posted March 09, 2018 03:28 PM            

It then occurred to me that he did mention not having photos of him as a child or his mom being pregnant with him. I have spoken to his mom before. She talked about how being pregnant with him made her life harder. We both came from a third world country. In that country, jobs are one in a million. They were very poor. When she finally had the chance to get a job, she lied about being married and pregnant. She knew she would not get it if they knew. But her belly told the truth to everyone else and she was fired. It was already hard enough being poor and pregnant. She found out my boyfriend was a very sickly child as well. Hospital bills piled up when he was born. According to him, his own mother called him a curse to the family—something I could not imagine a mother would ever do.

Basically since he was a child, he’s tried to please and gain his mother’s approval. He was never enough. He is very hard on himself.

When he said he “doesn’t do” pregnancy shoots, I was gonna ask him why but I stopped myself. I already knew why.

Such is the pain of a Capricorn moon. It doesn’t help that it is involved in a t-square with Saturn and Mars in his natal chart.

I worked with this girl once. She also had Capricorn moon. She just got out of a very abusive relationship and went back to live with her mom. Her mom doesn’t want her there. She is paying rent to her mom. Her mom accused her of being the reason why she got abused. No sense of understanding or comfort, especially from the one who should be comforting her the most.

The most common line I hear from people with afflicted moons is “sh*t happens” or “we’re all gonna die anyway”. Although there is truth to it, it pains me to hear the stories of how they came to such a harsh conclusion.

After I spoke with my boyfriend, there was a minute of silence. He then explained why he doesn’t wanna do the photoshoot. I was right. He came up to me and I gave him a tight hug. My heart sank further down. He said I was the only one who ever understood (probably exaggerated but whatever).

I told him he still has a long way to go in the process of healing. He started with his heart chakra this summer.

I don’t know how to help him with healing, or anyone like him for that matter.

——————————
Gemini Rising
Sun in Leo (2nd house)
Moon in Cancer (1st house)
Mercury in Virgo (3rd house conj.)
Venus in Virgo (3rd house)
Mars in Libra (5th house)

posted March 09, 2018 04:56 PM            

I had some experience with chakras once and it helped me with my childhood issues but without putting my scars out,with my therapist I think I would not be able to move totally forward so that would be my advice.Plus if he could try to have a emotional diary that would be awesome,but men usually don't like it.

About his T-square...I have one (with 5 planets) and working on the missing leg has been helping me a lot.Maybe he could try?

Buy him a rose quartz to work on his heart chakra.Some people say you should never use a rose quartz alone because it can be overwhelming so use a green stone too.

Some astrologers claim that we can't "heal" issues from our natal but don't pay attention to them.Hard aspects are hard experiences that you had that (probably yes in most cases) created wounds on a deep level.You need to recover from them.There's nothing there saying you need to feel unloved (saturn/moon) forever.God give us space for healing and he also help us if we ask him to.

posted March 09, 2018 10:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Solar_Leo_Queen:
I don’t know how to help him with healing, or anyone like him for that matter.

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quote:

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He came up to me and I gave him a tight hug.

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You’ve already helped. ^

You say things like:

quote:

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My heart feels very heavy

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quote:

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it pains me

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quote:

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My heart sank

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Your whole post is punctuated with healing sentiments in all the right places. I imagine you have a calming presence. I don’t think you need to do much beyond being yourself to help.

quote:

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there was a moment of silence

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Don’t underestimate these moments, so much can be communicated. It doesn’t always take profound words or grand gestures to help someone heal. In that silent moment, he felt safe enough to let you in.

posted March 10, 2018 08:06 AM            

quote:

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something I could not imagine a mother would ever do.

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For each seemingly perfect family, there are at least 2 struggling ones. And even when a family (mother, father, child) appear happy and fine, it can hide some insidious issues.

I understand what you mean here, and it does come from an ideal, of how we think things should be, but it's really not far fetched, and quite common. I think it is important for us to have our idealizations grounded more often so that we can get over the shock of the reality that families can and do do harsh things to each other, and experience hardship, because once we do, we are better able to handle it and help others who experience difficulty. It's not so much about normalizing it, but understanding the contrasts side by side. I.E loving mother who loves and supports children VS mother who says and does awful things.

In a way, when we are shocked, or surprised, by dysfunctionality in family dynamics, we are still seeing the world in a 2 dimensional way. A similar example is the view of women. They are either a saint, a mother, a beyotch, or a ho- but each one is divided and seen as separate, and that if we are good, we cannot be a bit*h, and vice versa. bit*h is used loosely here, as it could simply mean women are seen as bit*hes for being assertive and speaking their mind, and expressing an opinion that is not wholly sugar, spice and everything nice. If you see what I mean.

