posted September 09, 2017 02:11 PM            

I hate falling in love. I hate the feeling. I hate the vulnerability. I hate having those "fantasies" and hopes and dreams shared with another person. More than anything, it disgusts me when I feel this intensely about someone. I get really angry and ****** at myself, and the other person for making me feel like that.

Instead of getting warm and fuzzy when I see the person I like, I just get so upset with them and wish they'd leave, or I'd never met them.

When they message me, and I smile, I want to cry because my own feeling for them and how they make me feel just makes me so frustrated and I just cry because I want it to stop.

People drink because their heart's been broken and I drink because my heart's been woken... (das my rhyme)

I just channel it and become angry and work out/walk/punch a punching bag...

I hate waking up and thinking about someone as soon as I open my eyes. I feel myself happy when I think about them, but then get angry because I'm thinking about them. I want to push them out of my mind. For me, this is not permitted. And the sick part is when you force yourself not to allow yourself to feel "in love" then you feel even worse, horrible.

It's either let yourself be overcome with unrealistic ideals or push it away and feel bad. It's a sick thing.

posted September 09, 2017 02:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
What are your moon and venus placements and aspects?

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posted September 09, 2017 03:20 PM            

I was never like this. But up until my mid-late 20s everyone else was like this.

As far as astrologically speaking, I'd say Aqua Venus or Gemini Venus sounds like what you're describing. Or Venus in 11th house.

posted September 09, 2017 03:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lalafortunaea:
Well I'll mention those soon enough but I want to hear some thoughts first before my aspects influence anyone's opinion

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Understandable sweetie...

posted September 09, 2017 06:50 PM            

Well I am kind of similar to you..

I don't feel angry though, I feel pain even when that person makes me happy, I feel a deep pain.. Also because I know that there is always an end and I will be the one ending up hurt I feel like it is not worth the fuss at all..
I feel very stupid and vulnerable when being in love.. It doesn't suit me to be in love.. Like I am too serious and free spirited for that thing.. It seems like falling in love is too immature for my taste..
And I hate it that I can not concentrate on anything else.. I feel cut iff from the rest of the world.. at a point I become so tired of it but I can not help myself.
And I also feel like I want to run away as fast as I can whenever I see the person I am in love with.. I feel very uncomfortable like my heart will blow up..

There are many things going on in my natal chart though..
That feeling of pain instead of happiness is due to Venus square Pluto. Love is deep and painful for people with this aspect (including the opposition and conjunction I guess)

The need to run away has to do with Uranus (I have Uranus conjunction 7th H cusp and also Uranus opposite Sun) It could be Venus/Moon in Aqua or Venus/Moon in hard aspect to Uranus or Aqua in 7th H cusp.

Because you feel angry though there could also be a difficult aspect with Moon/Venus - Mars -Mercury.. Mercury in hard aspect with Moon/Venus means that our mind can mot explain our fellings.. you can not understand why you feel like that and it doesn't seem logical in any sense. I added Mars because you say you feel angry.. so it could be a difficult aspect between Moon- Mars or Venus-Mars..

The magical feeling is Neptune.. Neptune in aspect with Moon/Venus or Neptune in 7th H cusp or Pisces in 7th H or Venus/Moonin Pisces.

The fact that it seems stupid to you could also have to do with Saturn.. again Satun in 7th H or 8th H or in aspect to Venus/Moon, Venus in Capricorn etc.. I guess you get the point..

I know you are thinking "well you said half of the possible aspects" I know but I have all of them :P

posted September 10, 2017 12:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Selenite:
I have felt this way when I felt that the other person had all the control. And I attributed that to Venus/Pluto synastry and Moon/Pluto synastry.. But when I know that the other person is for real and that it's gonna be good, falling in love is awesome. However it still scares me and I do cry (privately) because of how much I love the other person sometimes. I have Venus in Scorpio (4th) trine Saturn in Pisces (7th).

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posted September 12, 2017 09:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
I just want to say you deserve to be loved unconditionally, you deserve good things, dont push away true love if you find it. Saturn can make you feel unworthy of love and undeserving of good things, dont let fear and the negative thoughts rob you of joy and the love that you deserve.

