posted October 19, 2018 11:56 AM            

It began when my ex husband groped me and then tried to kidnap my daughter. I had to get a RO against him and I thought he would be so mad that he would try to kill me. I wasn't being "overly-paranoid" I had literally seen him try to poison people with the intent to kill them before.

I was afraid that he would clip wires on my car or damage something causing me to crash... he was very smart and I would expect him to do something in a way that he would never get caught . My anxiety got so bad that I was having panic attacks for the first time in my life. I began using anxiety medication and ended up having two grand Mal seizures which resulted in a brain bleed and months of memory loss.

It was extremely hard to recover from because you can die from having a seizure... and what it feels like to have a seizure feels JUST like having an anxiety attack...So I would get afraid that I was gonna have a seizure and didn't know if it was just anxiety or valid... or if the anxiety would cause a seizure.

It's been a year and a half since my seizures and I am glad to say that I have processed through 95% of this and for the most part don't have anxiety- except for a little bit that comes up now and then.

it's just been the most challenging thing I've ever been through in my life. the mental struggles of the severe anxiety and panic... the physical exhaustion of recovering from the seizures (it took me 9 months before I could leave the house).... I was so weak at point that I couldn't even chew a bite of food without getting exhausted

I now feel like I am dealing with the last residual 5% of this anxiety and healing. I really have come so far and worked through so much..... and my life is so good now! I have a thriving business and happy family and am married... but ive been held back from enjoying my life because of this anxiety.

I feel like im on the brink of working through this.... and it will be a rebirth! but there is still some fear that this stuff could actually kill me.

I'd just love any higher spiritual astrological wisdom that could apply to this circumstance. im not yet going through my Saturn return, but it feels very Saturn-return-y to me.

It's been the hardest lesson of my life I know I've grown so much from it but I wanna be done with this fear!

My birthday is March 1, 1991
4:00 PM la jolla CA

posted October 19, 2018 12:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by missblyss:
I've been suffering for the past few years from an extreme anxiety related to dying.

It began when my ex husband groped me and then tried to kidnap my daughter. I had to get a RO against him and I thought he would be so mad that he would try to kill me. I wasn't being "overly-paranoid" I had literally seen him try to poison people with the intent to kill them before.

I was afraid that he would clip wires on my car or damage something causing me to crash... he was very smart and I would expect him to do something in a way that he would never get caught . My anxiety got so bad that I was having panic attacks for the first time in my life. I began using anxiety medication and ended up having two grand Mal seizures which resulted in a brain bleed and months of memory loss.

It was extremely hard to recover from because you can die from having a seizure... and what it feels like to have a seizure feels JUST like having an anxiety attack...So I would get afraid that I was gonna have a seizure and didn't know if it was just anxiety or valid... or if the anxiety would cause a seizure.

It's been a year and a half since my seizures and I am glad to say that I have processed through 95% of this and for the most part don't have anxiety- except for a little bit that comes up now and then.

it's just been the most challenging thing I've ever been through in my life. the mental struggles of the severe anxiety and panic... the physical exhaustion of recovering from the seizures (it took me 9 months before I could leave the house).... I was so weak at point that I couldn't even chew a bite of food without getting exhausted

I now feel like I am dealing with the last residual 5% of this anxiety and healing. I really have come so far and worked through so much..... and my life is so good now! I have a thriving business and happy family and am married... but ive been held back from enjoying my life because of this anxiety.

I feel like im on the brink of working through this.... and it will be a rebirth! but there is still some fear that this stuff could actually kill me.

I'd just love any higher spiritual astrological wisdom that could apply to this circumstance. im not yet going through my Saturn return, but it feels very Saturn-return-y to me.

It's been the hardest lesson of my life I know I've grown so much from it but I wanna be done with this fear!

My birthday is March 1, 1991
4:00 PM la jolla CA

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Hi missblyss!

I am deeply touched by your story as i, myself, have gone through periods of panick attacks resulting from accumulating fears and repressed emotions. Leaving my natal city, getting to know new people who had positive influence in my life helped me get over my fears but not all of them. I just wanna say that you are still young just like me ( I was born in 1992 ) and you still have a long life ahead of you. Just enjoy every single moment of your life and i hope that experienced members could offer help related to astrology as i am a beginner.

Much love <3

posted October 19, 2018 09:21 PM            

your kind words and support mean so much to me!

posted October 19, 2018 09:53 PM            

I am so glad you have come a long way!!!!!!!!!!

I hope jupiter in scorpio at late degrees wraps this up for you and jupiter in sag is that breath of fresh air and new beginning you need.

posted October 19, 2018 11:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
What was the time frame of that terrible time you were talking about? In 2016 or 2017? When did the seizures start? I see that you have Moon at 26' Virgo, and TR Saturn and TR Chiron triggered it in a T-square in February 2017, last year. It happened 3 times back and forth in 2017.

However, you also have Sun at 10' Pisces and Mars at 15' Gemini so TR Saturn started triggering your Sun and Mars in the summer of 2016. So I wonder if the bad period started with the TR Saturn on your Sun and Mars and ended with the transit over your Moon, or it was when your Moon ( 12th house ruler) was affected by staurn

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hey my love
so the kidnap attempt was in June of 2016 I believe. Court for the RO was in August of 2016 so that was the beginning of the sh**storm haha.

The seizures were march 14 2017. one month after I got with my partner on February 14 2017.

posted October 19, 2018 11:11 PM            

This may require healing assisted by someone who can help you get below the conscious level, as in hypnosis. However, you could be helped quite a bit by the Bach flower essence Mimulus which soothes fears of known things, things that can be named or described as you have done here. Mix that essence with Rock Rose, which is for more advanced fear, panic, etc, and you should have an excellent remedy. It could be that simple. Your main task may be to figure out how much of the remedy mixture to take and how often.