I'm not saying this is necessarily a reflection of your vision, but rather, it is good to become aware of the fact that this is the reality for many people, more than you or any of us know. And while yes, it is awful, to imagine that it is something that a mother would (n)ever do speaks of a divide. The sooner we incorperate all the facets of people, all the facets of reality, together as a whole, rather than 2 dimensional ideals, the more prepared we become to deal with it, and help others heal. Because once we understand them, and understand ourselves, we open doors to healing. And just as when a mother says something horrible to a child is seen as having a negative impact - the reverse can be true, as well. A mother (or father or anyone) who appears nice, is nice, is pleasant and only says and does nice things can also actually be doing something quite negative.

Therein lies the paradox of why so many people who have "picturesque" families are miserable, and why some who have lived in seemingly harsher environments, are actually more well rounded and genuinely happier and healthier psychologically.

And that's where you'll find the solution to helping him and his afflicted moon, along with his other issues. Supporting him and helping him could mean also helping him understand his mother, humanize her and empathize with her, instead of living in victimhood, and also understanding himself, and taking responsibility for who he is now. It is not enough to say "oh poor baby you lived such a hard life." (not that you do, or will, but as an example). Thus feeding his belief that he is a victim. Of course, he is a victim, but what you do after that, what we all do after that, depends on us. Finding acceptance and peace and understanding, and working for a brighter future is all we can do. But we also cannot take on another person's issues as our own. The person in question has to want to heal, has to want to understand, and has to want to search for something better - and this usually happens when one has finally decided they have had enough suffering.

posted March 11, 2018 04:54 PM            

While I do understand that some people experience harsher realities than others, it still breaks my heart thinking about it. My own mom has said some hurtful things to me as a child but never to the extent my bf has experienced. I was lucky enough my mom always gave to me and my siblings equally, while he had to “piggyback” off of his older brother.

I’m not forcing him to heal if he doesn’t want to, but I do know he does. And because I know he does, I wanna be there as much as I can for him. I love him truly, even when we were just friends. I wanna do the best that I can to help him heal, even if it means saying less and listening more. I tell him it’s okay to cry. He doesn’t like to cry. He practices stoicism, which has its own benefits but I find that it has more disadvantages than anything. I’m not saying be so emotional about every single thing. But the thing I have found with him is it’s hard for him to relate with other people simply because he does not get why people are upset about certain things and happy with others. He doesn’t get it when I say there’s a time to be logical and a time to be emotional. Everything is logic to him. Even with Leo mercury, he tends to be less expressive than I am. He is only able to express himself openly when he smokes pot or is drunk. His inner child comes out. It’s lovely to see.

posted March 11, 2018 05:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by charlie:
Coming from my Capricorn Moon that sometimes feels as if it's lead 4 lifetimes : do NOT interfere with his "process" but whatever you do, do CARE and don't stop if you truly love him! He'll climb that mountain on his own, he'll stumble on his own and he will bleed on his own.

My mom was also the culprit of many of my own issues (have Pluto square too ) and it's taken me 35 years to forgive her..

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You’re right. Capricorn is the sign of the mountain goat after all. Resilience is one of the traits I love about him.

posted March 11, 2018 05:14 PM            

I don't think any moon (afflicted or nicely aspected) can ever be healed...it's the nature of the moon to be sensitive and sometimes get moody or irritated or complain (especially when there's a square to mars)

capricorn moons are strong people, they can handle a lot of responsibility, and often it's not like they have a choice...they must do it to survive

you can't expect a capricorn moon to act sweet or cuddly or carefree or happy like other seemingly easy moons like taurus, sagittarius, leo, gemini, pisces...they are tuned into dirtier/harsher parts of life whether we like it or not, but we also can't deny that this is part of their charm and magnetism!

posted March 11, 2018 05:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
my boyfriend has a cap moon as well and it's exactly conjunct his saturn

I don't think any moon (afflicted or nicely aspected) can ever be healed...it's the nature of the moon to be sensitive and sometimes get moody or irritated or complain (especially when there's a square to mars)

capricorn moons are strong people, they can handle a lot of responsibility, and often it's not like they have a choice...they must do it to survive

you can't expect a capricorn moon to act sweet or cuddly or carefree or happy like other seemingly easy moons like taurus, sagittarius, leo, gemini, pisces...they are tuned into dirtier/harsher parts of life whether we like it or not, but we also can't deny that this is part of their charm and magnetism!

when around a cap moon, you need to be careful not to get sucked into their dark/miserable world (especially if you have a water moon or sun or generally as a person you tend to be very caring)...eventually they can often handle their own problems, you on the other hand need to be careful about you own mental condition when living with them!

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The conjunction to Saturn may make it more potent. Does it seem like that for your bf?

I think I may have messed up reading my bf’s chart. I thought his Moon was in a wide opposition with his Mars, but it was actually Jupiter involved in the T-square. His Moon is still square Saturn though. I wonder if the T-square affects his Moon because it’s conjunct his Jupiter?

