posted October 18, 2009 11:35 AM         

When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel.
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This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

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The church office will be closed until opening. It will remain closed after opening. It will reopen Monday.

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Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.

Sermon Blooper: "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord!"

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For those who have children and don't know it, there is a nursery downstairs.

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a great chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

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The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 P.M. Please use the back door.

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On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of a new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will please come forward to get a piece of paper.

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posted October 18, 2009 11:39 AM         

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I upped My Pledge----Up Yours."

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Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

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Visiting Missionary: Bertha Belch.
Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa".

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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posted October 18, 2009 11:47 AM         

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Thursday at 5:00PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his study.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a group practice in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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It's Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do.

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The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

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The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

posted October 18, 2009 02:02 PM         

quote:

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The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

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