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Author
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Topic: Speaking of the Hades Moon. It’s been a long journey for me..
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charlie
Knowflake Posts: 5463
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted August 19, 2023 04:48 PM
  
It’s been a long journey and I just now, after 14 years in Cap (irritating my Moon) realized what has been happening. Only the last years, small fragments of the past have surfaced and I’ve been short on trying to make the pieces fit the puzzle. So I have a Hades Moon, the square, this in itself is not easy, most times, but it hit me that I’ve also had tPluto on it. The “wound”, the Karmic Wound from my mother, and probably her mother and before that, is in my bone marrow and I’ve desperately tried with all my strength and courage to get away from her; since before I was born (I wanted to come out in the toilet).
I never really grew close to her but instead, I felt a sense of DUTY (Capricorn) towards her and this made it so I haven’t been able to let go. She has used me and abused me through the years and still, I felt a sense of duty. I just couldn’t break free! Even when I fled to Los Angeles at the age of 17, I couldn’t get away from her.
I remember when I moved in with my boyfriend’s family at the age of 15, had a miscarriage and almost died of blood poisoning. Was high as a kite on morphine in the ER and when my parents came to visit all she could do was stare while my dad was crying. She’s jealous of me, sarcastic and demeaning. It’s like she never wanted me and when I write that I realize she’s actually told me so. Albeit drunk, but still.
I am starting to feel free and I find it ironic that Pluto leaves Capricorn on Nov 19, 2024. The same day as my mother’s birthday.
There are so many more details and events I recall but I just don’t have the energy to write them down. Do I hate her? Yes. Do I love her? Yes. But what I want to feel most towards her is absolute indifference. She herself has a Scorpio Moon sq Pluto and it wouldn’t surprise me if my grandmother did as well. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 176006
From: I hold a Juris Doctorate (J.D.) and a Legum Magister (LL.M.)!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 20, 2023 05:49 PM
Bump!IP: Logged |
teasel
Knowflake Posts: 25234
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 20, 2023 06:28 PM
I'm so sorry.IP: Logged |
PlutoWasHere
Knowflake Posts: 1007
From: The Nether World
Registered: Mar 2021
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posted August 21, 2023 03:16 AM
That seems like very tough to go through at a young age, Charlie. I think the relationship between parents and children is always karmic in some way, especially between mothers and daughters. It’s a weird kind of mirroring. Our mothers are to their daughters an image of what they could become and daughters are to mothers an image of what they once were, both light and dark. Often it’s very difficult to remain conscious about how we react to our mother. The Moon is also a very instinctive and primal energy, it represents our unconscious reactions. My experiences have not been as heavy as yours but my mother was also an alcoholic and suffered from depression, possibly some other mental health issues as well. I don’t have a Capricorn Moon but I do have a Capricorn IC. I know what it’s like to be in survival mode due to childhood trauma. It’s good for you to acknowledge what has happened to you and the pain it has caused. It is not something to be ashamed or your fault that it happened. You were still a child. Be gentle with yourself. I don’t have any other advice than to nurture yourself now, like you needed to be nurtured by your mother at that moment but didn’t receive. Your mother was unable to do so when you were young and she was the adult. Now you’re an adult and can show yourself the love you needed back then. You’re safe now. Pluto can help you to let go of the shadows of the past. This is a time to release. A big hug for you.💕 IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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