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Thank you, Hypatia. Your warm words have moved me, though, if Saturn IS the issue, I still feel somewhat resistant to believing them. *sigh*

I am still struggling a lot with these feelings.
Don't get me wrong, I've had relationships before, and I've "loved" them, but it was always by choice. I allowed myself to "fall" for them. And when the time came, when I realized it wasn't going to work, I was able to logically break up, end it, and busy myself without insane intense feelings. And likewise when I DID love someone, it was more of a "climbing" up to love, by getting to know them, rather than a flat out fall with these "hopes" and "fantasies". Before it was all just realistic and factual. In that sense, it wasn't really falling in love...

The way I feel now, I feel crippled. This falling in love business still feels bad and I don't really understand it and can't control it.

quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:
Hahahah I laughed so hard
You sound like an adorable angry kid ♡

Well I am kind of similar to you..

I feel very stupid and vulnerable when being in love.. It doesn't suit me to be in love.. Like I am too serious and free spirited for that thing.. It seems like falling in love is too immature for my taste..
And I hate it that I can not concentrate on anything else.. I feel cut iff from the rest of the world.. at a point I become so tired of it but I can not help myself.
And I also feel like I want to run away as fast as I can whenever I see the person I am in love with.. I feel very uncomfortable like my heart will blow up..

There are many things going on in my natal chart though..
That feeling of pain instead of happiness is due to Venus square Pluto. Love is deep and painful for people with this aspect (including the opposition and conjunction I guess)

The fact that it seems stupid to you could also have to do with Saturn.. again Satun in 7th H or 8th H or in aspect to Venus/Moon, Venus in Capricorn etc.. I guess you get the point..

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Funnily enough, many people simply find my anger amusing and childlike and don't take me seriously LOL Wonder if there's an aspect for that >.>
BUT I'm glad I could give you some giggles :P

And I know exactly what you mean here, it does feel stupid to be so vulnerable and to just focus on that...

And, well, here are my aspects:

Saturn Conjunction Neptune Orb 2°08'
Saturn Conjunction Uranus Orb 6°12'
Uranus Conjunction Neptune Orb 8°21'
Mercury Conjunction Venus Orb 10°01
Moon Opposite Mars Orb 0°17'
Jupiter Opposite Uranus Orb 1°57'
Jupiter Opposite Saturn Orb 4°15'
Pluto Opposite AS Orb 6°20'
Jupiter Opposite Neptune Orb 6°23'
Venus Square Uranus Orb 1°28'
Venus Square Jupiter Orb 3°26'
Venus Square Saturn Orb 7°41'
Mars Trine Neptune Orb 0°41'
Mars Trine Saturn Orb 1°27'
Saturn Trine AS Orb 1°33'
Mars Trine AS Orb 3°00'
Moon Trine Pluto Orb 3°37'
Neptune Trine AS Orb 3°42'
Mercury Trine MC Orb 4°32'
Uranus Trine AS Orb 4°39'
Moon Trine Jupiter Orb 5°24'
Venus Trine MC Orb 5°28'
Sun Trine Uranus Orb 6°22'
Mars Trine Uranus Orb 7°39'
Moon Sextile Neptune Orb 0°59'
Moon Sextile Saturn Orb 1°09'
Neptune Sextile Pluto Orb 2°38'
Jupiter Sextile AS Orb 2°41'
Moon Sextile AS Orb 2°43'
Mars Sextile Pluto Orb 3°20'
Saturn Sextile Pluto Orb 4°47'
Mars Sextile Jupiter Orb 5°42'
Sun Inconjunction MC Orb 0°34'
Moon SemiSquare MC Orb 0°40'
Sun SesquiQuadrate Neptune Orb 0°15'
Mars SesquiQuadrate MC Orb 0°23'
Mercury SesquiQuadrate AS Orb 1°09'
Sun SesquiQuadrate Saturn Orb 2°24'
Pluto Quintile MC Orb 0°02'
Venus BiQuintile AS Orb 0°08'

posted September 12, 2017 11:01 PM            

Pluto conjunct DC
Moon opposite Mars
Venus square Saturn
Venus square uranus

posted September 13, 2017 12:22 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lalafortunaea:
Funnily enough, many people simply find my anger amusing and childlike and don't take me seriously LOL Wonder if there's an aspect for that >.>
BUT I'm glad I could give you some giggles :P

And I know exactly what you mean here, it does feel stupid to be so vulnerable and to just focus on that...

