posted June 06, 2018 11:42 AM            

I've been having some serious depression crisis lately, I understand some of them are circunstancial cause a lot going on in my life, been dealing with fears of losing people literally and figurative. Been dealing with abandonment issues since forever and theres always situations that come and test that feeling. I thought I had a good support system but my mom is dealing with a lot of things too (she was about to being operated and had a lung failure, they couldn't proceed so she's being re schedule she's dealing with fear of death and obviously I do too) I thought I had a good relationship with the guy I've been dating for over a year but turns out he's not seeing things as I am, we are not heading to the same thing, he made that clear just yesterday so that dream fell too, I've been confused about my career direction too, I started this community manager job a year ago after 2 years of teaching thinking this would give me satisfactions but that hasn't happen either...

I really dug into astrology looking for help and understanding, I understand I'm going through a Saturn conjunct natal Neptune transit, that same Saturn is opposing my Mercury and will eventually oppose Venus and Sun.

Pluto is in conjunction to natal Sun also, I understand that this transits are shaping and changing me in indescribable ways, but the thought of things going the exact opposite in every way is hitting me hard. I guess I'm writing this as a way of expression my repressed feelings, but also looking for some help, someone who could tell me things are going to be ok, that is written in the stars that I'll find someone and be happy, that things will go as planed but this is something that I have to learn from... Maybe that's why I use astrology in the first place, I did try to look for signs that could tell me I'm close to finding the one and that stability, I put my dreams on that Eclipse in Cancer hitting my Vertex and Sun on July 12th, but I'm scared things go opposite... So confused, so frustrated and I know that Mercury square Neptune transit at the moment is not helping...

posted June 06, 2018 02:17 PM            

Sat transit was conj natal Jup (optimism) and progressed to Nep and Sun late last year and continued on this year.

There times of complete exasperation: wondering where my life is headed & what kind of life I am building?

Jupiter and Neptune are both planets of hopes and dreams. Saturn on them is when realizing that those hopes and dreams are not likely to occur and going for what is probable.

Saturn on Merc can condense thoughts and make them linear. This is the depression because all thought is movement. Saturn slows thought and thus the movement. So it feels like cynical ideas stick around longer than is usual.

Cut out the drama in ur life i.e anything that is not of value in your life right now. Or anything that doesn't lift you up.

Sleep more. Switch to classical music and steady the diet to things healthy. And don't try to "snap" yourself into being happy. Feel the pain but be not of it.

This means that there will be days where you cry. Release that. Days where its hard to see the sun shine at all. Its OK.

But there will be days where you do feel better. Optimize those days & see people. Up your optimism and get out of the house.

Saturn is the evaluation of Jupiter's expansion. So the depression felt is hot air being blown out i.e bringing you very much "down to earth" & ridding the fluff of ideals.

Saturn is about mortality & so it reminds us of what is really important.Not what we want. But really what we need.

It may not be something easy i.e quitting job and struggling financially for a time whilst putting yourself through school to redirect your life.

Or getting married & settled with someone whom you feel is not the love of your life. But would make practical sense to be with.

Saturn choices are not fun nor preferred. But they are necessary.

I feel you. I really do. Take it one day at a time. Saturn is on my Sun/ Nep

posted June 06, 2018 02:32 PM            

"And don't try to "snap" yourself into being happy. Feel the pain but be not of it.

This means that there will be days where you cry. Release that. Days where its hard to see the sun shine at all. Its OK.

But there will be days where you do feel better. Optimize those days & see people. Up your optimism and get out of the house."

This helps a lot! I know I should let myself feel, but honestly, I'm so scared, my mom is really worried about me and she's about to go under surgery again, I'm so trying to be strong for her and that person who I rely for support, well that person made it clear we don't want the same and although I know he's there for me and he supports me, since is not how I want it then I don't want it.

Hard times... Saturn is giving me hard lessons, I need to dig deep on what's moving inside, cause I honestly feel I'm having low energy moments and I'm attracting the exact opposite of what I want, but I guess the Universe doesn't speak words, I can sit here and say I want some one who's confident but I know deep inside I'm not, so I can't attract that.

Saturn over Sun and Neptune is like a recipe dissolving ego issues no? Saturn over Neptune itself that's how it's kind of working for me.

posted June 06, 2018 08:12 PM            

A good deal of what you are going through is found in the transits of Pluto opposite/contra-parallel natal Sun with Saturn contra-parallel natal Sun, as well as Saturn closely opposite your natal Mercury.

The Saturn/Pluto to natal Sun transits are a crisis of empowerment that tests whether you are functioning equal to others in power; and how much control/power you've given them vs retaining yourself. Such transits can seem to cut persons out of your life that are not willing to balance their interests and objectives with yours. YOU have all the power within you to construct a happy life of relationships, community, and support. This setback is only temporary, a lesson along the way.

These are transits that test strength of mind and will so that we can find how to get stronger. They are not innately emotional, except that your chart is strongly emotional in coloring, given planets in Cancer and Moon in Pisces.

Saturn conjunct Neptune & opposite natal Mercury is a crisis of ideals. A transit in which we often have to say goodbye to persons or things because there has been misunderstanding in communication of who we really are and the ideal we seek. It can seem as if Saturn is here as a depressive influence arriving to sit on your hopes and dreams, but that is not so. It comes along to force the issue of being practical and concrete enough about what is most important (ideals) so that your implementation will align accordingly in step-at-a-time fashion. It can also call for the necessity of having a guiding ideal in life so that you are actively involved in creating what you feel is your ideal, rather than hoping it will show up in the hands of others.

It is in letting go that we open ourselves up for what/who is next. Look at your Mercury-Venus trine to Pluto. That shows your depth of affection, love and commitment. Someone is going to recognize that and appreciate you for who you really are!

Don't settle for less than that.

In a few years Pluto will start making its sextile to your natal Moon and your feelings on important things will start to strengthen and clarify enough to allow you more decisiveness. In 2021 Pluto's transit sextile your natal Moon will coincide with Uranus's transit sextile your natal Venus. Think of now as a clearing time for preparing for that period, which could be quite good but only if you are open for it.

I hope this has been as much encouraging pep talk as astro-informative. You don't need to apologize for speaking emotionally when your feelings are most down, dark, or difficult. Just writing it out often helps.

Maybe you could write it out even more therapeutically for yourself (to share or not). I recommend the books Writing What You Know by Meg Files, and Writing to Awaken by Mark Matousek.

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"Drift like a cloud and flow like water, seeing that all life is a magnificent illusion, a playing of energy, and there is absolutely nothing fundamentally to be afraid of." -- Alan Watts

posted June 07, 2018 11:34 AM            

Crisis of ideals is a perfect description of what's going on right now, and that includes everything in my life, since family to work issues. Any Cancer from 87 is having a hard time I'm sure, that year Mercury, Venus and Sun were hanging in the sign.