posted November 05, 2018 03:09 PM            

We have gotten into a few fights. He's been mentioning how much it annoys him that I find it hard to relax. It's kinda hard to relax with everything coming down on me all at once, from the financial stress to my recent life crisis of not knowing what I really want to do with life. My confidence is getting drained each day. I don't even want to be seen or have people recognize me.

Recently, my partner mentioned something involving a female cashier and I took it personally and heated up our conversation. That would have been something I would just normally joke about. But I flipped sh*t on him for even talking to her. I didn't realize how I was acting until later on, and I have planned to apologize but I just never got to it. I have these irrational feelings of rejection which I thought are because of his actions, but he hasn't really done anything to qualify. Maybe the problem is me? I am not too sure.

I have been feeling a lot of melancholy lately, like there's nothing left to do. I've also been having suicidal thoughts and have been depressed for about three weeks now. But I highly doubt that's part of the retrograde. I think it has more to do so with me wanting to communicate everything with my partner but quite unable to.

posted November 05, 2018 03:37 PM            

Venus on Chiron can have a lowering effect on your confidence, your self-esteem and self-worth. Brings a shadow of doubting .. Fears of being rejected.

"Trust" that your boyfriend loves you, and understands you-- as he has demonstrated that to you during other times.

And, you still love and accept him, in spite of his warts??? otherwise you wouldn't be longing for the days when you felt a sense of fresh closeness.

Venus opp Saturn transit can also leave a sense isolative loneliness, and even deep inside a sense of colder feelings with your emotions and ability to give out as usual. May have a sense where it's harder to reach out. It can have a sense that there's a 'wall' between yourself and others.

This too... shall pass.

Stay Safe.

posted November 05, 2018 04:10 PM            

Saturn's declination is now 22S46. That is pretty closely parallel your DC declination of 23° South. That is a transit in which, much like the opposition to Asc, issues and barriers can seem to arise between you and your partner with some of it being related to responsibility and/or commitment and how that affects the balance between you. Whatever they are, it is time for a sober look at your primary relationship and to deal with it directly. You'll feel better for doing so.

I recommend ...

1. Acknowledge where you need to apologize and do so ASAP. Be very to the point about it and honest about your end of things rather than making any of it about him.

2. Then look deeper at what insecurities are being exposed by these developments.

3. Look at what commitment and responsibility issues may underlie any of these issues. If there is another issue in which you have a problem, perhaps with his role or support, etc, then give it plenty of thought so that you can articulate it well. Otherwise, tell him basically what you just wrote to start this thread -- that you miss certain aspects of your relationship that hold good memories for you and that you want to feel that with him again and let him be part of the conversation and determining how to do that.

Every relationship has these phases. I've been through them with my wife, and I'm sure we will again. Those 'serious' talks you don't want to do are the most important ones to have. They key is just accepting responsibility for our part and not blaming.

It's not as bad or as difficult as it seems. It's just ego and regret that makes it feel that way.

------------------
"Drift like a cloud and flow like water, seeing that all life is a magnificent illusion, a playing of energy, and there is absolutely nothing fundamentally to be afraid of." -- Alan Watts

posted November 07, 2018 07:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:
tVenus is slow and still-retrograde in Libra, and is finishing her retrograde while repeating her conjunction to your H5 Chiron 28+, and is opposite your natal Saturn.

Venus on Chiron can have a lowering effect on your confidence, your self-esteem and self-worth. Brings a shadow of doubting .. Fears of being rejected.

"Trust" that your boyfriend loves you, and understands you-- as he has demonstrated that to you during other times.

And, you still love and accept him, in spite of his warts??? otherwise you wouldn't be longing for the days when you felt a sense of fresh closeness.

Venus opp Saturn transit can also leave a sense isolative loneliness, and even deep inside a sense of colder feelings with your emotions and ability to give out as usual. May have a sense where it's harder to reach out. It can have a sense that there's a 'wall' between yourself and others.

This too... shall pass.

Stay Safe.

---

Thank you Mirage! I completely forgot, whatever conjuncts my Mars activates the t-square in my chart with Saturn and Neptune. With the retrograde, it may be possible, I am living too much with the hurt feelings from the past that I have to constantly remind myself they are just emotions attached to a memory.

It does feel like there's a slight wall between us lately. Like he's there but not there. Although it's not like he is showing any signs of being distracted. He still gives me attention and we still talk like we used to. I am just not sure why I feel distant from him.

posted November 07, 2018 07:49 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kannon McAfee:
Partly Venus-Rx, partly what I'm pretty sure is Saturn's transit contra-parallel your Asc (parallel DC). (And Mercury has recently been 23-24° south, so also parallel DC.)

Saturn's declination is now 22S46. That is pretty closely parallel your DC declination of 23° South. That is a transit in which, much like the opposition to Asc, issues and barriers can seem to arise between you and your partner with some of it being related to responsibility and/or commitment and how that affects the balance between you. Whatever they are, it is time for a sober look at your primary relationship and to deal with it directly. You'll feel better for doing so.

I recommend ...

1. Acknowledge where you need to apologize and do so ASAP. Be very to the point about it and honest about your end of things rather than making any of it about him.

2. Then look deeper at what insecurities are being exposed by these developments.

3. Look at what commitment and responsibility issues may underlie any of these issues. If there is another issue in which you have a problem, perhaps with his role or support, etc, then give it plenty of thought so that you can articulate it well. Otherwise, tell him basically what you just wrote to start this thread -- that you miss certain aspects of your relationship that hold good memories for you and that you want to feel that with him again and let him be part of the conversation and determining how to do that.

Every relationship has these phases. I've been through them with my wife, and I'm sure we will again. Those 'serious' talks you don't want to do are the most important ones to have. They key is just accepting responsibility for our part and not blaming.

It's not as bad or as difficult as it seems. It's just ego and regret that makes it feel that way.

---

Thank you, Kannon. I have started the process by talking to him about it. He understands it's something I have to deal with myself. It's a problem with me and not him. And he was thankful I acknowledged the fact that I've been acting a little crazy lately.

And you are absolutely right. The serious talks are the much needed talks in a relationship, even if we hate it.

posted November 07, 2018 03:07 PM            

Saturn.. has been known as a block.
It is also known to cement and anchor, and reinforce commitments made that last for the long-run.

posted November 08, 2018 04:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:
One of the things I have always admired about you, Solar_Leo_Queen, is how willing you are to be accepting. That is an awesome personal trait you possess. I point this out to you, to your credit.

Saturn.. has been known as a block.
It is also known to cement and anchor, and reinforce commitments made that last for the long-run.

Wishing you fiercely,
Great Luck and Love for the long-run future!!

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