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Hii! Yes there is an aspect for that and a few days ago I answered to a thread asking what aspects give that childlike vibe.
It is Moon in Leo/Aries or Moon in difficult aspect to Mars.
And I see that you have a very tight opposition between Moon and Mars going on.
As for what you initially mentioned the main culprits in my opinion are:

● Moon opposite Mars
The one being emotions (Moon) and the other one the anger (Mars)
Your emotions get you ungry, this alone is no enough to justify things but it's a bery tight aspect in your chart so it is important.

● Pluto conjunct DSC and Venus square Uranus on the other hand are more than enough to explain those feelings of yours.
Pluto equals intensity, love and hate, passion, possesiveness, jealousy and wants control.. you feel vulnerable when you lose control and that scares and upsets you. Having Pluto conjunct DSC has a similar effect to having Venus aspected by Pluto.

● Uranus on the other hand loves freedom, brings sudden changes, gets bored easily, is attracted to foreign people, feels suffocated in one to one relationships because is afraid of being intimate with others.. Uranus feels comfortable when is detatched.. prefers friendships.. so acting like a friend in the beginning may help you. A few days ago I read that that native with Uranus in 7th or Uranus in hard aspect with Venus prevent intimacy to his/her detriment.
Having Venus aspected by Uranus has a similar effect to Uranus in 7th H.
So you have Pluto conjunct 7th H I have Pluto square Venus
You have Uranus square Venus I have Uranus conjunct DSC.
So I am kinf of talking from oersonal experience.
It seems we have many similarities.

Secondary culprits would be:

● Venus square Saturn (it would definately deserve to be in the main ones above but it's a loose aspect)
So here we have Saturn that needs tooo much time and hard work.. brings delays and obstacles just to make our life difficult like the other planets weren't enough for that.. it is supposed to bring stability..
maybe you are attracted to old or mature people that will make you feel secure.. you think you don't deserve to be loved. Also it could indicate that relationships are a burden.. (ask me about it.. Saturn is my 7th H ruler). Because it's a loos aspect though and we are not talking about Sun or Moon I wish it has tge minimum possible effect.

● Mars trine Neptune
● Mars trine Saturn
● Moon trine Pluto
● Moon sextile Neptune
● Moon sextile Saturn
● Mars sextile Pluto

These are not difficult / negative aspects by any means.. but they add up a tiny bit to the ones above them.

posted September 13, 2017 04:36 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:

● Moon opposite Mars
The one being emotions (Moon) and the other one the anger (Mars)
Your emotions get you ungry, this alone is no enough to justify things but it's a bery tight aspect in your chart so it is important.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:
● Pluto conjunct DSC and Venus square Uranus on the other hand are more than enough to explain those feelings of yours.
Pluto equals intensity, love and hate, passion, possesiveness, jealousy and wants control.. you feel vulnerable when you lose control and that scares and upsets you. Having Pluto conjunct DSC has a similar effect to having Venus aspected by Pluto.

 

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This I don’t completely get though – pluto on the DSC I mean. The 7th house is what we seek in others, what we like in others – so, pluto would tend to say that I seek that intensity, wouldn’t it? So, if I had it, I wouldn’t hate it so much, so I am confused as to how that’s a factor. Likewise if someone’s P touched my DSC in the past, I DID like it – but, again, never actually got out of control with my feelings. I LET myself feel what I wanted and chose it, and it often lead to some wild sexytimes. I am capable of being emotionally intimate, but, there’s always a sense of detachment now that I think of it. I’m okay with feeling things so long as I know at ANY TIME I can stop them when they become redundant/irrelevant/in the way. That seems cold but honestly it’s how I feel.

quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:
● Uranus on the other hand loves freedom, brings sudden changes, gets bored easily, is attracted to foreign people, feels suffocated in one to one relationships because is afraid of being intimate with others.. Uranus feels comfortable when is detatched.. prefers friendships.. so acting like a friend in the beginning may help you. A few days ago I read that that native with Uranus in 7th or Uranus in hard aspect with Venus prevent intimacy to his/her detriment.
You have Uranus square Venus I have Uranus conjunct DSC.
So I am kinf of talking from oersonal experience.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:

maybe you are attracted to old or mature people that will make you feel secure.. you think you don't deserve to be loved. Also it could indicate that relationships are a burden.. (ask me about it.. Saturn is my 7th H ruler). Because it's a loos aspect though and we are not talking about Sun or Moon I wish it has tge minimum possible effect.

