posted May 05, 2025 01:19 AM            

A man I was with in my past, about 11 or 12 years ago. He asked me to be his girlfriend, but I had met someone else and an official relationship between us never came to fruition.

I ended up marrying the "someone else". We travelled, had a child. Unfortunately he left us 5 years ago, but now back on amicable terms (although divorced now).

Anyway, part of me always had regret about turning the first guy down (benefit of hindsight) and that regret has lingered at the back of my mind but it never affected me on an emotional level. Just one of those "what ifs" that you think about from time to time.

I did reach out to him about 2 years ago. I messaged him to apologise (I rejected him a bit coldly back then). He read it but never responded, which was okay. I just wanted him to see it, which he did.

Fast forward to April 2025. More than a decade later. Two weeks ago I woke up, out of the blue, with this deep deep ache about him. So much so that I have been crying and yearning for this man.

What in the actual fk. I feel like death, like I'm dying. Like just so much pain over him, desperate to reach out to him, and wishing he would reach out to me. All these memories of our time together came flooding back as well which isn't helping. And synchronicites.

It's incredibly jarring, to all of a sudden have this intense reaction to something over a decade old. I dont know where else to ask this. Not sure what to make of this. As it stands, I'm an emotional wreck.

posted May 05, 2025 04:35 AM            

But before it is moved, let me ask this; how old are you?

Sometimes our age can affect how we look at life I.e. older people especially when experiencing returns or oppositions of outer planet to outer planet transits, can start to reflect in terms of "shoulda, woulda, coulda" etc.

In women,it can be especially intense because there is that attachment with age and not knowing if one's youth is "spent"? Or the best years of one's life are behind them? Maybe even regrets of "wasting them with the wrong person "? etc.

Regret is awful, it paralyzes one because we can't change the past and regress to what was.So dreaming of "what could have been" can be very distressing- especially if one keeps decorating that supposition with unrealistic expectations.

Then what could have been , always seems better, brighter and more joyous than what is. And it is this mental headspace that one gets into that tricks one into believing that all is lost and that there will NEVER be other opportunities like that again.

If you have Cancer placements or Moon accentuated, this tendency to reflect on the past and live in that residual flow , will be strong. This can even happen with longer transits to Moon.

With Taurus placements,there could be the refusal to let go and make peace with what has been. This especially if one keeps on reconnecting their sense of happiness to a period that has passed.

Be very careful of this, as it'll keep you stuck. And the frustrations that come with this line of thinking is knowing that you can't go back (even if you really want to). But also can't move forward (even if you have to).

This split energy is painful to deal with and will be felt on a visceral level as tears, periodic panics of death/old age looming and even depression for things "lost".

I suspect that this is not so much about the man whom you didn't pick ,than it is about the belief that your life (here and now) is not where you thought you'd be.

Perhaps you believed/ pictured yourself happier? So you've attached that happiness to the choice that you made by not getting married to the guy in question?

I blame Hollywood movies for filling people's minds up with that bile.Because it is based on the false premise that you could see the outcome way ahead before you made the choice.

And this is not that case because life is not a finished movie playing out. But a moment to moment creation. The latter often requiring us to constantly be invested and present in the moment to moment choices that we make.

So perhaps life didn't quite play out in the way that you thought it should have? It's all right.

So that man did not respond to you and now you are taking that to be symbolic of a door being closed to a 2nd chance at the bypassed life. One that perhaps had a more desirable ending to it? All is well.

It is normal to grieve a life that you wanted . But didn't manifest. It is normal to feel regret over the life that is, this especially if it's not at all what you pictured for yourself.

At some point however, you will be able to be easier on yourself and forgive those things that are outside your control.

You will accept and bless that the choices that you made at the time, were the best choices given what you knew you can live with.

Now that you are ready to make new choices, you will no longer condemn yourself for the old ones. Because nobody intentionally sabotages themselves to live a life that they know will be unhappy.

After all that,you will accept the choices that lead you to where you are now. This is not condemnation or judgement by the Universe, it is just outcomes based on the options chosen from what was.

Also know that life is not made up of the grand moments. It is really found in the small ones. In other words, the life you lived did have moments of bliss, people who touched you and shaped you to be who you are (as much as you touched and shaped them). And that's the point of it too.

We don't know what we don't know. This because when we make choices , we are making those choices for the 1st time. Life is no "do over". It's about movement and moment to moment doing and not doing. And when we know better,we do better. We are learning as we go.

Nobody knows what they doing. Nobody has the secret formula on what the sure route is to happiness. We all hope that at the time that we make choices that feel stable, feel secure, give us a sense of optimism etc. That those choices are made with the intent of gaining the outcomes that reflect the choices made I.e. that we are building happiness that will forever be unfolding.

