posted March 30, 2022 12:21 PM            

This has been coinciding with my Saturn return (squaring natal Sun and Pluto) and it's been brutal internally. External manifestations have included encountering an obsessive crush, sudden divorce, moving twice (and soon again) and selling the closest thing I have to a childhood home (SN in Cancer), repeated hospitalization of father, sudden death of mother, physical health problems requiring ongoing treatment (now needing more psychospiritual treatment), and particularly painful experiences in 10th house matters - all of which play on repeated life themes of rejection and abandonment, with particular challenges to ego and the seeking of external validation. This has resulted in the surfacing of a lot of repressed grief (especially re: mother figures) and strong suicidal impulses that seem to emerge from nowhere, aka deep in the subconscious. (I promise I am in therapy and not going to hurt myself.)

I know Uranus is also on my Sun, but what is the soul lesson here and how do I grow through it?

I read the following here on LL:

quote:

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The affairs ruled by a planet in an Anaretic Degree must be handled at the appointed times-when the planet is activated by major predictive factors, such as transits and eclipses. The individual will feel a sense of urgency when the planet is activated. Any attempt to ignore or delay dealing with the affairs indicated results in serious failure and frustration where they are concerned. To understand the details involved in these affairs, consider the sign and house position of the planet, the house or houses it rules, the sign and house of which it is the exalted ruler, the aspects made to it, and the planet which disposits it. When this planet is set off by major transits-that is, by Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, or Pluto-major events are brought into focus that teach important karmic lessons and make a deep impression upon the individual.

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Is my Aries moon really at the anaretic degree considering it's 28'33? And what to make of the OOS conjunction with Venus? Plus the moon being both my chart ruler and ruler of my South Node. I feel jumbled trying to put it all together.

I believe I had saved this from astrologyking:

quote:

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Pluto square Moon transit brings intense psychological and emotional purging. As you delve deeper and deeper into your subconscious, you will most likely experience a degree of emotional pain and suffering. This trauma will be reflected in your outer world as emotional power struggles with your family, partners, and women in general.
Once you are on the other side of this transit, your domestic life and emotional nature will have transformed remarkably, and you will feel stronger and wiser. However, this journey may lead to periods of dark and depressing moods which will require great resilience and courage to get through. Deeply buried subconscious patterns of behavior will be exposed, leaving you feeling naked and very vulnerable. Any compulsions, addictions, jealousy, and guilt, will come to the surface playing havoc with your life in general, and particularly with your intimate relationships.
It is possible that during this time, your close relationships will come under such pressure that your partner may find it too difficult to hang around. If this were to happen, your grief would be felt intensely, made worse by the lack of emotional support and nurturing available to you. You may feel a strong compulsion then, to enter into a relationship you may not otherwise, as your judgment and intuition are not so helpful. These relationships may be very special and karmic in nature, but could also turn out to be rather destructive. These types of relationships will, however, be beneficial in hindsight. Someone may teach you many things about life, holding your hand on the journey into the underworld.
Other domestic conditions such as family dynamics and your actual home may be transformed. All these possible scenarios are manifestations of the tremendous psychological change you are going through. All this is aimed at stripping you of a lifetime of emotional baggage. You will come out of this transit hardened, emotionally tougher, and independent, better able to face future challenges in your higher state of emotional and spiritual evolution.

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I feel more broken than I have ever felt and I'm really scared of making decisions as I proceed through this transit, as I don't trust my own judgment and I also don't trust other people at all. I'm really afraid to the point of paralysis and experiencing intense anxiety like never in my life. I've had incredible breakthroughs but I'm still very unstable. I've received advice to "detach from the mind and identify wholly with the soul, which is you" but I find the mind/ego experience to be a big part of the soul growth I'm here to do.

posted March 31, 2022 05:29 PM            

I've left this forum to focus on other things as outlined by this thread:
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum25/HTML/005739.html

My heart goes out to you, truly. Sounds like you are in one crazy rough and extreme period of time.

Do you happen to have a discord account? If so, tbh, I would prefer to communicate over there than via here (my details are in the above thread for that), because if I spend too much time here, I find myself getting sucked back in, wanting to post and right now, that is too much of a time/energy suck for me when I really need to get this prototype project done and tested (mostly biodegradable, sustainable, super insulated cooler that can moonlight as a solar oven and no grid electricity microfridge).