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Author Topic:   How would you interpret Solar Return ASC conj. Natal Saturn?
RebeccaT98
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posted November 20, 2017 07:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RebeccaT98     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
On my Solar Return chart, my Aries ascendant EXACTLY conjuncts my Natal Saturn. I've heard Ascendant conjunctions to natal planets in Solar Return charts can indicate related issues or themes in the individual's natal chart will be highlighted throughout the upcoming year. My natal Saturn is in my 8th house, and so is my Solar Return Sun!! That's some major emphasis right there, what should I be expecting in regard to Saturn's energy? Should I be prepping for a heavy year?

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Lerena
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posted November 20, 2017 10:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lerena     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'd say prepare for a tough year. I can't give you more information though. I've never had a Solar Return Ascendant conjunct my natal Saturn. In fact, of all my Solar Return Ascendants so far, I've only found a Solar Return Ascendant conjunct my natal Mercury within 1 degree, which was back in 2010 and Mercury doesn't really relate to your question. Yes, I did check all my Solar Returns. I have a lot of free time and I don't consider myself very aged yet.

However, back in 2016, I had the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, and Venus in my Solar Return 8th house. 2016 was a tough year for me. With Saturn conjunct your Solar Return Ascendant, I'd say your year will be a bit tougher than mine was in 2016. I'm in no place to make predictions, to be honest. I just recently had Saturn leave my 1st house, which was a wild ride to say the least, and I suspect the upcoming year for this Solar Return will change you in some way.

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TaurusVenusGirl
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posted November 23, 2017 05:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for TaurusVenusGirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lerena, I'd love to hear about more of your wild ride with Saturn transit in 1H... how was it on your Asc?

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Lerena
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posted November 23, 2017 02:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lerena     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by TaurusVenusGirl:
Lerena, I'd love to hear about more of your wild ride with Saturn transit in 1H... how was it on your Asc?
Before I can talk about Saturn in my 1st house and on my Ascendant, I need to explain how I was before the transit to my Ascendant and Saturn's visit thorugh my 1st house.

When Saturn was in Libra, a crisis with my identity began in June of 2011. I was evaluated to see if I qualified for disability services at my college. Well, the woman evaluating me utterly damaged my identity by saying that I do not have Asperger's Syndrome and instead I have Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS, something very similar to it, which began to tear at me, because that was the only thing I had with which to define myself. I began to forget who I was and I was consumed by depression. My depression was the only thing I could use to define my identity so it became everything that I was. I could not see a way out.

In November 2012, after Saturn had moved into Scorpio, I developed cognitive impairment. Cognitive impairment caused me to experience severe writer's block. Anything else I may have used to define myself instead of just Asperger's Syndrome was taken away from me entirely. I was destroyed completely in terms of everything I thought about myself. I hated myself at one point even though I had no idea what kind of person I was hating on.

As my cognitive impairment grew worse and worse, I stopped being able to talk to people since I lost all ability to begin conversation. Thinking of things to say was not possible for me at the time and I could not explain to my therapist why I thought that something was wrong with my brain. She explained to me that maybe I was functioning just fine, not that she was aware something really was wrong, and that perhaps I was just experiencing what adulthood was like. I disagreed with her, trying to convey that adulthood was not how I was experiencing it, that something was most definitely wrong and I failed to make progress with this attempt. All I could do was repeat the same thing over and over and over like a broken record or as if I was rehearsing lines for a play or something. It became harder and harder to learn things, process information, synthesize it, and complete my college assignments. The time it took me to complete simple tasks increased and it took me several hours to complete what likely took most students up to 30 minutes or an hour.

Since I couldn't explain what was going on, my therapist had no way of knowing that I was right. She almost had me convinced that I was functioning just fine and that life was going to be miserable for me until the day I died. It wasn't her fault either. My vague sense that something was off was not very descriptive. Cognitive impairment affected my reasoning capabilities and my thinking was so clouded that I only seemed to be making excuses for why I couldn't do anything.

Saturn was within orb of my Ascendant in late February 2014 right before it went retrograde in very early March. The last day of February 2014, I managed to reach the point of not hating myself anymore. Unfortunately, all of my problems were otherwise still there. I was lonely, but my cognitive impairment was so bad that I couldn't do anything about it or convey why I needed help. I developed fatigue issues resulting from obesity and the development of Sleep Apnea due to my weight. 2014 was when everything began to shift, starting with me getting into a new relationship in July 2014 and my loneliness going away. Saturn seems to have been the trigger that started this. Saturn was within orb of my Ascendant on February 28th, 2014 and this was when everything began to happen, primarily because I stopped hating myself on that day.