A lot has happened on your life. You are allowed to grieve the losses. But let this not blind you to the gains. You are now more clearer about who you are than you were before.Keep going forward❤❤❤❤❤❤

posted May 05, 2025 05:32 AM            

I am in my 30s, and a tragic life I've lived so far, for sure.

I have a Taurus Moon, and not long ago completed all 3 hits from Uranus, but I didn't think of him much during that time. So I don't think that's it. No Cancer placements. I have a big stellium across Capricorn and Aquarius.

I felt I'd moved on, I did move on. I did romanticise the "what's ifs" here and there, but I have been through worse things in my life and made other bad choices that i would say I dwell on more.

I'm struggling with understanding why now? Why all of a sudden? More than 10 years passed. Nothing has triggered for me to feel this way about him specifically.

I have tried every which way to rationalise it. Neptune, Venus and Saturn are on my Ascendant right now, maybe Saturn in the last degrees of Pisces is dredging up old things for me to process and move on from?

I am grieving him now as if this just happened yesterday.

I feel like walking into the ocean and
letting it take me away. Neptune haha

Thankyou again. I am different, a smarter person now, but a weaker heart.. apparently.

posted May 05, 2025 01:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by OrbitalFire:
I've always appreciated your replies and thankyou.

I am in my 30s, and a tragic life I've lived so far, for sure.

I have a Taurus Moon, and not long ago completed all 3 hits from Uranus, but I didn't think of him much during that time. So I don't think that's it. No Cancer placements. I have a big stellium across Capricorn and Aquarius.

I felt I'd moved on, I did move on. I did romanticise the "what's ifs" here and there, but I have been through worse things in my life and made other bad choices that i would say I dwell on more.

I'm struggling with understanding why now? Why all of a sudden? More than 10 years passed. Nothing has triggered for me to feel this way about him specifically.

I have tried every which way to rationalise it. Neptune, Venus and Saturn are on my Ascendant right now, maybe Saturn in the last degrees of Pisces is dredging up old things for me to process and move on from?

I am grieving him now as if this just happened yesterday.

I feel like walking into the ocean and
letting it take me away. Neptune haha

Thankyou again. I am different, a smarter person now, but a weaker heart.. apparently.

---

posted May 05, 2025 06:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by OrbitalFire:
Its at 25 degrees

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I see. I wouldn't like to make sweeping assumptions without seeing the whole chart.

However, I do think that the transit of Ura Tau conj your Moon may be surfacing these sudden bursts of emotions that come out of nowhere. Maybe a detachment from past fixations?

posted May 06, 2025 02:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I'll keep it here.

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posted May 06, 2025 04:44 AM            

There are quite a number of things happening.

ProgMoon in 20Leo opp Prog Mars 20Aqua is arcing to react with your natal T square. This can be a very sensitive point for slower planetary triggers (particularly when Mars Leo goes conjunct to progressed Moon Leo)

Progressed Sun in Pisces 25 is subject to be triggered by transiting Saturn in Pisces as well as the coming trans Jupiter Gemini square.

The above doesn't highlight emotional changes as much as it highlights career growth or some kind of added responsibility (especially when Saturn goes retrograde to conj your progressed Sun in Pisces)

I like that transiting Jupiter is arcing to conj your Ic Cancer and opp your Mc. This could coincide with domestic changes (a move or some type of status change on the home environment) OR perhaps even career changes (promotion, move to a new department or new job) etc. Everything will depend on what is contextually going on in your life.

Two weeks prior to the 5th of May(when you posted) however, trans Merc Ari was conj your Asc degree.

With that was also the looming conjunction of transiting Neptune to your Asc in Aries 1 Deg.

If Neptune represents suppression, then Nep trans Aries (and especially when arcing to conjunct Asc degree) may signify the surfacing of things that have long being suppressed. Or those things that the native didn't even know they were keeping hidden.

This arc of Neptune to your Asc during these coming months, may feel like you are losing your ability to control yourself . As Nep energy is "all resistance crumbles".

So high walls built around conserving certain emotions will be demolished and what will remain is a soft, receptive response to the overt and (more especially) the covert within and around you. And therein lies the rub.

You will not always be able to explain why you are bursting into tears or are suddenly overcome by intense melancholy.The Neptune waters tend to ebb and flow in such an unregulated pattern, that triggers can feel like they are everywhere and anywhere.

Transiting Mars Leo arcing to trine your Asc degree(around that time of the emotional yearning ) could have intensified those feelings.

Remember also that transiting Moon in Cap had just crossed your MC degree the day before and was arcing to conj your Ura/ Nep/Ven/Mars stellium in Cap around the same period. So you were really in your feelings.

Now that Neptune has progressed to conj your Asc degree, how do you feel? Notice also that transiting Venus arced to conj your Asc during this weekend? What was going on?

