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Author Topic:   the logic of staring
stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 192
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted December 17, 2009 07:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
everyone has had the experience of being stared at in their lifetimes. i often get stared at most likely because of my racial mix. a lot of people have actually told me how they've watched me or stared at me wondering about what my background was. that always makes me feel nervous because i don't recognize these people. then there's certain characters in my life who have been staring at me for several years now and it all borderline creeps me out. i do my best to ignore and avoid some of these men at all costs because they have tried to talk to me in the past and i'd rather they leave me alone. and yet even when i've ignored them, they still gawk at me.

but then it makes me wonder why these people continue to stare when they know i see them staring and the people around me see them and yet they don't stop? it's like, okay, you already know how i look like now, you may cease the staring. i'm not anything special. i get pimples and pms like everyone else so stop staring. what do people get from staring? this other guy stares and stares and stares without any apologies. he'll fixate on me from a distance and just watch me. i'd be with a friend and hide my face and my friend will watch him and say to me how he's staring at me. he stares but he never speaks.

i guess i don't understand the logic of staring. i'm a gemini moon/venus. i'm all about logic.

i've stared at people before but discreetly like on the sly. i'll see a cute guy and i'll look at him but i won't all out stare at him. and i've never consistently stared at someone over the course of many months or years. i don't have that stamina to stare plus i start to laugh. sometimes when these people look at me i either start laughing or as a reflex hide my face with my hand or hair or behind someone.

this is more of a rant but wanted to know what you guys thought about crazy staring people?

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vapor-lash
Knowflake

Posts: 135
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Registered: Nov 2009

posted December 17, 2009 08:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
lol If I like the person, then I like them staring. It makes me feel wanted.

If I find the staring invasive, I stare back. My facial expression says: "what the f#@$$#@ do you want?" and I do this incessantly until they look away.

Usually that works, and they don't stare back.

If we are talking about the average person staring nosily - rather than a male who is sexually interested - that *would* also bother me on most occasions. This often happens when I am shopping.. I'm not sure why, but the average shopping mall seems to be the starer's playground.
Anyway, I do the same thing with these starers, only friendlier. I DO stare back, only in this context - I usually pull out a *shrug* and a raised eyebrow, as if to ask "what do you want? can I help you?" and that seems to work. They get embarrassed and look away.

With one particular lady who was just a chronic starer - I actually said: "I'm sorry.. Can I help you?"

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vapor-lash
Knowflake

Posts: 135
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Registered: Nov 2009

posted December 17, 2009 08:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
i'll see a cute guy and i'll look at him but i won't all out stare at him. and i've never consistently stared at someone over the course of many months or years.

lol I'm a Pisces man starer. If I'm at the beach and there is a surfie Piscean around I will stare for prolonged periods.
But I have my sunnies on and it doesn't really look like I'm staring.

I usually stare from such a relaxed position and with such a relaxed facial expression that people would think I was daydreaming.. (which is technically what I am doing lol)

My motivation for staring?
I drift off to another place mentally where the object of my stare and I are doing something interesting (funnily enough this is almost never something sexual. It's usually fun or lovey-dovey)

Also I don't get staring-shy easily. If there was guy I was interested in and he saw me staring, I would keep staring.
Unless I thought it was making him uncomfortable, in which case I'd stop lol
But most guys love being stared at

I never stare out of curiosity about a person, their look, their background, what they are wearing or whatever else.

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stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 192
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted December 17, 2009 08:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
vapor: i wish i had your courage to stare back! i pretend i don't see it. usually when i'm stared at i get uneasy and nervous because a part of me is thinking what's wrong with my face? and the other part is annoyed that they're staring because of what i am and that's my face...like it shows that i'm of mixed races. i think i've become a little more paranoid because people tell me oh i've been watching you or we've seen you around and always wondered...and i get ahhhhh!!! scared about it. it makes me self-conscious.

in general, it's embarrassing when others see people staring at me and i don't. i simply feel embarrassed even when it's someone i like doing it. i don't know how else to act but to either start laughing or start hiding or pretending as if it's not happening to me.

i don't get how people can stare though. and i mean intense psycho staring. maybe that's more of what i'm trying to get at though. what's the point of staring crazily? why not smile instead? if you won't speak to me, i would prefer a smile and not an angry psycho looking intense stare down. makes me nervous. makes me think i did something wrong.

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stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 192
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Registered: May 2009

posted December 17, 2009 08:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
vapor: at least you're a nice starer! i always get the intense mean looking i'm going to devour you with my eyes stare downs. i myself have intense looking eyes but i don't like looking at people in general. i don't know what these dudes are thinking about when they're staring but i would rather not even go there if you know what i mean

i get a lot of it at work too and then others see it and start making fun of me. like oh that guy's staring again or that guy's staring at you. i get a mix of cute guys i'd go for and gross old men staring so it's a mix of starers. but overall i get a divide of staring as in someone thinks i'm attractive and then staring because people are very amused about how i look like and are wondering what i am.

i just know myself i can't stare at someone. it makes me laugh and i can't do it.