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"Drift like a cloud and flow like water, seeing that all life is a magnificent illusion, a playing of energy, and there is absolutely nothing fundamentally to be afraid of." -- Alan Watts

posted October 19, 2018 11:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kannon McAfee:
I'm sorry that you've been through that and have been affected so profoundly.

This may require healing assisted by someone who can help you get below the conscious level, as in hypnosis. However, you could be helped quite a bit by the Bach flower essence Mimulus which soothes fears of known things, things that can be named or described as you have done here. Mix that essence with Rock Rose, which is for more advanced fear, panic, etc, and you should have an excellent remedy. It could be that simple. Your main task may be to figure out how much of the remedy mixture to take and how often.

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thanks kannon I love working with flower essences. im actually an herbalist too and I believe that working with plant medicines has been a HUGE factor in me healing as much as I have. I mean, even though there is a slight bit of fear remaining, the healing that has occurred in the past 18 months is incredible- just need to process this last little bit!!

posted October 19, 2018 11:31 PM            

i've had seizures, typically partial ones not as severe as yours so far, so i can only imagine

that being said...

it's helped me to learn to things:

1: at any given moment none of my feelings actually matter when they're unrelated to what's right in front of me

getting lost in the moment might be hard for you, but learning to do it can make things easier to deal with

2: my feelings are ephemeral and usually only have as much weight as i give them

anxiety passes, fades, and doesnt ultimately matter past the stress it causes

learning to immerse yourself in the moment and feel the present helps with the second part because when you're having a panic attack it's all you can feel

i had a point years ago where i had really bad panic attacks, i was also using a lot of pcp and in a really bad living situation so it was all a mess really

posted October 19, 2018 11:37 PM            

Yes, hun, it is over now. TR Saturn moved away from your mutable planets and there is not much on Satty's way now.
Oh, except for your Venus at 9' Aries. Tr Saturn will square it soon, in November, but it will be just one time hit, lucky you, it is not the triple transit but just one time. Tou will feel unlovable during those 2 weeks and may experience set backs in your relationship but it will pass quickly, nothing in comparison to those triple back and forth transits to your Sun, Moon and Mars that you went thru before, those transits are over and done. Yey!

posted October 19, 2018 11:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
ohhh, I see...June 2016 TR Saturn squared your Sun at 10' Pisces and it started the agony.
I know it because my Moon is at the same degree as your Sun and at that same time in June 2016 I had TR Saturn on my Moon and it was a tragic time when my two dogs were taken away from me and later killed, dramatic heart-wrenching time in my life.
For you - it was the square to your Sun, and later during the court process- it was the square to your Mars ( men).
In March 2017, TR Saturn squared your Moon exactly, then it stationed retrograde and went back for your Moon, a long 2 months non-stop transit due to the stationing of Saturn over your Moon

Yes, hun, it is over now. TR Saturn moved away from your mutable planets and there is not much on Satty's way now.
Oh, except for your Venus at 9' Aries. Tr Saturn will square it soon, in November, but it will be just one time hit, lucky you, it is not the triple transit but just one time. Tou will feel unlovable during those 2 weeks and may experience set backs in your relationship but it will pass quickly, nothing in comparison to those triple back and forth transits to your Sun, Moon and Mars that you went thru before, those transits are over and done. Yey!

when did you feel the worst, was it during summer of 2016, or was it when you had the seizures in March 2017?

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oh thank god! thanks so much for relaying that. it all makes so much sense with those transits.

I felt mentally very bad in 2016, but I would say it was probably worse around my seizures because it was physical and mental. I mean I was so weak I would become exhausted from chewing a bite of food. I literally couldn't get out of bed for months. iwoudl almost faint when walking to the car. on top of that, I was pregnant. and on top of that, we were dead broke and had no support. my neighbors were attacking me, my friends were all mad at me and thought I was "using my seizure as an excuse".... literally had a neighbor leave me a note saying everyone hated me and blah blah. my parents didn't even come to visit me in the hospital and berated me for having a seizure- they blamed me. we didn't even have food to eat in the beginning of my pregnancy!

posted October 20, 2018 12:13 AM            

In the beginning of 2017 you also had TR Chiron in opposition to your Moon, so it was an actual T-square going on your Moon along with tr Saturn.

posted October 20, 2018 12:16 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
wow
the description of it is painful, let alone going thru it! Soooo much hardship. Saturn usually does the job which we try to postpone or slide under the rug. If we do the procrastination for too long, Saturn comes in and cleans up everything at once, and he does so the hard way so that there will be no way going back. it served a purpose of moving you away from your ex and sending you an angel, your husband, to help you with the process.

In the beginning of 2017 you also had TR Chiron in opposition to your Moon, so it was an actual T-square going on your Moon along with tr Saturn.

It's all good now, hun.
Let just this upcoming tr on your Venus pass by soon, a short 2-3 weeks transit, and Saturn will be off your back for a very long time. It did the hard work.

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yes it makes so much sense.
not sure if you remember, but for a while I was holding on romantically to my ex. I wanted him to "change" and I really did want to get back with him for a while, despite the abuse and him being a POS. I thought he could evolve and be someone better and it was hard for me to let go of him

I definitely let him get away with way too much. that kidnapping event really forced me to take a stand against him, a stand that I should realistically have taken long before that. but it was a HUGE lesson for me. and im truly not the same, passive, too-forgiving person anymore. im grateful for it to be honest, I used to let people walk all over me!

posted October 20, 2018 01:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
I remember that, yes. I remember you were still hoping your ex would get it right, even after the kidnapping attempt, hoping he would change for the better. Maybe that was a lesson for him too. Maybe he changed after all.
You were so attached so that you basically needed to be exorcised of all that energy..

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