There actually seems to be a lot of action from your inner planets due to transiting Moon intially conjunct your Ic on the 2nd of May. Then progressing to opp your Cap stellium on Sat/Sun on the 3rd of May.

Then we have transiting Mercury in Aries 21 now arcing to square the same Cap stellium this week.

You need to watch the transit of the Moon in cardinal signs more intently. Monitor what your feelings are like at this time and see how you are being triggered(if at all).

On the 16th of May, we have transiting Moon in Capricorn conjunct your Mc degree. With that is that interesting Sun-Merc Aqua 22, Moon Tau 25, Plu Sco 22 natal T square of yours that will be triggered by transiting Sun in Tau 25 and trans Ura 27 Tau.

What is interesting for me is that transiting Mercury Tau 9/Mars 12Leo will be reacting with your natal Saturn 10 Aqua by square and opposition respectively on the 16th of May too.

I don't know what will be happening in your life around that time? But these hits suggest some activity. Maybe something to do with career/work and connected to group or friends?Since ruler of the Mc(Sat) is in the 11th house of friendships?

Your T square of Moon/Plu/Sun-Merc has been undergoing a long standing trigger from Ura in Tau for some time now(2024/2023 and 2025).

This would have resulted in some changes in the home-front (Moon rules Ic) and perhaps even some group/friendship ties(Sun/Merc 11th)?

But this didn't happen all at once and is still ongoing. As the 12th of May ingress of Neptune Aries conj your Asc happens, watch what is triggered.

Infact, let's use the Moon transit in Libra on the 8th of May before then to start things up. To see what the emotional changes are(if at all).

On the day, trans Merc 25Ari will be squaring your natal Mars in 10th house.Trans Moon Lib will be conj the Dsc Lib degree.

On the 30th of May , there is trans Mars Leo conj your progressed Moon and opp your prog Mars. Trans Mars will also be reacting with your natal T-square.

On the 29th/30th, transiting Moon in Cancer will be conj your Ic and then opposing your Cap stellium. Whilst transiting Venus in Aries will be squaring that same stellium.

We also see that transiting Sun/Merc in Gemini will be squaring your natal Jupiter Virgo. And transiting Jupiter in Gemini will be squaring your progressed Sun in Pisces.

posted May 07, 2025 04:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by OrbitalFire:
Aries23degrees..
Wow, your insight 🙏🏽
You are correct about tUranus triggering a change on the home front when it hit my moon. I purchased my first home last year, which was a dream come true for me.
Although I have Sun, Merc and Saturn in 11th, I have no social life and no friends. So any activity relating to the 11th would have to be about my goals maybe or something else.
Pluto ingressing into my 11th also made no mark so far.
So when Neptune first hit my ascendant, I did feel a big change in me. I feel more soft, sensitive. I feel a little lost, but not in a bad way. I'm actually liking Neptune's energy here. Like it's softened some of the harder edges of my personality.
My biggest anxiety these past 1.5 years has been my job security. I send myself into a tailspin, worrying about if I will lose my job, how will I pay for my mortgage, job market is difficult here, so what if I don't find another job etc.
This new thing about this guy from a decade ago has completely taken over, and I'm not even thinking about my job anymore.
My life is very quiet. No friends. Little family. Only work and home.
I'm going see what happens from the 8th as you pointed out, Moon in Libra is my 7th house- will square my Cap stellium.
I will see again what happens on the 16th, and again at the end of the month.
Anything that occurs in my life would have to be job related, as that's pretty much my life outside of my child.
I haven't paid much attention to progressions, thank you for noting some of these transits- I'm going to study progressed chart and refer to your post for clearer understanding.
I will check in again at the end of the month. Just need to know how to cut this man loose from my mind. Why Neptune brought him up when I had already moved on.. guess I needed more work than I thought!

---

All is well. Your obsessive thoughts will find reprieve once the energy of Uranus moves over to Gemini and stops being triggered by faster moving transits.

Uranus tends to bring a sort of disruptive energy to it that can feel incredibly jarring (this especially when on the inner planets).

Sleep deprivation and being unable to be productive/get sleep because of constant preoccupation with one thing, can happen. I think it'll let up when Uranus crosses over to Gemini. You'll feel like can breathe again.

But for now unfortunately, it may feel like you are going crazy. Because when I recall the transit of Uranus Aries on my T-square, all I could think about was work. Nothing else.

Also however, I have to also more that my natal T-square also supplied the sufficient manure(if you will) for such preoccupation to thrive.

The leg of the T-square (Mars) is energy and thrust.I recall gping to the gym and enduring a rigorous workout , in order to get my body to sleep.

