posted July 17, 2018 12:52 PM            

I have behaved as a powerless individual for the longest time. I have fallen into depression more than four years ago. Along with other disorders such as BPD. That is because I have given away all my power. Every once of it I have lost to choosing not to fight my battles when they were due. I always expected someone to come rescue me. Either God, a man, a friend or family. Uncosciously, I thought that if I chose not to be strong enough, something would come and bring me asylum. Every choice I've made has been fueled my this misconception of life. And now I am only 20 years old and already full of regrets.

I built myself this asylum that I am stuck in today with my Mars being in it's fall in the sign of Cancer. I am only realizing this now that Pluto is Opposing my Sun for the final time. This transit has been going on for almost two years and I've only come to see this now. I think it is also the result of Uranus hitting my 8th house.

I understand now what Kannon McAfee means when he says that transits work together in concert. I also understand what he meant when he said that I may have unconsciously chosen this battle with mental issues. They are real issues that I may have really been prone to, yes, but that I could've avoided if I didn't ruin my own perspective. With drugs, bad influences and negative relationships.

posted July 17, 2018 05:58 PM            

I have my own issues to outgrow with similar Mars and Pluto interactions. Growth is never ending and being self-aware and continuing to grow is more important than picking a cause to fight for or a side to fight on.

Ultimately, self-acceptance has the final word. Accepting ourselves, even knowing our flaws, in route to becoming stronger or gentler. It begins without conditions.

Someone else's life and beauty led me to want her, to worship her. After letting her go, I found that much of what I saw in her was already in me. I came to appreciate myself more.

"Takes one to know one" works here. If it weren't behind your eyes already you wouldn't see it in anyone else no matter where you looked.

Power is knowing what you have -- and already are. Knowing you never have to be so afraid you let it change you. Love is stronger -- and the only real power.

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"Drift like a cloud and flow like water, seeing that all life is a magnificent illusion, a playing of energy, and there is absolutely nothing fundamentally to be afraid of." -- Alan Watts

posted July 18, 2018 01:13 PM            

I joke ofcourse. Read what you wrote there and must applaud you for your honesty.

My Mom is a Mars in Cancer and a very present parent in my life who has directed the family's wellbeing for as long as I can recall.

She does tend to be pushy and overbearing(but that's Mars Cancer energy in essence) and that's only because she deeply cares.

Her power comes from seeking peace. So she does tend to depend on God to motivate her. But she eventually acts because of gut(Cancer) instincts (Mars).

But ironically I do see her power somewhat given away through her marriage to my Dad. As her need to make peace with anything and everything has her internalize hurt and become the " victim".

So this "victim" state has myself (Mars in Libra "I want justice") and my sister (Mars in Gem "The tongue is mightier than the sword"), come to her defense.

She does tend to appeal to the emotions of people. And they protect her or defend her too. So I do get your " saviour" stance.