posted October 14, 2019 12:45 PM            

I posted recently about my boyfriend who has been struggling with depression lately and letting himself go too much. I am very much worried about him and I have been very patient and tend to his every need. I was hoping this would snap him out a little bit and give him some time to really think about where his life is going. But it doesn't seem to be helping. I've tried to ask friends and family to try and message him to ask how he's doing like some have advised me to. I always reassure him and tell him I'm always gonna be there for him. Still, nothing. I'm worried about my own mental health now too cause this has been taking up most of my thoughts throughout the day lately. I'm just a bit concerned that maybe I am tackling this problem from the wrong angle. Because I think I am using a very Cancerian approach and maybe that's why it is not getting to him. It might be too alien for him? I'm speaking from the heart every time. I'm afraid to speak with my mind about it to him because I don't want to hurt his feelings even more that it would push him further down.

My mind and my heart are in a battle over this. I think my Moon is saying to be caring and be more understanding and supportive (which I am). But deep down, my Virgo planets are telling me to step up to him and tell him to get his sh*t together. I haven't tried that harsh approach, but maybe that's what's missing? I know personally, I respond to a specific type of approach from other people when it comes to emotions. I also respond to a different approach when it comes to another aspect of my personality. Like for example, I don't respond well when people tell me I'm "beautiful" no matter what even when I fully know I have gained weight and need to start hitting the gym. That would be my Virgo venus responding. Maybe this is what I should do with him?

posted October 14, 2019 02:32 PM            

First of all: all the hugs, I really hope things get better around you real soon
Second: I am NOT a professional nor is this professional context. I am about to only speak from experience, so something highly subjective. Anything that needlessly hurts, feels wrong or too good to be true, or like a miracle solution... you don't take it and put your critical thinking hat on, ok? I'm just going to share some things and hopefully some are useful, if not, do discard

So, I'm a cappy moon who's had 2 close family members suffering from depression for their entire lives (and mine).
Cappy moon: I respond to neither option you mentioned. I need honesty and truth, but as Capricorn as it is and as Virgo my strong sun is, my moon still is a moon, you treat it like a soldier it'll turn cold on you. I'd say it's an organic balance; you need to tell the truth, even if it hurts, but you need to do that gently. It can drive people nuts because the lines between gentleness and sugar coating and truth and tough love can be wafer thin, but to someone like me they matter a hell of a lot and if you don't find the right balance, I may or may not hear you, but I'll decidedly grow distant emotionally speaking because my trust in your ability to handle my moon will be shattered. Is this purely a cappy moon thing or my specific moon and its Pluto/Saturn contact? No idea, but I do think Capricorn has a lot to do with it. Just because it responds to the naked truth and wants it real doesn't mean it has no feelings. On the contrary all that discipline is there to contain those feelings. Thinking a suffering goat needs harsh words just because they can take it is denying it from its deep deep heart and ability to hurt.
Though, again, sugar coating things and being optimistic when reality doesn't agree would make you sound foolish, childish, and not to be respected. It's not easy because Capricorn moons aren't easy; our emotions are as tough to conquer as the most coveted business empire. One does not just waltz into it. In that respect I'd say you already know everything you need to about your boyfriend's moon. He loves you, it says that much about you )

Depression: I need to make it clear I talk about actual depression, the illness, not some bout of negative feelings brought about by some very specific events. I mean depression that can be trigged by life events or just happen on its own, depression that impairs and damages.
It has been in my family for decades. No approach will work. Well, some approaches are terrible, but no "good" one will really help, at best you can only not make it worse. The cure, like the ill, has to come from within the patient.
One thing is sure, if your boyfriend has depression, tough love will only hurt more. The last thing someone with depression needs to hear is that they need to tough up and snap out of it. It's basically as cruel and ignorant as telling someone in a wheel chair to just "walk it off". Because you are not debating with your loved one, so no approach that would suit them is going to be particularly relevant, you're trying to negotiate with an illness. Illnesses have no cares, they have no ties, not even a purpose, illnesses have a course they run by default, not with much malice for most, just as relentlessly as anything that can only perform a single action. You don't expect water to stop running all by itself? How can you hope depression to stop dragging the self down just because you ask nicely or show strength?
Depression is such a c.u.n.t. (and I'm only spelling to get this through the swear block, that illness deserves that word, loud and clear). It will make all your brilliant efforts come off as fool's errands and your tiniest mistakes pass for tragic errors. And as you've said you worry about your own mental health because, as every stream that runs, depression spreads.

