posted February 28, 2017 08:06 PM            

First of all, I have never once been in a relationship before. But I have seen men, been on dates and had sex. EVERYTIME the same thing happens, I am always attracted to guys who do not desire to be in a relationship. They are afraid of commitment, or they say that because they already have someone else in their mind and they don't want to tell me because they want to keep me as an option, or just sleep with me. And everytime, I feel so deeply for them that I cannot let go and I try everything to have them change their minds. I get very obsessed, everytime. I have had a lot of self esteem and self value issues that have made me go miles for people and do anything for them at the cost of my own sanity and pride. Which fits nothing like the descriptions of the Gemini Venus position. Therefore I have never been able to relate to my Venus position nor understand it's purpose in my chart. I've been through hell with men, without ever even being claimed as a partner by one of them. I've been "hit" and left ("hit" as in had sexual intimacy with partners who felt no emotional connection to me while I did), mocked, exposed, friendzoned, called a psycho, devalued, compared to better women (better hair, better eyes, better legs, wider hips, bigger ass) more then I've ever felt appreciated by anyone. Even by friends. I've just expected too much and been let down my entire life. I've never truly been happy and felt free to be me with someone whether a friend or a lover.

Now, Pluto is 0'22 deg away from forming a Quincunx (Inconjunct aspect) to my Venus. I've always wondered if they were real aspects, but I can see that they are and they're not that minor now that I've met this guy a few months ago at my sister's friend's birthday party that I'm starting to get obsessed with again. Jupiter was almost exactly Trine my Venus on that day. Obsessed dosen't mean that I am acting weird, it's mainly my thoughts that are obsessive. It's hard, the same thing has happend again. Confessed my feelings and was told that they were sorry but couldn't be in a relationship ever again and that they were sorry they couldn't explain. I've tried everything, stopped being attracted to guys who had nothing going on for themselves and were disrespectful and uneducated. Tried to focus on myself, become a better woman, find something in me that I'd love more than these men. But the feeling of being so alone is not teaching me anything and just making me feel worse and more hopeless. The past few years have been sh** and I'm still here alone, feeling like there's something terribly wrong with me.

Even after he said that, I told him that it was okay and that I'd be his friend. Even if I am oh so not f***** okay with it at all. I just wanted to be able to continue seeing him. Talk to him, just to see how he was doing and hear what was on his mind. And I thought it was genuine that he wanted to be friends because sometimes he'd talk to me. But then sometimes he'd also leave me on "read" and say that he was busy and apologized. Then he'd do it again. I figured that he didn't enjoy talking to me as much as I did. So I slowed down on messaging him and went a few weeks without talking to him. Last week we spoke and he left me on "read" again. So I thought that was the last time that I ever spoke to him and if I ever seen him again I'd ignore him. Because I look very stupid right now because of this dude, as usual.

I am scared because I can't get over him. He's the first and last person I think about throughout the day. I am fascinated by his smile, his eyes, his intelligence, eduacation and individuality and even his first name. It's the most beautiful name I've ever read on anyone. I just feel so tired and I don't know if I will be able to support being humiliated again. I am just wondering why is it so bad for me to want something good out of this life? To be just a little happy even though I am young and I am only 18 years old? I've gotten more attractive over time but that has only resulted in me having sex but not being loved. Pluto/Venus contacts always teach you to let go of something so that you can be rewarded another way or get more out of things you never knew were even there but how does that apply to me? What does being let down one more time have for me? That if I stop my mind from being so impressionable I'll be happy alone? But why do I have to be SO ALONE? And ridiculed?? And How can i control something that is basically diagnosed as clinical emotional dependency or borderline personality?...heck, I do not know! I just know that it is not my fault if I love so hard and there isn't much that I can do about it except find someone who will put me at ease with it. And if it keeps going like this I feel like that might never happen.

Now I know that something is supposed to change for sure if Pluto touches my Venus but how if it's in a Quincunx aspect? How is that going to play out for me? If you do not know then do you have any clue what does my Venus position have to do with my endless struggle?

P.S.
Natal Venus at 19'08 Gemini in the 10th House
- Semi-Sextil Sun at 18'07 Cancer in my10th
- Conjunct Midheaven at 10'35 Gemini
- Square Ascendant at 13' Virgo
- Trine Uranus at 11'40 Aquarius in my 5th
- Sextile Mercury at 14' Leo in my 11th

posted February 28, 2017 10:07 PM            

so pluto quincunx venus - right now it seems like it's trying to teach you about this imbalance of give / take in your life. i think this video explains the dynamic pretty well (though it's for synastry, just pretend it's a transit and apply it to your situation): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHpxIdliPmo
if you understand the dynamic you can use it to change your situation around.. put that energy into a different situation and you might be so much happier. i know it's easier said than done. but yes the loneliness IS trying to teach you something - most likely that what you're doing isn't working. trust me i've been there and asked myself the same exact thing! "what's the point of this? again??" but there may not be a point other than that it's not working for you.

posted March 01, 2017 02:00 AM            

You're a Cancer, so your emotions are very much involved in love. Cancer is the in which planets there (especially Sun) will produce the strongest emotions related to love bonds.

You're also still a teen. At this age boys will take it if they can get it and are not capable of commitment. Don't expect something they cannot give, but don't give what cannot be reciprocated.

I understand these are hard lessons for someone so young. We all go through these Plutonian/Venusian phases of development at different times in our own way.

I suggest you read the myth of Pluto and Persephone and come to understand it is about balance of power. You can get what you need and so can those you relate to, but only with some compromise and meeting halfway. It may be difficult to learn where 'halfway' is and what meeting in the middle feels like, and it will take time, but you have an advantage, which is you are looking at yourself and your life in a cosmic context which offers you some objective and intuitive tools for self-awareness and growth.

posted March 04, 2017 06:25 AM            

I am not sure how to post a birth chart in a thread but you can just put in my info on any Birth Chart Calculator I guess I use http://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php

posted March 04, 2017 10:34 AM            

Also your progressed moon is in Libra...so you are definitely looking for relationships and commitment right now. But it's in 1st house...so it's in a quadrant where you are more going to be introspective about the roles you play in your relations.

In addition your venus is conjunct with Mars... under cancer sign (progressed chart)...so you might be rushing into relationships and putting into that cancer energy into those relationships too.

Saturn has progressed into 7th house...it's under taurus still...under venus term.

While I am not an expert on progressed charts... I can definitely see the progressed chart... showing you are learning a major lesson when it comes to relationships.

This is just a small reading sort of superficial. Be interesting to see what everyone else reads into your chart.. for whoever is deciding to really buckle down and read it.