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Author
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Topic: On Protecting Oneself From Energy Vampires
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Lyra
Knowflake Posts: 104
From: London, UK
Registered: May 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 04:41 AM
 
Energy vampires apparently come in different shapes and forms, but most of them seem to impact on other people's energy, as in, dent it in some way. I tend to be unable to cope with people being very intense over a long period of time, possibly because I am intense myself. I am also not overly fond of *BS*. Now obviously because I'm not *outside* myself, I can't see how I impact on other people - how I IN TURN might be draining their energy in some way. A few nights ago, having split up from my boyfriend the week before, I went to an open mic, which in principle I enjoy - but several of the people there were just so - how can I put it - creepy!! & there was one guy in particular who freaked me out from the word go - because he was ALL an act and reminded me of ex-bf. When I feel disturbed in that way I tend to just sit and observe and not say much. We were talking to each other briefly afterwards, and I liked some of the people's music, but I was aware that I might be coming off as insincere in my conversation - trying to make the small talk and pretend as though nothing was wrong! The compere obviously noticed that something was going on as he emailed me to ask if he had done something wrong - so I explained to him exactly what it was, and told him he was clearly very perceptive!! I'm wondering in that case whether *I* gave off certain vibes - I have been told that I come across very strongly to people, even though I try to hide the intensity - seemingly the aura can't lie! I have had a slightly traumatic past, and have now succeeded in eliminating people who I consider to be *profound energy vampires* from my life. Apparently, so I'm told, they succeed in transferring packets of energy to you that can impede your energy field, and once you get rid of them, these negative packets of energy disappear too. I think that I was very focused on making a shield around myself and this shield was possibly so strong that it came across as repellent to many people (we were in a very small room). It was weird, I felt not detached exactly, but I was seeing people more as they were, and not as what I would have liked to THINK they were, or falling at their feet just because their music was good, etc. etc. - i.e. I felt I was more in tune with what my INTUITION was telling me - these people were aware that I could *see* exactly what they were, and this *seeing-ness* made them feel very uncomfortable & scared! So maybe this shield wasn't a *drain* or negative energy as such, but more a sort of energy that wouldn't let anybody else in! IP: Logged |
blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 850
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 08:47 AM
'Switch off your third eye' someone told me, but every now and then things seep through and make me feel ill. I try and throw it away as soon as I can. There are people and situations that make me feel emotionally ill. It's better to avoid them, no good will come of trying to make it work. The thing that bothers me about this story is that it seems to involve a group of people sitting in a pub, laughing and having a good time. If you can feel them all aware of you and how you see through them, then yes, you do come across as a little intense. IP: Logged |
Lyra
Knowflake Posts: 104
From: London, UK
Registered: May 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 12:20 PM
Eek. But, ya know, people do *feel* things - one guy was clearly disturbed by my bf last time we went together - and my bf didn't like half of the people there - though I felt fairly neutral at that point - in fact I LIKED most of them last time! So I guess it just depends upon the time and place...? IP: Logged |
Glaucus
Knowflake Posts: 1550
From: Sacramento,California
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 12:32 PM
I also wonder about the biological interaction (chemistry) with each person reflected by the synastry aspects. Especially if you're interacting with numerous people, I wonder about the biological interactions with all those people all at once. If numerous people make hard Saturn,Mars,Neptune,Uranus,and hard transneptunian (that includes Pluto) aspects aspects with me,I'd probably feel very uncomfortable too.
(btw...I use a distance rule orb with Uranus,Neptune,and the transneptunians, the more slower moving they are, the narrower the orb that I give.....so with 12,000 year Sedna, I give an orb of 5 minutes in synastry.
also, as an empathetic type, it's possible to feel the stressful biological interaction of others synastric connections. If there are numerous people with stressful synastric connections, it's possible the negativity could overwhelming.
all this stuff could be exacerbated with transits, too........especially with shared experience transits when people have their synastry aspects being aspected by transiting planet. example, transiting Saturn square the opposition of a woman's Venus and Mars for a t-square synastry transit.