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And SATURN AND URANUS on your 7th house? Dayum… What’s that like? How do you survive it?

quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:

I want to see though your natal chart (if you could make it at astro.com it would be great) I am curious to see signs ofneach planet and their house placements.[/

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quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:

● Moon opposite Mars
The one being emotions (Moon) and the other one the anger (Mars)
Your emotions get you ungry, this alone is no enough to justify things but it's a bery tight aspect in your chart so it is important.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:
● Pluto conjunct DSC and Venus square Uranus on the other hand are more than enough to explain those feelings of yours.
Pluto equals intensity, love and hate, passion, possesiveness, jealousy and wants control.. you feel vulnerable when you lose control and that scares and upsets you. Having Pluto conjunct DSC has a similar effect to having Venus aspected by Pluto.

 

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This I don’t completely get though – pluto on the DSC I mean. The 7th house is what we seek in others, what we like in others – so, pluto would tend to say that I seek that intensity, wouldn’t it? So, if I had it, I wouldn’t hate it so much, so I am confused as to how that’s a factor. Likewise if someone’s P touched my DSC in the past, I DID like it – but, again, never actually got out of control with my feelings. I LET myself feel what I wanted and chose it, and it often lead to some wild sexytimes. I am capable of being emotionally intimate, but, there’s always a sense of detachment now that I think of it. I’m okay with feeling things so long as I know at ANY TIME I can stop them when they become redundant/irrelevant/in the way. That seems cold but honestly it’s how I feel.

quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:
● Uranus on the other hand loves freedom, brings sudden changes, gets bored easily, is attracted to foreign people, feels suffocated in one to one relationships because is afraid of being intimate with others.. Uranus feels comfortable when is detatched.. prefers friendships.. so acting like a friend in the beginning may help you. A few days ago I read that that native with Uranus in 7th or Uranus in hard aspect with Venus prevent intimacy to his/her detriment.
You have Uranus square Venus I have Uranus conjunct DSC.
So I am kinf of talking from oersonal experience.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:

maybe you are attracted to old or mature people that will make you feel secure.. you think you don't deserve to be loved. Also it could indicate that relationships are a burden.. (ask me about it.. Saturn is my 7th H ruler). Because it's a loos aspect though and we are not talking about Sun or Moon I wish it has tge minimum possible effect.

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And SATURN AND URANUS on your 7th house? Dayum… What’s that like? How do you survive it?

quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:

I want to see though your natal chart (if you could make it at astro.com it would be great) I am curious to see signs ofneach planet and their house placements.[/

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posted September 14, 2017 12:33 PM            

quote:

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This I don’t completely get though – pluto on the DSC I mean. The 7th house is what we seek in others, what we like in others – so, pluto would tend to say that I seek that intensity, wouldn’t it? So, if I had it, I wouldn’t hate it so much, so I am confused as to how that’s a factor. Likewise if someone’s P touched my DSC in the past, I DID like it – but, again, never actually got out of control with my feelings. I LET myself feel what I wanted and chose it, and it often lead to some wild sexytimes. I am capable of being emotionally intimate, but, there’s always a sense of detachment now that I think of it. I’m okay with feeling things so long as I know at ANY TIME I can stop them when they become redundant/irrelevant/in the way. That seems cold but honestly it’s how I feel. [/b]

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Ok I'll try to explain but you can google it and read several interpetations so that you can get the point. We are attracted to whatever 7th H represents. 7th H functions us a mirror of ourselves.. you already have whatever 7th H represents within you but you may oppress it or not recognise it so you are attracted by people who have those qualities. I would be a good example because until 21 years old I felt that I wanted a relationship so much but didn't understand why I didn't have any real one till then. At some point I suddenly realised that it was me who run away from every opportunity.. Whenever something feels like it has potential to get serious I freak out and run away. The worst part is I don't really know why I feel like I want to run away.. It's kind of like an emergency.. I don't feel scared, I don't even know why I feel like that but I feel oppressed for an unknown reason.

