posted July 20, 2022 11:44 PM            

Growing up, I had an unstable childhood with a lot of moving around and come my high school years, I realized what an outcast I was. Somehow, me being an outcast led to me getting out of a small town where people get married by the age of 22 and is a meme for every small town with a Walmart. By being an outcast, I never went with the crowd and looked at more greener and vast pastures. From there, I ended up at a nice university and then a decent sized city.

However, I felt it. I was different. I didn't go out with a large crew or go out fitting in with the boys. I was never the good ole boy drinking whiskey as he watched a football game. I was never one of the guys with his crew at the bar. Even in the workplace, I was never really a part of the popular cliques and in some places, I was more of the outcast. I was just different and no matter what happened, I preferred to be more by myself and do my own thing. I hated that I never fit in and was so much of an outcast at some point in my twenties.

Not the guy with the big social media account out doing cool things with his crew or any of that. I was so lonely or so I thought. Other guys met their girlfriends and wives through their cliques, I met girls either on apps or by going out talking to random women I never knew.

For a while, it drove me a bit mad. I hoped for my dream clique and clique of cool guys and hot girls, all of that shallow stuff. I even tried to fit in but was never any decent at it. Then, at some point during my Saturn Return, I sort of accepted myself as being different. I started owning up and doubling down on who I was.

Maybe I like a sport like MMA more as opposed to getting drunk off of American Football where most of it is commercial. Maybe I preferred to meet women through dating apps and out and about during the day rather than by being a part of social groups. Maybe I didn't see the point of having a picket fence with a wife and house by 30 and preferred to explore life more. Maybe I saw no point to playing golf at the age of 30 with old men and preferred to do kickboxing instead. I owned up to being different and the very things that led to me being an outcast.

Then it hit me and put me at a kind of peace that I did not even realize. I embraced it and by embracing it, I became a different me mentally. It's not that I looked down on people that fit in playing golf but rather saw the sad instances where they would use it to try and appease a higher up at their company. I almost disregarded all of that and disregarded trying to fit in. I'd be that guy who would go to a bar with coworkers but chat with random women on the other side of the bar while my coworkers were busy getting drunk while watching football. Whatever I naturally did that made me feel at ease, I embraced it instead of hating it.

After that, it is like I stopped needing social life altogether. I didn't care for it and just did my own thing. Then, it started to happen where the very thing I no longer wanted came right back into changing its mind about me.

I got a promotion because one of the leaders at my company told me "you are different, I like that, and I am going to get you to play golf with me one day". We go to a company event and in a room full of 100 people, he calls me out and points to me after a long speech saying "and that's the guy who I am going to get to play golf with me".

My former college classmates were at a bar one time and I ignored them, instead just talking to this couple I hit it off well with and then the two beautiful women who were in their group. Come to find, one of the musicians performing later on that night also wants to chat with the group I am in. Soon, another beautiful woman comes in and we have our own clique going. Then, the very former classmates I ignored are drunk and trying to get my attention. I sort of ignore them since they were drunk and out of it but we run into a celebrity at that bar who approaches our group and says "lord most of these people don't know how to act". The musician in the group and the celebrity have a convo I get to listen in on as I am talking to the women in the group.

Now those are just a couple of instances but it is like now I have options for a decent social life but I am so fulfilled just meditating, being in my own world, writing, and planning for the future that I no longer want it. Yet, by no longer wanting it and embracing who I am, my unique odd hobbies have opened so many doors to me which are better than anything I could have wanted from originally wanting to fit in. Then, I realize how stupid I was to try and fit in while I should have really embraced being different.

It's like instead of joining a common world and being a part of it, embracing who I am created my own world that ended up working out just fine for me.

For anyone who wants to see my chart, it is below:

posted July 22, 2022 12:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dons2angelss:
I'd have to agree whole heartedly. My youth was similar in that I just never fit in but that never bothered me. I was and still am very happy to just be alone to be with my own energy and thoughts. I've thought a lot about the 12th house and it's tangible meaning and I've come up with basically the same thought, you have to know each planet that lives there inside and out, on a much deeper level than what any other house can provide. Especially when it's a personal planet, I too have sun, venus, Mercury, and chiron in my 12th. Any time I've ever tried to use those energies in an egotistical manner, or self serving manner, it's like the universe yanks me right back behind the curtain by my collar. I've become so accustomed to my own self reliance that the veil of "living on earth" has really been lifted and I can see how it's all so... Fake. Relationships are another area that just boggles my mind now. I don't need any other human to help me love me or to help me feel a certain way. I see that a lot with the people around me. Fighting for a relationship with a person because of how they feel about them. I guess I see love as something I'm giving to a person for them to use how they see fit for their life and not something I put any kind of conditions on. I don't feel jealous or envious, if someone doesn't want to share my life with me then why would I hold them back? Take my love and go be your happiest self. I see love as an investment into others so they can use it as building blocks for their selves. I think that's the true nature of venus in the 12th.

My Saturn is also in my 6th house and after my return, that's really when I came full round with being 100% comfortable with my 12th house. I also have a stellium in my 6th with moon, Pluto, mars, and Saturn so keeping in balance with my 6th/12th house axis really helps me to be more comfortable out in the working world.

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posted July 30, 2022 02:27 PM            

Not Mr. popular, but he has his dork friends. I like them. I think his 11th house Sun can kind of balance things out.

I also have 12th house Mercury and 11th house Sun. My popularity has always fluctuated.