Raymond
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"Nothing matters absolutely;
the truth is it only matters relatively" - Eckhart Tolle IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 303
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 03:35 PM
http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Handle-Codependent-Relationships
Some People Take But Never Give
We've all met them. Everyone I've talked to knows someone who seemed great to begin with but turned out to be a drain. You find that you spend time supporting them but they don't give any support back. You want to end a conversation so you can get on with life but can't seem to pull it off gracefully. Whenever you try to stand up for a boundary you wind up the bad guy. How does one cope with these relationships once they've started?
Of course, the first thing to realize is that your actions contributed as much to the problem as the other person's. This is not to say you should blame yourself. On the contrary, it's a good thing that you have some responsibility, because if you have responsibility you have the ability to control the situation. You can't control random tornadoes, but you can control the people you let in your life.
We like others because of their unique qualities. We love them for how they make us feel about ourselves. When my children were born, I loved them dearly from the get-go. Why? Not because of any quality of theirs. They were newborns, I had no idea who they were. They had no emotional self control, they had done no great things. Trust me, we did not have a single hobby or interest in common. Why then did I love them? Because they made me feel proud, needed, looked up to and valuable. We love those who love us, it's often just that simple.
Codependent people are generally experts at making us feel honored, respected, looked up to and needed. The need to be needed is a powerful human social instinct. It's an incredibly strong force that can cause us to behave in the most outrageous ways. The people who take more from us than they give are quite practiced at giving us the illusion that we're vital to their well being.
Humans often want to feel like the good guy, the hero. Codependent people play off of that, too. It's embarrassing when you're made to feel as though you've done something wrong. You can't quite put your finger on it, but you feel as though you've been a real jerk. In order to fix this feeling inside yourself, you'll go to even greater lengths than you would have if you'd acquiesed to begin with. Any time you try to set a boundary, to stand up for your needs, you're shamed into doing what the codependent wants.
These two forces, the need to be needed and the need to be "a good person" are two steps in the codependent waltz. The third is emotional weariness. There comes a point at which it's just easier to give them what they want than to argue. You're so sick of the fight you can't seem to win that you'd just rather give in than keep going. Your opponent is using every passive-aggressive trick in the book to keep you off balance, you feel that something is deeply wrong but you can't put your finger on what, and you just want to get away already.
When given in to, these three forces make you a codependent enabler. In order to get rid of codependent people, you must stop enabling them. How do you do this without losing your sense of self-worth, your sense of being a good person and your emotional judgement? By using logic.
Contrary to popular belief, logic and emotion do go together. You get rightfully angry at your spouse. Do you act on your anger and say everything that flies out of your mouth? Only if you want a long and pointless fight. If, instead, you logically work out what's making you angry so that you can enlist your spouse in solving the problem, you'll wind up having a productive discussion instead of a screaming match. If you have to scream into a pillow a few times first, that's ok. It's still a much more logical course of action than engaging in a painful and unproductive fight.
Logic and codependency, on the other hand, are anathema to each other. The codependent is counting on illogic and illusion to fuddle you into behaving against your own best interests. Logically, you are friends with people because you are greater together than you would be alone. You enjoy their company, they enjoy yours, you both get something out of it. Friendship, intimacy and love are all refutations of the "dog-eat-dog" paradigm. When we engage in these good relationships, everybody benefits much more than they would without those relationships.
While everyone's going to get irritated with their nearest and dearest from time to time, if someone consistently annoys you, if you feel tired even thinking about them, it's a deep sign that something is wrong. You need to engage in a period of self reflection to find out exactly what's going on inside your own head. Why do you feel this way? Is it your friend, or something from your past? Are they consistently taking from you without giving back, or are you letting maladaptive personal patterns interfere with your friendship? You must be able to honest answer these questions for yourself.
If you find that this "friend" is taking much more from you than they give, you must act. Analyze the problem thoroughly, identify the exact behaviors that are the problem, and calmly bring them up. Once. Do not use "you" statements, use "I" statements. "I find it really annoying to be called at ten in the evening. I have to get up early and it's hitting right when I'm going to bed," instead of "You need to quit calling me at ten at night!" Keeping your statements focused on yourself doesn't put the other person on the defensive but invites them to help you solve your problem. That way, if your friend really is your friend and didn't know they were costing you that much, they'll be able to understand rather than just react. Then, you can work on reaching a solution together.