Now I've painted it all black, allow me to provide "realistic hope". The best pep talk won't cure depression but therapy and medication have a shot, it's a question of serious self-work and I don't just mean to heal but also to make the decisions, especially if medication is chosen. One does not just pop pills that mess with their brains.
If your boyfriend has depression, only professional help may do anything. After all, it's only common sense; you wouldn't expect your love and approaches to cure a cancer, why would they treat a depression better?
That said, just like with cancer some foods and activities may help on the daily and there are behaviours that don't make things worse (some of which you are already doing: go you ). My advice, if I should venture any, would be that you seek counselling, both to get a release from the mental load your partner's health is making you carry and also to educate yourself in the illness and know what you can reasonably hope to achieve and where the limits are and how to deal with them. If you so choose to deal with them.
Your boyfriend must also at least address the illness and begin treatment (WAY easier said than done with an illness that disturbs the sense of will so much)

Standing by a loved one in pain is a proper chore. The fact we do it out of love doesn't make it any easier. It requires superior abilities to take care of yourself to be able to take care about someone else. Not everybody can handle it and it's perfectly fine to not be able to.

I'd say before you try all the approaches you have in store with your boyfriend, identify beyond reasonable doubt the exact nature of what you're dealing with. If it's depression, addiction.... any type of illness, do not play Frankenstein with emotions. Trying various approaches is genius when it comes to communication, but it yields very poor results with medical conditions because, as I've said, you're not dealing with the person in an intimate encounter, you're involved in a three some with a brainless illness.
If he is "just" depressed (I insist on quotes, I don't mean being depressed is a day at the beach, it's just a lot easier to handle than depression), then maybe do try other approaches or not, but probably do it upfront, I know that's what my moon'd take gracefully.

Anyhow, I hope some of this can help a little, at least in validating how torn you feel (never hurts). Again, I hope both you and your boyfriend find ways to cope with this situation. When it comes to those on the other hand do not hesitate to mix and match: astrology, therapy, all types of them... if it helps you see clearly, if it helps you maintain a sense of your boundaries as a person so as not to cross over your own limits, then it's sound

posted October 14, 2019 04:02 PM            

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posted October 14, 2019 05:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Solar_Leo_Queen:
Serious question about Cap moons. Do they respond better to a softspoken encouraging approach or do they respond to a more realistic but harsher approach?

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Depends on the person. There's no universal answer to that simply based on having Moon in Capricorn. However, I would never recommend telling someone to 'get their **** together.' Depression is the least appropriate time for that, if it is ever appropriate at all.

You have a real quandary on your hands because people with Moon in Capricorn typically are emotionally private and often carry unconscious burdens of guilt or pain that begins to surface or drag them down at inopportune times. He may not even know what is wrong or why. He may not even understand why he feels down.

Have you asked him what he thinks is causing him to feel down or lose motivation/energy?

Maybe just look at his chart. Is he going through Pluto transiting his Moon?

posted October 16, 2019 02:29 PM            

Anyway, I decided not to say anything rude like that and left it for a few days. He told me himself he wanted to get better this morning after he had a mental breakdown. I reassured him instead everything is gonna be okay, but that he has to listen to me so he can get better through his body first. I believe that the mind and body are interconnected. So if the mind is ill, the body must fight to at least give yourself a chance of getting better and vice versa. I had him start using cbd oil instead of smoking weed and hopefully that will help him get better in the long run. I have a plan in mind of how to help him get better. He knows what needs to be done, although I know it will still be a struggle cause his mind is going against him. But baby steps for sure.

posted October 16, 2019 02:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kannon McAfee:
Have you asked him what he thinks is causing him to feel down or lose motivation/energy?

Maybe just look at his chart. Is he going through Pluto transiting his Moon?

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Pluto is not touching his moon anymore. His moon is at 11 degrees, so it's been a while since it has stopped being conjunct.

