posted January 26, 2017 07:12 PM            

A guy who was very in love with me did not get back together with me and he told me a big part of it was because I rolled my eyes at him.

I have heard of other cases involving other clients were they are very expressive but their partner is oversensitive to body language and their partner's style of communication and take things way to personally holding a grudge forever for what feels to the other person minor and absurd.

What on earth can cause what seems to me this irrational hypersensitivity to communication specially in the context of body language astrologically?.

posted January 26, 2017 07:27 PM            

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Originally posted by Nine:
Rolling your eyes at someone you "love" is highly offensive. It communicates to that person they are ridiculous/annoying/a waste of time.

In the first, perhaps the husband could stop his aggressive posturing.

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posted January 26, 2017 08:22 PM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
Certain people really know how to put out a terrible vibe. If the recipient of that energy is reluctant to use words like "vibes" and wants to protect their credibility, they might emphasize the body language or eyes, something tangible, rather than saying they are just plain creeped out by something they can't put their finger on.

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Yeah. When I was younger, I'd try to explain why something seemed off because of someone's *vibes* - and people would just roll their eyes. Eventually I learned to use the *solid* behavioural cues that I could tell people.
Unfortunately these cues only show themselves after the fact, a lot of times. But that's a different issue.

posted January 26, 2017 08:23 PM            

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So I have a client that wants to divorce her husband whom she has been with for 7 years and a good portion of why she wants to break up with him is because of how he looks at her when they are having conflicts.

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posted January 26, 2017 08:30 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
So I have a client that wants to divorce her husband whom she has been with for 7 years and a good portion of why she wants to break up with him is because of how he looks at her when they are having conflicts. She was fixated on this part about the way he looks at her, she was deeply in love with this man at some point and now feels she feels nothing for him in comparison to what she once felt.

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You can tell everything by the way someone looks at you.
I think she's just trying and failing to explain that she feels belittled, left out, and held in contempt by him. Call it women's intuition, but you know when a guy truly *is* in love with you and just being awkward, or really doesn't give a damn & trying to be suave. Plus, they're a married couple .. probably can read a lot of each other's cues by now?

posted January 26, 2017 08:39 PM            

Astrologically, I think there are many different signs and placements that could be hypersensitive to body language for different reasons--anyone mutable who's been subject to childhood trauma and become hyper vigilant might have that. My 6h Gemini Sun friend with out-of-sign Sun conjunction to Taurus Saturn has that badly. And from a different angle, people like me with major Cancer placements don't necessarily over-notice body language or facial expressions, but we are "oversensitive" to perceived belittling or slights. And then I know lots of very fiery people who (over)react to perceived slights, too.

Astrologically, I think it's an issue like women who don't mind their partners using porn (and/or who enjoy it themselves too or as a couple) versus women (like me) who are unhappy and uncomfortable about porn and seeking a partner who avoids it. I really think people across the astrological gamut fall into both camps. And people with compatible approaches and values need to find each other, and/or sometimes someone has to make a big compromise over the long haul, but it's personal and it's not that one camp is "right"----for me, a partner rolling his eyes at me in a fight wouldn't be a dealbreaker all on its own, but it would contribute heavily to ending things, like it did for your ex.

In a relationship context, deciding someone is oversensitive about something they're sensitive about seems like a moot point--if something you're doing is making your partner feel like crap, even though it might not bother someone else as much, it's a huge horrible deal and you need to stop doing it! (Generic you, not "you" meaning Hypatia.)

In terms of your client, it might be less a situation of oversensitivity to her husband's expressions and more a situation of struggling to articulate to *you* what the problems really are.

that whole polarity--one person being "oversensitive", the other thinking that contemptuous body language is "no big deal, why are you being oversensitive?" can tank a relationship. Even the term "oversensitive" is so loaded, it implies that the person feeling belittled or treated with disrespect should just put up with it, and doesn't deserve any better---it reveals a whole underbelly of undermining in the relationship.

IMO, it matters less WHY your client's relationship makes her feel terrible, and more THAT it makes her feel terrible. Her husband shouldn't be doing anything that makes her feel terrible, even if in some other relationships that thing would be no big deal. And on her end, she needs to be exploring ways to communicate and deal with things that will bring her happiness and also do the right thing for her family.

posted January 26, 2017 09:31 PM            

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Originally posted by Nine:
It isn't body language. She just doesn't know how to articulate her feelings. Being around him makes her feel like **** , that's why she's leaving. He has become toxic. As a master manipulator he won't do this in front of company, so in trying to explain herself SHE sounds ridiculous.