The survival part, I completely agree with. My bf’s thing is that he doesn’t care what lengths he goes to to get something as long as he is sure he comes out alive. Capricorn moons are physically and mentally resilient, not so much emotionally. Facing your own emotions takes courage. I find that my bf tends to ignore his own feelings because he was made to believe they don’t matter.

posted March 11, 2018 05:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ReachingForTheStars:
Geeeeeeze, I can relate to so much of what you write about your BF. You’ve edited some of it. I don’t remember all of your original post but there may be insecurities behind those behaviors. I didn’t feel like I had lots of support from my parents. Even when I did, it wasn’t consistent; I couldn’t rely on it. I didn’t like celebrating things especially related to myself because I didn’t feel like anyone would care enough to show up and celebrate with me. I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I may be proven right. I remember being in high school and having anxiety over graduation. I didn’t want to participate because I didn’t think my parents would show up. Like, I even considered just flunking out. I was also cautious of creating suspicion, so I denounced celebrations in general. If I didn’t, I may be questioned about why I don’t celebrate my own achievements. Instead, I feigned indifference. These behaviors you describe sounds like he’s trying to protect himself. Expecting the worse or having negative attitudes prevents disappointment. Distancing (indifference) is a defense mechanism.

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That would make sense too. I edited it out, yes. I just didn’t think it was relevant.

Anyway, I see what you mean with the non-celebratory attitude being a defense mechanism. Just like you, he has been let down a couple times in his life as a child. He told me he used to go to school without lunch but pocket money only. The other kids had their moms come drop by school to bring them lunch, and they’d wonder why his mom wasn’t there. She was busy working. He also told me his parents missed a couple big milestones for him as a child. It wasn’t really just his mom but he did tell me his dad loved him more than his mom did.

He says he really loves me because I care for him a lot. I’d make him food anytime and bring him lunch at work sometimes. I also tend to celebrate for him, to let him know he’s special and he matters to me. I’ve given him gifts for no reason before. The one day, I came home with a really soft acrylic scarf I bought for him. He liked it. He was really surprised because it was exactly the type of scarf he’d buy himself. I bought it for him because he steals my scarves in the winter time.

posted March 11, 2018 09:06 PM            

I also believe our natal is our ego.What makes everything even more interesting is that aparently there's no other chart to represent our essence which means we have to figure out for ourselves and we all know that's not easy.People spend months,years working on self-knowledge.

posted December 30, 2018 06:53 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lalafortunaea:
For each seemingly perfect family, there are at least 2 struggling ones. And even when a family (mother, father, child) appear happy and fine, it can hide some insidious issues.

I understand what you mean here, and it does come from an ideal, of how we think things should be, but it's really not far fetched, and quite common. I think it is important for us to have our idealizations grounded more often so that we can get over the shock of the reality that families can and do do harsh things to each other, and experience hardship, because once we do, we are better able to handle it and help others who experience difficulty. It's not so much about normalizing it, but understanding the contrasts side by side. I.E loving mother who loves and supports children VS mother who says and does awful things.

In a way, when we are shocked, or surprised, by dysfunctionality in family dynamics, we are still seeing the world in a 2 dimensional way. A similar example is the view of women. They are either a saint, a mother, a beyotch, or a ho- but each one is divided and seen as separate, and that if we are good, we cannot be a bit*h, and vice versa. bit*h is used loosely here, as it could simply mean women are seen as bit*hes for being assertive and speaking their mind, and expressing an opinion that is not wholly sugar, spice and everything nice. If you see what I mean.

I'm not saying this is necessarily a reflection of your vision, but rather, it is good to become aware of the fact that this is the reality for many people, more than you or any of us know. And while yes, it is awful, to imagine that it is something that a mother would (n)ever do speaks of a divide. The sooner we incorperate all the facets of people, all the facets of reality, together as a whole, rather than 2 dimensional ideals, the more prepared we become to deal with it, and help others heal. Because once we understand them, and understand ourselves, we open doors to healing. And just as when a mother says something horrible to a child is seen as having a negative impact - the reverse can be true, as well. A mother (or father or anyone) who appears nice, is nice, is pleasant and only says and does nice things can also actually be doing something quite negative.

Therein lies the paradox of why so many people who have "picturesque" families are miserable, and why some who have lived in seemingly harsher environments, are actually more well rounded and genuinely happier and healthier psychologically.

And that's where you'll find the solution to helping him and his afflicted moon, along with his other issues. Supporting him and helping him could mean also helping him understand his mother, humanize her and empathize with her, instead of living in victimhood, and also understanding himself, and taking responsibility for who he is now. It is not enough to say "oh poor baby you lived such a hard life." (not that you do, or will, but as an example). Thus feeding his belief that he is a victim. Of course, he is a victim, but what you do after that, what we all do after that, depends on us. Finding acceptance and peace and understanding, and working for a brighter future is all we can do. But we also cannot take on another person's issues as our own. The person in question has to want to heal, has to want to understand, and has to want to search for something better - and this usually happens when one has finally decided they have had enough suffering.

Since he has started working on his heart chakra, he is showing he does wish to change, to heal, and so far, what you are doing is helpful. The most you can do is help and support him on his journey.

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