He did explain to me why and it was exactly what I thought it was. It was a mixture of family, friends, and work issues. The final blow was basically his going into his final year of college in advertising. It's the most challenging and he has already been getting anxiety about the schoolwork way before the school year started. We have been having financial problems on top of that because of him going to school, but I was willing to work for it. But then he talked to me about his decision, and even though it's his last year, I told him to take a break for now to figure things out. He dropped out because he couldn't take the pressure anymore and could not see himself doing it for a living.

posted October 16, 2019 03:56 PM            

my mother is a cap moon, i'm a cap moon, cousins too
cap moons run in the family

our emotions are like an opera. in terms of how dramatic they are WITHIN us

so you need to understand that. the harsh truth is that there are people out there who will understand him and help him through this. the harsh truth is that what hes going through is hard as hell and if you're feeling the stirrings of telling him to 'pull himself together' that you're putting on your virgo moon. you're sympathising, you're not empathising. and you have an agenda now which is to get him better

we need empathy NOT sympathy. EMPATHY
we need someone else with similar placements who understand how we think and how that affects our feelings etc and we need need need to talk it out with someone who can empathise

so i don't think you're the person to help him. you can help him find people to help him though

alot of why the feelings get locked up is cause it's so drama drama that we feel silly for feeling the way we do or for being upset for what we feel upset about

a great therapist will provide empathy, and validation

and we need space to be depressed before we heal. this is one arena where we need to be down with empathy and validation then we will pick our selves up

but funny enough the capricorn fix it fix it fix it strategy will be counterproductive

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i have a theory that your moon sign is more how people treat your emotions then how you yourself deal with emotions.

my emotions were always treated in that saturnian way and so i started doing it to myself - i had no problems with my operatic emotional intensity but i was taught to be weirded out by it.
- even you yourself is trying to 'fix his feelings' ( i know with the best intentions i know) and get him to stop letting himself go, get back to work etc - it's so saturnian. because to do that he'll have to bury his pain again

my friend with a gemini moon was always taught to overintellectulize - she had no problems just feeling the emotions but she was taught to bury feeling for thinking

my leo moon friend when she was growing up, the moment a tear formed in her eyes her parents acted like the world was collapsing however she wasn't really dramatic - she was taught to be

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so i say, find great help that can actually understand him, empathise with him
validate him and let him be in his own personal opera (heck play some opera it make be cathartic)

posted October 16, 2019 04:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dons2angelss:
My ex and my ex best friend both have capricorn moons and to be honest, nothing worked. They're very much "I'll fix it myself" kind of people and they only wanted me to listen but never suggest. It's almost as if anything anyone said to them, no matter the approach, was offensive EVEN IF later they decided to go through with one of the suggestions. Infuriating they are 😂

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true! when i was struggling and processing things
i had a councillor and therapist and even she didn't really help me in the traditional way

i basically fixed it myself and talked to her about my mental machinations and she would have a supporting role vs fixing me because she'd just validate me when i had new ideas and new thoughts or was insecure about something and would empathise with me sharing stories about herself and others to let me know i'm not alone and i'm understood

its rare for her to be like 'do this, think like this' etc she just was very much my mental health muse :P

but i very much was at the same time reading books on psychology myself, doing research, drawing up plans etc

the thing with not taking up suggestions is that or being offended when others suggest something is - when it comes to what goes on in the head of anyone, even if they 'pour their heart out' we can't really get it all out since the story is usually longer than our bloody lives and so if someone decides to suggest anything they can only offer a reductionist suggestion because to suggest is to not understand that what comes out is truly only the tip of the ice berg. and how can you make a proper suggestion if you don't know the whole story? it can comes off arrogant, condescending and patronising and the lack of emotional intelligence can be seen as offensive.

so i've found (because i've made this mistake myself! so many times omg) is just to be empathetic and supportive and let them get it all out and basically be like a mental health muse

posted October 16, 2019 05:34 PM            

The need for a "guy" .. to have had a "good emotional catharsis" {purge} is healing for him is within 'normal' range for someone facing the transition in college (with finance-worry too). He's a GUY!!!! .. quite different than a mental-breakdown?

If he's anywhere near being the stereotype of a male who needs to unbottle repressed feelings, then the cathartic event and frank conversation he had with you-- shows he "trusts" you-- and that what you did for him was healing.

Sometimes, a person just goes 'through' those kinds of things-- and with support from excellent friend team, come out WELL, (and without fresh stigma on medical record that could follow him for the rest of his days).

He's facing something he's never had to do before-- getting ready to graduate -- leaving one world to enter a new and very different situation. He is experiencing doubts.

Let him do what he needs to, HOWEVER-- he is SO CLOSE to graduating with an ACTUAL Degree. If he would be able to do that last push and at least "graduate" with SOMETHING he owns a degree in?, then it would be to his ADVANTAGE in obtaining more-gainful employment in the future, EVEN if he changes his mind and does something different for his vocation than 'marketing'.

He's SO CLOSE!!.. awwwwwww. Don't quit now, if possible FINISH that degree. He will be MUCH better off? ..

Why not this...
Engaging a counselor is EXPENSIVE.
His insurance might not cover enough appointments?