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posted January 26, 2017 09:33 PM            

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Originally posted by Lucia23:

In a relationship context, deciding someone is oversensitive about something they're sensitive about seems like a moot point--if something you're doing is making your partner feel like crap, even though it might not bother someone else as much, it's a huge horrible deal

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that whole polarity--one person being "oversensitive", the other thinking that contemptuous body language is "no big deal, why are you being oversensitive?" can tank a relationship. Even the term "oversensitive" is so loaded, it implies that the person feeling belittled or treated with disrespect should just put up with it, and doesn't deserve any better---it reveals a whole underbelly of undermining in the relationship.

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posted January 26, 2017 09:38 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Nine:
[b] It isn't body language. She just doesn't know how to articulate her feelings. Being around him makes her feel like **** , that's why she's leaving. He has become toxic. As a master manipulator he won't do this in front of company, so in trying to explain herself SHE sounds ridiculous.

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I don't think it's about people being over-sensitive to body language. People put forth a lot of negative energy that they think they're being really subtle about, but they're not, really. Subconsciously, if person A feels contempt for person B or their actions - they cannot hide it as well as they think they do. It shows.
Or if someone is just bitter and jealous. Smiling through their teeth. It shows.
If someone is only saying "proper" things with barely contained hostility in their eyes. It shows.

Disregarding other people's reactions to one's tone and way of being as "oversensitive" is extremely selfish IMO. And cold. They've as much right to their feelings as anyone.

posted January 26, 2017 09:39 PM            

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Originally posted by Elysia:
You can tell everything by the way someone looks at you.
I think she's just trying and failing to explain that she feels belittled, left out, and held in contempt by him. Call it women's intuition, but you know when a guy truly *is* in love with you and just being awkward, or really doesn't give a damn & trying to be suave. Plus, they're a married couple .. probably can read a lot of each other's cues by now?

One simply knows when something is missing. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

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posted January 26, 2017 10:04 PM            

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Originally posted by headintheclouds91:
I would maybe think a water influenced mars or ASC might cause someone to be sensitive over body language since both of those planets has to do with the body. My friend with a cancer mars was so charmed by a guy she dated once because he held her hand around his friends and she made a big deal out of that, and she gets hurts when a guy is kinda "detached" body language wise

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Thank you for keeping it astrological.

posted January 26, 2017 10:24 PM            

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Originally posted by Nine:
^^What are his placements?

Aquarius, Scorpio, Pisces?

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posted January 26, 2017 10:35 PM            

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Originally posted by Nine:
Oh, Venus in Aries. I can see that placement driving a partner to distraction.

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posted January 26, 2017 11:08 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
I could post her chart and you guys can give me insights on that. She has sun,moon, mercury and venus in Leo with Mars in Gemini and jupiter in virgo.

I do like her and understand her a lot more than I have led on this thread but that focus on body language fascinates me and I want to understand it astrologically.

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In her case, Leos need to feel adored and cherished by their partners. They'll look for various indications that he does (or doesn't)--I truly don't think your client is all that focused on body language, she's just trying to explain to you within the confines of the session how he makes her feel bad, using the way he looks at her as an example--an example that helps her try to explain the bad vibe.

posted January 26, 2017 11:51 PM            

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Originally posted by Lucia23:

But I read your original question as kind of like, "Why do some people overreact so much to being pickpocketed, or being cheated on? What's the big deal? What placement would make someone get really upset over that?"

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Then you did not understand my post at all. He has not cheated on her and she is the one that met another man in her kids school that she now has feelings for.

And is not couple's counseling, they came in together for the first session bc she wanted that but during the second second session I met with her privately first for safety concerns bc I felt she was holding back in the first session with him present and during that session she was clear she didn't want to work things out so I said "we can't do couples counseling at this time, we should just do individual and later when I have helped you heal all the hurt you feel we can revisit this option and check how you feel, if you still don't want to work things out I will support you through the separation process. "

Funny you brought up communication earlier bc in our very first session I told her I wanted to teach her to communicate more effectively and be more assertive bc she seemed to have a passive style of communication were she holds things in and let's it build up and he is there not fully aware of what is happening with her in the dark.