posted April 13, 2010 05:54 AM         

I understand you have an illness/ an addiction/ a disease/ an affliction.
I know you are suffering, I'm not going to assume what you are truly suffering, all I know is that you are. I know you can't control how much you drink, can't control what you say and do, doing things to hurt people and yourself. You become malicious, cruel, psychotic, terrifying for the victim. You really need to know that.

I know and understand how hard the cycle is for you, being unable to break it and having to live with the things you did while you were not yourself, the consequences of it all, losing your job, your family, your daughter, your friends, your home, your passion for living, now getting a conviction, being on the brink of imprisonment.

In your sober moments you must feel like you are living in hell, inside a massive dark hole so deep you can no longer see the top, it must feel like you have no way of getting out, no one to go to, no place to find help. I truly breaks my heart to know that is the reality you created for yourself, when I tune into your place of existence, it hurts so bad, I wish I could just save you from yourself. But we all know what an impossible task that is. We all know that it has to be something you want and find the courage to make that change. The times you beat me, the times you threatened me and my family, the dreams you tried to crush, the cruel words you arrowed into me, the way you used to enjoy making me think you were about to end my life, makes total sense why you are in hell now.

I have no choice but to cut you off now. The last message you sent me was a threat and knowing what you become when you drink, I now am starting to believe you may actually act it out, I have a responsiblity to protect myself, my unborn child, and my daughter, and like you said, what do you have left? That makes you dangerous. I had to let the authorities know, and if you end up in jail for it, I know you will blame it all on me, but for once, I hope, you can ask yourself why.

It hurts like hell to have to protect myself from you, I know you miss your daughter, your job, your old life, but what kind of life would it be for your soul if I let you beat me, enable your drinking, and punish me for being me?? That is not a true honest life. It had to stop. And I wished that you were able to move on and perhaps find the girl of your dreams, someone to make you happy, someone who you could encourage your emotional growth, someone to love and not despise. Someone more suited to you. I hoped you could have kept your job, you had an opportunity to be reborn, even if you did have to be alone for a while.

Your downward spiral concerned me a lot, the guilt from it all was even worse, do you really want me to feel guilty? do you really still want to blame me? How does it serve you to blame me? Would hurting me really make things right for you?

For once, consider your Soul, consider your inner life, the things you really want. I'm not talking about revenge or anything to create further destruction. Remember when you were in your early twenties and all those self help books you read, all the success stories? Remember when people were in positions like yourself, even worse! (I know hard to imagine) but remember how you felt when you read how they got themselves out. Remember how empowered that made you feel. Now it's your turn. You can be one of those stories, I have seen people change. You can make it your mission to create something great out of something horrible.

All I am saying is that I personally think you can. And I will be around to support you if you choose that. But it must be genuine. I don't think that you are stuck being an alcoholic with nothing to live for. I know there are no positive people around you right now, but in your darkest moment, know that the girl you once loved still believes that you are a good person and if you want, you can let that person out again.

I'm not asking you to do it for your daughter or me, its for your soul. Please consider your Inner Life, it is more precious than you could ever Imagine.

posted April 13, 2010 06:19 AM         

quote:

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All I am saying is that I personally think you can

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I'll just quote your words, Sun Child, as I think they are good ones.

posted April 13, 2010 04:31 PM         

Sunchild, it must hurt to be the person you speak of, and yes, I know full well what it means when no-one can save a person from what they are...they have to figure it out for themselves. Unfortunately, they can't be given too many chances...the breaking point has to come somewhere. If they won't sort themselves out the universe will.

Love,

posted April 14, 2010 03:14 AM         

Only God knows what a man is capable of, or whether his strength is equal to his burden. But it comforts us to believe that those who dwell in darkness or affliction do so by choice. It reassures us that everything is in order, and that we have ultimate power over our hearts and destinies. It empowers us to turn our backs on people without a second thought; for we are convinced that nobody can help them but themselves. Moreover, it makes us feel all warm and proud of ourselves for having made "the right choices". No wonder this philosophy has been promoted and received so enthusiastically. Letting go of someone who has become unmanageable for us may be the hardest thing we ever have to do, but it is made much easier if we believe the choice is theirs, not ours.

While I agree that it is sometimes necessary to give up on some people, I don't agree that any of us are in a position to convict them of being the causes of their own falls. What seems terribly likely to me is that the world we live in is much more arbitrary than most of us care to admit. Order appears to belong to the angels, not to us. We are weak, and some of us, it seems clear to me, are weaker than others. Some are apparently more fragile, or simply more unsuited to their present circumstances. Some of us, it seems, are destined to see and become tragedies, while others are not.

How shall we judge the choices of those seemingly unfortunate men, women, and children whom the devil has caught and fixed in his sites? Do we know what sort, and how many, ferocious demons have been prepared for the purpose of damning the very best among us? Perhaps many of us do not contend with (and succumb to) the fiercest forces of darkness, because we pose no real threat to them. We think we are better than the person who has fallen, -- but is it higher intuition, or common arrogance, that inspires -- and is inspired by -- this thought?

What if the soul is already with God, and can never be corrupted or purified? What if there is only one soul, seemingly shared by many? Then, all our choices, our dramatic ups and downs, our great victories and defeats, are just a shadow-play of egoic consciousness. What if there is only one soul, seemingly shared by many? Then, when anyone falls, we all fall, and when anyone rises, we all rise.

My point is, there's a lot we don't know, and the possibilities seem relatively endless. We need to make healthy choices for ourselves and our loved ones whenever possible, and to encourage others to do their best as well, -- but we don't need to make assumptions about their capacity to see and choose a healthier way. Such things are not revealed to us, and we pretend to be wiser than we are when we claim to know or understand them.

Having said that...

I think you're doing a good thing, Sunchild.

I only suggest you take care
not to claim all the credit,
or assign all the blame, for it.

"The chains that bind us the most closely
are the ones we have broken." ~ Antonio Porchia