Frankly?? I would take that money and hire an EXCELLENT professional peer-Certified Astrologer. At a certain level of proficiency, some "experienced" astrologers have training in psychology. I'd go for the astrologer, before MH-counselor.
They are WISE to transits, AND, can advise for any 'future' career he might want to pursue-- even the timing of it. Certain regions of US have a few counseling-astrologers.

He'd have a TWO-fer, with going for a counseling astrologer, who could also give vocational-career advice!

Have him do some bartering with price?
Offer marketing advice, for a discount on astrology session?

Think OUT-OF-THE-BOX..
There is potential here.

IF he is having a SEVERE 'mental break from reality', then he might need anti-psychotics, and possible hospitalization.. that's a whole different thing.
{most unfortunate if that's the case, but he will slowly get his life back after some years?}
a real set-back

posted October 16, 2019 05:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by coffeecuriosity:
empathy

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posted October 16, 2019 05:59 PM            

Moonbeth! *HUG* ..
btw, I like posts I've read of yours.

I've had a progressed Capricorn moon now for a LONG time. tSaturn has been dogging it (conjunct) on-and-off. I know the energy.

Sugar-coating?... can read right through it.
I appreciate the sentiment, and take it the right way. .. But, it's like empty-calories.

posted October 16, 2019 07:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I find they like softer people. I have many as friends. I am a Cancer Moon but I would not want one as a partner cuz opposite moons have opposite perspectives and this can be really hard in a life partner.

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Ah, tis not so bad or hard. Libra Moon here, with Aries Moon partner for 18+ years. On many different levels and in different areas, we help to balance each other out.

It's strange how we are so opposite in so many things, and especially on a personality level, but when it comes to deeper character areas and ideals, we are extremely similar.

Oooh, she's my best friend.

posted October 17, 2019 09:33 AM            

I think some of you highly misunderstood what I initially said. My Cancer and Virgo placements are in conflict right now because although I want to help him get better, I also understand people need to take time to sort out their emotions before they can start doing things again. This is what I do with myself as a Cancer moon, while he usually takes the other approach. The best I can do is try to get him off of intoxicants like alcohol and weed so he can properly figure his emotions out instead of escaping them. He currently has Moon in the 12th square Neptune in this year's solar return. That is all I can do to prevent him from spiralling further down.

I'm not talking to him about going back to work right away but it seems that he does want to. I know he cannot stand being in debt so I feel that he is really pressuring himself on the inside. He also feels bad that I am paying all the bills myself and helping him, while his own mother couldn't even do that for him. And when she does, it's always listed in a literal notebook of debts. But I tell him all the time, it's okay, just rest and recollect for now. I will gladly pay the bills for now. So everything I do is completely new to him.

posted October 17, 2019 01:33 PM            

I think the knowledge of someone just being there, in case I do want help/advice, is great!

posted October 17, 2019 01:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by charlie:
To be honest with you, nothing you have mentioned would work on me. I need to get my sh1t together ON MY OWN, when I am good and ready. I might just snap out of it all of a sudden or I might just let myself go even further down the sh1t-trail just to make myself suffer some more while I'm at it.

I think the knowledge of someone just being there, in case I do want help/advice, is great!

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posted October 17, 2019 03:03 PM            

The problem is often that we take certain norms too literally as measuring points. It simply does not matter that he's in his final year of school and doesn't know what he really wants to do for a living.

Remind him he's on his own unique course in life that has its own unique timing -- not an institution's and not anyone else's.

Glad you're looking out for him. And it's good to beware of Cannabis use during depression. Too much Cannabis indica can worsen depression, suppressing the adrenals, energy, and emotional awareness through systematic sedation of the endocrine system. If he were to use it truly therapeutically, C. sativa and its hybrids in small, careful doses would likely be better. Not that I'm encouraging that. You're in a better position to see what he needs.

From a fellow Moon-in-Cap guy, thanks for looking out for him with such love and care.

posted October 17, 2019 05:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:

Moonbeth! *HUG* ..
btw, I like posts I've read of yours.

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Thank you Mirage, how darling of you, I do appreciate the warmth you spread around here

posted October 18, 2019 11:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dons2angelss:
My ex and my ex best friend both have capricorn moons and to be honest, nothing worked. They're very much "I'll fix it myself" kind of people and they only wanted me to listen but never suggest. It's almost as if anything anyone said to them, no matter the approach, was offensive EVEN IF later they decided to go through with one of the suggestions. Infuriating they are 😂

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^^^ This