If, on the other hand, they start making it your fault, "Well, you know I like calling you then and there's really nothing I can do about it. Don't you like me enough to deal with it?", you know you have a bona-fide codependent on your hands. If your friends don't care enough about you to work with you on a solution, they're not your friends.
At that point, you just need to walk away instead of continuing the discussion, just tell them, "Then I'm sorry, we really can't be friends. I can't afford it." Again, keep it to "I" statements. Codependents will then try to make you feel like the worst person in the world. Do not fall for it. They are playing the newborn baby, wailing to get you to take care of their needs and wants. If you didn't give birth to them, you're not responsible for them.
You have to have the strength to walk away. Completely. Politely cut off contact, utterly fail to get drawn into an emotional discussion, do not answer their multiple phone calls, tearful apologies, heartfelt confessions, rages or anything else. If you accept a tearful apology, listen to a heartfelt confession or take a rage seriously, you just started the dance all over again. Don't get offended, don't give in to the need to defend yourself from accusations, just politely stop talking.
Make no mistake, that's one of the hardest things anyone can ever do. It's not easy to fail to defend yourself against an accusation. However, if you do, you've opened the conversation back up to your eventual misery. A codependent will use everything at their disposal to get you to open up and let him or her back in, and accusing you of terrible things is an easy way to do just that.
In addition, you may want to get help from one of the numerous support groups for codependent enablers. These are usually free and help with defusing the mind games and insults heaped on your head. Codependent support group members and administrators have been down the merry illogic dance before, and will work with you to take apart and eliminate the illusory mental structures used on you.
I decided to write this Hub because I come from a huge family of mentally ill people. I grew up with relatives who are co-dependent, bi-polar, schizophrenic, clinically depressed and narcissistic (in the psychiatric sense). Fortunately I and my immediate family don't suffer from it, but I've had to gain quite a bit of training and understanding in order to successfully talk with my grandparents and other relatives. It took me ten years to learn how to successfully deal with codependency. I didn't believe that I had to be that cold, I wanted to believe that love would conquer all.
Love does conquer all, but sometimes it's really difficult to accomplish. The kind of caring that works is the kind where you care about other people's actual well being. The codependent is just as, if not more, miserable than the people around him or her. Allowing codependents to go on feeding on you just makes them worse, whereas confronting with reality may "turn on a light" and get them to accept the therapy and healing they so desperately need. ------------------
Everyone is a teacher...
Everyone is a student...
Learning is eternal.
}><}}(*> IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 2037
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 04:51 PM
yes and the encouragement to love unconditionally makes it even harder for some to separate from the co-dependent vampires, confusing saying "no" with conditionality in the love...but some people really do just emanate an energy that is nauseating for some reason. what eckhart tolle would call the "pain body" sends out very strong waves and broadcasts "something not right here..." IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1667
From: aspideronmars
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 07:49 PM
GREAT post LEXX  IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 303
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 10:23 PM
Thanks Lara! ------------------
Everyone is a teacher...
Everyone is a student...
Learning is eternal.
}><}}(*> IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 661
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 03, 2009 08:59 AM
I'm sorry to read you've had a traumatic past. You must carry some sadness with you and it's hard to honour and heal that when around other people who are unaware of this.I think you need to take time to heal your hurts. Rebuild your heart, mind and soul. Remember the proverb(?) "many are called, few are chosen"? I feel the people you need to be around are the 'chosen' type, or in other words, people who are open to the mysteries of the Universe. I believe this is a journey that will take years - a building of layer upon layer of emotional strength. You will look back and see the vulnerable, but beautiful person you once were, and the enlightened compassionate person you have become. Give thanks for everything that comes into your life to make it a better place, and that even includes a cup of tea!!! You will feel the stir of a new life as you learn new skills to keep the vampires away! Love to you, xoxox IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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