posted October 11, 2022 03:11 PM            

Took a trip that was kind of hijacked by feelings of worthlessness coming out of nowhere (at least at the start). At the end of it I was fully convinced I was a failure and destined to just stop fighting the obvious realization that I shouldn't be working in my field or pushing my health so much. I guess this was the weekend where my mind and body finally snapped. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere (being in a different city didn't help either). Got into an argument because my good friend of 12 years made a rude joke (which I. usually handle well) about how the problem was that I had been born. (this is common between us) However this time that joke didn't seem like a joke at all, more like universe channeling that message through the mouth of someone who I love and I thought loved me too. It felt so so terrible. I had been nursing this dreadful feeling of defeat since Thursday and on Sunday everything blew up. Definitely one of the worst full moons of my life, to the point where my health took a turn for the worse and now I'm surviving off of Ibuprofen and coffee and some comforting food. The hole seems really deep this time. On the bright side, definitely realised a lot of things, or at least I can now point at them and be like 'aha, this is wha't been causing me so much trouble'.

posted October 11, 2022 08:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by vansio:

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posted October 11, 2022 08:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
My aunt died today.

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