posted April 29, 2025 08:45 AM            

A few years ago, my adoptive father punched me very hard in the center of my chest, right in my heart. (He's an Aquarius.)

My whole life was based on the idea that my father loved me and was a superman putting up with his narcissistic wife.

But with that blow, (and previous beatings), my whole life fell apart.

I don't want to go into the details of this.

But since that happened I am very far from the Source.

First, there was the physical pain... It was horrible, like death. And I felt it for a year (I didn't go to the hospital; I had no strength left. I thought I'd die, I just survived).

Then the pain went away, and a void remained. And now I see that my consciousness has disappeared.
I see the world, I see events, but I don't participate. It's like a video camera watching the street... But it has no consciousness to know what's happening.

I commented on this forum and was told it wouldn't be long before I felt like myself again. But that didn't happen.

I ask for help.
My mental process stopped . My emotional process too. It's like I'm dead.

posted April 29, 2025 09:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Oh my.😮 What was the context of this punch? Was he rough playing? Men often do that (esp with boys). Or was it something else?

I would also like to see your chart as well as the transits on that day.

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No. It was a direct attack. At the time, it felt like a demonic attack trying to kill me.

I don't have my birth time.

I'm not the same person since then. I don't feel, I don't think. "I" have disappeared. I feel like only my biological body is in charge. My consciousness is no longer there.
I'm so disconnected that I don't even feel the death of a loved one. Before, it would have taken me years of mourning, but now someone I love dies, and I feel nothing.

posted April 29, 2025 10:01 AM            

But, to add the astrology. This sounds like perhaps a 12th house thing; You are conscious but you don't feel like you have a sense of self. A Neptunian energy, even.

posted April 29, 2025 11:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Preppyarcher7989Wiff:
I'm trying to be sensitive here, but it sounds like you need to see a therapist, psychiatrist, a mind doctor, a psychologist, or just a doctor. This sounds serious, like something an astrology forum can't help with.

But, to add the astrology. This sounds like perhaps a 12th house thing; You are conscious but you don't feel like you have a sense of self. A Neptunian energy, even.

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I wish comments like this could be avoided. Because any "you need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist" I simply won't take seriously.

I saw my first psychologist when I was 15. And all I could think was, "What am I doing sharing my personal life with someone who has studied everything the state dictates? And who is only here to try to Diagnose any mental illness."

posted April 29, 2025 04:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by WhiteBirds:
No. It was a direct attack. At the time, it felt like a demonic attack trying to kill me.

I don't have my birth time.

I'm not the same person since then. I don't feel, I don't think. "I" have disappeared. I feel like only my biological body is in charge. My consciousness is no longer there.
I'm so disconnected that I don't even feel the death of a loved one. Before, it would have taken me years of mourning, but now someone I love dies, and I feel nothing.

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Its fine. Even without birth time, we can use a Noon based chart and discount houses.

posted April 30, 2025 04:18 AM            

I was punched on my jaw by my abusive ex (well, I don't know if I can call him an abuser, because he said I made him having that intense feeling like he never had with his exes that he hated hearing I kept saying 'break up' -- he told me I was his soulmate. or probably just a trophy).

That hard punch made my jaw shift to one side and made a lil cut on the edge of my lips and I think the blood was coming from inside my mouth and around the teeth, maybe, idk, my mind felt like running in a slow motion and only felt the pain on my jaw.

He got panicked and just kept saying sorry, saying that he didn't mean to punch me that hard, that I should listen to him when he said 'STAY!', that I should not trying to reach the door, that I should stop saying breaking up with him, that his mind going crazy with my silence and walking away, that bla bla bla bla bla, he just kept talking and my mind got zooning out. Probably a few second of my mind was going numb before it got back to normal.

I thought I just need a time to calm my emotions down (my 12th house mars won't let that overwhelming emotion of moon in Aries win). I sat there for awhile and tried to close my eyes and tried to move my jaw back into its place. I tried to find where was the safe fracture to move. (He didn't do anything, he just watched me nervously and kept saying sorry, like I actually wanted to say, "can you just shut the f* up first?" because I need a full of concentration and I couldn't even talk because of the dislocated jaw and the pain.)

Miraculously it got back to its place with that 'crack' sound. The pain didn't even make me cry, the pain made me think I might be dead next time if this was not ended.

He is an Aries sun with moon/venus in Gemini, mercury/mars in Taurus.

Mentioning his natal placement doesn't mean I hate the placement and anyone who has it. My purpose is to let the reader thinking in two or more ways. I honestly do not like the feeling of victim mentality (I'm talking about me, I don't want to offend anyone here), I'm not trying to find the bad vibe.

I don't think I am the same person after that relationship because I have my lessons there. I'm not bitter with relationship either, but how I see it may different than before. I was even single for many years to... well, I kind of enjoy being alone so being single doesn't bother me that much, probably the happiest time. lol.

I think recognizing the problem and embracing - accepting - internalizing that maybe I have a mistake too, where I might trigger his strong emotions, helps me seeing the bigger picture and as the whole. It doesn't mean I accept his bad reactions/actions on me. It is more like why not change the focus on me to heal rather than throwing my energy out on him. I do not really know what's on his mind/thoughts and his feelings but I do know my own thoughts and feelings.

Empathy also helps to heal the situation (I had a moment to dig a lil bit about his childhood and how his relationship with his parents or the family dynamic he had growing up, and/or the personal problem he had at the moment - like addiction and mental health).

I may have the unconventional and weird logic mind and probably not putting a lot of emotions on how I try to see things (it doesn't mean I don't have feelings, it's intense - not dark - and far ahead) so it may not suitable for someone who is more emotional, drowning to the water of feelings or darkness.

I think for the emotional one can try to find a group of people (proper community that focus on trauma healing, etc) who share the same or similar situation, so they can feel understood and accepted. I think for them there's nothing more healing than feeling the bond emotionally. The same/similar sadness, tragic, the intense - dark - bad feeling/trauma.

My daughter has moon in Cancer, I found out emotional support is her medicine.

I think, you can also try to find what do you like the most and try to focus on them for a lil while. What do you like to do? baking? cooking? painting? crafting? gardening? working out?

If it's still not working, probably you need help from the expert.

You can feel closer to the source when you can see the beauty of life, recognizing the value and finding meaning in the present moment. Lots of broken people in this broken world, so none is perfect unless ONE.