren't just a fling to him.

Again, I think Sag Venus might crave freedom early in the relationship NOT because we want to keep ourselves free to date someone else, but because

a) that is like the main ingredient in the love we need to stay genuinely interested: love that grants a freedom to expand, to travel, to be our own person. A person who can grant us freedom in the beginning might be best for us long-term.

b) freedom = forgiveness

Because again, I think it's common for Sag Venus to feel guilty about all the ways we are not measuring up. Freedom is like an insurance policy: no one is disappointed with me if I never promised anything, right?

posted December 05, 2016 11:36 AM            

My tendency is to think the worst so when he pointed out he was not exclusive, I thought he was saying he had met someone else he liked better, so when I broke it off I was expecting him not to care or to be relieved!

The fact he said he felt sad and disappointed really surprised me. Nothing about the way he behaved made me feel he was really "into me" at all!

At first he was very hot with the chase, seemed extremely into me, then once we started to get closer he became more aloof and sometimes he teased me a little to the point I felt maybe insulted?!

It was a bit more like friends with sex if that makes sense? It made me feel like he didn't like me. Although he was incredibly affectionate and kind.

posted December 06, 2016 07:33 PM            

He offered to come and see me tonight, but I agreed to a weekend date.

So he was willing to compromise on the sex with me, but not on his freedom to date other people!

Maybe I will try it out and see if I can date in a more light /fun way. Not sure how it will work!

One thing I am observing is that he seems to like my fiery temper /hot emotions which is one of my worst Scorpio downfalls. It's so opposite to him but he handles it so calmly and logically and just doesn't take any offence at all to my mood changes.

posted December 06, 2016 10:17 PM            

I end up with dates with guys and they stop talking to me and I'm like - I was playing the field anyways, dude, I'll just move on anyways...