In fact, after midnight on February 28th, I had a dream that night that I am suddenly thinking about again. I know it was on February 28th exactly, because it was a dream that woke me up that morning. It was extremely realistic, except for the fact that a dinosaur was talking to me. The dinosaur began speaking to me, and well, I'm afraid of dinosaurs even though they're extinct, so I was unable to listen. I do remember the dinosaur saying that, "It's time" to me, which is funny now that I realize Saturn was within orb of my Ascendant the night I had that dream and Saturn rules over time. The dinosaur was unable to say anything else. I do not know what the dinosaur was going to explain to me, but the dream oddly fits with the timing of Saturn's conjunction to my Ascendant beginning to kick in on the night of the dream.

By November 2014, Saturn's visit through my 1st house began to numb my sense of humor and capability to enjoy myself. My writing felt stale and I pinned down my problem as writer's block. November 2014 stole my entire personality, not just my identity, at this point. Even my belief in God was ripped away from me. During the time I was an Atheist, I was questioning if life was even worth it since God did not exist. I lost everything that defined my identity and personality. That's how Saturn's visit through my first house began. I had to work on myself completely from scratch with absolutely nothing to work with. Rebuilding my identity began to occur in December of 2014, though that was not when progress started. I had to make mistakes through trial and error before I could find myself again and Saturn's visit through my 1st house was exhausting without any moment to rest from the conflict within. Even when I thought my identity was completely developed, as long as it was still in my 1st house, the work continued.

Since my boyfriend and I began to have heated discussions in December of 2014, I turned to MBTI, hoping to understand him better and work toward fixing the issues. The only problem was I got my personality type wrong. Someone questioning my INTJ-ness was the moment I began to make progress, because I searched and searched for my real personality type and finally managed to find a description of the cognitive functions that made sense. It took me some time to adjust to reality, but learning that I'm really an INTP was the first step toward figuring myself out.

Next, after 2015 had begun, I studied my astrology chart and realized that my houses made no sense and my Ascendant did not describe me at all. Transits also didn't seem to fall in line with my chart, meaning I didn't experience anything when transits supposedly happened and I experienced things when transits weren't supposed to be happening. I began to be mad at astrology, because even with my bias, I knew that a Sagittarius Ascendant did not describe me. There was no way anyone could see me that way. Then, I found something about birth certificates not always having the right birth time and I noticed that less than 10 minutes before my recorded birth time I would have been a Scorpio Ascendant. My Sagittarius Ascendant was in an extremely early degree so I figured maybe my birth certificate was wrong about my birth time and I rectified my chart to have a Scorpio Ascendant instead of a Sagittarius one. It was some time before I attempted to rectify it properly, though my Ascendant was still off by a few degrees after my second rectification. Figuring out that I was a Scorpio Ascendant helped me with finding the transits that I experienced in the past and as I studied my own chart.

The universe began to work its magic in my life in 2015 as well. It was a long time before I realized what was happening. I Googled around and found out about the concept of synchronicity, which is when two or more seemingly related events have no clear cause or logical explanation and are defined by coincidences that by their very nature are not likely to occur as often as they do. The past few years have been marked by tons of synchronicity for me and I've become very spiritual since my discovery of synchronicity in my life. I've also gone back to believing in God, though I am not religious, just extremely spiritual and I prefer to be connected to God as who I truly am. I believe that God wants me to be myself instead of someone I am not.

When I tried to convert myself to Christianity, because my boyfriend is Christian, it didn't work. I understand my failure to convert to mean that God does not want me to restrict my beliefs to a single religion and that he prefers me as I am. He does not want me following a religion that does not suit me so the universe did everything in its power to reflect that. I couldn't find a religon. This inability to find one is because the real me is not religious. My spiritual beliefs do not make room for a single set of religions belief either. Since I am very open-minded, I believe in a wide range of things and what I believe sometimes conflicts with religious practices, though this said, some of my beliefs do overlap with Christianity and my view of God has some overlap with Chistianity also. The universe treats me better when I stick to my individual beliefs instead of being influenced by other people to the degree that I sacrifice what makes me who I am. It treats me well when I focus on doing what makes me happy as well. As long as I stay true to myself, the universe works in my favor.