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GypseeWind
Knowflake

Posts: 1992
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted December 18, 2009 01:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
People probably stare at you because you look different. Our brains are so used to seeing certain looks, or variations thereof, that they sort of don't register for more than a second or two. But with your mixed heritage, it probably makes a person pause to try and register in their brain exactly which category you belong in, cause our brains like to file things away neatly.
People stare at me too, but probably for a different reason. I seem to have a forceful presence that draws the eye or something. And usually I am loud and animated with my speech and body language (Italian and Sag, cannot really be helped) so I know this draws people to me. Often times, this is how I make friends. People will observe me, and I make eye contact and smile, and soon they will come over and begin to converse. I take it as a compliment, and just another way to make a possible friend.

But don't feel weird. People stare at sunsets, water, mountains, moonlight, I think it is just wired into to us to appreciate beauty. It isn't something you see 24/7, so when you do see it, you want to enjoy it a bit longer.

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cpn_edgar_winner
Knowflake

Posts: 1648
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 18, 2009 07:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cpn_edgar_winner     Edit/Delete Message
i know exactly what you mean. i hate htat crap when some creepzoid STARES! there is this creep that works in the building next to mine who stares in my window so much i shut the blinds at all times. i do stare back and give him dirty looks. its flipping creepy. or some zoid leaves notes on my car. no one i know left the notes, i asked, ok, that is creepy. stuff like you have such a fine ass or random creepy stuff. it doesnt make you feel safe you dont even know these people. or some stranger tries to hit on you in a parking lot looking wierd as all hell. that is not a safe feeling and i tell them, dude i am married you are creeping me out. there are a lot of freaks in this world i say give them dirty looks and dont be scared to tell them off. i do.

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cpn_edgar_winner
Knowflake

Posts: 1648
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 18, 2009 07:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cpn_edgar_winner     Edit/Delete Message
and keep your keys in your hands with one key sticking out of your fingers, just so if some creep gets aggressive stike him right in the eyes and run. i'm sorry if that souonds mean, but i have no intentions on being a victim. i will defend myself and what is mine. and you do pick up a creep vibe on starers.

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vapor-lash
Knowflake

Posts: 135
From:
Registered: Nov 2009

posted December 19, 2009 01:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
stopandstare -

quote:
i get a lot of it at work too and then others see it and start making fun of me. like oh that guy's staring again or that guy's staring at you.

If this happened at work, I would pick something to stare at (like a little mole or a pimple on his face) - and I'd focus on it all day:

If he asked what was going on, I'd say: "oh no.. it's nothing.. everything is ooooooooook.. nothing to ummm worry about *clearing throat*" - and I would keep staring. If he asked again, I'd say: "umm I wasn't going to say anything but you should really see a doctor and have that checked out, you know?' - him - "what do you mean" .. "you know.. that mole you have *insert VERY inquisitive stare* it doesn't look so good.. I knew a guy - little mole just like that - had it his entire life. He was diagnosed with skin cancer. One week later - BANG! He's dead."

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stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 192
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted December 19, 2009 04:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
gypseewind: always a great response from you i can logically understand why people stare. i know i look different so okay i'll give people that, but i don't understand the point of it. perhaps that should be the topic. what's the point of staring?

just from my experience, i normally get the intense starers. intense staring is apparently a favorite form of "flirting" from male admirers or whatever you call them. so not like the creepy notes that cpn gets (man that would scare me to death). and i'm with you i'm not wanting to be a victim either. i don't carry my keys that way though. i just carry myself in a confident manner (leo rising afterall) or in a i'm not a victim manner.

i get a lot of shy men coming after me but then i'm a shy person and i can't look at someone i like in the face without getting nervous. i just don't see the point of staring at someone if you don't know them and they don't know you. and intense staring at that. i find that type of staring intimidating or almost hostile.

vapor: you are too funny but no i try to just ignore the staring or pretend as if they don't happen to me. i prefer not to address embarrassing and uncomfortable moments in my life.

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Node
Knowflake

Posts: 413
From: Nov. 11 2005
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 19, 2009 11:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Node     Edit/Delete Message
VaporLash~
quote:
I'm not sure why, but the average shopping mall seems to be the starer's playground.

One of the main reasons I detest Malls

For me there is a big difference between watching and staring. We all people watch, it's fun. And Gypsee pointed out one of the main reasons, in a socio-societal way we are categorizing and ticking boxes.
I feel there is little logic in staring, it is repugnant, and rude.

I appreciate the means to call out the starer. Cocking the eyebrow with a questioning look. I will employ that device in future, as I really hate when people stare.
I try not to look directly at people, certainly not when they can catch me at it.
It says more about my desire to not make eye contact [? ] than going along with what society calls normal

Women are often to be found checking each other out. you know, staring at your shoes or handbag.
The boxes that get ticked in my list are:
.shallow
.lacking in self esteem
.bored / boring person


Vapor / Coral ~question, always wondered about your previous nick. Now I'm wondering what vapor-lash means ?? I am staring at your nick

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