posted December 23, 2020 08:00 PM            

I think it would be interesting to see what was going on transit wise, with solar return or solar arc or progression during this time.

You can even check the composite chart and progressed composite and transits to both to see if anything pops up.

Anything you can share that pops up about that time in your life would be great and by the way congrats for walking away, is hard and I am glad you were able to.

posted December 23, 2020 08:23 PM            

I just researched my personal past heartbreaks. Often the decan of Pluto is involved in the breakup. So fights could create discomfort, a long time ypuntil the trigger pint by Pluto is tripped. Decans are old and possibly more an undercurrent type energy. You know that "last nerve" kinda agitation? Then it's done. Saturn Decans can bring back unfinished business.

posted December 23, 2020 10:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MoonMystic:
Interesting topic and wb Hypatia!

I just researched my personal past heartbreaks. Often the decan of Pluto is involved in the breakup. So fights could create discomfort, a long time ypuntil the trigger pint by Pluto is tripped. Decans are old and possibly more an undercurrent type energy. You know that "last nerve" kinda agitation? Then it's done. Saturn Decans can bring back unfinished business.

Idk if you're open to those but in my studies they do repeat.

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Great observations, interesting your theory on pluto decans and Saturn. Thanks for the welcome back. Hugs.

Pluto rules endings but also joint finances and deep bonds/attachment but Pluto also relates to survival (death and rebirth), you get the image of rising like a phoenix from the ashes when you think of Pluto.

posted December 24, 2020 06:00 AM            

I just checked the transits and i literally had it at 0' when i walked away

posted December 24, 2020 11:53 AM            

Interesting responses.

You are both bringing up chiron and for teasel even though it was her mother who walked away Teasel had Tr Pluto and Saturn opposing her Sun/Ceres/Chiron when it happened so for her Chiron and Saturn were involved as well as Pluto and with Ceres there it can symbolize how her mother finally was able to walk away from that relationship which led to Teasel also been a victim of the abuse but her been a child it was her mother who could walk away.

Orange I walked away from my ex when tr chiron was squaring his saturn and when tr pluto was conjuncting my southnode and squaring my moon which rules my 8th house and opposes my 7th house ruler.

posted December 24, 2020 12:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SleepyDiary:
Hypatia how are you? I remember you so nice to see you are still here.

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Hanging in there, not a big fan of November and December this year. Until October I kept busy finishing requirements to get my license, then early october I passed the exam and in late october went on a road trip to celebrate.

Once back it just has sucked I feel, I miss my parents and my husband is a d*ck. I feel up to October I focused on getting my license and I would go on hikes and those two things made a big difference for me this year but with winter here I don't want to go on hikes and you cannot dine out now so staying at home even more and cannot visit my family bc they don't feel comfortable yet bc of covid.

The truth is I have had a pretty decent year despite how hard this year has been for the collective but November and December have sucked a lot so I am hanging in there and it helps to come here and put my thoughts down and use astrology to make sense of things and get some guidance.

posted December 25, 2020 01:49 PM            

I think my skipped step is about learning about how to let go and how to end relationships perhaps, Mercury rules my 7th and Moon my 8th and they oppose each other and square my nodes.

posted December 25, 2020 02:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
Hi, Hypa
maybe in the past when he was hurtful towards you, you justified it by blaming yourself and forgave him because you felt somewhat guilty. At this point however, it seems you have enough of it as the time goes by and you feel like you paid your dues towards him and the karma that kept you together, so you feel ready to seek new paths. I think if i remember correctly that his Saturn squares your Sun, so yes he can be harsh and critical and expect too much from you and punish you if you dont deliver. But this eats up your personal energy and when enough is enough you need to draw the line and move on some place else to replenish your drained and sucked up energy. Im sure the Universe will walk you thru this at the right time. Transiting Saturn will oppose your natal Venus-Mars conjunction later on while he is transiting thru Aqua, so it might be then.

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That is very insightful and intuitive feedback. I also justified it in the past because I felt compassion for him and how his past may have shaped him into who he is but I think you are right that past karma also resulted in me blaming myself in some level and feeling guilty subconsciously leading to me been more lenient and forgiving.