In your case , the leg of your T-square is Mercury(thoughts). And Mercury conjuncts your Sun. So it can feel like these obsessive thoughts(Merc) are running your life(Sun).

We will see what will happen when Uranus crosses over to Gemini on the 11th of July. That time will also have Saturn and Neptune retrograde on your Asc. So that will be where the two energies will really start to kick off.

posted May 07, 2025 10:52 AM            

I don't know if this can relate to you, but I found a lil bit connection to it.

It was with my Cancer sun Aries moon ex.

I probably would like to call it as 'a time of reflection' (contemplating events). It was not a regret but 'a guilt feeling' that I unconsciously carried and the trigger might come from what I had heard, watched, or read at the moment.

After years of the break up I was told by my friend that he was still bragging about me to all of his friends and told them that he probably would never done loving me. For me, it was not sound like a happy moment (to still be loved), but... SAD.

That was the time 'a guilt feeling' crawling back to my mind like I was the bad guy.

And the memory of me ignoring all of his hundred calls and ignoring his existence all at once made me pause a lil bit thinking that I should not leave like that. (It is probably a maturity process of a young adult where you realize some of your immaturity as a young and stupid human lol)

At that time I was a lil bit cold and had zero patient (pardon my aries moon), the young me, for repeating myself over and over again to someone. I didn't like talking that much, but I could listen to him all day. At that time I told him one time, he didn't listen. I gave him a second time, he was in denial. Then I cut all the communication and disappear.

Actually I tried to tell him that I couldn't breath in the relationship and need more space, also our future vision was so different like he wanted to marry young and I didn't. He shared his dream to focus on building a family, I had my dream somewhere else.

But the young of me thinking it was too much of talking lol so I left without more explanation.

Eventually I made a contact and we talked again a lil bit. I apologized that I didn't give him a proper explanation on why I left. I apologized for leaving him in a void. (I mean, I noticed all of his effort to try to talk to me again -he really made a big effort though- but I chose to cut all of the communication)

It was a nice sweet conversation though, he finally could listen at that time and could understand, but he saw my phone call apologizing as an opportunity to reconcile and started a new fresh relationship.

And I started to realize how the brain of woman and man could be very different on seeing things. lol

(anyway, I told him I would be very happy if he could move on)

So, in your case,
I think, don't think too much/overthink about him not responded. Maybe the other person has been moving on and not thinking that much on how you rejected him in the past.

I found that men are a very simple creatures than women.

"I feel like death, like I'm dying. Like just so much pain over him, desperate to reach out to him, and wishing he would reach out to me. All these memories of our time together came flooding back as well which isn't helping. And synchronicites." -- I probably can't help you in this one, because I'm a lil bit confused here, like, does it mean that you actually loved him at that time?

I think you can try to re-questioning or regulating your feelings first, like, is it really a regret or a guilt feeling?

hmmm.. I realize that Earth Mooners are sometimes having a hard time to really describe what is their feeling about when it hits them all at once because it's often managed in a practical way... hmmm, I'm not sure, please, correct me if I'm wrong.

...

I remember I had this Virgo moon friend who once called me when she dealt with a break up with his bf of 6 years. Honestly, listening to her made me a lil bit confused, like, it seemed she already knew the answer but she... was... emotional... in a... yeah, like an emotional wreck.

I asked her first whether she need me only for an ear to listen or she need my opinion. she said she wanted me to listen, so I was there listening in a coffee shop for almost an hour, like, probably the most confused time of my life lol

Then she asked for my opinion. I was thinking a lil bit (and asked several questions to avoid me assuming things) and ended up saying, "It will get passed. Don't worry too much. I think you only need an accompany or someone's ear to let those feelings out for awhile. Let all of it get into a process."

"Are you a psychologist?" She joked while wiping her tears. "No, you are the one who had a degree in a psychology. It should be me wondering.." lol

And she admitted that she felt lonely/alone, like, she said she had no one to talk about it even she couldn't talk to her mother. She was repressing a lot (acted like everything in her life under control) and it hit her all at once in a moment she didn't ready for.

posted May 08, 2025 10:23 PM            

I actually can understand some part of it but... confused by other statement.

Do you have Neptune to personal planet? or maybe Pisces?

I have never thought to go back to the past and falling in love with whom in the past (or prob romanticizing the past that making it looks more meaningful than prob it actually was). I usually know my decision when turn down a man, which also one of them the Capricorn sun Scorpio venus. lol

The idea of it could be a trigger from something deep inside, like, I think it's only you can find the answer. Be careful with obsessive thoughts/feelings, and prob a delusion (if you have Neptune -especially the hard aspect- to personal planet, or maybe Pisces)

Sometimes people can change too. The imagination/idea of the past probably not the same in the moment of now. A decade ago is enough to make someone prob a different version now. And.... he has already married.