Having deep-intense emotions and being able to control them are two totally different things coming fron the same cause which is called Pluto. Same goes for what you wrote about not feeling happy and relaxed whenever a relationship feels like it's good..
I had realised before astrology that I had very intense emotions and they were the reason I felt pain, I also understood that I don't let the person I have emotions for understand that I have them. On the contrary it was the easiest part for me to hide/control those emotions.
Now I am at a point where I feel like I can control my emotions easily.. and I prefer the pain than having the burden of a relationship..
And that sounded so good to me, it made feel like a strong person, having control makes you feel powerful. Then I realised that it is not called power, it is called fear.. fear of losing control and being vulnerable.. A powerful person should not be afraid to lose control by showing his/her vulnerability. No matter how much I can control myself and my emotions they still exist and when I eliminate them others are born. Denying something that comes naturally is not a good idea. We will always have emotions because we are humans, no robots. It's a good thing we are in touch with them, (air signs have a huge difficulty dealing with their emotions if there are any at all..) emotions make life interesting.. and we choose to control and surpress them instead of benefiting from them.. All these are clearly Pluto themes.

quote:

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Uranus conjunct your DSC, oh jeeze. I knew someone who had Uranus transiting their 7th house, and during those years, he AVOIDED relationships like the plague and HATED them and felt suffocated if anyone expressed any romantic interest. Throughout his youth he simply stayed single and hated the idea of committing – even to a friend would have been too much. How do YOU LIVE with this aspect?
And I can feel suffocated. I broke up with someone because he became too emotionally demanding with me. I honestly started to believe that I really can’t keep a relationship because I cannot be for them what they want me to be, and I can’t give them what they want/need so instead of just dating people only to have them find out how inadequate I am, I was just like “fk this, I’m stayin’ single.” Otherwise I’d just have an eternal trail of disappointed people in my wake

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Please don't abandon relationships.
They are an important part for you with Pluto being in 7th H. I actually like Pluto in 7th H. The problem is the Uranus-Venus and Moon-Mars in here.. They both make you feel oppressed easily. Moon-Mars should generally make you feel oppressed by daily practical things. Money is the solution for that.. If you have enough money or even better someone to do all those boring things for you so your life gets less boring and oppressive you'll feel better.
Funny thing I am saying this to you but I don't even think about relationships anymore and I've decided that I want to stay alone ferever with many cats (do you think that it's a coincidence that people who chose to play it solo love cats? If I should give cats 3 planets it would be Uranus Pluto and Moon. I haven't thought though about the aspects those 3 would have).
Well..I don't only have Uranus conjunct 7th H (which is way worse in my opinion than Venus square Uranus, I have faith that you will be able to find a way to deal with this aspect) Uranus in 7th H makes the relationships in general problematic, even if it wasn't me it would be my boyfriend.. somehow Uranus will be a part of any relationship I would have had..
My natal Saturn is not only the 7th H lord.
Saturn is in my 8th H (no sex, not letting go, not being able to trust others.. all these are Pluto things, Pluto rules 8th H Saturn delays and puts obstacles to whatever 8th H represents)
My 8th H on the other hand is ruled by Uranus which is in conjunction with 7th H.. heheheheh..
As if these weren't enough..
I also have Neptune in 7th H conjunct DSC (Ihaven't read a single thing that is not really bad about this)
And last but not least I have North Node in 7th H..
North Node in 7th H is like it combines both the effects of Uranus and Saturn in 7th H..
I mean.. I don't really know which is the worst of all..
But even if I wanted I could not possibly deal with all these.. It can't get more f*cked up than this I swear..
That is why I am telling you to keep trying.
By the way google North Node in 11th H.. North Node is our life mission. We usually hate whatever North Node represents in our chart because it's something we are unfamiliar with, it makes us feel awkward and we don't like it. South Node on the other side is a natural thing for us to do.
To be honest from my understanding no one does what his/her North Node's wants unless he/she is so lucky that has personal planets in conjunction with his North Node. Also whenever you meet people that one or multiple planets of theirs conjunct your North Node it is a good opportunity to learn from them in order to develop your North Node side.
If you are like me thpugh..those people are the exact ones that make you want to run away..

posted September 15, 2017 10:00 AM            

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posted September 15, 2017 11:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Guys have a short shelf life, a lot of women date much younger guys these days. I see bigger age gaps with the woman been older than the guy been older a lot more frequently.

Also most people regardless of gender or age believe in love and want love in their life.

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Guys have a short shelf life? Men can have children well into their 90's if they wanted to.