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Author
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Topic: I will be dead long before Pluto is done with me
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Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 26, 2018 11:27 PM
  
I don’t like myself and anyone that reminds me of me. That’s why I have so much hate in my heart but crave love. I don’t have a symmetrical face or body. I am severely bowlegged. I have a severe mental illness that I caused myself because I am stupid too. People notice now, because it’s gotten worst (the stupid). Everyday I tell myself that I want to die. But I’m so nuts..cause I’m tugged between that and feeling that that’s not what the bottom of my heart wants. The bottom of my heart is convinced that I am going to be able to love and to be loved one day. The bottom of my heart knows that it can express itself creatively. I do not want a daughter with the same hair, legs, body and big nose as me. I need to get with someone with good genes to make my children look good. My natural hair is so ugly because I’ve permed it too much eversince I was little. Because I did not think I was pretty enough with that short nappy hair. Everytime I stare in the mirror I don’t feel anything. Like I am looking at nothing. (Transit Neptune Opposing Ascendant) I am rotten at the core. I understand why white people used to think black people were an errror. (NOT THAT WE DESERVED ANY OF THE TREATMENT EVEN HAD WE BEEN AN ERROR). (yeah I am hard on myself, Moon in Cappy square Saturn in 8th) We don’t have good hair, our breasts aren’t healthy. This is just the truth for most of us. But all I want is to express myself creatively, from the bottom of my heart. For things to get better. To be chosen first with reason. To have strength to bear the meaning of my life when I find out what it is. I am scared sometimes that I will look in the mirror during the night and see a demon instead of my reflection. Because that’s what’s impeaching me to speak. Write, think, dance, sing, learn, remember, laugh. I have felt it. It is trying to end me, kill me by making me kill myself (Transiting Pluto Opposing Sun + Transiting Pluto Contra-Parallel Sun & Venus). I am not a good person. I have stolen a lot of things from people (Saturn in Taurus 8th House). I know that I have good aspects in my chart, (ex. Saturn Sextile Mars in Cancer just makes me an extra stubborn coward. I do NOT want to go at war, ever. I’ll die in my bedsheets first) but every good aspect just makes a badly aspected planet better at being bad. I am obsessed, all the time. Not even in love because I am not able to love. I can only hate, envy, crave and be negatively attached. (Transiting Pluto Inconjunct & Contra-Parallel Venus). I know it all starts within my own heart. But what to do when this very heart is possessed? I can’t even pray. I just forget what I’m praying about because of the stupid!! (Remember?) You’re life isn’t that bad. Plus it runs in the family. My mother’s been single for 17 years. And she’s not very smart either to me. She’s dedicated to the church like no one I’ve ever seen. Eversince before I was born. But we’re poor and have no one in our lives. Everyone talks **** about us. Guess what happened last year. She met someone and was about to finally get married when he died of a throat cancer. Long story short all the women in my family are possessed with a spirit of failure that makes men run away or die. and I can’t pray to god because he hasen’t done anything for my mother who I can attest is his most faithful servent. All I wanted was to express myself. Sorry about all the ugliness on your screen now. All I want is to express something beautiful but I have nothing beautiful in my life. No talent, inspiration or brains. So all I can do is make your timeline ugly too. July 10 1998 10:16 AM montréal, Canada IP: Logged |
KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 7204
From: LURKING
Registered: May 2011
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posted February 26, 2018 11:33 PM
We were born 7 days apart. What's your mental illness?
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KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 7204
From: LURKING
Registered: May 2011
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posted February 26, 2018 11:40 PM
Wait.. black people have ugly natural hair? That's just your hair since you're too lazy to fix it. Stop projectingIP: Logged |
Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 26, 2018 11:44 PM
I’m sorry, Karka Queen, I am projecting indeed.
And I have BPD.IP: Logged |
Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 26, 2018 11:47 PM
It’s just so much maintenance and it’s so hard to have this hair. I am just being transparent here and this is my opinion. I look so much better with straight hair and I just feel like it’s a struggleIP: Logged |
Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 26, 2018 11:49 PM
I’m sorry about the things I’m saying about my people that might seem condescending but I just feel that way.. like EVERYTHING... from the way I was made is just making my life harderIP: Logged |
KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 7204
From: LURKING
Registered: May 2011
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posted February 26, 2018 11:51 PM
I have never seen a black woman look better with straight hair.What is your hair type?
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Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 26, 2018 11:52 PM
Like I said, I am just trying to express myself, where people would see it. Because I feel like no one can hear me..IP: Logged |
Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 26, 2018 11:53 PM
I don’t know what my hair type is... but you are right about me being too scared to fix it. I’m scared of being myself like the way god intended for me to be. Like chopping it off so it could grow back to the way it was supposed to be.IP: Logged |
Belage
Knowflake Posts: 2647
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 26, 2018 11:55 PM
I am speechless IP: Logged |
KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 7204
From: LURKING
Registered: May 2011
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posted February 26, 2018 11:56 PM
I used to have difficulties with my hair as my mom said it was ugly (really she didn't know to fix it) and I used to perm it. I'm 3c and my hair is long and healthy now. I get compliments on it all the time. My hair is my pride..
