posted May 08, 2017 06:09 PM            

How do you feel?
What kind of man/relationship you seek?

Everyone is welcome to leave a comment about it too,of course

Please don't quote

posted May 08, 2017 09:25 PM            

I come from a place where even girls weren't supposed to cry (much). And to admit to being hurt was to invite more to hurt you rather than getting some Oprah-like hug (and some would say that it was a sign that God didn't think you were worth taking care of), nor were lawyers of much use (so no suing over some wrong), so one generally worked hard to show a tough exterior, at least to the public regardless of your gender (women weren't quite as restricted as men in this matter, but they generally leaned this way as well).

As for myself, I got shunned by girls at age 6 and thus mostly mixed with boys until I was 10, and I'm sure that had an affect on me (from the media I indulged in to just interacting as "one of the boys"). Even after I got to mixing with other girls again I found it easy to be friends with males, and because I got along with males so well the other girls tended to be jealous and threatened by me which caused most of them to continue to shun me.

I do not have the traditional view of male and female dynamics, and glad for it. My mother has a view that a woman's only strength is her physical body (looks, etc) and that it's a man's world, and it has severely limited her and her potential, and made her life even more painful than it had to be. I've also seen women suffer because they take a more passive role (and hoping others take care of it or even rescue her), and don't want to make that mistake.

That said...I generally don't have a hard time crying. I can cry over a cartoon (again with my background, I don't expect people to give me a hug as I cry, and while it's allowed, even appreciated at times, it's not something I require). I can and will put off crying if I can't afford it at the moment, however. (And is crying unmanly anyway? Because that was something Glenn Beck did a lot on FOX News and it seemed to appeal to his audience. I know plenty of men wish they could cry more, however, which some find difficult even when they feel in a safe enough space to do so.)

I have adapted to many forms of relationships (and after one is over I seek something new rather than a repeat of what I had last time, even if it ended amicably). This includes establishing what is my "sphere of influence" and what is my partners, and getting each other's input is also expected. I want a partner, not a parental figure, and that means we're roughly equal with concessions to each other.

posted May 08, 2017 09:25 PM            

And I recall the first book featuring a romance that I loved called The Cat Who Wished to Be a Man when I was about 9-10, and I read that one over and over for years. In it, the man is formerly the cat of a wizard transformed into a man who then goes to a town where he stays at the inn owned by Gillian, a tough woman who is resisting the corrupt mayor trying to take her inn. A scene that moved me every time I read it is where Lionel (the cat turned into a man) is kidnapped by thugs hired by the major, wrapped in a sack and tossed into the river. Lionel is able to get at the magic wishbone his wizard owner had given him and he thought of all the love that wizard gave him, eager to escape the brutal human civilization, but as he breaks the bone he instead wishes to be with Gillian...and then finds himself having to save her from a fire set by the same thugs (though Gillian saved him other times as well).

posted May 08, 2017 10:17 PM            

Just clarifying...I don't want a father lol that reminds me women calling their boyfriends "daaaddy" by the way

and I also don't expect man to handle everything alone (like financially) etc

I love my free space (in fact I needed it in order to breathe) and I want to have my own life and goals for sure and I want him to have his own life as well but I just don't like to be always the supportive one,the one who take the reigns of the relationship you know?and I feel like I attract those types.The ones who want me to take that role! Although I'm though a like to be protected for a while and I like feeling safe.

posted May 10, 2017 12:57 AM            

the placements that I attract and am attracted to the most are capricorn. My cap north node, saturn on dc, sun in the 10th and cancer venus and mars create these strong attractions for capricorn sun, moon, ac, venus and mars...2 rlships with saturn in the 1st people also were influential in my life

I'm very very attacted to the cold/classy vibe that caps give off...it's the biggest turn on for me, and yes I consider them daddies and I have yet to find a man who comes off daddy like at first and stays like that (for the most part!)...my own father is a very childish person (he was the last born and my grandmother spoiled him as a child)

My first big love at 16, was a pisces sun (opp my mother's sun, exact) with cap venus and mars

second biggest love at 24, a taurus sun (opposite my fathers' s sun, not exact) with pisces AC and saturn conjunct AC (also conjunct my moon with a tight orb)

Third biggest love at 25, a pisces sun (conjunct my moon, tight orb) with a cap AC (conjunct my node)

Someone I dated from 19 to 22 and almost married has saturn in 1st and nothingin cap but neptune

2 close male friends both have cap moons, so does my cousin whom I consider a brother I don't have

my first famous person crush at age 8-9 was Enrique Iglesias, taurus sun (opposite my father's sun, not exact)

Second one, at age 10, the king of pop MJ, virgo sun (conjunct my mother's, not exact), pisces AC and moon...it's so funny I dated three people with suns around this degree!

I have pisces moon and taurus sun, and think that when it comes to feelings of pure and unconditional love, my sun and moon signs play the biggest part

but for an enduring rlship where I want to feel secure, I need the person to have prominent cap/saturn...even those three big loves as well as the celeb crushes all have prominent saturns