posted April 19, 2019 07:44 AM            

so diet and daily routine wise i's fine and i'm happy with progress

the enemies bit + libra
made me realise some horrible dynamics that come up in my relationships with family and fears with future romantic partnerships with regards to running a house hold, managing finances, daily chores, etc 6th house stuff

the whole vacillation of Librian scales has been used as a way to torture me mentally. not just me but every one in the family. this super judgemental 'this' or 'that' that just uses my obedience against me.

it's me getting scolded and shamed for being, for example, too much of a people pleaser and follower and i have to make my own path and be independent and do it all my self. by my mother

then .. months later getting shamed and scolded for not having friends or not getting invites

it's getting scolded and shamed for caring too much for my appearance and how I look, because of this that and the other

then months later getting shamed and reemed out for looking a mess and 'how can any man want you looking like that 'you will never get married, what man will want you, if you gain weight like that'

i could never win and i think tis' resulted in some own self hatred where i'm trapped in my own head

all my enemies, have utilised this same method. scolding me for doing one thing, then scolding me for doing another thing.

i cannot win. so i'm stepping out of the dynamic all together.

i'm also stepping out of the dynamic of where people look down on me out of whatever judgemental reason but remain friends with me because it makes them feel morally superior like 'oh look how wonderful i am i can be friends with this wierdo... i'm so tolerant and loving'

posted April 19, 2019 07:58 AM            

It takes strenght and also courage to do so. So I'm glad you did. It is far better to surround yourself with few good people, than a dozen of toxic ones. And it's far better to stay alone for some time, and learn how to be independant and grow from it, than forcing ourselves to belong to a group of people.

As for me, this Libra Full Moon is in my 12th house. It conjuncts my NN.

posted April 19, 2019 07:52 PM            

It's basically a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario.

Ohhhmy gosh that reminds me when I was younger , if I was just chilling in the house. My mom would be like "why don't you hang out with your friends!?" "Okay sure...bye mom." "WAIT, you need to clean up!" You just don't like me doing nothing you don't care about me having friends.

As I got older she was not someone I wanted in my business. Suddenly childhood friendships get complicated and don't survive middle school. Why would I make this her business when she still chats with the other girl's mom.
I tried ignoring my mom when she was like "why don't you hang out with Pisces girl?" I didn't think it was her business that me getting parts in plays and not her, made her hate me.
So what does she do? Dials her number and hands me the phone! Awkward! What do I say? my mom is forcing me to hang out with you? and yeah the Pisces girl was ****** that I was over. I did not want to be there either.

I told my mom eventually, I even asked her if she feels like an ass for doing that to me, and she said yes.

If I ever have kids, I will never push them like this to hang out with a friend. Even with elementary age, good friendships can get complicated, and hopefully my kid would actually want to open up to me if someone wasn't a good friend to them anymore.

posted April 19, 2019 08:06 PM            

I am not a fan of the 6th house. Sometimes it's more of a theme of I'm working so much and not caring for myself.

Libra is my 5th house. Boyfriend and I talked about babies. Or actually singular, baby. haha. And more travel plans. We are out of state and had a lovely date yesterday.

posted April 20, 2019 07:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Stawr:
Sorry you are going through that coffeecuriosity.

It's basically a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario.

Ohhhmy gosh that reminds me when I was younger , if I was just chilling in the house. My mom would be like "why don't you hang out with your friends!?" "Okay sure...bye mom." "WAIT, you need to clean up!" You just don't like me doing nothing you don't care about me having friends.

As I got older she was not someone I wanted in my business. Suddenly childhood friendships get complicated and don't survive middle school. Why would I make this her business when she still chats with the other girl's mom.
I tried ignoring my mom when she was like "why don't you hang out with Pisces girl?" I didn't think it was her business that me getting parts in plays and not her, made her hate me.
So what does she do? Dials her number and hands me the phone! Awkward! What do I say? my mom is forcing me to hang out with you? and yeah the Pisces girl was ****** that I was over. I did not want to be there either.

I told my mom eventually, I even asked her if she feels like an ass for doing that to me, and she said yes.

If I ever have kids, I will never push them like this to hang out with a friend. Even with elementary age, good friendships can get complicated, and hopefully my kid would actually want to open up to me if someone wasn't a good friend to them anymore.

By 16 I was screaming at my mom "WE AREN'T FRIENDS ANYMORE, STOP TELLING ME TO INVITE MYSELF OVER THERE!!!" Like don't effing dial their number and put me on the spot ever again. haha

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oh I felt that in my soul!! my mum did the same thing! it was weird because she would be friends with my bully's parents? i think she was trying to help but to be honest it felt like they had their allegiance!
a bit.. out the box but i was just reading that there can be subconscious competition between mother and daughter :S

i'm with you on the not pushing them to hang out with a friend for our own kids, i remember being 10 years old and breaking up with a best friend because we just weren't right for each other. I was 10! my mother gave me crap for it but looking back... i was already on to something back there!

quote:

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Originally posted by Stawr:
Glad you reached that turning point! <3

I am not a fan of the 6th house. Sometimes it's more of a theme of I'm working so much and not caring for myself.

Libra is my 5th house. Boyfriend and I talked about babies. Or actually singular, baby. haha. And more travel plans. We are out of state and had a lovely date yesterday.

More 5th house energy please!

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omg yes! that sounds like an amazing evening! All the happiness for the healthy baby and safe travel plans!

i agree with not being a fan of the 6th house, i've got an intercepted one which is like half of libra, all of scorpio, 10 degrees of sag and it has my venus, pluto and jupiter in it. So it's a big thing in my life. I'm definitely a workaholic as well.

and omg 5th house! i just picked my baby's name if it's a girl (not preggers, just you know... lol.. thinking ahead lol)

---------------------------------
thanks for the support guys, just before bed which funny enough was exactly at the point when the moon was basically 29deg libra (checked in the morning) i sat up and was like 'you know what? if i'm going to get dragged into dynamics that are ******** and i didn't start or what to even get involved in the first place then fine, i'll ******* burn your game to the ground'

so i definitely cooled down by the morning (it's that mars in my 1st house) but the sentiment remains.

now it's like you guys want to play, fine i'll play. i'll throw away all this indoctrination from culture to being a selfless loving forgiving whatever out the window and lets see who need blood pressure medication from envy by the end of it.

lol