His Saturn conjuncts my Sun, he has Saturn in Libra at 1 degree conjunct my Sun in Virgo at 28d. That synastry aspect coupled with him having Mars conjunct Uranus in Scorpio sesquisquare his Moon in Cancer will ultimately be our undoing. Excellent job pointing out the synastry aspect that is at the core of our issues.

It is eating up my personal energy....I have been researching for a few days now flower essences to help me with this situation and how I am feeling lately and right as you were typing your response I came across this flower essence and thought to myself this is perfect, exactly what I need:

This flower essence addresses a wide range of trauma experiences I feel but I could relate to the soul feeling weight down piece of the description:

"Dogwood embodies the polarity of gravity and levity, of what is heavy and dark, with what is light. Thus the healing gesture of the Dogwood is to bring upliftment and grace to someone who feels weighed down by gravity, by the hardness and density of life in the body. It is often indicated for people who have been abused, particularly if they have been beaten, and for those who are very awkward on their bodies and may be accident-prone. Such individuals have their life body (etheric body) compressed into their physical body. The Dogwood essence helps them to expand their life body, to give it flexibility so they can breath and flow gracefully in the world."

and...

"The Dogwood creates beautiful balance in your body. Abuse victims will often carry trauma with them in their physical and spiritual bodies, even long after the trauma has passed. Our body holds memory, and when filled with hardened aspects of past harsh emotions, the outer expression of an individual may become thwarted.

This is a beautiful essence for dancers and those who feel a need to release passion through the body."

posted December 25, 2020 03:21 PM            

Black Cohosh Flower Essence

Black Cohosh flower remedy is a powerful remedy for deep seated transformation. It allows one to detach from addiction, attachment, and abuse.

Healing Properties: Black Cohosh is a powerful cleanser of all impurities and is known as the 'great balancer,' used as a herbal remedy to heal and balance female disorders, assist with child labor, and is an essential remedy for menopause. It's flowering white beauty extends upward from its dark tangled underground root.

Black Cohosh remedy is a powerful remedy of transformation. Those in need of Black Cohosh will find they are ready to steer away from the fears and attachments that rule their life. This essence is an incredible aid for women and men who are ready to leave an abusive relation ship.

Black Cohosh with gnarly roots,
Offering flowers of tender white shoots,
Kali Ma reveals her sword,
Breaking the ties, cutting the cords,
All my demons are eternally free -
Black Cohosh, you transform me.

Latin: Cimicifuga racemosa

Color(s): White

Archetype: Kali, the Goddess of Destruction. Also known as Shakti, or Kali Ma, she is the embodiment of pure female energy for she is the deepest void or womb, where all is born, must die, and be born again. A fierce protector of the universe, her task is to strip away, cut back, and devour all obstructions and hindrances—hence, she is typically associated with the fearful imagery of transmutation, such as a sword held in one of her four arms, and snakes and skulls dangling from her body. She governs the mortal dimensions of human and planetary evolution.

Signature: A summer plant found in shady woods with gnarled and knotty roots which extend deep into the ground. Its pointed white flowers spike upward toward the light.

Healing: With this card, Kali Ma has come to serve you in the deepest possible manner. The Black Cohosh elixir is her tonic; for like her, it is born out of the dark places, revealing all that must be relinquished back to its unfathomable shadows. These healing forces come to your aid at a time of tremendous transformation. Addictive patterns, dysfunctional relationships, self-imposed suffering, and destructive habits of various kinds - all such afflictions are transformed by Black Cohosh.

Kali stands victorious amidst the rooted entanglements of despair. White flowers blossom around her, symbolizing the peace and tranquility that inevitably arise after her raging storm. A rainbow encircles Kali's sword, while her arms offer a kind blessing. Remember, out of your deepest, darkest fears, a new cycle of evolution beckons. Your path to enlightenment is secure; Mother Kali protects you along the way.

posted December 28, 2020 06:34 PM            

The only thing I do feel clearly from my reflections this past week is that regardless of what I end up doing I should move forward and prepare us for the possibility of separating just in case but don't think it will come to that. I also feel that this is more about internal work I need to do on myself in terms of psychologically getting to a point that I truly feel at the core of me fully that is totally okay for me to walk away if that is what I truly want and not to stay for any other reason other than because I want to and feel content enough.