Another thing to note is that I still have writer's block, but when Saturn was still in my 1st house, I believe I figured out why I have it. Hopefully, now that Saturn is in my 2nd house, it'll be easier to bring results into physical form instead of just appearing to others like I am not doing anything. I believe that reading more often is how I will break through my writer's block. It's an obvious solution that took me a long time to figure out, primarily because I was stuck with the belief that I would be influenced by others' work and this would result in me stealing ideas without realizing it. Someone told me once that I'm supposed to be influenced by things I read, because that's where inspiration comes from. I am planning to start reading more often after November passes and I am positive that reading more often will fix the writing issues I've been having for several years at this point.

In 2016, my cognitive impairment began to affect my grades, which to me was the final straw. I told my psychiatrist in August 2016 that I was having trouble thinking, that I was constantly in a repetitive thought loop of thinking about certain stuff over and over, especially when I'm reading things, and that I have trouble doing anything as a result of my inability to think effectively. To put it simply, I was put on a medication that can treat cognitive impairment, so now I function normally. I can learn new things, process new information, form new ideas, and synthesize information again. I can do adult tasks and properly communicate with people again. Unfortunately, the medication that treats my cognitive impairment has been having more and more undesirable effects on me lately, so I am hoping I no longer need it, especially after fixing my self-esteem issues and after losing weight so I am no longer obese. if these two things had any effect on my thinking capabilities and my development of cognitive impairment, I should be fine from now on. After fixing my self-esteem, I am actually much happier and I sleep a lot better than before.

This year, Saturn's opposition to my Moon numbed my emotions. Later, my constant negativity and self-esteem issues led to me experiencing the early effects of abuse. I realized back in April that I was wrong, that my negativity and how I was constantly insulting myself did affect me. Back in April is when I was beginning to really believe the things I was telling myself and although I knew what I was doing to myself, I couldn't stop it on my own. The cycle felt like it was unbreakable and that I had doomed myself for life by becoming my own abuser. Well, a couple days later, I developed anhedonia. For a few months, I continued insulting myself. I tried to be my usual self instead of being controlled by my anhedonia. My anhedonia actually got worse from me constantly being negative and from me continuing to insult myself so that's when I stopped doing it. After my anhedonia crippled my energy levels to the point I couldn't even type one sentence without being worn out, I put myself on Hydroxycut, which is a weight loss pill that boosts energy and metabolism. The caffeine in Hydroxycut boosted my brain's functioning and I highly suspect the caffeine's initial boost is what resulted in me realizing that I was projecting my issues onto other people and giving away my power. As soon as I realized that I was projecting onto people and that my power had been given away, I was able to reclaim it and that's when my anhedonia went away along with my self-esteem issues. Since then, I've been significantly happier and my perspective on certain things has changed, though I am mostly still the same person, just happier and overall I'm functioning better.

I have completely regained everything I lost about myself and I've also learned new things about my personal identity. My view on Saturn has changed completely. Saturn is definitely not an easy planet to have transiting personal points and planets, but doing the work that Saturn brings is highly beneficial and rewarding. Although my identity was completely destroyed beforehand, now that I've rebuilt myself, I'm in a better position than I was in before Saturn entered my 1st house. It was not easy. It was exhausting and it wore me out. It was worth every second though. What Saturn does is it makes things difficult in the house it's transiting to slowly build your experience and then it will bring you greater gifts than what it took away from you just as long as you've done the work and gained the experience from the hardships you've faced. With time, things get easier the more you do them and as long as you don't resist what Saturn is telling you to work on, you will be greatly rewarded for doing the work involved with that house. In my case, since I was able to work hard on my identity, I was rewarded with a much stronger sense of who I am and I became a lot happier for it.

With Rebecca's Solar Return Ascendant conjunct her natal Saturn, I imagine that conjunction will shape how her identity is related to 8th house. For example, and this is just an example, if someone is afraid of someone close to them dying, with the Solar Return Ascendant conjunct their natal Saturn in 8th house, they would be forced to confront that fear. They may even really lose someone close to them simply to make them overcome it. And afterward, if they succeed at doing that, they will not be afraid of losing anyone close to them anymore, because they know they'll be okay and they may start to appreciate the time they do get with the people they love. As just an example, this may not necessarily apply to what she'll experience herself, however. Anything dealing with Saturn is difficult to deal with, especially when it comes to the 8th house, but it's worth the hardship.

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