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Belage
Knowflake Posts: 2647
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 26, 2018 11:56 PM
Could be a Russian bot...This cannot be real life. IP: Logged |
Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 27, 2018 12:00 AM
Okay, enough about the hair. I was just in a mood. I know what I have to do. Nowww... yes, this is real life. Wtf is a Russian BotIP: Logged |
KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 7204
From: LURKING
Registered: May 2011
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posted February 27, 2018 12:02 AM
By the way, I have Saturn sextile Mars in Cancer and I'm extra ballsy. I don't see how that trait would bring about cowardice.
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Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 27, 2018 12:03 AM
Plus, I’m getting a breast lift in two months. So it’ll be like they’ve never been unhealthy. I am sorry that i projcted so much of everything that I’m physically unhappy with to other black girls. My sister is as black as me and has perfectly healthy breasts. Enough about anything physical. That isn’t the real issue here cause I don’t look that bad at all. If you saw a picture of me you’d actually be surprised. Just tell me what you think about everything else.IP: Logged |
Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 27, 2018 12:05 AM
quote:
Originally posted by KarkaQueen:
By the way, I have Saturn sextile Mars in Cancer and I'm extra ballsy. I don't see how that trait would bring about cowardice.
Well I guess aspects plays out differently in everyone. It wouldn’t have been the same if we were born on the same day at the same time IP: Logged |
KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 7204
From: LURKING
Registered: May 2011
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posted February 27, 2018 12:06 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Davina98:
Well I guess aspects plays out differently in everyone. It wouldn’t have been the same if we were born on the same day at the same time
You have Neptune conjunct your Moon. Your Moon is also in detriment in Capricorn. Your Moon is afflicted.
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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 5089
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted February 27, 2018 12:10 AM
Oh well no wonder. You have Cap Moon with Pluto transit currently conjunct. I was reading what you wrote and couldn't help but think of my ex-Merc/Pluto conjunct in Scorpio who was suicidal/depressive. Also Cap Moon. I wonder how this transit is treating him? But he was depressed for other reasons I.e healthy, beautiful physically, tall,lean ,model looks etc. As people I think we find all sorts of reasons to feel woeful. And sometimes it feels good to feel so bad. I have my days too. My sadness is brought on by the cruelty of humans against each other i.e prejudice ,patriarchy, sexism, racism, homophobia, religious indoctrination, crime etc. What is "nappy" hair? In South Africa we are mostly black. So I guess we all have "nappy" hair here and its celebrated  Why not move here? You can wave goodbye to your stress inducing hair maintenance days. And see a plethora of women who are either "severely" bow legged or knee knocked but are going on with their lives? 
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Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 27, 2018 12:13 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Oh well no wonder. You have Cap Moon with Pluto transit currently conjunct. I was reading what you wrote and couldn't help but think of my ex-Merc/Pluto conjunct in Scorpio who was suicidal/depressive. Also Cap Moon. I wonder how this transit is treating him? But he was depressed for other reasons I.e healthy, beautiful physically, tall,lean ,model looks etc. As people I think we find all sorts of reasons to feel woeful. And sometimes it feels good to feel so bad. I have my days too. My sadness is brought on by the cruelty of humans against each other i.e prejudice ,patriarchy, sexism, racism, homophobia, religious indoctrination, crime etc. What is "nappy" hair? In South Africa we are mostly black. So I guess we all have "nappy" hair here and its celebrated
Why not move here? You can wave goodbye to your stress inducing hair maintenance days. And see a plethora of women who are either "severely" bow legged or knee knocked but are going on with their lives?
Oh f*** it feels good to feel bad sometimes... you get it.
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KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 7204
From: LURKING
Registered: May 2011
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posted February 27, 2018 12:17 AM
I feel bad a lot and I feel bad right now but I am reserved about my feelings and just do not say it but to little people. I am not blowing you off or being unemphatic.Not sure what your comment meant. I don't think your transits are playing a game though.
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Empty Spaces
Knowflake Posts: 1935
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted February 27, 2018 12:27 AM
Honestly based on everything you have said Tpluto on your sun (core) is the best transit you could ever have now! It is about internal transformation.There's a lot of things bothering you and now you are facing them.
You will come out stronger.IP: Logged |
Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 27, 2018 12:28 AM
I am sorry that this post is said so outrageously. I have Pluto in the 3rd house (intensity) and Mercury in Leo (Dramatic af)IP: Logged |
Davina98
Knowflake Posts: 35
From: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017
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posted February 27, 2018 12:37 AM
I am sorry that this post is said so outrageously. I have Pluto in the 3rd house (intensity) and Mercury in Leo (Dramatic af)IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 8043
From: Mercury novile and parallel Pluto, Pluto septile Southnode
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted February 27, 2018 12:46 AM
 See more:
http://www.hairstylo.com/2015/07/natural-hairstyles.html IP: Logged |
Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 5089
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted February 27, 2018 12:49 AM
So does that mean I will not get to see you being in the motherland? I was organizing drums, dangerously half naked people and ululations. Ya know the whole " African" experience and everything. Now I am sad and depressed  . Let me go find a lion to play with and lift my spirits IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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