posted October 22, 2018 01:44 PM
This is a very powerful and scary time for me because my natal MC is in Pisces. My MC ruler is tugging my heart in all sorts of directions. I balled my eyes out today in the shower because I realized I want to be an artist. I have been experimenting with oil pastels in the past few weeks. I've been losing sleep over it. My head is full of vivid pictures of colours flying in every direction and I can't stop. I did four paintings yesterday. I was lost in my own world and I realized, I love the feeling of that.
But..
..I am also a very practical person.
I know it will be more challenging to earn income if I pursue this direction. I also already have spent thousands of dollars in student loans to go to school. I have debt and I cannot risk accumulating any more.
I am currently in the beauty industry and I know in my heart it is not for me. I love making people feel good, but at the same time, it is not what truly makes me happy.
Living in the western world makes and seeing that the material world is more important to most people here makes me feel very sad. I love money and the things it can do for me, but I would not trade my own happiness, my health, or the people I love for it. But I am also not rich and have to live somehow.
I don't know if I will ever snap out of this phase, when Neptune leaves my 10th house. I've always said before, I am quite uncomfortable with Neptunian energy. But maybe that's because it is the part of me that I've been taught to reject.